Always
This story is a snapshot of one day in the life of a man. It occurs approximately 3 months after the finale. Nothing has changed … except for one important thing: Rachel left New York; she lives with Emma in Paris. Monica and Chandler moved to Westchester. Phoebe and Mike are married and doing well, living in her apartment near Central Park. A key point in this story is that because of Monica and Chandler's departure from the Village, the friends see a lot less of each other than before the series finale. As Ross once said, Monica surely was the glue that held the group together.
This leaves us with Joey and Ross. Joey had to find a new agent after Estelle died. Fate would find him a new one in Los Angeles. Bobbie Morgenstern is an aggressive shark as Joey would call her. Joey is leaving and moving to Los Angeles to live near Hollywood and his sister, Gina. He's hoping to jump-start his acting career. Ross still lives in his apartment, alone. He hasn't dated anyone since Rachel left. He misses Rachel and his daughter very much. Since Rachel left the pair has talked only a few times, mostly in the first few weeks after her departure. It has been over two months since their last conversation.
Their relationship is one of mutual respect and of a love they can't explain …
But apparently it wasn't enough to keep her from getting on the plane.
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Joey and Ross are at Newark International airport. Joey is getting ready to leave for Los Angeles. The pair stands there looking at each other. Joey is excited to be leaving for a new life with new challenges in California. His excitement is tempered by the realization that he is leaving Ross alone. The guilt he feels for this is compounded by the remorse he feels for dating Rachel … and almost destroying his best friend.
"Joe, good luck and be safe. Give me a call and let me know you got to your sister's place safe, will you?"
"Sure Ross, I'll call you when I get in. Are you gonna be all right, you know, living by yourself?"
"Joey, I've lived by myself for most of the last 10 years. I think I'll manage."
"Dude, you know what I mean. With Monica and Chandler living in Westchester, Phoebe and Mike being married and Rachel … well you know …"
"Yes Joey … I know. I'm well aware … I'll be fine. I'll keep myself busy. Maybe I'll pick up more classes … and perhaps one day I'll start dating again and try to find someone special."
"You mean … you'll move on from her?"
"Joey, what choice do I have? She made her choice … and now we both have to live with the consequences. I should never have told her how I felt at the airport. I should just have let her go …"
"But Ross, you've both been keeping your feelings from each other for so long … you had to do it, you had to tell her how you felt."
"Joey, it's in the past. You're moving to Los Angeles and starting the next phase of your life. Go, be happy. Just promise me that you'll not forget us when you become a big star."
"How could I forget all of this? You've all meant the world to me. No matter what happens … the last ten years will be remembered as the best years of my life."
There is a long awkward pause between them as Joey and Ross compose themselves
"Ross, look, before I leave I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for … you know, trying to start something up with Rachel. I know how much we hurt you."
"Joe, if I really care about Rachel then I'd want her to be happy. If she had to find that happiness with another guy … I couldn't think of a better one than you. Forget about it. Just go and get on that plane. Go make your fortune in Hollywood and … do me a favor."
"What?"
"Do what it takes to be happy. Make movies, do TV shows, find a girl who deserves you and don't make the same mistakes that I did. Tell her how you feel and never let her go."
"Ross …"
"No Joey, it's time for you to go. You're going to be late for your plane. Get going …"
Before he could get the words out of his mouth Ross was grabbed by Joey and squeezed in a big bear-hug. As they hugged, Ross lifted his right hand to wipe away the tears that he didn't want Joey to see. Releasing Ross from his grasp Joey looked into his eyes and could see the sadness and pain. As he tried to speak he was cut off …
"Goodbye Joe …"
Ross turned and slowly walked away, never once looking back. He didn't want Joey to feel any worse for him than he already did.
Walking aimlessly through the airport terminal Ross found himself without a place to go or a thing to do for the first time since he could remember. Gone were his friends, off to start their families … or, in Rachel's case to advance their careers. He had no classes to teach that day and no papers to grade.
He had nothing …
People rushed all around him with places to go and people to see. Couples and families with children brushed up against him reminding him of what had been lost. He wondered where all of those people were off to …
He envied them. They had a reason to be in a hurry.
They had a reason to breathe …
Ross found himself drowning in the flow of human traffic making its way through the terminal. Spotting a seat at a small coffee stand he pulled himself out of the traffic and sat in an empty chair.
"What can I get you?" Asked an attractive waitress.
Ross looked up and for a moment remembered a time-gone-by when he was asked the same question …by her.
"Black coffee please." He responded.
Ross sat in his seat, nursing his coffee watching the people go by. From time-to-time he would spot what he thought was a familiar figure … with a child Emma's age. The last time he swore … he swore it was her. Leaping from his seat he rushed through the wall of bodies towards the woman. Increasing his pace he closed the distance with his target. Finally reaching her he put his hand on her shoulder, causing her to turn in surprise …
"Why are you touching me? What do you want?"
"I'm … I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else."
"Well I'm not. Now I might miss my flight!" she replied as she and her child rushed to their gate of departure.
Defeated …
Alone …
Ross felt too drained to be embarrassed.
His hope gone, Ross turned and walked towards the exit to leave the terminal. As he walked out into the crisp air he faced his future, bleak … without hope, without love, without a reason to go on.
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The cab sped away from the curb, leaving a cloud of exhaust in its wake. Looking up he spied the building that had once housed the most important people in his life. Now it was just like any other building … cold and foreboding. Even if he wanted to go up and recollect all the good times … he couldn't. He was a stranger to those that lived there now. He could no longer enter the building that he once loved … no one would buzz him in anymore.
As Ross climbed the stairs to his apartment he dreaded what was to come. Arriving at his door he heaved a great sigh and unlocked the door. His apartment was dark and cold. He had lived there for years and yet it seemed so alien to him. Moving towards his couch he noticed that a message had been left on his answering machine. Ross dropped himself to the couch with a "thud" and threw his keys onto the apothecary table. Pressing "play" on his machine he removed his coat and threw it carelessly on a chair …
"Ross, its Monica. I was just wondering how it went with Joey at the airport. It must have been tough saying goodbye to him huh? I hope you told him that Chandler and I were sorry that we couldn't be there to see him off. I hope he understood why we couldn't be there … with the babies and all."
(Short pause)
"Ross, I know how weird things must be for you … now that everyone has left. Please come out to the house and visit. I'll cook for you … you can even spend some time with us during your teaching break between semesters. I can only imagine how sad you must be … with Rachel and Emma in Paris. Rachel and I make it a habit to talk at least once a week. Please consider calling her. She misses you. She thinks you hate her. I just told her that this is your way of dealing with things. Please call her."
(Short Pause)
"Ross, please don't let yourself get too sad … and don't do anything rash. Remember, you are not alone. We love you. Bye …"
Ross got up off the couch and turned off the machine, he then went into the kitchen to grab a beer. As he reached into the fridge he noted a bottle of wine sitting in his wine rack.
He remembered …
The wine he and Rachel had shared their last evening together.
He remembered …
Closing the fridge he reached for the bottle and poured himself a glass. Leaving the kitchen he returned to the couch and took a sip of wine. Memories of that night filled his mind. It was the last time he could remember being happy. Turning to the answering machine he replayed the message that he would listen to each and every night since she left, the message that he never could delete …
"Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... and ... and now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. It's just that … I can't go back down that road with you again. We have loved each other for so long, but … but it just never seems to work out with us, ever. Now we have Emma to think about and … and if we ever broke up again this would hurt her so badly."
(Long pause)
"Ross, please don't hate me. Please remember last night and the love that we shared. Keep the memories alive. I know that you may never want to talk to me again … or, or see me again but please don't hate me…"
(Answering machine stops playing)
Ross's eyes were tightly focused on the blinking light on his answering machine. He remembered everything that had happened that night, three months ago … in vivid detail. Her voice only made it feel that much more real … it wasn't a dream, it had happened.
Turning off the machine he swallowed the rest of the wine and placed the glass on the table. Reclining back onto the couch he turned his head towards the window and stared out towards his sister's old apartment. He sighed as he looked over and saw that the new tenants had covered the large window with a curtain.
Things really had changed …
Ross was brought out of his thoughts by the ringing of his telephone. Thinking it was his sister he answered it …
"Monica, it's OK. I'm alright. You don't have to keep checking up on me."
(Short pause)
"Monica …"
(Short pause)
"Ross …"
(Long pause)
"Ross … are you there?"
(Short pause)
"I'm here. I'm just surprised … that's all."
(Ross hears a lot of noise including people talking, car and bus traffic in the background)
"Where are you?"
"Oh, um, I'm getting into a cab, um, yeah, I'm heading to my apartment from work."
(Ross looks at his watch, unbelievingly)
"Rach, you're just now getting off work? It's like 1:30 in the morning there."
(Pause with continued street noises and Rachel yelling for a taxi)
"Taxi! Oh good, he's stopping!"
(Short pause)
"Rachel, are you still there?"
(Short pause with more street noise and what sounds like a car door closing)
"I'm still here … hold on for a sec …"
(Ross hears muffled sounds of her giving the cab driver an address)
"Ross, sorry, I'm back. I got a cab and I had to give the driver my address."
(Long pause)
"Ross?"
"Yeah?"
"I need to ask you a question."
"What is it?"
"Will you tell me the truth?"
(Short pause)
"Rachel, what do you want from me?"
"I want to know … if you meant what you said."
"What do you mean? What did I say?"
"You know … at the airport. You said …"
"I told you that I was so in love with you …"
"Did you really mean it?"
(Short pause)
"Rachel, do you really think that I would say that … just to get you to stay?"
(Short pause)
"No. I don't think you would. It's just that … you told me that I should go … when I told you that I had been offered more money at Ralph Lauren."
(Short pause)
So you really meant what you said?"
(Short pause)
"Yes, I meant it. Are you happy now that you know the truth?"
"No."
"Rachel, why are you asking me this?"
"Because Ross. I need to know the truth!"
"Why? Why now Rachel? Why do you need to know the truth now?"
(Long pause)
"Ross, I … I …"
(Short pause)
"Rachel, for the longest time it was all about me. It was all about how I felt. It was all about protecting myself. Then we had Emma … and life changed in an instant. It wasn't all about me anymore. It was all about us. But then I screwed things up again. Again … I screwed it up again. And … and then you told me about Paris. Then … then … then it all became about you."
"Ross …"
"No, Rachel, I've had so many opportunities to be with you … so many. Now that I look back towards the past I can finally see. I can finally accept my loss. I had so many chances … and I blew them all. You wanted to try again when Emma was born … and I said that we just weren't in that place. I had so many opportunities to tell you how fantastic you were, to tell you how much you meant to me. I guess it takes losing someone to realize just how important they were …"
(Long pause, Rachel's in tears, Ross is silent)
"Rachel …"
"What?"
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"Rach, how many guys did you date since you left Barry?"
(Short pause)
"Ross, why …"
"Rach, please …"
"I don't know. It's not like I was keeping count."
"Alright, fair enough. Rach, since you broke it off with Barry, how many guys have you loved?"
(Long pause)
"Rach?"
"I don't want to answer that."
"Rachel, please! How many guys have you loved since Barry?"
(Short pause)
"You."
"Me?"
Rachel is near tears again
"You!"
"Rachel, be honest with me. Did I … or the thought of me hold you back from starting a relationship with another guy?"
(Short pause)
"I … I don't know."
"I bet you that it did. You are an amazing woman and in ten years you've only loved one guy … a guy who cheated on you."
"What? You admit that you cheated on me?"
"I admit that we were never on a break. Time has taught me that we will never be on a break … unless …"
"Unless what?"
"Unless I set you free ..."
"What?"
"Go, be happy. Find someone new to love. Try to forget me. Be happy … I want … no … I need you to be happy."
"Why? Why Ross? Why do you need me to be happy?"
(Long pause)
"Because …"
"No, Ross. Tell me. Why do you need me to be happy?"
(Long pause)
"Rachel …"
"Yeah?"
"Do you know how hard it was to watch you leave?"
"But …but you told me that I should have gone … to work in Paris, when I told you that I had done just about as much as I could at Ralph Lauren."
"Rachel … I did my best to keep you here, in New York, but it wasn't enough … the money, I mean. I got Mr. Zelner to take you back twice … but the raises … they weren't enough to make you stay …"
"You! You got Mr. Zelner to offer me those raises to take me back?"
"I did. But then you seemed so set on going to Paris … I couldn't let you stay just for me … until the airport."
(Long pause as Rachel absorbs everything she's just learned)
"I'm sorry."
(Rachel's in tears again)
"For what?"
"For being so selfish. I would have done anything to make you stay … until, of course, you told me that you really wanted to go."
"I really did want to …"
"I know … I should have just kept my mouth shut … but I've never been able to do that with you. Then I did the most selfish thing I've ever done … I told you that I loved you … and that I wanted you to stay."
"Ross, did you mean it?"
"What, that loved you?"
"Yes."
"You know I meant it."
"Rach?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you mean what you said?"
"What? What did I say?"
"You said that I meant more to you than everyone else."
(Long pause)
"I meant it."
(Short pause)
"And then I show up at the airport trying to make you stay."
(Long pause)
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"Sorry for showing up at the airport … and making an ass out of myself."
"Ross …"
"Yeah?"
"When is being honest ever making an ass out of yourself?"
"Rachel, I just wanted to let you know that … I'm sorry."
"Ross, where is all this coming from? Where was all of this when I was still in New York?"
(Long pause)
"After you left … the gang started sharing their memories and perspectives of our relationship with me. It's something they hadn't been able to do before. You and I were always here … and then you went to Paris. After you left they felt sorry for me. They shared their feelings and thoughts … from the very beginning. It showed me how selfish I had been … and how much I needed to let you go … so that you could find someone else … and finally be happy."
"Ross …"
"Yeah?"
"I'm … I'm glad you brought this up. Do you really mean it …you want me to be happy?"
"Yes Rach, I really want you to be happy."
"Ross …"
"What? What's wrong?"
"I met someone."
(Ross is noticeably shook up by this revelation)
"Oh."
"Ross …"
"No. No … It's OK. I really meant what I said. I really do want you and Emma to be happy. So … tell me about this guy you've met."
(Short pause with traffic noise and Rachel talking to the taxi driver)
"Ross, hold on. I've reached the apartment. I've got to pay the driver …"
(Muffled discussion … Ross thinks he hears Rachel thank the driver in English)
"Rachel, are you OK?"
"Ross … yeah, I'm OK, I'm just tired. It's been a long day and I've got Emma."
(Short pause as Rachel picks up Emma and starts walking)
"So tell me about this guy you've met."
(Short pause as Rachel composes herself)
"Well, he's tall and very smart. He has dark hair and eyes … and he's very good with Emma."
(Short pause as Ross tries to compose himself after learning another man is caring for his daughter)
"Oh, good. It's good that he treats Emma well. Are … are you and this guy getting serious?"
(Short pause)
"Ross, he told me that he loved me …"
(Long pause as he realizes that he has lost her)
"Oh … wow, that sounds pretty serious. How do you feel about him?"
(Long pause as Ross hears the sound of a door opening and Rachel speaking to Emma)
"Ross, sorry, I just walked into the apartment building. Could you repeat what you just said?"
"I asked how you feel about him."
(Very short pause. Rachel starts to speak … Ross can tell by her enthusiasm that she is smiling)
"I … I …I think I feel the same way about him."
"You think you feel the same? Rachel, please be sure about your feelings for this guy before you go any farther with him …"
(Rachel breaks him off, she figures it will be easier to just tell him quickly)
"I'm moving in with him."
"What? You've only lived in Paris for three months. Rachel, isn't this a little hasty?"
(Short pause, Ross can hear her getting tired as she climbs the stairs)
"Ross, it feels like I've know him forever …"
(Ross considers lashing out at her. He feels betrayed and jealous, but he considers how hurt she would be if he did. Defeated and fighting back tears, Ross decides to release her, to let her go)
"Rachel, if you love this guy … tell him so. Don't let love pass you by …"
(Ross is now gently sobbing but keeping his hand over the phone so that Rachel cannot hear him)
"Ross …"
(Long pause, Ross can barely contain his sorrow)
"Yeah?"
"Did you mean what you said about being in love with me?"
"Yes. Did you mean that I meant more than all the others to you?"
"Yes."
(There's a knock on Ross's door)
"Dammit!"
"What, what's wrong Ross?"
"Nothing … it's just someone knocking at the door. Hold on, I'll get rid of them quickly …"
(Ross opens his apartment door and nearly faints. Rachel stands before him holding Emma. She's grown a bit. The telephone falls from Ross's hand as he gasps in surprise. It hits the floor breaking into a number of pieces. Ross falls to his knees in tears. Seeing this, Rachel puts Emma on the floor)
"Emma, do you remember your daddy? Go give your Da Da a hug …"
(At this, a smiling Emma starts waddling across the floor toward her father)
"Da Da"
"She … she can walk … and talk too?"
"She started just after we got to Paris. She missed you …"
(Emma finally reaches her father and is grabbed up by Ross, who is overwhelmed by the moment. With tears in his eyes he looks up to her)
"Rachel, what are you doing here?"
"Did you mean what you said?"
(Lowering his eyes to the floor he can keep it in no more. Through his sobs he tries to reply)
"Yes, I meant it more that anything I've ever said."
(Rachel takes a few steps forward before she lowers herself to the floor. Ross looks up at her …)
"Ross?"
"Yeah?"
"Take me back."
(Ross is completely overcome by his emotions. He's holding his baby daughter and gazing at his one true love. He realizes that, in a span of an hour that he's lost and regained everything that means anything to him)
"Rachel, I … I can't take you back."
(Rachel is now crying and very concerned by his response. She's worried …)
"What? You … can't?
(Ross looks into her eyes and raises his right hand to his chest)
"I can't take you back because you never left in the first place. You and Emma were always here in my heart. I never let go. I never wanted to let go. That's why I couldn't move on."
(Hearing this Rachel moves over to him and embraces Ross and Emma in her arms. Emma squeals in delight. Ross and Rachel kiss as any couple would who haven't seen each other in months. Ross stops kissing her only long enough to ask one question)
"Rachel, please stay with me, forever."
"How could I leave the father of my child, the one who taught me to be a good mother, who taught me to how to love again, who taught me how to do laundry?"
"Ross, it's always been you, always."
END