I wrote a thing some time ago after that article about Deadpool cosplayer getting arrested. It's on my tumblr too. Enjoy.
Wade was thumping his head against the cell bars slowly and methodically. He was so bored it wasn't even funny.
What are we doing here again?
Uh, apparently we're trying to bash our skull in. But I think we forgot it requires a bit more force.
"Shut up, both of you. We got arrested."
Oooh… Well shit. Too bad we don't have any friends to bail us out…
Why were we arrested? We weren't even doing anything! Did we take off our mask when we were shopping?
"Shut up!"
"Oi! You shut up, you freak!" yelled the guard.
Asshole.
Asshole.
"Asshole! I thought Canadians were nice!"
We're Canadian, and we're not nice.
We kill people. And not even as a community service, we do it for money.
"Right! Shit, I'm on a job! I have to go! Mr. Jailer, when can I go? I have people to kill!"
"What did you say?" the guard appeared before Wade and gave him a suspicious look. "Did you just confessed to planning to kill someone? That what the guns were for?"
"Well yes, what did you think I needed them for? Gardening?
Wow, what an idiot!
Wait, were is he going? Is he gonna rat us out to his boss?
"Hey, were are you going?! I really have to go! Hey!"
Wade kicked the bars in frustration and sighed. All this money was going to someone else. And for fucking what? Grocery shopping? A man's gotta eat! You can't put him in jail for that!
I think we should get out of here before they decide to give us a nice roommate who'll want to tap that sweet ass.
And how do you propose we do that? Walk through the wall?
"I wish Spidey would come to my rescue…"
He won't. He only did that last time because he liked our dress. Secretly. Very secretly.
That was a fabulous dress…
Wade grunted and flopped down on the bunk. Things weren't looking good. He heard the guards whispering excitedly, and he couldn't understand what about, but he could guess it wasn't about the tonight's game.
"Psst! Psst! Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson!"
"Bob? Bob! You're here! I knew you'd come!"
No we didn't.
We completely forgot he existed.
"Please, Mr. Wilson, be quiet! You have to be quiet if we want to get out of here, okay?"
Wade nodded enthusiastically, grinning under his mask.
Yeah, sure, we can do that. We can be stealthy. We're a mercenary!
Wow, did Bob gain weight?
"Oh shut up, I don't care how fat he is as long as he gets us out! Hurry up, chubby, we don't have all day!"