"You Don't Know Her Like I Do"
Heyoldfriend, thanks for callin'
It's good to know somebody cares
Yeah she's gone, but I don't feel like talkin'
It might be just too much to bear
To hear somebody say it stops hurting
Or to hear somebody say she ain't worth it
I sat alone in my now very small room, looking at my wardrobe, trying to keep a hold on my turbulent emotions. I won't cry.
I won't
Just cos she married the bloodsucker, doesn't mean I have to lose it.
My phone starts to vibrate, and I answer it, noticing it's Embry.
"Thanks for the call," I say harshly, my voice cracking slightly. "At least you still care."
"So, she's gone?" He asks softly, as if hearing it louder would make it any more real.
"Yeah she is. Can we drop it?" I ask, no, beg. "I don't feel like talking."
"I'm coming over." He says, and the line goes dead. I know he'll be here in minutes. The Res has gottena lot smaller when we all got a lot bigger.
'Cause you don't know her like I do I can't forget, I'm drowning in these memories
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
It fills my soul with all the little things
And I can't cope, it's like a death inside
It's like she stole my way to breathe
So don't try to tell me I'll stop hurting
And don't try to tell me she ain't worth it
When Embry finds me (after a short chat to my dad about how I'm really coping – which dad tells him I'm not), I'm still sitting on my bed, looking at my wardrobe. My mind isn't focused on him though, but on all the memories Bells and I had together.
Working on the bikes, her 'zombie' phase, seeing her smile, just once, because she was happy. When she got better, and the smiles and the laughter and humour were back. When I almost kissed her – when I actually did. Her 'punch' which felt like a caress, and the way her body curved to mine when we danced at her wedding.
All those little things – her smell, the slightly crooked smile, her clumsiness, how she gave everything to that kiss. All of those things, filled my soul, making me drown in them and in my own sorrow.
It was like someone had died – I knew in a way, she soon would be, but it felt more then that. It was like a family death, something private. I didn't want to discuss how it felt, but I knew Embry wouldn't move until I told him.
"It's like she stole my way to breathe," I whisper, feeling the now-familiar pain rear its ugly head, my throat closing up as I silently choked back tears.
"Jake, man, I know you don't want to hear it, especially right now, but really, the Vampire girl? Did you ever think she was going to change?" Embry was sitting next to me, his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me, but all it did was make me angry. How dare he?
Cause you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
"Don't tell me that she isn't worth it. She's my best friend. You'll never understand something like that. You may see my thoughts, and my memories, but you don't understand how it feels. You don't know what we've both been through. You never will." I was standing now, feeling the anger roll off me.
"Look, Jake, I'm only trying to help-" Embry stood up, with his hands half raised trying to placate me.
"Well don't! You CAN'T help me – only SHE can. SHE'S the one who hurt ME. But she's what I have to lose – how much I have to lose if I lose her." My voice broke finally.
"Jake man, I'm sorry. Maybe with time-"
"Don't try and tell me it stops hurting. I know it won't. The second she had the ring on her finger, was the second I knew I lost her. I'm still fighting for her though. She's my best friend, Em. We've helped each other more then you can ever know."
You don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
There's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
No, you'll never know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
"She's like the other half of my soul – screw imprinting. You don't know her like I do, she's everything I've ever wanted, and nothing will ever compare."
Not like I do
Never understand
That girl's my best friend
That girl's my best friend
That girl's my best friend.
"She's my best friend," I whisper, sitting back on the bed, looking at my wardrobe, even though Embry has long since gone.
And as I do, a plan forms in my mind. If she's gone, then maybe, so am I.