A is for Andromeda. Andromeda, thank you for conceiving Nymphadora. Maybe you do not realize it, but the day you pushed her out of your expanded cervix or uter-thingy was a day God smiled upon us all! Hey, maybe you didn't notice right away what with the pushing, and the screaming, and the ultimate fact that a child was entering the world through your no-no area/special place/off limits, but those 16 hours were a miracle. Good job with that, then!
B is for brain. Nymphadora has got one! 'S big! 'S BEAUTIFUL! Yeah, she's horribly clumsy and brutally honest, but think of what she would be without a brain! Brain dead, that's what! HAHA! So thanks creator of Nymphadora, for giving her a brain. Cheers!
C is for crabs. Nymphadora does not have those! Brilliant!
D is for duct tape. A bit dangerous for my endeavor considering it rips off your hair and the first layer of skin if you leave it on for long periods of time. And I'm talkin' loooong periods of time, eh! I keep telling Nymphadora that pain can be particularly pleasant but then she calls be a sadist and makes me get dressed. Bugger.
E is for eyes. Nymphadora's are blue when we play Pirate and Mermaid. They are green when we play Amazon girl and jungle explorer. Sometimes they are yellow, and by that point I have to ask her to stop because role-play games lose their appeal when the woman resembles a lion and you her prey. There are times when a man just has to put his foot down, damnit!
F is for funky. Whether it is the color of her hair or the stench of her unwashed feet, I love Nymphadora's funk!
G is for guns, as in arms, in which case I've got impressive ones! No, they are only slightly impressive. OK, fine, they are puny, like bleedin' toothpicks. But, isn't personality more important than the size of my arms?
H is for harp, on which Sirius can play a beautiful rendition of "Love/Magic Is in the Air." WHO'S THE NAMBY PAMBY GIRL BIT NOW, EH? H is also for Hula Hoop, which I am considering getting for Tonks one day. WOOOH!
I is for Indecision. Do I go upstairs to join Nymphadora for an evening of what is sure to be splendid fun, OR, stay in the kitchen and watch Sirius get hammered and take off his clothes (Thus proving that he does, indeed, wear women's underwear)?
J is for Junk. Nymphadora has got some superb junk…NAWW MEAN, YO? IMA GIVE DA HOE A...hem…give the pretty lady a nice cup of tea.
K is for karat gold which I can't afford any over. No matter, Nymphadora loves me for my charming shabby robes and lack of money. Also, for other things, but I won't get into those.
L is for light, which is very useful when I'm reading Nymphadora's adult novels.
M is for moose, of which the plural is not "meese." Also, M is for "more": something I hear quite often!