BOY! GET THE HELL UP!
Harry woke up to Uncle Vernon's more intense then usual screaming.
Yes Uncle?
Suddenly Vernon punched Harry in the face, and he knew no more.
o - o - o - o - o - o - o – o – o
Sometime later that day Harry woke up in in a state of confusion on a train.
Where are we Uncle? Harry asked Vernon, who was sitting in the other side of the compartment, with a very pale looking, Dudley, who seemed as still as a statue.
We're going to your new school. Vernon replied.
What new school?
Hogdicks, the finest school of witchcraft and perversion in the world.
Per….perversion?! Harry asked, confused.
Well, that's what happens when all wizards happen to be crazy deviants. It's in the culture.
Also, are you saying I'm a wizard? Harry said, taken back.
Sure. So am I. I'm actually a Professor at Hogdicks, I'm coming back this year to renew my tenure as Muggle Studies Professor after watching you and Dudley for 11 years.
What's a muggle? Asked Harry.
Non magic folk, like Petunia.
Wait, you're just leaving Aunt Petunia back home?
No, she's not your aunt either. She was a homeless muggle I found and mind controlled to believe she was your aunt. I suppose she'll be going back to the homeless shelter after the authorities find her back home, in a house that's now for sale.
But why? Why haven't you told me I was a wizard before today? Why did you lie about Petunia being my aunt? And why is Dudley here with us?
Because boy, I was charged with watching over you and Dudley as a sort of experiment. My task was to figure out how and why you were able to survive a death curse to the face from the dark lord.
Da...dark lord? Harry Exclaimed.
Yes, that's how you got that scar and how your parents actually died. It honestly still cracks me up to this day to believe the excuse I was told to give was that they died in a car crash. Vernon then loudly bellowed to himself.
As for Dudley here, he's not actually my son, he's a squib, non magical folk born to a magical family. My task was to see if I could get him to perform SOME magic, ANY magic. But as it turns out all he's good at doing is emptying the fridge. Vernon chuckled. I mean, do you seriously think I'd allow my kid to get that fat?
It all made sense to Harry then, why would Uncle Vernon let his own son get fat if he himself was practically a body builder. Why did Aunt Petunia seem to randomly disappear from the house every other month, only to come back looking like she slept under a bridge for a week whenever Uncle Vernon went on his business trips.
That still doesn't explain why you treated me so poorly all these years. Harry insinuated.
Actually, it does. In order to get you to perform some sort of extraordinary magic that you might have I had to treat you like shit in order to trigger your accidental magic, magic that only happens when a child is in danger. But as it would turn out, that's not the case. The most you ever did was teleport on top of the house occasionally and turn my hair pink. Chuckled Vernon. But yes Harvey, I apologize.
You still can't even remember my name, so I doubt you actually care.
I can't what? Oh look at that, we're there.
With that Vernon grabbed Harry's hand while holding up Dudley in the palm of his other hand and apparated out of the compartment and onto the platform outside.
Bonjour Vernon! Exclaimed A very tall man with a long thick scraggly beard.
Hey Hagrid, sorry I'm late but the Headmaster ordered me to get this subject here in one piece, so
apparating a long distance like that was out of the question.
With that Vernon grabbed at his arm in pain.
It would seem that the Headmaster wants me right away.
Vernon then grabbed Harry's arm again and he felt like he was being squeezed through a straw again.
o - o - o - o - o - o - o – o – o
SEVERUS?! SEVERUS IS THAT YOU?
Harry found himself in the most ornate office he's ever seen, with the oldest man he's ever seen. Wearing exotic, neon coloured robes and had a long white beard and crescent shaped glasses.
No Sir it's Vernon, I've returned with Harvey and the subject.
My name's Harry!
Oh sorry Vernon, I was having visions of the good ol days again. Chuckled the Headmaster. Yes, please drop off the subject in this tub of industrial grade acid I've prepared.
With that Dudley slowly dissolved into nothingness, all without a scream.
Awwww yesss, reminds me of when I was still young. The Headmaster said with a glimmer in his eye.
Anyways, I'm Professor Dumbledick, Headmaster of this school. Please to meet you finally Harvey.
The pale and mortified Harry didn't respond.
HOW RUDE! TALK TO YOUR ELDERS! Dumbledick shouted.
Well, anyways it's time to HAVE A FANCY FEAST! With that Dumbledick vanished.
Come on boy, time to meet your classmates. Vernon said as he dragged the still motionless Harry out of the Headmaster's office.