What Do I Do Now That You're Gone...
All The Words I Couldn't Say
Chapter 1

"J, hurry up or we'll both be late. Mom said I could use the car if I drop you off at the hospital because I have basketball practice." Charli yelled unnecessarily in our apartment.

I sighed and called back to her, "Ok. I'm putting on my shoes right now. Give me two, tops." She knows I hate it when she calls me 'J' but she does it anyway, just like when I call her Char. We have such a strong sisterly love for each other, that's for sure.

"Two minutes and that's it. I'll be waiting for you in the car."

I hurried to finish tying my shoes and glanced in the mirror one more time before I grabbed my purse.

"Julianne, here's money for lunch. Make sure you eat, please dear." My mom handed me a bill and kissed me on the cheek before I could dash out of the door.

"Thanks mom. Tell the lil' guys I'll take them to the park this afternoon if I get back in time, k?"

"Sure will, Julianne. You have no idea how much of a help it will be for them to get out of this tiny apartment."

I gave my mom a reassuring smile before I walked out of the door. I jumped into the car my sister and I shared, quickly buckling up.

We were living in the apartment until my dad could sell our house back in Mississippi and find a house here. I never would have guessed 2 years ago that my life would completely change. We had already moved 4 times during those two years. Dad is a realtor and travels a lot. Mom works out of the house as an Interior Design columnist. I think both of them have hit their midlife crisis and don't really know where they want to live. My 2 younger brothers, Ethan and Dane, were born in Mississippi along with me and Charli and our younger sister Megan. From Mississippi we had moved to Texas, Alabama, Louisiana, and finally "settled" in California. Los Angeles to be exact. My parents both felt this was the place they could both excel at their jobs while providing all of us kids with the best opportunities. It was close to a hospital for me. Great basketball and other sports opportunities for Charli and the boys while Meg had easier access to starting a career in singing and dancing, her two passions. I shared her passion for singing, maybe more so than she did. But I think our Meg definitely had the personality for it. She has been a bundle of energy since the day she was born.

I must have been pretty lost in my thoughts because before I knew it, Charli was dropping me off at the hospital.

"Have a good time at practice, Char."

"Thanks, J. I really need it. These summer practices are a big deal. I want to make the team so bad. I just hope mom and dad stay in one place long enough for me to play my senior year."

"I understand. But you'll do great. And the scholarships will come rolling in. Promise." I grinned at my sister.

She looks more like our dad, while I look more like our mom. Our eyes were sometimes the same color, whenever mine were in the mood for it. But while she had naturally highlighted blonde-brunette hair, I had blonde hair. And she had the athletic build. I sighed once again as I closed the door to the car and watched as she pulled away. I turned to face the hospital, and looked up at the tall building as I took a deep breathe.

I smiled, thinking of what my best friend back home always tells me. "There's always someone who has it worse than you... by like, a bunch." We'd always burst into giggles. Zara. She had been my best friend since we were in cribs. We were next door neighbors growing up and lucky enough to be in all the same classes up until 10th grade when I moved for the first time.

I walked through the large front doors and made my way through the hallways and up a now-familiar elevator. Even though I knew I was in the right spot I glanced up at the sign anyway. "Children's ward" was painted across the top of the hallway in a bold font, bright colors illuminating the corridors.

"Julianne, you're early today." Stephanie, otherwise known as Stevie, said from behind the nurse's desk. Stevie was one of my only friends here in L.A., seeing as how school hasn't started yet and the only place I have really been is here. She works here at the hospital because her dad is a doctor here and she has a way of brightening the kids' days.

"Yeah, my sister had to drop me off on her way to basketball practice. And I figured my li'l munchkin would enjoy an extra long visit!" I said laughing.

Stevie grinned and said, "You spoil that girl but she needs it. She needs you. She's meeting with one of her doctor's right now. But you can wait for her in the game room."

I turned, walking toward the game room, and called over my shoulder, "I told you a million times. Only my parents and some adults call me Julianne. It's Jewelz!"

I went in and settled into my usual seat. 'I'm tired. Tired of getting close to people just to be hurt by them, or by the fact that they leave me, or I have to leave them. I am physically tired and ready for a solution. I look normal enough, thank God. I don't want to look sick.' My thoughts were interrupted and brought back to the reality of the "game room" of the hospital by a young child dropping a book in my lap.

"Will you read it to me?" A sweet voice asked timidly.

I loved all the kids on the children's wing of the hospital, but this one had a special place in my heart. This one had no parents, no visitors, nothing. And the sweet angel didn't have long to live because of leukemia. And she was only 6 years old. She's the same age as my little brother Dane. I couldn't imagine him going through everything she has gone through in her life time. It has formed her into a miniature adult.

I looked down at the book she had handed me. It wasn't really a book at all. It was a High School Musical picture book. It was her favorite and we "read" it several times a day. The Make-A-Wish Foundation was in the process of granting her wish. Hopefully it'll happen soon, before it is too late. Her dream was to meet her favorite actor, Zac Efron.