I stared out at the rain from the window ceil I was sitting on.

The mansion was dark and felt empty.

Hikaru had gone to be with Haruhi.

He'd left me all alone here….the maids had gone home for the night and mom and dad were on business.

I was truly alone.

I pulled my knees up to my chest as the thunder cracked and I wrapped my arms around myself.

I could hear the noises and creeks of doors and the whips of tree branches against the windows.

The noises all scared me.

I'd been replaced….I never wanted to believe it….but I had been replaced by her….by Haruhi.

By that girl.

Hikaru would be home in about ten minutes so I got up and unsteadily walked down the dark scary hall way.

I walked into the bathroom and with shaking fingers turned on the light.

I stared into the mirror.

My eyes were red from crying and my hair was a mess.

I started to clean myself up and re-do my hair.

No point in depressing Hikaru when he gets back.

I checked myself in the mirror then looked down at my clothes.

I was wearing a gray T-shirt and a pair of blue sweats.

I nodded, good enough it's like midnight.

I heard the large front door open and slam shut.

I walked down the steps and into the kitchen.

With all I had left in my hollow shell of a body I allowed a fake smile to grace my lips, although I knew my eyes bared no feeling in them "hello Hikaru"

He looked up and me and flashed me a brilliant smile…he's beautiful.

It would be a lie to say when I look at Hikaru I see myself.

"Hey Kao" he rustled my hair with his hand.

No Hikaru is my opposite really.

His eyes are more alert and hide no emotion…emotion pours out of his eyes.

Whereas I hide everything….all of what I feel I keep hidden away.

I allow myself to fake another smile and I fake a laugh.

My hands clenched into fists but I paid it no mind "how was your night"

"Awesome" he smiled "we went to the movies and had so much fun "I finally kissed her kaoru" he was ecstatic.

My heart kicked several times against my chest.

That was all that reminded me I wasn't completely hollow.

I felt my fingernails digging into my palms…..replaced.

"I'm tiered" I somewhat yelped as I ran back up the steps.

He didn't follow right away.

I sat down on my bed and sobbed uncontrollably into my hands.

I felt my heart kicking against my chest as if it were about to come right out.

A Cold loneliness fell over me.

I could hear his voice and feel his touch but when I opened my eyes I knew I was awake and that I was alone.

The door creaked as it opened and thunder cracked.

Hikaru sat down next to me and rested a hand on my shoulder.

"Kaoru" he whispered.

I moved so his hand fell from my shoulder.

"Go away" I sobbed.

He looked at me with guilt in his golden eyes "I'm sorry"

"Hikaru go" I sobbed more and more.

I felt so empty like my soul had been eaten away by his words.

"I know how you feel about me" he whispered softly.

My eyes grew wide and I froze and the cold loneliness turned to complete isolation.

"Kaoru were brothers, it's taboo, its wrong" his tone wasn't exactly harsh but his face was.

I hadn't moved.

I felt so cut off.

Like I couldn't breathe.

It hurt….it hurt a lot….this immense pain filled my empty shell of a body and I just sat there.

"I love Haruhi" he whispered.

I felt those words go through my heart like a knife.

I needed Hikaru like I needed to breathe but I needed that sentence like a hole in the head.

"Hikaru" I found my voice.

He gripped my shoulder and turned me toward him.

"I love you, of course, you're my little brother" his eyes bared an apology that wouldn't leave his mouth.

He placed a kiss on my forehead "get some sleep"

I lay down and stared at the wall.

I felt Hikaru climb into our bed and he scooted in close to me.

"Am I still allowed to hold you" he whispered.

Despite his occasional coldness Hikaru was a hugger at night.

My answer was barely a whisper "do as you please"

His warm arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me close so my head rested under his chin.

I'm not sure how long it took me to fall asleep that night or if I even fell asleep at all.

I just laid there and listened to Hikaru's heart beat as he breathed in and I breathed out.

The pain in my chest was all that reminded me that I was still alive.

I didn't feel alive.

I felt tortured…like I'd been beaten then left for dead.