It happened all at once.
Pain. A wave of pain.
That was all she could feel at first, her insides tearing themselves apart piece by piece as she desperately clung on to her husbands arm begging him to save her. Another fresh slice of pain taking a stab at her. A high-pitched, gut wrenching scream escaped her lips, swear pouring down her now scarlet skin, she grasped her stomach in an attempt to ease the pain to no avail.
This wasn't part of the stories. She knew of the pain of labour, stories from her brass mother-in-law terrified her for months. Her husband detected her fears one night as he saw her bite her nails when he returned home to find her head deep in a "motherhood book". He told her that he would be right by her side and anything will be worth the outcome. Their child.
A life more precious than their own. She knew this to be true, ever since that first kick from inside her and she grabbed her husband's hand to feel then watched the glorious grin spread across his handsome face. The couple marvelled at how something so tiny and not yet born could make them love each other even more, if it was possible.
Her husband… The person she loved more than anything in this world. The person who waited 5 years for her, who crossed that great class divide with her and never looked back, who married her and treated her as his equal, who adored, supported and loved her with all his heart. The first night spent in his arms, vanished any doubts about her decision. As she awoke for the first time in his muscular arms, memories of the night before flashed through her mind. Places never touched before, feelings of ecstasy never felt and a fire, a passionate heat burned, never to be extinguished. His arms were like her tower of strength, the safest place to be was in the arms of her husband.
She searched for him now, searching through the pain, her eye sight blinded but she tried to feel for him. Then it happened, her head internally exploded, reality slipping away, she was growing weaker and weaker every second the clock ticked…
She could feel her heart beat slowing, her thoughts clouding, her voice weakening. Reality slipping away from her grasp, it was probably easier to just let go and fall into the abyss of darkness, of death.
"Doctor! What's is happening?! , Please someone help"
That voice, a voice she would know if she were blind. As an adolescent sitting in his garage, she used to marvel at the way his Irish brogue would caress every word and syllable. She would bring up any topic just to hear him speak.
"Breathe love, my darling all you have to do is breath right now "
Weakly, she opened her eyes, that's when she saw him. Her tower of strength crumbling at the sight, his face in pained desperation and she felt a tightness on her hand, a touch she knew from that fatefully glorious garden party all those years ago, where it all began. She tried to reassure him she was trying with a squeeze but she could not feel her limbs.
"Please don't leave me love…"
She forced enough strength to turn her head, the pain increasing but she was desperate to find him. She met his worried, desperate eyes. The same emotion she saw in the soldiers eyes during the war when they were waiting to die. Blue met blue, and that simple eye contact spoke more than words could ever say.
"I am trying my darling" her eyes spoke, with every ounce of strength she had left, her eyes bore into his as she thought this. As easier it would be to just let the darkness take her to a place of peace and numbness, she had to fight, she had to keep breathing for as long as her unborn baby remained inside her.
"Mr Branson, may I speak with you a moment outside?" Another voice, the voice of the kindly Doctor Clarkson, with whom Sybil worked with as a nurse during the war. Witnessing all the blood, gore, illness and death brought a mutual friendship and respect between the nurse and doctor.
Tom kissed her hand and whispered "I'll be back very soon love" before quickly following Doctor Clarkson out the room.
Her vision still hazy, pain still ripping throughout her body, Sybil forcefully opened her eyes which slowly swept the room. Three people remained the assistant nurse, kindly and compassionate cousin Isobel and finally her elder sister Mary. Her blue eyes locked on her sisters brown ones, begging her to come forward. Mary crossed the room and grabbed her sister's hand.
"Sybil darling? It's me, its Mary, I promise to let nothing happen to you"
Sybil searched for the strength to find her voice and in a quiet, croaky sound she managed to speak.
"Mary….The baby….."
"Don't worry darling, Tom is with the doctors now just discussing what is the best course of action to take, just try to stay strong Sybil"
Sybil eyes again met Mary's. She could always count on her sister for honesty, no matter how brutal the delivery of it. Mary appeared to everyone else a beautiful, yet cold and sometimes cruel person but to the Sybil, she saw the person that mattered, Sybil saw the fierce, passionate woman who protected those whom she loved. The darling, elder sister who protected her from the monsters in the cupboard to the storms that attacked Downton at night.
"Mary… Promise… Promise me…" Sybil felt weaker than ever, but felt compelled to say these things to one of the people she trusted most in this world.
"Sybil- Please don't-.."
"No…Mary… Promise me... you will protect Tom and…. The baby…Keep them moving forward… Never backwards… because I love Tom so very very much… "
A tear trailed down Mary's face, her lip quivering, a crack in her veneer. She responded with a simple.
"I promise"
" I need Tom… Please get him"
Mary nodded and went to find Tom. Sybil placed her weak, trembling hand on her stomach, her baby still inside, fighting to escape. Sybil winced at the hard kick she felt under her hand. She only had enough strength to rub her belly to reassure her baby that everything will be okay, just as a mother should do. Tears in her eyes, she spoke quietly to her bump.
"Hush my darling… Da will be here soon… I promise you will be alright, I will make sure of that… Whatever happens sweetheart, know that I love you more than my whole life, I want you to grow up… knowing that you can be whatever you want to be… I want you and your da to be happy and live life to the fullest… and know I'll always be with you….."
Sybil weakly lifted a hand to wipe her sweaty brow and breathed deeply through the pain. She shut her eyes for a second, trying to focus on the counts of her heartbeat. 1 *thud* 2 *thud* 3 *thud*, her nursing knowledge told her it was too slow, she was growing weaker. If it was just about her, she would have let go already, let the darkness consume her, leave this world to venture into the next. Yes, that was the easier choice, but not the one for her. She was not done fighting. If the people who you loved most in the world needed you, how could you not fight with every ounce of strength you have?
Cousin Isobel walked over to her side and placed a cool compress to her head, telling Sybil to keep breathing deeply and not close her eyes.
"Tom will be back soon Sybil dear, the doctors are discussing which is the best method of treatment…"
Sybil's eyes pointed at Cousin Isobel. "…Hospital….My baby …. Help me….." Suddenly the pain in her head intensified, her head felt like fire burning her mind alive, like she was being ripped apart internally… No this couldn't be it!
She screamed at the top of her weak, empty lungs, "MY HEAD... MY HEAD... IT HURTS!"
The nurse ran out the room to fetch help. Isobel tried to put another compress to Sybil's head again.
"Sybil! Let me bake your forehead"
"MY HEAD IT'S BURNING! "
"SYBIL!"
She blacked out, her body at war with pain, her body withering and twisting as the pain consumed her, her breathing weakening, her heart faltering, reality slipped away from her fingertips. Her baby … her baby….
"TOM!"…..