"Do you want to do it?" Critias asked me while we had been attempting something in bed.
"…no. I just… This is kind of… odd… to me."
"Mmm. It is a little odd for me too."
"Do we have to do this? Can we not just do what we usually do?"
"Timaeus… You said yourself you wanted to try this."
"Yes, but that was before we actually got to this position."
To be honest, at least with myself, I was slightly scared. I had never had sex or any form of it before, until I met Critias. It was not right away, no, but some months have passed after we realized how we felt and…
I am not sure who suggested it. Well… I believe it was more of Hermos asking us if we had 'done it' yet, and then Critias and I thought we could try it out. It was not penetration, no, because I had said I was not completely sure about that. For the first few times, it was exploration. I enjoyed it immensely, and I think Critias had too. He had not said much after we had finished, but he had this… content look upon his face which made me sure.
But after those few times, I could see he wanted to try something else. I had always been one to try new things, but I had not been so sure.
I was confused on how he was going to get inside me to begin with. I did not see how he was supposed to fit. Critias mentioned something about stretching me out… If this was supposed to be pleasurable, I did not want to be in pain the whole time. Apparently it was only supposed to last a few seconds, or so he claimed. I never figured out how he knew this. Was this knowledge everyone knew? Did Critias have sex with some other before? I had not asked him, but it gave me a bad taste in my mouth thinking of the possibility.
So here we were, I sitting in Critias' lap, trying to prevent myself from rubbing against him because we were deciding if we wanted to try penetration. Or maybe it was just me deciding this, since I was the one going to be penetrated.
I trusted Critias more than anyone else. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me… But, it was still a difficult decision. I knew Critias would go along with whatever I decided, but I wanted him to be happy as well.
Infinite patience. I was sure Critias had that.
I remember I had sighed before looking up at him. He had met my eyes, and I had nodded. "We can try this. But if I get too uncomfortable…"
"We can stop, Timaeus. I would never continue against what you want." To hear that from Critias, I almost felt like I would burst into a thousand pieces. I think that was when I fully realized how much I loved him.
After that… it… happened all so quickly. I think both of us were slightly disappointed when it did not last very long, but then again we had never attempted this before so it was expected. And it was… pleasurable. At first it had not been; I had thought Critias would not fit, and I felt very… full. But there was this spot Critias found and I—well, I had not lasted after that. But then I knew that it could be.
I think Critias was pleasured too. His face showed it.