All Credits Belong To Stephenie Meyer
"Bells." Jacob said squeezing my hand lightly. His eyebrows creased in worry. I had tuned out for a few minutes. I had been doing that quite an awful lot lately. I was fading. But he didn't question. "Feel better?" He asked with a small strained smile on his lips. He knew better than to ask 'Are you alright?'
"No more than yesterday." I said in a light voice. I didn't have the power to use my full voice anymore. I quickly went into eating the stuff. Nothing tasted good anymore and neither did this dish. I knew that I had to throw it up later. Whatever I was eating. I looked at Jacob. He'd been the one to breathe food in but as days passed, he seemed to be staring at me more than eating his food. I understood his conscience. If our roles were reversed, I think I'd have been worse. He was in denial. "The doctors estimate two months now." I dropped the bomb. He dropped his spoon on the plate itself. He didn't say anything though. He hated talking about it. I didn't blame him. He is my best friend after all. And I hated myself for hurting him.
"What do you want to do next?" He asked, his voice an octave higher faking cheerfulness.
"I don't know Jake." I sighed sucking in a rugged breath. "I feel so tired." And truly, my eyes were dropping. I was about to crash on my plate itself if Jake hadn't caught me immediately. I leaned into his chest relishing his body warmth. He slowly took me in his arms and carried me out of the restaurant. He felt warm and smelt nice. He smelt like normal. My eyes filled with tears considering I'd never be that way again. I slowly drifted away into the dark.
"-I mean my head was hurting. What was the point of the bonfire? And then Embry dropped an entire bucket of water on me. It was crazy." Jacob's voice slowly ebbed into my head. I smiled. I was moving. But I was seated. My truck. "And then Sam came with Emily. You should have seen Leah. She looked ready to kill." Jacob was saying. I slowly opened my eyelids to see Jacob driving my truck. His face was red. He'd been crying but he knew better than to shut up. It felt better this way. I needed a reminder when I woke up or I'd start losing time.
"Thank you Jacob." I said and my voice cracked in my throat itself. He turned to me at once startled for he'd been unaware that I was awake. "For everything Jacob. You stood by me when no one did." I said. "And don't remember me Jacob. The last thing I'd want is for you to hurt over me." I said my face in a happy smile.
"How can you be so calm about this? For god's sake you are dying!" He asked, his voice barely even a whisper.
"I am happy because of you. These past few months of my life have been amazing and I don't think I can thank you enough for standing by me." I smiled and leaned on his shoulder.
"You don't ever have to thank me Bella." He tucked strands of hair behind my ear. We smiled at each other for a few seconds. "I just feel like everyone I love…dies." His voice broke at the end.
"No. No Jacob. I am here right now." I said shaking my head at this notion.
"My mom is gone. You know how I was. Because you were the one who helped me through it. I don't think I can go through that again Bella." He said. His voice had taken a serious edge now and his bottom lip was trembling.
"Jacob. Don't do this. I will go to a better place and I am gonna be there. For you." I smiled slightly.
"About Looks." Jacob said. His voice had taken a teasing tone. He could never stay serious for long. He was still in denial but I didn't question. "I got you this costume while you were sleeping. It's a badass look. Why don't you wear it tomorrow to school?" He asked grinning as he held a packet for me.
"Sure Black." I laughed. I wanted to experience everything! What's wrong with a new look? He soon pulled near my house. I hugged him tightly. He got out first and then, helped me out. He basically carried inside. Charlie gave a small smile as he opened the door. He didn't show his feelings out to me. He pulled up a good pretense. Soon my thoughts were blocked by waves of drowsiness.
I woke up early that day. The sun felt brighter and it marked my day. I got up slowly wincing at the pain in my chest. I got up slowly and went to the bathroom. Whoa. The stuff Jake picked out had 'badass' written all over it. Just like he said. I quickly put on the gruff black jeans, the inner with a skull printed on it and a black aviator jacket. He'd picked out a skull cap and sunglasses to go with the look. There was also a small box. I opened it with curiosity. It had metal rings. Not the ones that required holes. I grinned at the stuff. It screamed 'fun'. Charlie nearly had a heart attack when he saw me. I started giggling.
"Don't worry Dad. The piercings aren't real." I laughed lightly.
"You scared me for a second, kid." He sighed shaking his head smiling.
To say I made a grand entrance at school would be an understatement.
I attended school for a bit of normalcy in my life. There was a time when I actually liked school and used to do good in my studies. And that was nearly two years ago, when Edward was my boyfriend and his family and I were close. It was after I found out about Mr. Crabs as Jacob calls it. It didn't get better and doctors estimated my life span to end in about two years. And if I agreed to chemotherapy and radiation, I'd be able to make three but at the cost of my health and energy. I didn't want my end to come on a hospital bed. I wanted to die somewhere sunny. With Flowers. Under the sun and not alone. And for some reason Edward stopped talking to me the week after I left the hospital. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone. His family became cold towards me for some reason and I didn't know why. I tried to talk to them but it didn't work. They deserved to know but they hated me. I once snapped and tried to make Rosalie talk to me but she slapped me across the face calling me 'worthless'. And I finally stopped pursuing them. I think that's what they wanted. I stopped hurting. In a way I was also glad. If they didn't care, they wouldn't be hurt. I stopped studying. I couldn't waste my time on studying at home. I had to get out and live things. See things. Make the best of my time. I was already preparing my funeral. I would have wanted Alice to organize it but I was alone. I would be dead already if Jacob hadn't helped me. But the knowledge of my death didn't hurt me anymore. I hadn't surrendered to it. But I had accepted it. Yes, I wanted to live. No, I didn't want to die. It was out of my hands. But what I could do was make inerasable memories. And I would do just that. Jacob and I were going to the amusement park again next week with Sam, Embry and Seth.
I strode in with a smug smile. People stopped to stare at me as I walked by. I could see the dropped jaws throughout the hallway. It was almost laughable. It could be laughable. If it didn't hurt. Who was I kidding? At this point, it hurt to breathe. Jake had stopped cracking wild jokes once he saw how much it hurt. He simply cracked sarcastic remarks to make me smile. Heads turned towards me as I slowly walked towards my classes. It didn't unnerve me anymore. The attention. I sat alone in the cafeteria though. Like always. I didn't want to eat, so I simply took out my bucket list and looked over.
Climb the highest tree in Forks- Done
Swim in a cold stream- Done
Ride a motorcycle- Done
Read one last classic
Ride with friends in cup and saucer in amusement park
Write goodbye letters
Have a karaoke night in a bar
Tell Edward to write my eulogy
That was as far as my list went. My heart squeezed in my chest. I still had five left. I didn't want to die without completing it. I'd finish my wish 5 today. But what about others. Telling Edward to write my Eulogy would be the most difficult. I felt someone's gaze on me. I looked up to see Rosalie glaring daggers at me.
"I thought you were a slut but I didn't know you were…" She shook her head looking disgusted by me. Her words didn't hurt. They didn't even bother me. I was dying. And I was happy to be with Jacob, dad and my friends at the rez to make the last two years of my life so good. She walked off to her friend circle aka the Cullens. I looked at Edward whose eyes had been on me momentarily looking at me with sadness and anger. I didn't know why. But I knew better than to ask him. It had been the first time in two years that Rosalie even spoke to me directly. I must have done something wrong. If they were upset with me, they could have at least talked to me before getting so cruel. I wasn't perfect. And I knew that a guy like Edward deserved a lot better. But he could have been polite enough to break up with me face to face before heading off with Tanya. I looked over to his table again with longing in my eyes. We'd been best friends for seven years. And I used to be the one around Edward's arm. Tanya was there laughing with the Cullens and Hales. I didn't blame Edward. I already knew that I didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve the pain when I died. He deserved better. The Cullens deserved better and so did the Hales. The ache in my heart was still there but here, looking at him, laughing with his family, I cut off the last wish on my list. He did deserve better. His eyes flickered to me once more and I smiled at him, happy that he was content and that he would still be when I was gone. He seemed quite surprised by me and I winked at him and gestured him to look towards Tanya who was saying something. I looked out my window and saw Jacob in a truck with the rez guys in the back! I grinned and lifted my bag and left the school. It wasn't over yet but it didn't matter anymore. Jake lifted me up and swung me around kissing my forehead.
"Park?" Sam asked coming up to me.
"Park." I grinned agreeing as Jake lifted me to the passenger seat.
"Looking good Bella." Seth teased from behind.
"As bright as the sun Seth." I grinned as Jacob rushed his truck to the amusement park.
I didn't go to school the next day. Nor the entire week. I had exhausted myself too much in the park. I spent my time in the rez from then on. As the week ended I started going to school again. I was absent most of the time. But I kind of liked school. I wanted to be there on my graduation day. And I had dreamt of it so many times only to realize I wouldn't live to see that day. But I was still content. Sure it still stung and hurt. I was after all not even an adult yet and yet…
But life isn't fair. I was halfway done through my goodbye letters and I was going to a bar in Port Angeles the next day. I just had to get a casket quickly. I didn't want to bring Jacob for my pity funeral celebrations. But weirdly, as time passed, it felt like I wanted to die. I thought I was crazy but then, the doctor said that I wasn't and that I just wanted seclusion from the pain. I think he's right. I wanted to get rid of this pain and weakness. I made myself comfortable in my truck with difficulty and drove my way to Port Angeles. I slowly made my way around the streets and headed to a casket shop. Weirdly enough, it was joined to a furniture shop too. I slowly looked around the designs.
"May I help you?" A voice asked spooking me. It was an old man with a bald head and grey moustache in formal clothes. I was dressed in a loose hoodie and baggy jeans today. My hair was held by a loose ponytail and I had lost a lot of weight.
"I am looking for a casket." I said smiling to him.
"What kind?" He asked.
"Preferably simple and cheap." I said. He studied me with a curious expression on his face. No one usually bought a 'cheap' casket for a dead somebody. But then, no one usually bought his or her own casket. He didn't ask any question and simply took me to a section to find ones to meet my requirement. I looked around to spot a dark brown casket. It was perfect. "That's the one." I smiled looking at it.
"May I ask when you'll need it?" He asked.
"About one and a half month." I said. I quickly slipped out the money to him to him. I'd taken it out of my college fund. It was now my funeral fund. I didn't want Charlie to waste his money on my expense. I quickly filled out the details. And went to the next stop to order the flowers. I looked around the store looking at the colours. I hadn't set the date yet, so I simply looked through the flowers. Smelling each one. I couldn't make much of it though. That made be sad. The pain in my chest increased and I quickly went in my truck. I laid my head against the driving wheel waiting for it to relapse. As it lessened, I quickly started my engine. It sprang to life. But as I moved forward, the truck skidded off track and made a screeching noise. My heart started beating out of control. This was not good. I quickly stopped the truck and got off slowly. My tires were completely out of air. How was this possible? I looked behind to see a Volvo with grinning faces inside…watching. My heart sped up in uneasy rhythms. 'Stop it Bella. You gotta stop it!' My chest ached and black spots danced around my eyes. I tucked myself back in the truck before the darkness consumed my vision. I desperately tried to reach my phone but it slipped out of my fingers before I could dial the last 1.
Jacob couldn't just stop crying. This wasn't fair. She had about a month more! This wasn't possible. She couldn't be dead. She still hadn't finished her bucket list for god's sake. But she was. In front of him lay the casket of Bella Swan. She was wearing a white gown looking beautiful under the sunlight. But here Jacob was. Giving her a eulogy that he never wrote.
"Bella was a dear friend of mine." Jacob started, his face red with the crying he did earlier. "She was beautiful, lively and a good person. I felt it unfair. I would cherish her memories as long as I live because honestly, that's all I can do. I don't possess the power to describe her in words. She was every bit an angel and one of the very few people who knew. Who cared. Who saw what nobody did. She had a unique light. And I wouldn't trade the time I spent with her for anything."
"Did she leave Forks or something?" Rosalie asked giggling. Really. It had been ages since we'd seen her. Her attendance hadn't been good the past two years but seriously. It had been one and half months since she hadn't come.
"I don't think so. Her dad doesn't have that money." Emmett said yawning.
"Seriously guys. Are we really talking about this?" Tanya asked.
"But it's been a month. Aren't you curious?" Jasper asked her amused.
"I know I am. Want to pass by her house?" I asked curiously.
"Sure. But we're only checking if her truck is there or not." Rosalie said firmly.
"Okay." I agreed. Although not saying it, I was quite worried about Bella. She had been acting so weird the last couple of days that she came.
"I will go home by myself then." Tanya murmured and looked at me hoping that I'd volunteer to come with her. I didn't. It took time but I realized that Tanya was not the one for me. I thought I'd move on after Bella but I couldn't. I knew I didn't deserve her. But I did deserve a proper explanation before she went off with Jacob Black.
As the school closed down, we stroll down the Chief Swan's house. He wasn't at home obviously. There was something very different about the house though. We parked our car in the driveway out of curiosity. Her truck was still standing. Weirdly, the tires were still out of air. We had done that nearly one and half months back. Didn't she get them fixed? Rosalie picked up a rock threw it in Bella's bedroom window.
"Rosalie!" Alice scolded.
"What? It's not like she deserves any better." She chuckled her evil grin. We were met by the sound of breaking glass and then complete silence. It was almost creepy.
"Let's break in!" Jasper suggested. "She can't hide forever."
"May be we should wait." Edward suggested.
"Oh no! We're breaking in!" Emmett laughed and ran off climbing up the tree next to Bella's window. I sighed and followed in. I stepped in first though I was second to Emmett in climbing the tree. The room was fresh with the sunlight seeping it. It was neat and the blankets were neatly made. Just like Bella. However, there were touches of dust on the bed's side and desk. Her desk was completely empty apart from one book that sat on the top neatly in line with the edge. No bookmarks. 'Wuthering Heights'. It was quiet old. It was weird. Bella had a lot of classics stocked up on her desk. I turned to see Bella's mirror covered with a frail white cloth. I looked at the window to see that Emmett couldn't pull through.
"Get down or you will get stuck!" I said loudly. He huffed in annoyance and scrambled out in a hurry. I turned back around examining her room. It looked like her room but then it wasn't. I didn't know how that was possible. I opened a desk drawer the curiosity dominating my nature. There was nothing but one book in it.
'My Diary' I had seen Bella write about her days in this book. What was it doing here? I didn't want to be intrusive but this diary dated back to two years.
"EDWARD GET DOWN HERE!" I heard Emmett scream. I quickly tucked her diary under my arm and climbed out of the room.
"What's that?" Alice asked.
"Bella's old diary." I answered. They sighed as we got back into the car. Emmett told the others as to how her room was all creepy and stuff.
The diary was the same way as I remembered it two years back. She had changed considerably along with everything the during this time. What about this diary? Why was this so…Bella? I didn't want to invade her privacy but I had been through every entry apart from the time I'd stopped talking to her. Curiosity got the better of me. I opened the damn book and sat on my bed to read. I skipped through the pages I had already read and looked at the entry. It dated one week after I had stopped talking to her. But there at the bottom of the date, it was marked.
Two years
Why was it marked like that? I continued reading.
Dear diary,
It's been hell off a week. You are probably wondering the reason of my absence. The thing is, that I met someone and it is kind of a life changing thing. I don't think I will be able to write as much as I used to. Sorry about that.
Jacob was the first to know after Charlie. I knew Edward deserved to know about it first but it was very unexpected and yet predictable. I already had gut feelings about it. Jacob hugged me really tightly after it. He says that hugs and laughter are the best medicine. I believe him. Jacob is really shocked about it and it doesn't feel like he's ready to believe that it's true. He believes it to be a dream gone haywire or something. But he stood by me and did everything for me. I went to school like usual this week. Edward and the rest of my best friends deserved to know about it no matter how much I didn't want to tell them. But they seem to hate me now. I don't know if they know. If they do, I understand the hatred. Who would want to be friends with me now anyway?
Bella
The entry was clearly on how she realized that she loved Jacob and not me. My eyes clenched shut. I threw the book down on the floor and I rolled over on my bed.
I was quiet the entire way. Alice and Emmett looked extremely concerned about me being quiet. I didn't want to talk to anyone for now. When I got back home, I shut my room door and started reading Bella's diary again. No date on the next entry.
One year eleven months possibly two weeks Weird.
Something horrible and unexpected happened today. I decided to tell Edward and his family anyway besides for the point that they might already know. They weren't speaking to me and I didn't know why. It could be if they knew. It hurt. I couldn't be sure if they knew and I had to tell them for they deserved to know about Mr. Crabs. Yeah. 'Mr. Crabs'. It's inside joke and is quite funny actually even though it's not. I tried to get through Rosalie but she slapped me in anger and called me 'worthless'. I knew she was right. I was worthless and I didn't deserve Edward or Jacob. But she didn't have to be so cruel about it.
I still wanted to tell Edward about Mr. Crabs, but then I saw him with Tanya Denali during lunch. He kissed here in front of the entire cafeteria. It hurt though. It just stung. I knew it was only a matter of time before he realized how much more he deserved but it still stung. All those promises really meant nothing in the end. I didn't look at him nor the Cullens and the Hales for the rest of the day. I didn't know what to think. Perhaps they already knew about Mr. Crabs and if they didn't, then they didn't have to. Know about him that is. I didn't need Edward to hurt anyway if he cared that is. He deserved better than a broken and worthless girl. Tanya is very beautiful. Maybe he finally found someone he deserves. I am happy for him. But does it make me a horrible person to wish that he was with me?
Bella
This was all wrong. Who the hell is Mr. Crabs? And as far as I knew she wasn't a fan of SpongeBob Square pants. I continued reading her entries. It was all wrong. There was nothing about how much she loved Jacob Black. No. It was usually about Mr. Crabs, what she did in the past couple of days and how she misses us. She wrote stuff like, 'I don't think Mr. Crabs is having pity on me. But he is not good. He is a horrible person and he makes me weaker…' and 'I don't think I fear anymore. It is like I am waiting for Mr. Crabs. And that scares me. I wish I was stronger. Strong enough to manage myself but strength is scarce these days.' Whoever this Mr. Crabs was, he was hurting Bella. I thought it was Jacob who had been a bad been a bad influence on Bella. The reason she barely passed in school.
"Edward! Lunch is ready!" Mom called. I set the book aside and went downstairs. Was Mr. Crabs really hurting Bella? The following week, I continued reading Bella's diary. I started using my Volvo to travel while the others used Rosalie's convertible. Bella still hadn't come to school. I tried to catch a glimpse of Bella as I passed by her house everyday but there would be no sound of life or movement.
It had been two weeks now. Alice was immensely concerned. Still no sign of Bella. The entries from the past year had turned even more disturbing. How my family had started punishing Bella physically and started talking behind her back? I never knew any of it.
"Stop this moping around Edward! You are hurting us. And why are you so obsessed with Swan's diary?" She asked. I couldn't look her in the eyes.
I shook my head at her and left school. I went and sat in my Volvo to read more. Her entries were getting torturous. And then I flipped over the last entry.
Two months
Dear diary,
It's positively two months now unless something goes wrong. Jacob has to come in terms with it whether he likes it or not. I fell asleep in a restaurant yesterday but Jacob helped me up and carried me. He understands. He wants to make my time memorable. He even got me bad girl outfit! I know it's not my thing but still. I want to see everybody's reaction. It was today I realized how much I had changed these past two years. How Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett and I had had drifted apart. I didn't want this. But now it seems like bliss. They wouldn't hurt after Mr. Crabs was finally done with me. I met Edward's eyes today. His eyes seemed cold. It hurt a lot to see him so distant. But when he wasn't looking at me, he was happy. He doesn't realize how beautiful he looks with his crooked grin. His eyes light up and I feel so happy to see him like that. Happy. Something I knew he couldn't be with me. And that was comforting. He deserved to be happy. And given the way they treated me, I am sure they wouldn't care. But I did. And I was happy that they'd still be happy. I cut off my last bucket list wish today. He really didn't need to know.
I wanted Alice to plan the whole thing but that was two years ago. Before I knew I was alone with Mr. Crabs. No. I had Jacob. And I was very much grateful to him for standing by me. I don't want Charlie to be burdened with the cost. I had some money saved and I would order all the things tomorrow.
Bella
She was so wrong. I was so happy with her! But I had read her entire diary and found no word about anything going on between Jacob and her! This entry had to be exactly two months back. The bad girl look was fake. It wasn't real. I turned the page and there was no more. I flipped the remaining pages hoping to find something. Anything. And there it was. A note on the last page.
If you find this diary, it's because zero has passed by. If you ever knew me, please leave this diary where the two trees trap the sun. Otherwise burn it.
I flipped through my memories of Bella. There was this place that used to be in La Push. A spot perfect for sunset in the beach and across the place were some pine trees. A perfect view. Bella laughed as she commented on how the two trees tangled with each other and captured the sun between them. It was beautiful. Why would I leave the diary there? Yet, I started the engine and drove into La Push. I don't know why but I had a very bad feeling about this. I was sweating bullets. There hadn't been any sign of Bella since the past two weeks I had driven up to her house. As soon as the beach came into view, I ran to spot where the two trees captured the sun. I was out of breath and I stopped a few meters away from the spot. I approached the spot slowly and went round it. There was an open area here. I stepped in the clearing and took a deep breath. This place was unexceptionally fresh and nice. I turned to look back at the trees but my eyes met something I did not expect to see. There near the two trees, lay a gravestone. I walked round it to see who it belonged to. As my eyes met my answer, the diary fell on Earth.
Isabella Marie Swan
Beloved Daughter and best friend
I didn't realize when my knees hit the ground. This had to be some sort of joke. The grave was well maintained. There were fresh flowers around the stone. Her date of death dated back to two months. I took out my phone to check the calendar. It had been on the day we punctured her truck tires. She died that day? No it could not be. It was all a harmless prank! Besides, how could that lead to her death!? My heart was racing wildly. I called Alice with shaky fingers! She picked it up on the third dial.
"What hap…" She was about to scold me but I cut her off.
"She's dead! Bella. She is dead!" I sobbed uncontrollably.
"Edward what the hell are you saying?" Alice asked.
"There was this place mentioned that if I found her diary, it had to be returned to the place where the two trees captured the sun." I said panicked the tears coming down.
"The scenery we saw at La Push." Alice recounted.
"Yes. And I am standing in front of her grave right now. She died the day we punctured her tires." My voice broke several times. Alice didn't answer. "I am going to talk to Jacob." With that I cut the phone and drove my way to Jacob's house. I went into his garage swiftly.
Jacob was there, working on his bike. His face was red and void of any emotion. He turned his head towards me and gave out a light sigh.
"What do you want?" He asked. His voice didn't sound enthusiastic. It sounded empty and hollow.
"Where's Bella?" I asked.
"That's none of your concern." He answered.
"Who's Mr. Crabs?" I asked again.
"I don't know what you are talking about." He asked raising his eyebrows.
"Then why is there a gravestone of Bella in La Push?" I asked anger dripping in my voice.
"And you finally figured it out right? And you have come to rub it in my face. How I killed my best friend?" He asked.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"I should have checked her truck. I should have rechecked it. She wouldn't be dead if it weren't for me!" He cried.
"What do you mean you should have rechecked her truck?" I asked my voice shaking.
"You really don't know do you?" He asked. I shook my head lightly. "It was cancer." He said a drop of tear coming out freely now. "We found about it two years back. The doctors said that her condition was severe and she couldn't be treated. She had two years to live. Two months back, the doctors estimated it to be two months but somehow because of me, Bella succumbed to a heart attack in the middle of the road. And it's all my fault!" He said gravely.
"Cancer?" I asked the shock palpable in my voice.
"Yes. We used to call her cancer, Mr. Crabs. It was an inside joke. She would have two months more had the tires not been punctured. It's my fault." He said. Time stopped for me. It was like everything was circling around me. "Cullen? Cullen!" I barely registered Jacob's voice trying to shake me out of the haze. I forced my vision to come to focus. My heart was racing wildly as fear gripped every part of my body.
"How-How did this happen? Why didn't she tell me?" I asked my voice quivering.
"She told me she tried to tell you but you didn't listen to her. She thought that maybe you already knew and you hated her for it. I never thought you'd abandon her like that Cullen." Jacob said looking down. She did, didn't she? But I was busy mourning that she had cheated on me! I remember all the times we crossed paths. There she was. Desperately trying to tell us what was going on with her but we…treated her…like scum.
"How would I know?" I asked.
"I saw you and the others outside the hospital when I was helping Bella cope up with the news. But you guys left abruptly. I told her about it. We thought you both already knew but in case you didn't, she did try to tell you." He said as sat down leaning against a wall. I joined him. He said after sometime. "You can't imagine what it's like. The sudden news. That you are dying and there's nothing you can do about it. That you got only two years in your hands. We took it hard." He shook his head smiling. "She kept it together though. She asked me to walk away. But she knew me better than that. What kind of friend abandons you like that? I tried to make the rest of her time worth a while. She had a beautiful smile, you know? It was like I would do anything. Be anything to see that. She was my pillar when my mother died. She was my best friend. It wasn't love. It was the kind of friendship you only get to see in movies. I do blame myself for her passing away before she could complete her bucket list. But she wouldn't want me to crumble down to pieces even though it seems a lot easier. We were going to a bar that day. To have a karaoke night. It was number 7 on her list. I go to her grave every week." I didn't realize I was crying until I heard the sobs. Bella need me. She need us and we abandoned her like that. It wasn't Jacob that caused her death. It was me. I didn't only abandon her. I may as well have pulled the trigger. I killed her. It was my fault. I didn't even realize it. The punctured tires. It was me. I did it. I couldn't stop the sobs. I abandoned because I 'thought' that she was cheating on me. I never sought out to confirm the facts. I simply left her. I mentally tortured her on the last years of her life. And even after everything she wished me to be happy. Content in my life without ever knowing. I felt sick of myself. I laughed at her face when I saw the shocked look on her face as she climbed out of her truck quivering in shock. And I laughed at her? How sick could I be? Perhaps if I had checked on her as she went inside the truck, I could have called an ambulance but I didn't. And like the sick person I was, I left her in that position. She died in that truck.
"It's horrible how the worst things happen to the most incredible people. She always told me that she wanted to take her last breath in the sun with some of her close friends. Surrounded in bliss. I was the one who found her. She was lying there on the seat. So still. Cold like ice. It scared me. I shook her. Begged her to wake up but she didn't. Her eyes were open and she was staring at me. But for the first time I saw no light in them. There was no twinkle. In her hand was her phone. She couldn't dial the last 1." Jacob said recounting his memory. "And the funny part was that even as dead she was, she looked beautiful as were at peace. It consoles me to think that at least she is in a better place now." He smiled turning to me now that my sobs had finally quietened. "We are going to a bar today. Proposing a toast in the memory of Bella. We plan to complete her bucket list. Want to join?" He asked.
"I don't think she'd want me there." I confessed.
"You would be wrong." He said. "Even on her worst days. She confided in me on how much she missed you guys. I think she'd want you there."
"I'll be there." I swore.
"To Bella." Jacob cheered raising his glass.
"To Bella." I cheered with the others and drank in the glass. My family were here too. We owed it to her. And as much as I hated myself for being the cause of her death, Charlie didn't. Neither did Jacob. Yes, it was our fault. We'd have difficulty coming to terms with it. I regret my hasty decisions greatly. I'd do anything to change the past. They doubted Bella would want us crumbling down either. I visited her grave every week. It's been years. But her memory is very much alive.
The End