Disclaimer: Yes! Yes I do own the Pokemon characters! MUAHAHAHAHA-no, no I don't. Only THEIR SOULS - MUAHAHAHAHAHA-No, no, I don't own their souls either....
Warning: This crackfic is a load of crap...
A hushed silence fell over the room. Flint cocked an eyebrow, Aaron sat up straighter and Cynthia folded her arms.
"Is this true, Lucian?" she questioned him, in a solemn tone.
"I'm afraid so," he sighed. The bespectacled man reached out to stroke the Espeon beside him. "She wouldn't make something like this up," Though the lavender carbuncle purred, her eyes bore a steely gaze - each Elite Four member knew something serious was happening.
"Okay, so...why am I here again?" Zero, the megalomanical albino ended the dull silence.
"Shut up, Zero," Flint ordered, without bothering to look at him.
"No, seriously!?"
"Because the author wants to rape you, that's why," Cynthia sighed.
All of a sudden, a MAGICAL beam of light shot down from the sky into the Elite Four's boardroom. Gasps issued from the crowd as this astonishingly bright light cleared to reveal...it.
"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, FOOL!" the all-powerful Caffekko cried.
"Cynthia did it!" Aaron raised an accusatory finger at the blond.
"You'll get it later, Gay butterfly man," she retorted.
"Well, don't do it again; it unnerves the readers," With that the mighty Caffekko retreated back to its lair.
"I want Infi!" Zero moaned. Aaron punched him.
"You know what this means, gang?!" Flint suddenly stood up.
"That we...can't break the fourth wall anymore?" Cynthia punched Zero as well...for luck.
"OW!"
"No, it means we, the Sinnoh Elite Four, have a mission to complete! Lucian?" The red head turned to the older man, who gestured to his book.
"I'm reading?"
"Loveless? Ooh, Lucian," Aaron giggled. Flint ignored him.
"?! Wait, so you've just told us the legendary Pokemon Lugia and Ho oh are about to awaken and destroy the world all because you're too busy reading to stop this from happening?!"
Lucian put down his manga and glared at Flint. "There's nothing we can do to stop this from happening. There is only one way to stop this and there's no way we can accomplish it,"
"SAYS YOU-HOW?!"
"A kiss from a Dex holder," Lucian said softly. The other four turned to look at him.
"Woah woah woah woah, what now?!" Flint asked. Cynthia sighed.
"Just as well. I don't really feel like going to Johto," She was about to get up and leave when Flint spoke again.
"I'll do it! In that case I'll find a-a Dex holder and put a stop to this! What's a Dex holder?!" Flint declared. Everyone sweatdropped.
"So why are Lugia and Ho oh about to awaken anyway?" Aaron asked, making his way over to Lucian and settling himself on his lap. Lucian began stroking his hair and explained.
"Well, apparently Krystal is so pissed off that she was replaced with Lyra in HeartGold and SoulSilver she's decided to go on a rampage with Lugia and Ho oh to destroy the world (and Lyra). They will awaken once she preforms the special ritual dance,"
"A dance? Like...like the Hare Hare Yukai?" Flint asked. Cynthia punched him.
"Idiot,"
Lucian sighed. "Yes, Flint. The Legendary beast Pokemon Lugia and Ho oh are awakened by the ancient dance ritual the Hare Hare Yukai," he scoffed.
"I'm just asking!"
"And only a kiss from a Dex holder will calm her down...ah, I see," Aaron smiled and snuggled closer to Lucian.
"I still don't see why I have to be here..."Zero mumbled. Flint punched him.
"Fine! Leave! Be with your robotic girlfriend! I-I mean, we are about to save the world!" Flint struck a pose and then punched Zero again for good measure.
"Sorry, I can't do it - I'm dating Lyra,"
Flint sighed. This was the answer both Gold and Silver had given him.
"She is evil!" Aaron fumed, as the Elite Four and their Champion grabbed a snack in McDonalds...yes. "Imagine leading two guys on like that...no wonder Krystal is so mad!" He glared at his portion of Pidgey nuggets.
"Calm down, little Aaron," Lucian put his arm around his younger boyfrie-
"OKAY, IF THERE IS ONE MORE ELITEUNDERSHIPPINGREFERENCES IN THIS STORY-"
"Cynthia?" Lucian gasped, wide-eyed.
The blond girl sighed, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Oh, Lucian. Why can't you love me instead?"
"Cynthia...I had no idea..."
"Everyday it hurts, everytime I see you two together my chest aches-"
"RED!" Flint interrupted, understanding by the death glare from Cynthia he was going to die soon. "Red!" He shot up out of his seat and cornered the better-looking version of Ash.
"What?! Did you see-never mind!" Red stammered, pupils dilating.
"Huh?"
"You don't understand, man! I needed the drugs; the pain was too much-" Red screamed as two Officer Jennies escorted him away. Flint stared blankly after him.
"That poor boy...doing 'Carni' at such a young age," Lucian sighed.
Flint shrugged and helped himself to the rest of Aaron's Pidgey nuggets as Cynthia glared daggers at him.
"But-"
"No,"
"I-"
"No,"
"You just-"
"No,"
"Please!"
"No!"
"Well, you can't say we didn't try," Flint concluded as they walked away from a very pissed-off looking Green.
"WHAT?! A flight to Hoenn costs HOW MUCH?!" Flint gasped at the airport...receptionist. She glared at him.
"Sorry, but everyone hates Hoenn. It's crap. Everyone wants to go to Johto. So one ticket to Hoenn costs 1000000000000000000 Pokedollars,"
"Aren't there, like, discount prices for Elite Four members?"
"No,"
"Screw this. Come on, Flint," Cynthia pulled everyone outside.
"Oh well, Ruby probably wouldn't help us anyway," Aaron chirped. "That leaves Dia-"
"Dia's dead. Berlitz killed him," Lucian pulled a piece of paper out from his pocket.
"Oh...So, Pearl then-"
"Pearl's dead too," Lucian smoothened out the paper and read from it.
Dear Trainers!
You are cordially invited to the Celebration of Heart Gold and Soul Silver European Release Party hosted tonight by Yours Truly, Drew! Bring your friends, bring your Pokemon - party starts at Eight and we're partying all night!
Location: Radio Tower, Goldenrod City, Johto
PS No Sinnoh bastards allowed. Dawn and Paul will be denied entrance if they try to come. Other than that - everyone is welcome!
Lucian scrunched up the paper.
"Who said the kiss had to be from a manga Dex holder?"
"You!" Flint growled. Lucian ignored him.
"So, we're going to Drew's party?" Cynthia sighed.
"Sweet! We're gonna gatecrash! Hang on, I gotta call Volknor-"
"Come on!" Lucian grabbed him and pulled him away.
It wasn't that awesome, was all Flint could think of as he stared up at the Radio Tower. The security, a couple of napping Primape, were more impressive than the actual decor of the place. A tattered sign that read 'HeartGold SoulSilver - Booyeah (Gary woz ere)' hung limply down across the entrance.
Lucian quickly fainted the Primapes and the group traipsed inside.
The music was blaring so loudly the ground seemed to be vibrating. The first floor was full of colorful dancing trainers. As was the second. On the third, they found Drew.
"Sssinnoh basstardss!" He yelled, slurring his words.
"Hoeen bitches!" Cynthia raised her fists, ready to knock him on conscious but Lucian calmly pushed her aside.
"He's drunk on Berry Juice,"
"Apri juiccce!" Drew hiccupped and flicked back his fringe.
"Whatever. I'm guessing this is going to be a complete waste of time?" Lucian made the mistake of looking around the room, away from Drew. Next thing he knew a green-haired boy about half his height had jumped onto his back and started thrashing about. And no, it wasn't Aaron.
"Trample the Sssinnoh basstardss-" Drew fainted.
Suddenly trainers surrounded the Elite Four and Cynthia.
"Trample 'em\!" Gary yelled, charging at Aaron.
"Awesome, the Elite Five guys! Hey, hey, wanna battle? BATTLE ME!" Ash hugged Cynthia. Her eye twitched.
"THAT'S IT, I AM GONNA BEAT PUBERTY INTO YOU!" Misty took a mallet out of nowhere and knocked Ash over the head with it. He died a quick, painless death.
Tracey, Brock and Harley tackled Aaron and Lucian as Team Rocket danced the Can Can in the background.
"Whoo..." May cheered and then fainted.
"That's it! I have had it!" Lucian exploded and commanded his Kadabra to Teleport them back outside.
"Lucian! Hey Lucian, wait!" Flint hurried to catch up with the older man.
"Forget it, Flint! We're not gonna find anyone! I'm leaving!" He summoned his Gallade and flew home...don't ask how.
Flint turned to Aaron and Cynthia.
"Well, now what?" Aaron was about to answer but froze, mouth hanging open at the sight to his left. Cynthia and Flint looked over to where he was staring.
A vastly enormous gigantic massive deadly !Canon of DOOM! stood there, Paul and Dawn by its side, commanding their Pokemon to use their attacks to power it. Dawn suddenly saw their spectators and froze.
"You didn't see anything..."she hissed. Aaron and Flint nodded and started to walk on but Cynthia stayed put. Quickly she rushed over to them, shoved her Pokeballs into their hands and ran to join Aaron and Flint. They stared at her.
"Hoenn bitches..." she winked.
"I can't!"
"Flint!"
"I can't go in, I'm scared!" The red haired man squealed. Cynthia sighed. The three of them were outside Zero's apartment, this being their last desperate measure. "He's freaky!"
"It's just Zero. Oh here, I'll do it!" Cynthia pushed him aside and rapped. The An Cafe song that had been playing suddenly stopped and giggling calm from behind the door.
"Who is it?" A high-pitched faux girly accent called out.
"It's the police!"
"Ooh!" More giggling. Cynthia growled and kicked down the door. Zero, Proton and Reggie were sitting on the sofa eating popcorn.
"Albino freak, Paul's brother and generic Team Rocket member,"
"Cheek! I am Proton, the most deliciously evil of all of Team Rocket!"
"Ooh, Proton, you're so baaaad," Reggie giggled.
"I-want-to-leave!" Flint hissed.
"Look, Zero. We need help. You heard Lucian - we can't find a Dex holder!" Zero shrugged and then smirked.
"Sorry. Can't help. Come on, boys, let's play Twister!" Cynthia growled.
"Zero! The world is at stake!"
"Don't care. This world deserves to die. Maybe we'll be reborn a decent race. Right hand blue,"
Cynthia sighed and declared this 'hopeless'.
"So much for saving the world!" Flint groaned. He stretched out on the sofa and yawned.
"Right. Time to get back to training. Garch-oh!" Cynthia reached into her pockets. "Dawn still has my Pokemon! Later, Flint!" He waved a hand as she readied to make the return trip to Johto.
He then decided to go for a walk. The sounds emitting from Lucian and Aaron's room were becoming louder and more disturbing by the minute.
"Lyra...how could you?" the red-haired boy looked, stunned, at the couple in front of him. He reached up to brush away the tears that had begun falling from his wide, silver eyes.
"I'm sorry, Silver. It wasn't meant to be," She turned to Gold and pulled him into a kiss.
Silver watched his heart breaking before his eyes.
"Oh well, doesn't matter now, you've got a new dream to chase!" Flint grinned cheerily. Silver glared at him.
"I thought I loved her..." he whispered.
"Love, schmuv! You've got bigger fish to fry! I-I mean...now you know how Krystal feels," Flint nodded solemnly.
"Yeah...I guess I do..." Silver met Flint's gaze. "No one deserves to feel this pain! I've got to find Krystal and tell her I understand!"
"'Atta boy! And there's rumours that you're Giovanni's son!" Silver glared at him.
"I'm sorry but I can't let anyone cross these waters by air or by sea! It's much to dangerous!" Nurse Joy pleaded with Flint and Silver. Flint growled.
"Aw man!" The waves crashing against the building could be heard from inside the Pokemon Centre. It was called Stormy Sea for a reason.
"Flint!"
"Huh?" Flint looked to where the voice was coming from. Zero was rushing to meet him. He paused to catch his breath.
"I thought about what Cynthia said and I can't let this happen! I must be the one to destroy the world!" He pulled a Pokeball out of his pocket. "Here, take my Magnezone,"
"WHAT THE FREAKING USE IS A FREAKING MAGNAZONE-"
"And outside-" Zero lead the two outside. Rain pelted down upon them - Flint considered killing both of them until he saw...
...he saw that big contraption thing Zero used to drain Giratina's power in Pokemon: Giratina and the Sky Warrior.
"It's...beautiful," Flint beamed.
Zero nodded and pulled them both onboard.
"Wait!"
A sudden flash of light and Lucian and Aaron had Teleported before them. Aaron was holding a posh tuxedo.
"You're about to confess love to the girl. You at least have to be dressed nicely," He frowned at Silver's black coat and jeans. As Aaron ushered Silver into the suit, Lucian counted down from five in his head.
"Oh where, oh where, oh where is out malefanservice..." No sooner were the words out of Flint's mouth had Cynthia crashed through the window.
"Hey!" growled Zero. She punched him.
"Alright, I have my Pokemon and I'm ready to go!" Zero started the...engine.
"Krystal!" Silver rushed forward, tuxedo-clad, towards the young girl. She stared at him coldly.
The presence emitting from this island was over powering...all it took was one dance...
Krystal raised her arms and started to dance...
"The Hare Hare Yukai?!" Lucian yelled, exasperated, from the sidelines as Cynthia, Aaron, Flint and Zero danced along.
"Told ya!" Flint grinned triumphantly.
Silver ignored them.
"Krystal...you can't do this! I know it sucks they replaced you but no one really likes Lyra anyway! Krystal..." Silver took her hand and pulled her into a kiss. She stared at him, eyes wide.
"Silver..." And then she smiled. They shared another kiss.
Aaron and Lucian hugged, Cynthia smiled, Zero smirked and Flint beamed.
But seeing as Krystal had already danced the Hare Hare Yukai Lugia and Ho oh awoke anyway and destroyed the world and everyone died. Except for Dawn and Paul. End.
....If you review you get cookies? :D