The Following Trailer Is Rated NM For No Mercy!
From the director whose sole purpose in life seems to be keeping Meryl Streep relevant as the old girl continues to age faster than Rosie O'Donnell's armpits, comes the Broadway chick flick that teaches the importance of not hiring Pierce Brosnan for a major role in a musical.
Mamma Mia!
Journey to the idyllic paradise of a fictional, poverty-free, non bankrupt Greece, and meet Sophie, a cheerful young woman on the verge of holy matrimony. When she discovers her mother's slutty past and a list of possibilities for the identity of her unknown father, she resolves to discover the truth, and decides to secretly invite all of them to her wedding without telling her mother, because the list of problems that this scenario could create is practically non-existent.
But when baby daddy number 007 sends Sophie into an existential crisis by complementing a face that she doodled on a napkin, she must decide whether to pursue her supposed talent and travel the world, or commit to the man that she has promised to spend her life with, because naturally it's impossible for the two to coexist.
Feel your ears bleed as you listen to an award winning musical get absolutely butchered by the combined screeching of non-singers Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, and Stellen Skarsgard. As Hollywood's best deliver an eardrum shattering experience that makes Russell Crown in Les Miserables sound like Charlotte Church.
Witness Sophie's struggle to come to terms with her past, present, and future, struggling to resolve her dreams with her commitments, as everyone else dances around like drunk jackasses, jumping off docks and singing ABBA songs. But when the time comes to say, "I do", Sophie will make the mature, responsible choice and embrace adulthood… by calling off the wedding at the absolute last minute to abandon her home and presumably become a hobo, in an apparent analogy that marriage is a social prison which prevents you from going anywhere or doing anything ever again for as long as you live.
So tune up and dance off to a Broadway adaptation with less musical talent than Hannah Montana and less character development than the Aflac Duck, but still found a special place in the hearts and and minds of ABBA-loving housewives across the nation.
Starring:
Meryl Strep-Throat- Donna
Simpleton Sophie- Sophie
Agent 000- Sam
Dr. Selvig- Bill
Galahad- Harry
Greek Preacher- Sky
My Big Fat Greek Wedding-that-I-called-off-at-the-very-last-second-because-of-my-commitment-issues: The Musical!
And for your viewing pleasure, a secret sneak peek of the pitch meeting for Mamma Mia 2!
Universal Pictures Executive: "So let me get this straight, you want to make a sequel for Mamma Mia?
Ol Parker : "Yes."
Universal Pictures Executive: "A sequel for a movie adaptation of a Broadway musical that had no sequel?"
Ol Parker : "Yes."
Universal Pictures Executive: "And It's also a prequel?"
Ol Parker : "Yes."
Universal Pictures Executive: "Did people want a prequel?"
Ol Parker : "No."
Universal Pictures Executive: "And one of the main characters died offscreen for no reason?"
Ol Parker : "Yes."
Universal Pictures Executive: "Completely removing the happy ending we established in the first film?"
Ol Parker : "Yes."
Universal Pictures Executive: "Forcing people to shell out cold hard cash if they want any sort of closure for the story that they love?"
Ol Parker : "Yes."
Universal Pictures Executive: "Sounds Perfect."