'I'm pregnant!' How hard is it for one to tell they're boyfriend that they're currently carrying their child? And how do they know they will react the way they want them to? Because I certainly don't know how I'll manage it. Ok so I only sort of just found out myself. That doesn't make it any easier to bring up. Though I ain't that aware of how far gone I am. I still have the issue of bringing the subject up, only how to do it?
Well I know in my mind, I need to do it sooner rather than later. But the problem is, is that what if he doesn't want a child right now? What if he never wants one? Would I be able to live with that?
The other problem is the fact that we hadn't really gotten that serious, if you know what I mean, until a few weeks after my 18th birthday. And we had been using contraception. So of course I was surprised. And because we were playing it safe, there was no way I could know if Rob wanted the child or not. I mean if using the contraception was any indication of an answer to that question. I wouldn't know unless I asked him.
Me, I'm Jessica Mastriani, and I've not that long been in a relationship, with my boyfriend Rob Wilkins. We've been going out since the winter after I turned sixteen, and a year later we had a light fall out over something so trivial.
Okay so I made a big deal out of nothing I'm sorry. But she was flirting with my Rob, MY ROB, not hers mine. And she apparently wasn't aware of the fact that he was taken at the time. Once we'd talked about it I realised what a fool I had felt of making such a big deal of it. And not only that he proposed to me and now I'm his fiancée, he told me he was going to make it all romantic and everything, but having him ask me those four words, it made me think there was nothing more romantic or any way he could have made me want it done differently. I was truly happy, now the new news made me a little happier too. I am hoping to get to keep this child, though I don't want to lose Rob.
Okay so I never really did tell him the way I ought to. But there's no right or wrong way of telling someone about the fact you're carrying their next of kin. Right!
So as soon as I had enough courage to face him, well in the sense he was under the car fixing bits of it, so I was more talking to his feet rather than his face.
Not the way I had planned it mind you. But it kind of made it a bit easier to do. Cowardice I know.
I headed down the stairs, and into the garage which was joined to the house. Where Rob was doing up a car, and was underneath it at that moment.
"Rob, I've got something to tell you?" I said, leaning against the door frame, hoping he'd come out from under the car. But he didn't make a move.
"Oh, yeah what about?" Rob asked, dropping a tool onto the concrete ground and picking up another.
"Well..." I began, but I didn't really know what to say, I'd hardly scripted what I would say, considering I wouldn't know what his response to the news would be.
"Jess, what is it?" Rob asked sounding genuinely worried that I wasn't saying anything. He came out from under the car and picked up a tool out of the box and walked towards me. "Jess?" he asked.
"Forget it, it's nothing, it doesn't matter," I said, hoping he hadn't really been that caught up in what I was saying as I turned away to walk off. Wishful thinking!
Only I assumed wrong. As soon as I turned around to leave, I felt his hand taking a hold of my upper arm and pulling me back towards him.
"Jess?" Rob said again, "You wouldn't have come all the way down here to talk to me if it wasn't important," He had me there, as I usually left it till I had his full attention, when he wasn't busy working on a car preferably, guess this time I was jumping the gun as it were. "What's going on?"
I turned around and looked him straight in the eye, "I'm pregnant," I said. All I heard was the clatter of the tool he'd been holding in his hand drop and land with a clang on the floor. Rob either looked surprised or shocked. Which, I wasn't sure of!
I knew I should have seen this coming. Of course he was going to ask me to get an abortion, but what if I disagreed. Would that mean my relationship with Rob was over? I didn't want to lose him. Not now since we were engaged and all.
He didn't say anything to me. Which, I took as a silent affirmation to my inner thoughts.
I left the garage, with tears in my eyes. Rob didn't come after me. Not that I expected him to.
I just kept myself hidden for the rest of the day. I hid until Rob's mom Mary, came to find me. I discovered that Rob hadn't budged or looked for me since I told him I was pregnant. I was slightly disappointed by this, but it only confirmed my worst fears. Rob didn't want a family, with me or at all.
Rob's mom had come to get me for dinner as she'd just dished up. I followed her out of the barn and into the kitchen through the back door. I sat in my usual seat across from Mary and also next to Rob, who didn't say a word, to me or anyone else. Either he didn't know what to say or he was thinking of ways to let me down gently. The latter scared me the most.
Rob's mom and boyfriend Gary sat across from us.
Half an hour later everyone else had eaten most of the contents of their plates, in silence. I however hadn't eaten much of it, only a few mouthfuls. Though I knew I needed to eat. It felt as if I no longer felt the need to eat, especially not at that moment. Not with the tension between Rob and I.
Mary seemed to notice as she soon spoke up. "Jess are you feeling ok? Honey you've barely touched your food?" she asked.
"I'm fine, just not feeling hungry right now," I replied. I wasn't lying to her, it was the truth.
"You should eat, you need to." Rob stated simply.
I looked over at him to see he wasn't looking at me directly, but at his plate instead.
I turned to Mary and Gary, "Excuse me?" I asked.
Rob's mom nodded and I left the room.
I headed straight for the bedroom, which also happens to be Rob's room. I sat on the bed and wept. It was the first time I'd ever cried in ages. But I don't know what I was crying over. Was it the possibility of losing my baby? Or possibly losing Rob because I wanted the baby?
When I left the kitchen I had heard Rob's mom asking a few questions. To which I assumed she hadn't gotten any answers to. That was why she'd knocked and came in the room.
I attempted to dry my eyes as best I could. Of course she'd probably heard me weeping.
"What's the matter, honey?" She asked sweetly, sitting next to me. She put an arm over my shoulders and pulled me gently towards her.
"I don't know if I'm losing Rob!" I gushed, I was still crying by the sound of my voice.
"Why would you be losing Rob? After what you two have been through these past years." She stated, sounding as if she thought it was a joke, "What's made you think that?"
"I told him something this morning but he didn't say anything, which has made me worry, thinking now it's over." I said simply, sniffing again.
"He wouldn't want to let you go," She told me, "what did you tell him?" she asked.
"I told him, that I'm pregnant," I said simply.
She seemed to think deeply before saying anything, and she looked at me meaningfully, "He'll come around Jess, he just needs time to think it over, ok!" She told me sweetly. She seems to have made a great mother better in some sense than mine. She pulled me back for a while and wiped my wet cheeks and brushed stray strands of my lengthening hair away. "Ok; sweetie?"
"Yeah and," I said smiling, and nodded at her, "thanks."
"It's no problem," She replied. "Are you going to come back down?"
"No, I feel tired, so I'll rest up here for a while." I replied, letting a small yawn escape my mouth.
"Ok, take as long as you want to, just remember to eat something, ok!" she told me.
"Yeah," I said smiling until she left the room. I lay back on the bed and pulled a blanket over me and fell asleep easily.
A few hours later I woke up to hunger. And I can't sleep on an empty stomach. So I looked over at the clock, seeing it had just gone nine, I walked into the kitchen and made myself a light snack. One of the only things I can manage to cook without burning the house down. Once I'd shut my stomach up I crept up the stairs, seeing Rob's mom and Gary sitting on the living room sofa watching some program on the TV. They looked so happy together. Before I reached the top of the stairs I noticed a slash of light in the garage connected to the house. Proving that Rob was back to working on the car he had been working on.
Easier than having to deal with the girl you knocked up, huh?
I reached the room and changed out of my clothes and into a baggy T-shirt of Rob's and loose pair of shorts. I got under the covers looking over at my rucksack, seeing it half full and half empty. If things really did get bad, I could just grab all of my belongings and shove them in it. No need to worry about anything. Apart from having to tell my parent's about currently being pregnant, and becoming a single parent to bring the child up myself. That may be an uncomfortable subject to bring up. It'd go down like a lead balloon.
Not that long after, I fell into a deep slumber.
Later that night I was woken up by sounds of someone moving about the room. Who I could only guess was Rob as it was his room. I lay there - not moving or turning around to look at him - as I heard the ruffle of clothes being taken off and some being put on to cover his naked body. I felt the bed move under his weight as he moved under the covers behind me.
"Hey, are you awake?" Rob asked, in a quiet soft tone. It didn't make me feel any better about this afternoon's conversation we'd had. This was it.
"No." I replied, which was clearly a stupid reply, as I clearly was awake by replying to the question in the first place.
"Sorry about what happened this afternoon," Rob apologized, he sighed, the heat of his breath travelling across my neck.
"What for?" I asked, wanting to know exactly what he meant.
"For not saying anything, about you being pregnant," Rob sounded slightly uncomfortable, about the subject of the matter we were discussing.
Only he didn't really have the right to be. It was me carrying it so there was no reason for him to feel bad about it. Well apart from the fact that I was pregnant with his kid. Though he hadn't said it yet, I felt as though it was coming.
"Look Jess, you caught me by surprise," Rob replied, heaving a sigh which I felt tickle across the back of my neck, warning sign he was lying right behind me, close enough to stop me from moving out of the bed away from him, even if I wanted to, he was a hell of a lot stronger than me, though I'd never admit that out loud. "So I wasn't sure what to say at the time..."
'But I don't want a kid!' Or 'I'm not ready to become a father just now!' Take your pick Rob either way I'm not going to like it. No matter how kindly you try to put it.
"Do you have anything to say now?" I asked. I had the right to know. I needed to know, whether I'd be packing my bags and leaving or not.
"Jess, I'm not comfortable with it as I have no one to relate to." Rob replied, which I assumed by that meant a father figure. "But I don't want to lose you either."
"So…?" I asked, hoping to get a finalised answer out of him.
"I will be with you every step of the way," Rob replied, sighing deeply. This was surprising me. He didn't sound as if he wanted me to get an abortion. He sounded like he wanted a family after all.
"With the baby?" I asked; I needed to know, if I was going to have an abortion or if I was keeping it. I was silently praying that I would be wrong about my previous thoughts of what he was saying; I hoped it would be in favour, not against.
"With the baby," Rob replied. I turned around to look at him, which I was surprised to see that he looked genuinely honest.
I kissed him briefly on the lips and hugged him tight.
"Thank you." I whispered from his chest.
He chuckled lightly. The noise causing his chest to vibrate against my head.
"I love you," I said looking up at him.
Rob looked down and replied. "I love you too." Kissing my forehead and pulling me into a tight embrace again.
I felt happier than I'd ever been in my entire life. Now I am going to have a family of my own. With my fiancé Rob Wilkins. I had to be the luckiest girl alive.
Only now, I still have the worry of telling my parents. They may not be too pleased. But they weren't going to change my mind, not now not ever. Rob was with me, if it came to it I'd just stay with him... Forever!
Reviews much appreciated! ;) XD