hehehe angst story :D I've been dying to write one of these. Contestshipping of course :) I'm quite proud of this because this story has a double meaning: The Green-Eyed Monster
Does it remind you of a certain Drew? ;) ehehehehehe :)
~TCW
The Green-Eyed Monster
What is this thing living inside of me? It lives inside of me, consuming my heart and soul at times. Whenever I catch a girl with him. Why can't he ever know how I feel? Is he that dense? Or am I really that good at hiding my feelings? Does he know that he makes my breath hitch? That I have to fight for every blush that threatens to consume my cheeks? Does he know how my heart starts to accelerate with every word he utters in that god damn velvety, smooth, entrancing voice? Will he ever find out how my heart seems to break every time he's with another girl? How the beast within me tries to take control? Tries to make me do things that I didn't even know I was capable of? Does his heart seem to constrict and fall, shattering into a million tiny pieces when he leaves? Does he even remember me when he flirts with another?
Does he know that I cherish every rose he has ever given to me? Does he notice the tears I shed when he insults me? Does he know how much I try to live up to his expectations? How I've given up so much just to try to be with him? Will he ever learn that I dream of him every night? How he always confesses to me in my dream? How I'd rather live in my dream world than reality? Will he laugh at me if I tell him that I cry when I wake up? How the utter perfect world crashes and crumbles before my very eyes, right when he's about to kiss me?
Will he ever know of the devious monster within me that tries to take revenge by flirting with every boy I see when he's in sight? Will he ever feel this way? Will I ever be able to tell him? Will this dastardly beast ever give up? Will it realize that I have no chance with him? That I'm too weak, to naïve, to sensitive? That I lack the physical appeal to get the man of my dreams? That I'm never going to be good at anything I do? That I'm just a weak and clumsy excuse for a coordinator?
Does he know how much it hurts me when I walk into the pokecenter and I pass his room and hear the moans? Will he ever find out how much I wish for it to be me in there instead of that other random girl? Does he know how much I cry when I see him? How I've stooped low enough to be clumsy just to see that arrogant smirk plastered on his face? How much I'd die just to see his gentle smile? Does he know that I'd go through hell and back just to be with him?
Does he know how much pain he's caused me? Does he know that for every insult, there is a scar on arm and an eternal scar on my heart? Does he know that I take sleeping pills just to re-enter the peace and serenity of my dream world? Does he know that I've fallen into a coma 2 times? Does he know that I refuse to go to rehab and get better? Does he know that my family is worrying about me? Will he care if I just end it here and now? Does he know that he's the only thing that's keeping me alive now? Does he even care? Does he even consider me as a friend?
Is that his voice I hear? So distressed and concerned? No, it must be some other guy. "MAY!" I hear it now. It's definitely not him. I pop a few more sleeping pills in my mouth. The searing pain in my arm seems to dull. I smile as I feel my eyelids getting heavy. Oh dear, it looks like I'm falling into another coma. How saddening. I wish my body would just give up and die. "May..." His voice is bittersweet. How can it be so gentle yet so furious? I want to rip my hair out of its roots. I want to leave this world and enter the happy world of my dreams. "May what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck is this?" he bellows and I cringe. Though I don't really know that I'm doing since there's no feeling in my body. My eyes cast down with difficulty and I see the pool of red blood and giggle like a drunk person. It seems that my cuts have reopened. I look back up at him. Oh dear, are those tears in his flashing emerald green eyes? Now I feel bad. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him...I giggle again, it sounds real for the first time, as I see faint images of him in the back of my eyelids.
"May! Don't you dare die on me!" Suddenly the world around me becomes clearer and I growl. Why did he do that? Why can't he let me die in peace? What I have I done in this world to make me stay? What good am I in this type of world? I growl again and he looks taken aback. Suddenly, that girl he's been with comes up to him. I see tears flowing down my face. My blood boils and the bleeding has stopped. He's dropped me and with great difficulty I manage to crawl to the bottle. I hear him talking to her. Why is he doing this to me? Is this his death wish? Is this what he wants me to remember him like? I gulp down a few more pills. He turns around to stop me but it's too late. "MAY NO!" he screams. I giggle in satisfaction once again before my eyelids get heavy. My heart slows down to a dangerously lethargic rate. His insistent voice is calling me, but ignore him. Curse the green-eyed monster. Curse him. But I smile as I realize I no longer have to deal with it. It makes me...happy. Something I haven' felt in a long time.
One last question before I fall into eternal sleep. Do I have any regrets? A thousand pictures flash in my head. Meeting Drew, fighting with Drew, falling in love with Drew, laughing with Drew...and the worse ones. Seeing Drew with another girl, hearing the moans coming from his hotel room. And the last memory I see of him kissing me under the starts...my first and last kiss. I smile and close my eyes one last time and take a gasping breath while coming up with my answer to all my questions.
No.