Purity

I glanced again at the ring I now held in my palm, staring at its soft silver and the engraving on the inside: I waited my whole life for you. I grimaced and fell back against my duvet. Okay, so a lot happened at that party last night but I had been justified in what I did, hadn't I? No, a little voice that made me think of Jiminy Cricket tinkled, you didn't choose it did you? I hadn't but when it had happened I hadn't stopped him, hadn't even tried. Of course if I pressed charges they wouldn't care whether I had resisted or not. By now Peyton had to be mad. Peyton, my boyfriend, Christian, like me and funny, sweet, and sensitive. Of course he's not mad at you, Jiminy Cricket answered, he loves you Sara and even you know he isn't lying. If you called and told him everything he would come for you, to hold you when you cried, and take it when you screamed, all because he loves you. I knew this was true as well as I again sat bolt upright then slumped to read the words again, I waited my whole life for you. The words scrolled and twisted in my head when I heard my mother from downstairs, "Sara! Even though you weren't hungry the dishes don't do themselves!"

I called back, "I know Mom! Coming!" I hopped up, instead of sliding it down onto my right ring finger, I looked at the ring wistfully and dropped where it skidded softly across the bed, I didn't deserve it anymore, and I grimaced and stole out my door giving it one last glance.

"Hey Sara." My mother Tara said to me, "The breakfast dishes are in the sink,"

I loped over to the sink, but before I could put my hands down into the soapy water my mom caught my right one, "Where's your ring?" Tara's puzzled expression made me flinch inwardly,

I lied smoothly, "Must've forgotten to put it back after I got out of the shower,"

"You take it off?"

"Umm, yeah. Only when I get in the shower. It… umm… rides off my finger when I wash my hair." My mother nodded buying the lie. When did I get so good at lying to her? Don't answer that, I thought when I felt Jiminy stirring. It felt wrong lying to her, especially about stuff like what happened last night, we'd always been so open, especially after Owen O.D'ed. Owen my perfect big brother. Well, I thought, he's perfect now anyway, after rehab and church helped him. We were lucky he'd even survived, if Peyton hadn't been there, I doubt I would have either. I shuddered. My shorts and camisole now not enough against the ice of those days, the days where my brother had been gone. Peyton would be over every night just lying next to me with his arms around me to stop the shivers, only with Peyton's arms around me did I truly feel safe.

***

When Owen woke up at about nine thirty I was laying face up on my bed again reading those words again. So I was unprepared when he popped his head in, he startled me and I dropped the ring, it landed with a soft thump on my stomach. "Hey sport, what's up?" Then he looked up and saw my face, his eyes flashed with worry and he cursed under his breath. "What's wrong?" he demanded.

***

After denying many of Owen's guesses, I told him. He held me when I cried just like Peyton would have, but I finally choked out a quick, "Don't tell mom."

"Of course not," Owen said soothingly, "I would never."

"Thanks," I sniffled, "for listening."

"Always will kid, love you no matter what, remember that."

I nodded and smiled a broken smile, and replied, "Love you too Owen," as he smiled and started to walk away I said, "Wait!" he turned back to face me, quizzical, "You'll need to eat cereal, mom's done with breakfast,"

He grinned, "Thanks sport."

"You're welcome,"

I lay back down and picked the ring up and reread the words, even feeling better as I was they still gave me the feeling like I'd swallowed an ice cube and couldn't get hot water down fast enough.

***

As I sat up in my bed Friday morning, I exhaled and wondered had it all been a dream? But my right hand flew to my face and I didn't feel the cool ring on my hot cheek, so I knew even before Jiminy answered, No it happened, all of it. I sighed and a tear rolled down my check and fell on my silver ring lying on my stomach. I wiped my eyes because I knew if he wasn't here already Peyton would be here soon trying to whisk me off to the pool or somewhere else so I put on a brave face and headed downstairs

"Hey Sarebear," I heard Peyton's voice before I jumped the last two steps to run to him. As I looked into his eyes while he held me tightly I knew. He'd heard, and he was still here. Tears welled up in my eyes. He noticed them and covered, "Tara! We're going to the pool!" he leaned down to kiss me and whisper in my ear, "It's going to be okay."

"She doesn't have a suit!" just then my mother responded a couple rooms away,

"Yes she does, I've got one she keeps it in my car!" Peyton reminded her for the eleventh time that summer, we'd been out of school eleven days, but he was patient.

"Oh, yes, of course she does! I'm sorry! Well, you kids have a nice time!"

"Sure will Tara!" he started carrying me by the waist holding me against him so it looked like I was walking with him, he knew I loved that. We got to the closet before the door to the garage and the tears finally came streaming in a never ending torrent. I was only faintly aware of being put in Peyton's old Camry and once we got to the local pool and parked him holding me telling me that he forgave me and it was all going to be okay. When he kissed me I could taste the salt of my tears on his lips but I didn't care. When I finally calmed down he drove us to the nearby Starbucks and looked straight ahead when I changed into my bikini in the backseat. I slid my khaki shorts on over the pink tie-dye bottoms and my light and airy white shirt where you could still faintly see the top that matched the bottoms. I stumbled out of the back of his car and knocked on his window. He looked at me and smiled.