Disclaimer:
I don't own anything except my mistakes and perhaps my original ideas, but definitely not the characters. (Bah.)
I might also be responsible for Rachel's somewhat less highstrung vocabulary (because, let's face it, I'm just not good enough to write tirades like that!),
but that might also just be a coincidence. ;)

Love & kisses to my BETA Anna for proof reading and being the best.

Just a one-shot I wrote inbetween my other stories. Enjoy!

A/N:This fic takes place during the episode "Funk", after Jesse called Rachel and asked her to meet him but before she actually got there.
It's sort of an alternative course of events.

On her way to see Jesse, Rachel practically bounced through the halls of McKinley High and just as she'd passed the big glass doors leading to the parking lot where he was waiting for her a strong arm grabbed her wrist and she slammed into a broad chest, a big hand clamped down around her mouth.
"Schhhh!"
The voice in her ear was low. The gritted sound offered her no clue as to who was holding her, so she tried to call out but all that came out was a muffled "hmmmpf!"
"Berry, the fuck! CHILL!" an agitated whisper wafted across her ear.

Noah. She should have known. His familiar all-Noah-scent, that reminded her of leather, coffee and pinecones, seemed to surround her and tease her now that she knew. His hand lifted slightly from her mouth.
"Be quiet. Just listen."

For once in her life, Rachel Berry decided that she'd listen to advice she hadn't asked for, so she closed her mouth that had been ready to start yelling at him about the inappropriate action of yanking her into the shrubbery of the school and assaulting her, leaving her scared for her virtue and her life. Or something like that. Truth be told, she'd been more angry than scared and now that she thought about it, that was probably because her subconscious had known all long that it was Noah.
(No one else had quite that broad and muscular a chest, hands that strong and calloused or that scent that made your head spin. Oh, not hers. But she figured it worked on other girls. Of course.)

He'd been out by the bleachers, making out with some random Cheerio (great ass and pretty blue eyes) when the black Range Rovers had started to pull in to the parking lot. He'd been slightly curious, but more interested in getting to third base with the girl in his arms, until he'd seen Jesse StDouchebag exit one of the cars, a huge carton of eggs in his hands.
"The fuck?"
He'd dropped the Cheerio and sent her off with a slap to the tuchus, as he'd crept in (bad-ass fucking ninja skills! Booyah!) closer to eaves drop. What he'd heard had made him fucking furious. Rachel might be a pain in the ass, but she was THEIR pain in the ass and no way would he ever allow her to get egged by a bunch of bum-fuck musical dweebs.
She was a fucking vegan for fuck's sake. I mean… Come on?

Jesse's voice rang out loud across the parking lot (the acoustics there were surprisingly good. Rachel had tried them out a few times) as he cursed and spat out
"Where the fuck is she?"
Rachel was moved. That he'd be so distressed by her tardiness! She started to rid herself of Noah's grip, intending to run into Jesse's arms in a slowmotion-and-backlight-worthy scene that would have moved the audience to tears, were this a movie (in her mind, she directed the sequence for the film about her life that would no doubt be made after she was a big Broadway star) but Noah's hand clamped down on her mouth again and his hand dug into her hip, pressing her back into his hard chest.
"Hold on!"

His voice was an angry growl and Rachel was startled as she suddenly heard other voices emanating from the parking lot. Female voices. She recognized one of them, the loudest one, the one whose every word carried through clearly to where Rachel stood in the bushes with Noah. It was the female lead of Vocal Adrenaline (Rachel had a great ear for voices, it came with the territory when you were, as she was, a gifted singer with a close to perfect pitch, she figured.) and what the girl said brought tears to her eyes.
"You unleashed her too early, Jesse. What if she doesn't show up! What are we gonna do with all those eggs?"
"She'll BE here! She's crazy about me! Actually… She's pretty much crazy, period."
Jesse's cold voice and the heartless laughter at his cruel comment brought tears to Rachel's eyes and made her body slump against Noah's. His hand let go of its grip over her mouth and instead, his arms snaked around her waist in a backwards hug that felt oddly comforting and strengthening.

He felt her small body sagging against his and a stab of pain ran through his chest. She'd really cared for the douche. Fuck.
He loosened his grip around her mouth and placed his arms around her waist, holding her to him in a sort-of-hug (He didn't do hugs. Hugs were for post-sex cuddling and he didn't do that either.) and after a second or two, she kinda relaxed against him in a way that made him feel all macho and shit.
Problem is that her soft body and apple-scented hair was starting to remind him that she was a girl and he was a boy and they were in the bushes where no one could see them… Focus. Think of mailmen! There's a whole other agenda here. Plus, it's Berry. Not like a real chick or anything.

But she sure felt good, leaning up against him.

After the Range Rovers had pulled out of the parking lot, a text message arrived in Rachel's phone. It was from Jesse and it read "Crazy bitch. We'll destroy you."
Noah snatched the phone out of her hand and deftly keyed in a response.
"Bring it, egghead…!"
and then he erased Jesse's number from her phone and added his own, pausing for a second before typing "Noah" and not "Puck". He saw the curious look on her face as he handed the phone back to her, so he shrugged and awkwardly said
"In case he messes with you again or something. Whatever. We're friends, right? Friends have each other's number."

Spinning around he started towards the cafeteria. It was lunch time and he was fucking starving. He stopped at the glass doors that led into school and turned his head towards the tiny brunette who still stood by the shrubbery where they'd been hiding, her arms folded around her and a lost look to her face.
"Yo, Berry!"
She met his eyes, questioningly.
"Coming or what?"

She beamed up at him as she quickly bounced to his side but as they entered the cafeteria together, he withdrew from her side and stalked up to the counter, urging her towards the table of Gleeks with a small push and a nod. She hesitated.

"Soygurt and an apple, right? Save me a seat."