AN: Here's just a short story. This was originally going to be a long, chaptered fic, and I was struggling to write the beginning of it. So, I paced my bedroom, talking. I ended up talking a situation very similar to this story, and it included everything I wanted to include in the chaptered fic. Only, it was as a one shot. I thought, 'Hey! Genius!'. So, I wrote it up, and this is what came out. I tried to get the banter as smooth as possible, but in some places it is a bit rocky. Enjoy!

Summary: Hermione's in for a rough dinner. Especially when her best friend and his daughter has gone back in time, and her mother and grandfather have decided to pay Hogwarts a visit, ignoring the fact that they're muggles…

Vanishing Friends, Magical Muggles

"Headmaster, you've got to be kidding!" Hermione Granger ground out, leaning around Minerva McGonagall at the Head Table.

Dumbledore smiled, and went to say something, when he was halted by the opening of the doors to the Great Hall. The students fell silent. Two figures walked in. One was an elderly man, looking to be about 70. The other was a young woman, in her fifties.

"Mum? Papa?" Hermione stood, frowning. "Why are you here?" She paused. "Wait, how are you here? You're both muggles."

The man laughed. "Hello, Hermione, darling. How are you?"

"Harry!" Dumbledore exclaimed, laughing. "Long time no see!"

"Wait." Hermione looked between her grandfather and the Headmaster. "You two know one another?"

Harry nodded. "Of course. I taught at Hogwarts in the seventies."

"You're a wizard?" Hermione asked weakly.

"Yep. And I'm a witch." The woman piped up.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hermione sighed.

Hermione's mother smiled. "Let's go talk in the ante-chamber." She led Harry and Hermione out.

The students started to talk, and Dumbledore returned to his dinner. However, fifteen minutes later, they were interrupted once more.

"I'VE SLEPT WITH MY GRANDFATHER?!!"

The students looked at one another, shocked, before starting to laugh. Hermione stormed back into the Great Hall, only to be confronted by her Potions colleague, Draco Malfoy. "Into incest now, Hermione? Finally joined the crazy ranks?"

Hermione glared at the blonde as her mother and grandfather exited the ante-chamber. "You want to know about incest? I'll tell you about crazy! I just found out that my best friend and his 17 year old daughter was sent back in time. Then I found out that my mother, and her father, my grandfather, are, in fact, magical, not muggle like I'd always believed. I found out that my best friend's daughter, who I've looked upon like a neice for the past seventeen years, is in fact my mother, as when she went back in time earlier today, she fell in love with a young dentist student, married them, and gave birth to a daughter, who was then named after her aunt Hermione, who was in fact, her daughter as an adult. Then, when I wrapped my brain around that, I realised that I'd actually slept with my best friend during the war, unfortunately, that best friend of mine, in several years' time, was to become my biological grandfather!" Hermione was panting, hands clenched by her sides, red in the face. "Don't talk to me about crazy!"

"Actually, I didn't meet your father when I first went back in time." Mrs Granger piped up. "Papa and I went back in time to the year 90 AD."

The occupants of the Great Hall stared at the two new-comers.

"God, that was a long time ago." Harry murmured.

Mrs Granger snorted. "You think? We've spent the last 1926 years getting back to our own time."

"But we had fun." Harry's eyes were distant. "Remember me being Merlin?"

Mrs Granger let out a joyful laugh. "Gosh that was funny. Remember the founding? I loved being Rowena Ravenclaw."

"I had fun being Godric." Harry mused, ignorant of the incredulous stares he and his daughter were receiving. "I can't believe that everyone believes that Salazar was tall, lanky, and dark!" He laughed. "He was Helga's identical twin!"

"I still can't get over the fact that they would switch places with the help of a gender-changing potion." Mrs Granger's eyes lit up. "Igor Hufflepuff never could tell them apart." Harry let out a sudden groan. "What?"

"I think I just realised what happened that one time that Helga and Sal switched, and Sal refused to tell us what happened." Harry bit his bottom lip. "Igor could never tell his wife and brother-in-law apart, right?" Mrs Granger nodded. "And that particular switch happened about dinner time, right?" Another nod. "Igor and Helga were married…Igor could tell which one was his wife…" Harry stayed silent while his daughter thought about it.

Mrs Granger's eyes widened. "Oh, ick! Bad mental image! Bad, bad, bad, bad! Bad thoughts!" She whacked her forehead, then whacked her father's arm. "Gross! I did not need that image!"

"I just can't get over the time that we walked in on Cassandra Trelawney doing that with a Hippogriff." Harry mused.

"Oh, ew!" Mrs Granger whacked her father again. "Stop it!"

"What?!" Harry rose his hands defensively. "It was your suggestion to go to the Astronomy Tower in the first place!"

"Well, it's not my fault she was there!" Mrs Granger crossed her arms with a huff.

"Umm, how have you two lived so long?" Draco asked curiously.

Harry sighed. "My fault. Me being bitten by a Basilisk then being saved by a Phoenix right on the brink of death, changed my genetic make-up. That was passed onto my daughter."

"Does that mean I'll live forever?" Hermione asked weakly.

Harry shrugged. "No idea. Both your mother and I have taken so many ageing and de-ageing potions that we have no idea as to whether that effected it."

"Ageing and de-ageing potions?" Draco asked.

"Of course!" Mrs Granger exclaimed. "What do you expect us to do for 1926 years? Sit around and tat lace all day? I don't think so!"

"So you went through Hogwarts a lot?" Hermione suddenly asked. "Have you read the entire library?"

"Oh, yes." Harry nodded enthusiastically. "Where do you think you got your love of books from? Santa Clause?"

"Didn't you get bored of being in the same house all the time?" Draco rose an eyebrow.

The two new-comers shared a look. "Who said we were in the same house everytime?" Harry finally commented. "I've been in every house at least five times."

"You've de-aged yourself that much?" Draco asked incredulously.

"Yes. And most of the time, the Headmaster will insist on Sorting the staff." Harry grinned.

"You taught?" Neville Longbottom piped up from the Head Table.

"Every 200 years since the founding." Mrs Granger rolled her eyes. "It drove me batty."

"What position?" McGonagall asked.

"Every." Harry grinned. "I loved the Divination post. Got the most freedom to be eccentric."

"You taught Divination?" Trelawney asked with a haughty look. "You don't have the ability."

Mrs Granger snorted. "He taught Cassandra Trelawney. Enough said."

"You two don't act very mature!" A Slytherin called out.

Harry snorted. "Just because I'm 1962 years old, and my daughter is 1943 years old, does not mean that we are mature. Physical age does not mean maturity." He grinned cheekily. "And 'sides, you need some immaturity to live as long as we have."

"Speaking of which…" Mrs Granger looked at Draco and Hermione. "When's your wedding?"

END

AN: Go ahead and tell me what you think!