This little one shot is based on some of the pictures and promos for the first episode of Season Two. I have absolutely no idea how this scene will play out on the programme, but Mary's expression was so heartbroken that I felt compelled to explore her feelings.
The Act of Deceit
It wasn't hard for Mary to hide how she felt. Her world existed in a whirl of masks and illusions. For the past two years, she carefully painted a smile on her face every morning. Few people recognised what lay beneath. And with regret, Mary bitterly noted that her mask was for the benefit of the one person who should, or at least had, known her best of all.
The shock of hearing from Sybil that Matthew was engaged had taken a while to sink in.
"How marvellous!", she had exclaimed, while actually, physically, feeling the pain of her heart break into a million pieces. This was another irony; most people supposed Mary to be cold and brittle. But where Matthew was concerned, things were rather different. She loved him. Too late, and two years on, he daily occupied her thoughts. Try as she might, she couldn't let go. Mary was miserable, but she supposed that was often a woman's lot, and as she assumed she would never see him again, she would just have to resign herself. At first, he had went back to work in Manchester. Later, she heard that he had enlisted. So she hadn't seen him in two long years - only discreetly and hungrily had she snatched up snippets of news from cousin Isobel.
But in all honesty, Mary had never expected to see him again. To face him, to have him see her weakness; now that would be really unbearable. To have him pity her.
She wondered about his fiancé. Miss Lavinia Swire. Even her name sounded ghastly.
Numb, Mary passed the next few days in a daze. And then the time arrived. Her breath caught in her chest and her heart pounded fiercely against her ribcage as Matthew and Lavinia came into the hall. Her loneliness worsened against their confident gleam of love and happiness. She caught his eye and the awkwardness of the situation compounded against her. Breathe Mary, breathe. She felt both her mother and grandmother gazing at her anxiously. She would not be pitied.
"Well, looks aren't everything, I suppose", Violet hissed. For a flashing moment, Mary did feel a bit of her superiority and confidence return. After all, she could generally always be counted on to be the most beautiful woman in the room.
As Matthew and Lavinia approached, Mary prepared herself. Awkward pleasantries over, she wondered how much Matthew had told Lavinia about their relationship. Violet greeted Matthew warmly, but had merely looked at Lavinia in disdain.
"Perhaps we should take our seats," Matthew helpfully suggested in attempt to diffuse the atmosphere. He placed his hand on the small of Lavinia's back and ushered her away. Mary recognised the protective gesture and felt a stab of jealousy. Her eyes stinging, she held back tears and smiled at her mother. As Matthew and Lavinia walked away, she heard him say, "Yes, she is a rather grand, but very deep down, I am sure, she has a heart of gold." Well, Mary thought, that was certainly one way of describing her grandmother.
The evening was a nightmare. Mary couldn't keep her eyes off Matthew, while her mother and grandmother couldn't keep their eyes off her. She told herself that the red of his jacket was striking to the eye. Or rather, if she were being honest, he cut a striking figure in the jacket. She was still trying to process that Downton would one day be Matthew and Lavinia's home. It was a sad prospect, not only that she would one day lose the house she loved, but lose it to the man she loved and his wife.
As the recital ended, Mary planned to sneak upstairs, citing a headache. She would slip away unnoticed. The thought of watching Matthew dance with this fiancé was crippling and Mary didn't want her mask to slip. She also wanted to be nice to Lavinia. After all, the poor girl wasn't to know how Mary felt. And if she upset Lavinia, then she upset Matthew. And even worse, then he would know how she felt about him. Mary wondered if she were being genuinely selfless here, or if this was more for her own gain than Lavinia's. Either way, she conceded, that this was at least character building. She was growing up.
But this plan was thwarted by Matthew himself.
"Mary, would you do me the honour of a dance?"
She searched his face. His eyes beseeched her. She couldn't refuse. And in any case, to refuse would be to create gossip.
She took his hand and followed him onto the dance floor. The feel of his hand on her waist burned through her dress. His much larger, warmer hand encased her own. Mary felt breathless, bothered and unprepared. Stripped back. She felt the heat rise to her face.
"Mary . . . I want us to be friends. To put the past behind us. War changes things. It is too short a life to stay angry at each other."
"Why, yes of course." Mary didn't look at him, focusing on Sybil over his shoulder. Sybil smiled at her sadly, and she knew that Sybil knew. Blast. She blinked back tears.
"Lavinia suggested I dance with you." Her name was like a caress upon his lips and Mary felt herself nod, despite her sadness. Yes, Lavinia was probably best for him. Sweet and innocent and safe and well-meaning. So unlike herself.
The dance finished and Mary pulled away, keen to escape, yet reluctant to leave his embrace. He grasped her hand.
"Mary, thank you." She gazed up into his brilliant eyes, which she had once been able to read so well. She wondered if she or indeed he himself had ever been mistaken in the depth of his feelings for her. How could she be so affected by this moment, so wholly consumed by him, when he appeared to feel not a jolt, caring only for another?
Unable to speak, she nodded, turned away, and slipped upstairs. Once safely inside her bedroom, Mary let herself cry. She felt, rather than heard Sybil slip into the room and hold her tight. Her dear baby sister.
"Well, at least that is over, and I can get on with my life, " she said hollowly. Sybil squeezed her tighter. As long she could deceive him, she could manage to deceive herself.
How very wrong she was.
Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have the time :)