Sheppard in Wonderland

by Stealth Dragon

They're all mad here, or maybe it's just Sheppard. A Halloween fic that's not quite a ghost story, but not quite a tea party either.

Sheppard In Wonderland

by

Stealth Dragon

Rating – T; things get a bit dicey toward the end.

Disclaimer – I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of the characters there in. Nor do I own Alice in Wonderland though I do have a copy. CJ and Jabberwocky John, however, are mine, all mine! Mwhahahahahaha! Ha! Ha-ha! Whatever.

Spoilers - most likely for Conversion, a little for Common Ground.

Synopsis – They're all mad here, or maybe it's just John. It was only a matter of time before I shucked him down another rabbit hole.

A/N: A little bit of a Halloween ditty – not part of any prompt or challenge, just something that's been on my mind for a while - with special appearances made by CJ from my story Just Keep Swimming, and the Jabberwocky from, well, Jabberwocky. I normally try not to write a story where you have to go back and read another story first, but this one was just asking for it. If you haven't read Just Keep Swimming, you might want to for things to make at least a smidgen of sense. Jabberwocky, well, all you really need to know is in that story John turns into a creature, sort of like in Conversion but with control over the change, and he's a lot cooler looking. It's a long story so I don't hold you obligated to read it just to read this one.

SGA

John Sheppard removed the novelty, ludicrously enlarged black and green checkered top hat and ran his fingers through his sweat-flattened hair getting it to spike all over the place. John tossed the large hat provided to him courtesy of the pink-haired, nose-pierced punk biologist Dr. Henrietta Johnson onto the plastic coffee table in front of the couch in the Atlantis Rec room. Following the hat was the purple dinner jacket on loan from that short, rather pudgy marine biologist Dr. Kovek, John believed his name was. One might have questioned why a respected scientist would have a purple dinner jacket in his closet, but John recalled having seen the little man in it at last Halloween's shin-dig when he came as the riddler to compliment his friend who'd gone as batman. The sleeves of the jacket stopped above John's wrist, which contrasted with the body of the jacket that was two sizes too big.

The jacket landed next to the hat. A movie was going with nobody watching, and John wanted to laugh.

Alice in Wonderland, the Disney version.

John plopped himself down onto the couch and stretched his long body to have his feet propped up on one arm and his head on the other.

" We're all mad here..."

John rubbed his aching eyes one-handed. They'd cheated. This year's party had been theme based, and Elizabeth had picked the theme. They scrounged the needed articles of clothing for costumes, and put on a half-assed play of Alice in Wonderland for the Athosian kids that had been invited to the city. They went by the Disney cartoon since no one had wanted to take the time to read the book, and slapped the play together in a way that made even less sense, if that was even possible in terms of Wonderland. It wasn't so much a matter of telling the story as of making the kids bust a gut laughing. And laugh they did, some so hard milk and juice shot out of their noses.

John smiled. Mission accomplished. It had been fun. The Athosian parents were probably going to kill the Atlanteans for returning their children high to the hair-roots on sugar and laughter, but – hey – it was worth it. John liked to make kids smile because kids were supposed to smile. Kids live between reality and their own kind of Wonderland, and the Athosian kids needed to expand their horizons beyond games of wraith vs. 'Lanteans.

John had attempted to get a few of the kids acquainted with a little fun something known as Saturday morning cartoons, but Weir wouldn't have it, and Rodney had been practically livid at the idea.

" Cartoons do not teach survival skills as anvils, dynamite, and the ability to momentarily ignore gravity are not readily handy."

John had argued the point by reminding Rodney of the existence of rocket launchers, C-4, puddle jumpers, and personal shields though that was more super-hero cartoon thing than Warner Brothers.

John rubbed the space between his eyes where it felt like someone was pressing a railroad spike in preparation to drive it through his skull. The headache had crept in somewhere during the third act of the play. A pressure headache, for the most part, as though the fluid in his skull were expanding trying to crush his brain. It had been annoying at the start, and was decidedly, nauseatingly, uncomfortable now. John hadn't gotten any decent sleep what with Rodney hauling him out of bed to assist with every minor repair, so pinned the growing headache on that.

John could hear the low murmur of the party and the bass thumping of music. A quick nap, then he would go back to it before all the Rice Krispie treats were gone. Ronon had been hovering uncomfortably too close to the pile.

" Off with her head!"

" Hey, Rip Van Winkle..."

John stopped trying to massage the railroad spike away. He didn't recall having ever heard that line in the movie. John tilted his head back to see Rodney dressed in a white vest and shirt with white bunny ears in one hand, leaning against the doorframe. He narrowed his eyes at John.

" If I can't hide, you can't hide. Come on, get up. A couple of the little female urchins want to play tea-party with the – and I quote – 'tall man in the funny hat' and Jinto and his posse are about to literally start bouncing off the walls if you don't play hide and seek with them."

John sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. " Yeah, all right, I'll be there in a bit. I just need a break."

" Fat chance, Hatter. Kids have also been begging for an encore and Cadmen and several of your grunts have been talking about an impromptu Alice through the Looking Glass. None of which I like the sound of as it involves all the characters but nothing of the plot. And I thought I heard someone mention tossing in a wraith to do battle with the Jabberwocky. They're turning a completely lovely if insane classic into a cheap sci-fi horror B movie."

" Is the Hatter even in that one?"

Rodney shrugged.

John sighed again, sharper, and gave Rodney a pleading look. " Know anyone looking for a bigger role?"

" You mean someone else with a gargantuan head and contrastingly skinny body?" Rodney smiled patronizingly. " No."

John's responding withering glare wiped that smile right off. Satisfied with his tid-bit of retribution, John dropped the glare and rubbed his face. " I'll be there, I just need a moment."

Rodney pushed away from the frame and folded his arms. " You all right?" he squinted. " You do look kind of pale. Maybe you should talk to Carson."

John closed his eyes when fighting to keep them open just made the headache worse, and nodded. " Yeah, maybe. I want to try closing my eyes for a few, see if that helps. Shouldn't have to drag Carson away if I don't have to."

" All right. You get ten minutes, then I'm coming back and bringing Carson with me, so you better be peachy freakin' keen by then or the caterpillar's draggin' you off to his mushroom patch to dope you up from here to next October. I think he's been catching on to our whole four hours of sleep thing."

" Mmm... You're fault Rodney."

" Oh, my fault? That's mature." But Rodney said nothing else. John was right, And Rodney knew it.

The room would have fallen to complete silence if it hadn't been for Alice reciting poetry.

" How does the little crocodile improve its shining smile..."

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

" Sheppard?" The voice was deep, not quite a bassoon but no a clarinet either. " Hey Sheppard, get up."

John felt a hard nudge to his shoulder. He groaned, and shifted position onto his side, thus receiving a hard nudge to his back right on the spine. John arched and snapped his head up turning it as far as his neck would allow. " What! Hey..." He blinked a few times at Ronon and Teyla standing over him – Ronon in the ludicrously large black and green checkered Hatter hat, and Teyla in the purple dinner jacket wearing... pigtails? John squinted, both out of weariness and wariness.

" I thought you two weren't going to indulge in the whole dress up thing?"

Ronon shrugged. " I liked the hat. Thought it was... Cool."

John lifted an eyebrow. " Then we need to rework you definition of cool. Teyla?"

Teyla ran her fingers through one of her pigtails. " Do you like it? Lt. Cadmen showed the children how to do this, and young Alisia practiced on me."

John swallowed back the comment concerning floppy bunny ears. " Um... Nice. But I was a little more curious about the jacket."

" I was cold and could not find my jacket."

John pursed his lips. " I guess that makes... Sense." He shifted and rolled onto his other side, then pushed himself up while at the same time swinging his legs over to plant his feet on the floor. He glanced between Ronon looking Rastafarian at Mardi Gras and Teyla less like a warrior princess and more like the victim of a slumber party gone wrong.

" What's up guys?" John asked. " Looking Glass ready to roll?"

Ronon and Teyla exchanged questioning looks. Teyla was about to respond when Rodney burst in, still wearing his white vest and shirt, but free of the bunny ears.

" I'll tell you what's going on," he huffed breathlessly, cheeks red and eyes wide with panic. " While you were catching up on your beauty sleep, the gate activated and a bunch of guys in red robes came piling through... Even with the shield up! Now I know we're not exactly strangers to that but it's still kind of freaking me out and Dr. Weir's been taken and she's somewhere in the city, the red guys are all over the place and our guys can't find them. Colonel, we are in deep, deep crap here so get off your skinny, lazy ass, slap on your gear and do your John Wayne thing of shooting up the bad guys. And move fast because we're late and if we don't find Dr. Weir in two hours, she's dead. And we have..." Rodney pulled a pocket watch from his vest pocket, " One hour and fifty minutes so move it!"

With all that said in a single breath, Rodney rushed from the room barely giving John time to gape. John struggled to his feet, swaying a bit when the blood rushed to his head, and hurried out into the hall...

" Rodney wait!"

The very empty, quiet, dimly lit hall.

John whirled around and flinched to see Ronon and Teyla behind him. " Okay, what the hell is going on?"

Ronon sniffed. " Didn't you hear what Rodney said?"

" Yeah." John creased his brow. " Most of it. Red guys, faulty shield or something. Definitely the part about Elizabeth being kidnapped. Okay, forget I asked anything. Let's go."

They hurried off down the hall at a jog heading toward John's quarters. Ronon and Teyla flanked him since at the moment he was unarmed and therefore the most likely favored target. On reaching his room, Ronon entered first to scope it out, then joined Teyla to keep watch outside. John shucked his dress shoes and dress shirt for his long-sleeved shirt, boots, and jacket.

" Rodney's about to pop a vein if you don't step it up, Colonel."

John looked up from adjusting his vest to see... himself, battle ready leaning against the wall in the corner, and grinning. It took a moment for reality to right itself in John's mind, and total shock descended several rungs to become measly bewilderment.

John zipped up his vest, then slipped his 9-mil into his thigh holster. " CJ, what are you doing here?"

CJ waved a languid hand. " In the neighborhood, crap like that. Thought I'd drop in and say hi. By the way, Rodney's wrong. You have an hour and a half to find Weir. The people holding her are starting to get a little impatient."

John checked the ammo of his P-90. " Know who they are?"

" Funny thing, John. I can't really tell you."

" Why not?"

CJ shrugged. " Well, they seem to be a bit out of sorts which is making them hard to read. All I know is, they don't have a lot of patience."

" Know where they are?"

" Besides all over the place? Oh yeah. Heart of Atlantis old buddy. You're going to have to take a nice little hop, skip, and a jump to where no Earthling has gone before. In other words, Weir and her hosts are in an unexplored section. Bottom level, west end. Rodney'll know the way, you just have to keep up with him."

John nodded. " Yeah, thanks CJ."

CJ winked. " No prob." Then promptly vanished.

John headed out to be joined by Teyla and Ronon to continue on through the empty hall. John tapped the radio at his ear.

" Major Lorne, this is Colonel Sheppard, please respond."

He was met with static.

" Communications have been wonky," Ronon said.

John shot a bewildered look over his shoulder. " Wonky?"

Ronon shrugged. " That's what the tech guy said before communications went wonky again."

John grinned and shook his head. " We are so ruining you, Conan."

The lights of Atlantis flickered, growing bright, then dimming again. John winced at a tiny spike of pain in either of his temples.

" Colonel Sheppard," said Teyla, " are you all right?"

John nodded. " Had a little bit of a headache a while ago, but it's not so bad now. Okay, where the hell is everyone? Or more importantly where the hell is Rodney?"

" Colonel Sheppard!"

John jerked to a halt and whipped around to see Rodney leaning out of an adjacent corridor John apparently passed without noticing, which wasn't like him, and therefore very disconcerting. Rodney impatiently waved them over. John headed toward Rodney at a trot, and still didn't reach him in time before Rodney popped back into the hallway. John turned the corner to see Rodney moving at a fast walk then vanish into a room on the right. John, Teyla, and Ronon hurried after.

The room was one of the bigger labs all cluttered with Ancient junk, wires, and laptops running diagnostics. Rodney headed toward the back and one of the already lit consoles there.

" I was able to configure this communication's console to connect with the Daedalus via a secure line, which would have gone more smoothly if Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee hadn't kept falling into several pissing contests along the way."

Kavenagh's pony-tailed head topped by a multi-colored propellered beanie peeked out from around a pillar. " It was not a pissing match. I was merely pointing out the futility of establishing a secure link to the Daedalus. Since these invaders seem to have the means to get through our shields, they probably have something set up to by pass our security precautions."

Zelenka's beanie topped frizzy head popped up from behind one of the counters. " And I told him where he could stick his comments." Radek rose placing a laptop on the counter. He hit a few keys, raised his hands, then clapped them together with a grin when the computer beeped. " Ah, we are ready then. And I resent being called Tweedle Dum."

Rodney fiddled with the console. " Tweedle Dum is reserved for Kavenagh only."

Radek beamed again. " Ah, all is well then."

Kavenagh just glowered, and typed away on another laptop. A holographic screen appeared above the console, showing John the Daedalus command room, with Caldwell's chair facing away in a very Godfather like way. John jumped a little when the chair swung around to show Caldwell sliding a clip into a 9-mil.

" The time has come, Colonel," he said. " Novak and I were just on our way to pay a brief visit to Hermiod. Seems he's being a little extra reluctant about letting us use the transporter to send a nuke down should things go south. If you don't have Dr. Weir back after the allotted time given us – alive – then Hermiod is going to have no choice but to comply with necessity."

John actually felt his blood drop straight down to pool into his feet, and he turned his head to eye Caldwell askance. " Ooookaaaay. Um... I have no idea where to begin on how wrong this is. Sir, um... With all do respect... We've got the self destruct sequence if things do get bad..."

Compromised," Caldwell said, slapping the clip into the gun.

John furrowed his brow. " Well... all right. But what I was also going to say was that we won't need the self destruct or a nuke as I will find Dr. Weir and get rid of these... Red guys or whatever. And, sir... Aren't you being just a little bit... Um..." John squinted, " Extreme?"

Caldwell lowered the gun and leaned forward to give John an impatient and clearly annoyed look. " Colonel, I would prefer it if you didn't question my methods seeing as how I do outrank you. This are just precautionary measure should you fail in retrieving Weir and saving the city."

More blood added to the pool in John's feet. " You call putting a gun to Hermiod's head a precautionary measure?"

Caldwell smiled, a smile that sent shards of ice ripping down John's spine, and put his fingers to his lip, then raised that finger to tap the side of his nose. " Mums the word, Colonel. I'd rather not have Novak in on my plan B to initiate our plan B. She's still trying to go for being diplomatic with the stubborn little Asgard. We don't have time to play nice with anyone, Colonel. So if you have problems with my contingency plans, then you'd better do something about it by finding Dr. Weir."

Before John could lodge any more formal complaints, communications were cut and the screen blinked out of existence. Rodney pulled out the pocket watch from his vest, and his eyes went round enough for them to pop out.

" Crap! We're late! We need to go now!" McKay didn't wait for a response or for anyone to follow for that matter. He hurried out of the room back into the hall.

" Rodney wait!" John called, rushing after. " We need to stick.." he stepped out into the completely empty hall. " Together. Damnit!" John lifted his gun and took long strides back up the hall. " Rodney! Get back here!" He heard Teyla and Ronon following, but no curt reply nor girlish scream of Rodney being attacked. They turned back into the hall they'd been moving through before Rodney had detoured the trail.

John pulled an LSD from his pocket. Three dots, and that was it. John cocked one eyebrow and severely lowered the other. " I know I'm tempting fate by asking this but... Where is everyone? If this place is crawling with bad guys then shouldn't we have run across one by now?"

Ronon shrugged, fingering his weapon. " It's a big city."

John set his mouth in a straight line. " Yeah, I guess you're right." He looked up from the LSD. " Rodney?"

Still no answer.

" Maybe we should keep going until he finds us," Ronon said.

" And run the risk of him getting taken?"

" He hasn't been taken yet."

John clenched his jaw until his teeth grated. Between Houdini McKay and the nuke happy Caldwell about to go Slim Pickins on them all, he couldn't decide who he wanted to strangle the most. " Fine, guess we'll have to settle for that, then."

They moved on through eerily quiet and way too empty corridors. " What about everyone else?" John asked keeping his voice low. " Non-military personnel?"

" Major Lorne had them go to their quarters and lock themselves in," Teyla said.

John furrowed his brow. It didn't make sense. " Why didn't Caldwell just transport them out of the city." He glanced over his shoulder to see Ronon and Teyla pass questioning looks between them asking the same question without the use of words.

" I... do not know," Teyla replied

' Caldwell isn't all that at home in the head right now.'

The voice was in John's head but he still felt prompted to look down, especially when he felt something thump against his leg. An orange tabby that would have passed off as a decent Garfield if it had been a little fatter was rubbing up against his leg as it walked along side him.

He heard Ronon's weapon hum as it warmed up.

" What is that?"

John waved a dismissive hand without looking at the Satedan. " Just a cat. What do you mean by that? When did Caldwell take a headfirst dive off the deep end?"

' Beats me, I just got here. All I know is... He ain't listening to reason and Novak's getting worried. You'd best hurry, John. The big Colonel's got his finger on the doomsday device button and he's itchin' to press and ride that mushroom cloud straight to hell.'

" We did not say Caldwell dove off of anything..." Teyla was saying, until John held a hand up to silence her. He was well aware of the impression he was conveying talking to a cat, but didn't care.

" CJ, you read minds, and you can't tell me why Caldwell's flipped?"

The cat actually shrugged, then smiled flashing gleaming white fangs. 'Pressure finally got to him?'

John rolled his eyes. " The pressure's gonna get to me next if we don't end this. Where the hell is Rodney?"

' Here, there, everywhere. Just keep heading in the right direction and he'll find you before you find him. On the way, you should make a pit stop at the Doc's domain. He usually has a few answers up his sleeves.'

John wanted the cat to elucidate, but the cat had vanished.

" Where'd the... thing go?" Ronon asked, and John thought he detected a slight note of hysteria in the big man's voice.

" Where ever ethereal cats go when they want to be cryptic and avoid you," John griped. He glanced at the LSD, then looked up.

A figure in long red robes and a head hidden in a heavy hood swept around the corner swinging an ornate ax-headed black staff straight at his neck.

" Geez!" John yelped and ducked. The ax head clanged against the solid Atlantean wall. A blaze of red light flashed over John's head and the figure crumpled to the ground, only to be replaced by another as soon as John straightened. The ax swung and John leaped back. The blade grazed his arm but passed harmlessly across his chest cutting only into the vest. John kicked out connecting with the figure's own chest and sending it staggering back. He lifted his gun and sent a few rounds into the red-clad body. That body crumpled, and no new body replaced it.

Panting, John approached the two bodies – or where bodies should have been. The robes were piled flat on the floor, empty. John picked through the crimson material with the toe of his boot. " What the hell?"

Ronon came around and picked up the second robe, looking through it, even sniffing it. " Weird," he said.

John nodded. " Bit of an understatement but... Yeah, super weird." John let a shudder run through him, then shook it off and continued on. " We can be freaked out later."

They moved fast, almost at a run with their footsteps clattering down the hall. " They didn't even pop up on the LSD, so keep an eye out," he said.

John tried his radio a second time, and still got static. Then he checked his watch – an hour and ten minutes. Time didn't fly, it broke the sound barrier. John cursed under his breath, then he skidded to a stop on nearly bypassing the infirmary. He back-stepped and hurried inside, only to skid to another stop at the thick, smoky quality of what should have been clean, filtered air. It was a pungent, yet almost sweet smelling smoke that tickled John's lungs until he started coughing.

" Carson!" he called. " Carson, you'd better not be smoking anything you damn well know better than to smoke!"

John heard a thunk that made him tense and bring his gun up, until it was followed by a whirring noise and the smoke pulled away as it was sucked into the air purification units.

" Got it!" he heard Rodney call. John stepped forward.

" Rodney?"

" Not now Colonel."

" Rodney where the hell have you been!"

" I said not now."

A hand gripped John's arm. He whipped around with P-90 raised, and Carson raised his hands taking two wide steps back. The highland doc was still dressed in a dark green sweater with green sweatpants, wearing a green bowler hat. He was one four leaf clover away from turning Irish.

" Bloody hell lad, would ya put that thing down!"

John lowered the P-90 and stiffened. " Sorry doc I..."

" You're spooked and a danger to man kind is what you are," Carson snapped. " Where the bloody hell have you been? Yer late for yer exam and now I find ya bleedin?"

John looked at his jacket sleeve soaked around the gash in blood. " Uh..."

" I don't want ta here it, lad. Park it!"

John jumped at Carson's acerbic tone. He'd seen the Scotsman mad, but this level of pissed was something new. The man looked like he wanted to strangle someone, and kept muttering what had to be curses under his breath in Gaelic. John tentatively hauled himself onto a gurney, removing his vest and jacket.

" You know, Carson, we kind of don't have a lot of time here..."

" You think I don't know that, Colonel? Now remove your shirt, " Carson flatly stated. He placed his stethoscope on and yanked off John's shirt before the pilot had a chance to, and placed the business end of the scope to his chest. The yelp of alarm at the arctic cold metal escaped John before he even knew it was coming.

" Don't be such a wee baby, Colonel. And keep it down, I need ta listen."

John waited as Carson listened in on John's ticker.

" Elevated," Beckett mumbled in annoyance. John grimaced, feeling abashed though he didn't know why.

" Well, I did nearly get my head chopped off," he feebly explained.

Carson moved the scope to John's back. " Breathe in, Colonel. Now out. And again."

John did so, filling his lungs with purified air.

" Well that doesn't bloody well sound right."

John went rigid. " What, what doesn't sound right?"

Carson moved around to the front and flashed his pen light into John's eyes without warning.

" Hold still!" Carson snapped, and flashed again. He then took a step back and looked John over with a disapproving eye.

" Have ya eaten anything?" he asked, then shook his head and huffed. " Of course ya haven't. Ya never do when it would really count!" Carson dug into his pocket, pulled out a silver wrapped power bar, and slapped it against John's chest. " Eat, ya bony bugger, or your head really will get separated from your shoulders. Then drink this," he shoved a small canteen against the power bar pressing into his chest, " when you're done. Make sure ya remember! I'll not have ya lyin' out on Biro's table just because ya let somethin' as vital and eatin' and drinkin' slip yer mind. Now get dressed and be off with ya before ya run out of time."

John quickly took the items, set them aside, yanked on his shirt, jacket, and vest, and slipped the two items into a vest pocket. He was quite amazed at himself the way his heart was pounding and how he couldn't get out of the infirmary fast enough. John wasn't going to admit to being afraid of Carson but... the man did have quite a fine collection of very big needles and the power to stick catheters in uncomfortable places. The whole eating thing didn't make a lick of sense, however. Carson had deemed John quite healthy, weight-wise and all, at his last post mission check.

John slunk through the doors of the infirmary with a curved back and slightly raised shoulders half fearing Carson was going to chuck something hard and sharp at him. He'd never encountered Beckett this pissy without probable cause. It was probably all Cadmen's fault for making him where those stupid green clothes and in turn making him desperate to vent.

Ronon and Teyla were waiting for him, looking just as perplexed.

" Carson did not sound pleased," Teyla said.

John gave her a narrow-eyed, withering look. " Ya think?"

" What'd you do?" Ronon asked. John turned his gaze of fiery darts on him. The invisible darts bounced off of Ronon's invisible emotional shield.

" Nothing."

" Where is Rodney?" Teyla asked. " I thought I heard him inside."

John stiffened. " Crap!" He turned and was about to slink back in when he heard his name. Whirling back around, he jolted on seeing Rodney standing behind Ronon and Teyla. John gaped, pointed at Rodney, pointed over his shoulder at the door, then pointed at Rodney.

" How did you...?"

Rodney sighed. " Fix that stupid scanner Carson blew up? With ingenuity and a lot of cursing. Can we go now? We're really late, and our unkind invaders struck me as the impatient type." He then hurried off down the dimly lit corridor. John, still gaping, took off at a run to keep up.

Rodney stayed ahead the whole time, whipping down this corridor and that. The deeper they went, the dimmer the lights became thickening the black and blue shadows all around them.

" Almost there!" McKay called.

Rodney suddenly came to a halt, paled, and backpedaled nearly tripping over his feet and running into John.

" What...?" John began when the answer to his interrupted question came surging around the corner en mass. Five red-robed ax wielders like Emperial Guards out of the middle ages advanced gliding over the floor. John brought up his P-90, Teyla hers, and Ronon his own weapon to cut them in half with a spray of bullets. The cloaks crumpled empty to the floor.

" Let's go!" John shouted. McKay was once again in the lead to John's surprise. They entered a small chamber and were once again overrun by more red robes. This time there were ten. John's team brought down six leaving four. The four scattered, moving fast and phantom like. So fast that in the time it took John to slap in a new cartridge and for Teyla to shout a warning, he never got a chance to turn when the cold obsidian metal of a grotesquely ornate ax head ripped through his vest and jacket to bite into the flesh of his back. John arched his back in a scream and fell to his knees. He looked up, panting, to see a red-robe lifting its ax over him.

There was a sound like a small explosion, a smoking hole burned clear through the robe, then the robe crumpled and ax clattered lifelessly to the ground. John stared at the remnant of his disrupted demise in shock of pain and in shock that he was still alive. Ronon stepped around with his gun raised and prodded the empty robe with his boot. He looked at Sheppard, and grinned his feral grin.

" That was fun."

John couldn't answer. He was still preoccupied with the excruciating pain making his back burn and the rest of his body shake. Ronon held out one hand. It took a moment for John to register the purpose of this. When it finally sunk in, he took the proffered hand to let Ronon haul him to his feet. John staggered, and Ronon caught him, holding him steady by both shoulders. John felt someone tugging gently at his clothes around the wound.

" It does not look too deep," Teyla said. " But perhaps we should go back to Beckett so that he can close it up."

John shook his head, and fumbled through the pockets of his vest until he found the canteen. " No... No time." He took a swig wetting his sandpaper dry throat. He capped the canteen and stuck it back in his vest. " We need to keep going. Rodney said we're close... Where is Rodney?"

" Colonel!"

John started in surprise. He rounded the corner to see Rodney standing in the threshold of an open door, waving them over.

" This way!"

John raised both his eyebrows to his hairline. " How's he keep doing that?" He twitched his head and hurried after Rodney as fast as his aching body would let him. It wasn't just his back that was hurting now. Every limb, every joint, felt like they needed the biological equivalent of a can of WD-40.

Rodney led them through a small chamber, then into a light-less corridor stinking of brine, rust, and something unpleasantly akin to decay. John and Teyla switched on the lights of their P-90s casting the beams over water-stained walls and clusters of neon-green barnacles. Splashing replaced echoing footfalls when the floor slanted slightly leading them into ankle-deep water. Creatures that looked more common on documentaries about deep-sea trenches swayed to the rhythm of the water; Long tube-like creatures with neon-bright tendrils, blue seaweed, bits of coral, clams and oysters the size of John's foot – and trying to take a bite out of his foot.

Long, slimy ropes like thin, brown octopus limbs uncurled from a beam to brush against John's face and neck as though feeling him – or tasting him. John staggered trying to duck beneath them. Rodney just ducked, and Ronon and Teyla merely shoved them out of the way. The tentacles seemed more interested in John anyway, groping his shoulders, head and back until he started feeling a little violated.

" Back off!" John snarled, trying to shove them away. He cried out in both alarm and pain when one of the tentacles tried to burrow into the gash in his back. The entire mess of tentacles quivered and stepped up the groping to trying to wrap themselves around John's arms and throat. John pulled at them, pushing them away, but the more he pulled, the harder they fought to get what they wanted. The tentacles stretched wrapping themselves in groups around John's arms, wrist, neck, and body. They slipped beneath his vest, under his jacket, even under his shirt to slide cold and slick against his skin. John pulled and yanked in frustration, then in panic when the tentacles around his throat tightened. Panic evolved into terror when the tips of several of the tentacles writhed in the gash in his back attempting to pull it open further.

" Get 'em off!" John cried. He pulled and thrashed while Ronon and Teyla cut through the things. Black blood oozed and flecked from the damaged tentacles. There came a small squeal followed by a hiss. Tentacles tried to wrap themselves around Ronon and Teyla but were too slick and too busy trying to rip Sheppard open to hold them for long. These things wanted blood – his blood – and preferred the effort of getting that blood over losing a few limbs.

Ronon snorted and shrugged. " Screw this." He whipped out his gun, changed the setting, and sent a pulse of red electricity upward into the rafters. The red light illuminated a great tangled mass of tentacles. There was a shriek, and several of the skinny tendrils released John to curl upward back into the mass. Ronon and Teyla ripped away the rest and hunched over John on hustling him through the corridor to the other end where the white-clad Rodney waited. The door slid open, Rodney slipped through, and John and team followed after. They entered another small, unlit chamber where Ronon and Teyla lowered John to his knees.

John pitched forward onto his hands, gasping and shuddering with renewed pain coupled with disgust.

" Th-th-that sucked," he squeaked. Tugging at his clothes around the wound had his heart jumping and his body reacting. John yelp and tried to scramble away only to end up falling flat on his stomach and lay sprawled, gasping like a spooked rat and shivering. He felt a delicate hand touch lightly on his shoulder.

" It is all right, Colonel. I am only trying to check your wound."

The tugging on the clothes resumed, and John clenched his jaw.

" The strange plant creatures have made it worse," Teyla said with unconcealed worry. " We need to wrap it."

With Ronon's help, Teyla lifted John back onto his knees. They removed his vest and jacket for Ronon to lift his shirt and Teyla to wrap field dressings around his torso. They then helped him to stand, and John let them. He let them catch him when his knees almost gave out. His whole body pulsed with fatigue, dull aches, and burning pain radiating out form the gash. His heart was pounding, his body trembling, and his stomach churned with boiling acid. He forced himself to look up, lifting his P-90 unsteady in his hand to shine the light across the chamber to the next door where Rodney waited. The physicist had his arms folded and was tapping his foot in a display of impatience.

John shrank back. He didn't want to go on, through door after door of who knew what was waiting for them. Body-less cloaks disintegrating into heaps and killer plants wanting to writhe in his blood. What next? A nest of Iratus bugs? A cluster of hungry wraith? Fear sank its claws deeper into John's tender flesh, keeping him on his knees and driving him down further. Strength was siphoned from his muscles turning his limbs languid as limp noodles and his heart into a quivering lump of meat.

Sheppard couldn't move even if he wanted to, and he didn't want to. He was happy remaining huddled in his trembling crouch. Necessity, urgency, beckoned him, prodded him with tooth-picks. The knowledge that time was creeping by, and the lack of knowledge concerning what lay beyond the next threshold, tormented him as they battled it out.

" Colonel Sheppard," Teyla said, tugging at his arm trying to get him to stand. " Colonel Sheppard, we must keep going. Dr. McKay insists that we are close."

John shook his head and pulled in a shuddering breath. " I can't..." he gasped, and swallowed. " I can't..."

'Maybe a little snack's in order.'

John looked down to see CJ staring up at him with a toothy grin and green slitted eyes. The entity's tail thumped back and forth on the smooth metal floors.

" It's that thing again," Ronon dead-panned.

CJ lifted a paw and set it on top of John's hand. 'Have a bite to eat, John. Food calms the cowardly beast.'

John didn't have the energy nor inclination to fathom what CJ was getting at. He searched his vest pockets until he stumbled onto the silver wrapped power bar Carson had given him.

'Just a small bite. Gotta save the rest for later.' CJ's voice echoed in his mind.

John peeled back the top of the wrapping and took a corner bite out of the banana flavored bar. It must have had some kind of fruit filling that was now oozing warm down his throat. That warmth spread like spilled milk through his body, into his limbs and soaking into his muscles. His tepidly beating heart seemed to solidify and quicken into stronger, steadier beats.

CJ's grin got even bigger. 'Does a body good, don't it? Now I suggest you get gone before the going gets rough.' With that said, CJ vanished.

" Colonel?" Teyla's voice held a slight waver to it. John shook his head and pushed himself to his feet.

" Just ignore the scary cat and let's go."

They headed across the chamber as John contemplated his sudden bout of cowardice and it's just as quick departure when he'd taken a bite out of the power bar.

Eat me, drink me. Hadn't Alice taken a sip of something that had made her shrink down to the size of a mouse? Or had she eaten something? No, she'd drank because later when she was in the rabbit's house she ate something that made her grow and wear the house like a dress...

John's mind felt like it was going a hundred thoughts per minute.

She sneezed and poor Bill went flying... Note to self – don't sneeze. What was in that water? What was in that Power bar? Carson's trying to poison me – emotionally? This is freakin' messed up. And where'd Rodney go!

John flinched at the realization that Rodney had vanished again. They crossed the threshold into another darkened hallway that – thank the heavens – was empty of seawater and killer plant life. They needed Rodney here that they might go down it arm in arm as Rodney muttered a mantra about believing in spooks.

Oops, wrong story. John twitched his head trying to clear it of the rapidly flying thoughts. He felt strange, a good kind of strange, all wired and capable of anything, kind of like how he felt after the wraith had restored him (which kind of put a damper on the whole feeling good thing).

A soft blue glow grew like the light at the end of the tunnel, but instead of chasing away the shadows, the glow only enhanced them. There was no sealed doorway where Rodney stood waiting. The corridor ended opening up into a massive chamber John had not seen the likes of in Atlantis. It had a dome ceiling supported by those bubbling water-filled pillars, four on one side and four on the other that were the source of the soft blue illumination. Smaller, weaker lights cast wan circles on the floor between the pillars, and a stronger light brightened when the team entered on a small balcony over looking the rest of the cavernous room.

A tall red-cloaked figure stood on that balcony. More red-cloaked figures emerged from the darkness to stand between the pillars flanking the small team. John lifted his weapon at the ready, and peered over his shoulder to see Ronon and Teyla doing the same. John moved slowly toward the balcony then stopped on reaching the center when a light flared on surrounding him in an amber circle.

" Go no further," a soft voice hissed.

John lifted his chin. " I'm here for Dr. Weir. Hand her over, now."

The hood of the cloak twitched when the head tilted to one side. " What insolence is this? You dare to enter my court and make demands of me?"

John snorted a derisive laugh. " Your court? Listen pal, this is my city, a city you busted into uninvited. Therefore, that gives me every right to make demands. Now where is Dr. Weir?"

The figure tilted its head to the other side. It then stepped to the side, revealing Dr. Weir behind its tall form. The form stepped back, and stepped to the side again to be right behind Elizabeth. Elizabeth was standing with her hands tied behind her back and her head lifted in an act of defiance a little marred by uncertainty.

" Heeerrre," the figure hissed. The red-clad arms lifted and two pale-fleshed clawed hands emerged to place themselves on Elizabeth's shoulders. Elizabeth gasped, and the defiance vanished when overcome by fear and a pinched look of pain. Another small gasp escaped her and she slowly sank to her knees.

And electric jolt of fear ripped through John's spine and he stiffened. " Stop it! What are you doing! Stop!"

The cloak quivered in time with the breathy chuckles of the figure. One clawed hand lifted from Elizabeth's shoulder to start stroking her hair. John bristled.

" What the hell do you want! Who are you?"

The hand stopped stroking, and the head tilted to the other side. " Want?" the soft voice purred. " I have what I want. I have your city. I have your people..."

The flanking cloaked figures stepped back into the darkness, then stepped back out, each holding a hostage – Rodney, Lorne, Beckett, Radek, Cadmen, other scientists, other marines, and even a few of the Athosian kids. John glanced behind him to see more red-cloaks holding back Ronon, Teyla, more marines, more scientists, more children. John's heart thundered like a fist in his chest. He snapped his head back around and up to glare daggers, bullets, poison and everything he had at the leader.

The figure purred, " And I have you, John Sheppard."

" Who are you!" John snarled.

The cloak rippled at the tremor of another chuckle. The other clawed hand on Elizabeth's shoulder lifted and swept back the hood. The entire cloak crumpled to the floor revealing a corpse pallid wraith queen with blazing red hair and a blood red dress complimenting it. She smiled her wide smile full of jagged teeth, and stroked Elizabeth like a new found pet.

John's heart slammed into his throat. " Oh no."

The wraith queen chuckled and hissed. " Oh yes, John Sheppard. You are in my court now, and you will kneel before me."

Pain lanced through John's skull. He gritted his teeth in a grimace trying to fight it, which seemed to only aggravate the pain into upping its own efforts. The pain applied pressure to his brain, and he felt himself sinking to his knees. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, CJ's orange tabby form standing with back arched, tail straight, fur on end, hissing and spitting.

" Any bright ideas?" John gritted through the agony tearing his brain into confetti.

' You've already got the idea, John. Eat me.'

" No need... to get hostile..."

CJ stopped hissing and turned his large bright green eyes on John. ' Eat me. Your thought, not mine.' Then CJ was gone.

The pain continued to push until John was on both his hands and knees. He heard people crying out, shouting his name, shouting for the queen to stop. He heard the cries of frightened children, the panicked squeak of McKay, the furious roar of Ronon, Teyla's bolstering call, Beckett's encouragement, and Elizabeth's plea for this to stop.

Above it all was the wraith queen's smug chuckling that made John's blood burn with fury.

" Off with his head."

That made his blood run cold. He looked up at the smiling queen, then over at the red-cloak floating his way with ax raised.

" Crap," he squeaked.

Eat me. He supposed it couldn't hurt. If a small bite of power bar had made him feel that wonderful...

John forced his trembling hand up and into his vest pocket pulling out the remaining bar. He shoved the soft food into his mouth, swallowing half of it whole and nearly choking on the rest as he chewed.

A whole new kind of pain ripped through his body starting at his skull and coasting down his spinal column to flow like magma into every bone and get absorbed into every muscle. John bolted upright on his knees and arched back screaming at the onslaught of agony tearing away at him with hatchets and claws. His executioner faltered to a halt and even flowed backward a little. The pain caused John's body to slam down onto his side. He rolled onto his back, arching, writhing and screaming as all around a myriad of countless voices shouted out to him.

John turned his head jerkily on his stiff neck. His convulsing hand with curled fingers was turning a nice shade of dark blue. Claws sprouted from the fingernails and tiny blue scales and spines rippled from out of his skin.

Oh no, no no no no no no no not again...

He felt the scales and spines emerge from his skin like a thousand needles, and with it came the hungry, uncontrollable rage.

John arched again choking on a scream. He felt more change, different from the blue and the scales of the mutation, yet familiar. An elongating of his skull and limbs, and the eruption of horns and a main of spikes down his back that ripped through his clothes. John flipped onto his chest, then pushed himself wobbly onto four metallic blue limbs covered in tiny scales and spines. His vest, jacket and shirt slipped off his body, sliced in half by the arm-lengthened dagger sharp spines that had sprouted out of his backbone.

John's snouted and horned head shot up to glare through slitted iridescent eyes at the suddenly not-so-happy wraith queen. The queen hissed out a spray of saliva and grabbed Elizabeth, hauling her to her feet with one hand on her chest.

" Off with his head!" she shrieked.

The red-cloaks abandoned their hostages to flow forward and converge on John. John didn't care about them. He only cared about the enemy above him, the leader, the queen. Take her down, tear her apart, paint the room with her blood, live happily ever after, the end. John hunched back on his haunches and launched upward over the red-cloaks and onto the wall. He scurried up the smooth wall like a gecko, up and around until he was above the queen looking down. The queen spun around holding Elizabeth as a shield while below her chaos exploded like a match tossed into a room full of C-4. The former hostages washed over the red-cloaks like a flood, except for the kids who ran from the chamber. Humans grappled for the axes and those humans armed cut the empty robes down into lifeless heaps of material.

The queen backed to the rail of the balcony. She pressed her hand harder into Elizabeth's chest with the threat of feeding.

" Stay back, Sheppard, unless you wish to be the cause of her demise."

John calculated distances, speed, altitude, then leaped straight at the queen with arms stretched forward and claws spread. The spread hands collided with the queen's head, and ripped that head from the pale shoulders as he continued his stretched descent to the ground. On landing, the queen's head was smashed flat beneath his claws in an explosion of black blood like a potato in a microwave. John ducked into a roll ending up back on his feet and proceeded to tear into every red cloak that came into sight. He heard someone shout for everyone to run. He saw through his haze of animal rage and cloud of shredded cloaks human bodies flowing out of the chamber putting distance between themselves and his killing frenzy.

John didn't stop until the chamber was filled roof to floor with fluttering red bits like vermilion snow. Then he stopped abruptly standing in the center of the chamber. His blue scaled body shook with an overabundance of adrenaline that burned acid hot through his veins at an impossible rate, and saliva flew from his seething mouth.

John's sharpened eyes cut through the shadows beyond the pillars. A form coalesced from the darkness then stepped from the shadows into the soft blue light. CJ in Sheppard form walked over to the shredded vest and plucked the canteen from the pocket. He tossed it once in his hand and approached iratus jabberwocky John. He stopped right in front of John's inhuman face. The iratus side of John shrieked at him to attack. The vaguely coherent monster side of him made him hesitate and question.

CJ smiled and wink. " Open wide, John. Tea time. Doctor's orders. Oh, and it's on me." CJ stomped on John's hand. John snatched his hand back and lifted his head to howl, only to choke on that cry along with the chilled water being dumped down his throat.

When the water stopped, the world began to spin, faster and faster like an amusement park ride.

" CJ?" John squeaked, and toppled to his side. A dark haze like a black shade was pulled over his vision, and numb pulled over his body.

He rather liked it.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssss

" No time to be drowning in the pool of tears, John. Wake up!"

John's eyes popped open to bright lights and blurred faces hovering over him floating in a sea of incoherent voices all talking at the same time and offset by rapid beeping and blaring mechanical alarms. Hands were all over him, and another was pressing something hard to his face. His heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest and his lungs couldn't keep up with the race. John feebly reached up and outward with trembling arms and flaccid hands to push the invading hands away, only to be assaulted by more hands pushing his arms down against a soft surface.

" John! John!" An accented voice rose above the ear-splitting cacophony beating about his brain preventing coherent, rational thought. " John! It's all right, son, it's all right!"

Hands grabbed either side of his head and pulled it upward until a single face filled his vision.

" It's all right son. You're all right. Yer in the infirmary, do you hear me? You are in the infirmary. I need ya ta calm down for me. Can ya do that? Calm down and concentrate on breathin', we'll take care of the rest."

John exhaled on a confused and terrified sob. This was Beckett, just Beckett, in the infirmary, and that was enough to make it safe to nod in agreement. Carson smiled and visibly relaxed.

" Good, that's good lad. Just breathe, we'll take care of the rest."

John did just that, breathing in then breathing out. The oxygen saturating his lungs was cool and sweet like a spring breeze. He inhaled as deep as he could go until a small twinge in his chest made him wince and give up the effort. The minuscule moment of pain made him aware of the dull ache in his chest. The question of why this was formed in his mind, but the question was never given a chance to come out of his mouth when the black shade was pulled back over his eyes.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssss

John heard beeping; steady, rhythmic beeping keeping in time with the soft beating of his heart. It crept into his ears and poked at his awareness until he managed to pool all his energy into opening his eyes. He was met with the sight of fuzzed shapes and colors. He blinked lazily, putting another ounce of effort into the action until the world around him finally solidified.

After sight and sound came sensation. There was something on his face, under his nose specifically, and a slight tug on his hand when he tried to move his arm. His eyes wandered under his partially open lids until they settled on the hunched form riveted on a laptop screen.

John took a breath to speak, and instead ended up trying to cough a lung out. Rodney's head popped up from behind the laptop with wide eyes and his mouth slightly ajar.

" You're awake..." he stated. He then snapped from his surprised fugue and scrambled setting the laptop aside on the table next to the bed and rising. " Carson he's awake! And choking! He's choking!

" Then give him a bloody ice-chip ya daft bugger!" came the heavily accented replied.

Rodney grabbed a sliver of ice from the cup and slipped it into John's mouth. The moment the melting water touched his throat, it soaked into the parched skin and scratched the itch all the coughing couldn't touch. Carson walked up beside him and dove into checking machines then checking vitals, starting with the stethoscope and slipping the listening end down the front of the loose gown.

John took another breath, and winced at the ache in his chest. " Wha... What happened?"

" What do you remember?" Carson asked, then raised the head of the bed.

John squinted, pushing the fog in his brain back and picking out the memories one piece at a time. " Um... Atlantis was invaded."

Carson paused in helping John to sit up. " Invaded?"

John nodded slightly. " Um... Yeah. Guys in red cloaks. Well, not really guys... Don't know what they were. Wraith queen was leading them but I took her head off before she could feed on Elizabeth. Did Caldwell shoot Hermiod?"

John felt a tug on his gown from Carson loosening the ties. The two halves of the gown were pulled apart and John shivered when cool air caressed his back. The stethoscope was even cooler pressed against one side of his ribcage.

" Carson," Rodney said placing his hands on his hips. " The scans were wrong, there's brain damage."

John shot Rodney an annoyed but tired look.

" Breathe in," Carson instructed. " There was no invasion Colonel. We... It's a mite tricky to explain." The scope moved to the other side of John's back. " Breathe. Rodney went ta fetch ya but couldn't wake ya up."

Rodney jumped in. " Next thing we know you're being wheeled to the infirmary and everything in Atlantis goes haywire."

" Yer brainwaves were all over the place," Carson continued. " Then yer pulse and respiration."

" It was weird," said Rodney. " The malfunctions kept getting worse..."

" And you got worse right along with them," said Carson. " Then the lights go out and you go into cardiac arrest. I had to perform CPR until the back-up generators kicked in for me to use the defibrillator." Carson winced apologetically. " Ended up crackin' a rib in ya, so coupled with the defib your chest is goin' ta be mighty sore for a while. Took five zaps until yer heart started up again..."

" Then the lights came back on and everything was hunky-dory as though the malfunctions never even happened."

John looked at Rodney, who was staring in that penetrating 'waiting-for-answers' way of his. John had always been good at putting two and two together, and this one only needed three seconds to hit home.

" You think I had... Something to do with the malfunctions?" he asked.

Rodney folded his arms and shrugged. " Well, not the malfunctions. That was caused by a virus – wraith related, a microscopic remnant of their last attempt at giving Atlantis its own case of the flu. Seems the nasty little sucker's been hiding for a while. It was too small to detect, which was why it was taking its sweet time about spreading. But big things really do come in small packages. We were throwing everything we had at this thing and it wouldn't die... Until you nearly died."

John blinked in confusion. " So I had something to do with the repairs?"

Rodney shrugged. " You tell us?"

Carson covered John's back and retied the gown. He helped John ease back against the bed, adjusting the blankets around him in that fussing way of his. John gnawed on his tongue as he thought over the past... hours, days?

" How long have I been, um... Down, or whatever?" he said, though he wasn't all that keen on knowing the answer.

" Goin' on thirty hours," Carson replied. He took the obnoxious ear thermometer from off the small table beside the bed and stuck it into John's ear. " The fight for yer life took the entire night and you've been under until now." Beckett looked at the readout and nodded in approval. " Every thing's sounded and lookin' good so far, Colonel."

John lifted his unsteady hand and rubbed the side of his head. " And no one invaded Atlantis or anything?"

Carson shook his head. " Nope, no one."

John nodded. It was a dream. All of it had been a dream. And despite Beckett's revelation about his heart having stopped, John still felt indescribably relieved. He released a long drawn breath and sagged heavily against the pillows. A glance out of the corner of his eyes showed him that Rodney was still waiting for an answer.

" I have no idea what I did or if I did anything at all, Rodney. You'd have better luck getting a five year old to explain worm hole physics to you. The last thing I remember was laying down on the couch. Everything else must have been – was – one hell of a whacked out dream. Remind me to tell you about it sometime."

" So you have no idea if you did anything or not?"

John raised an eyebrow in disbelief. " Gee, Rodney, not pay attention much? I just said that!" the heart monitor squealed on John's rapidly climbing heart rate. " If I fixed Atlantis then it was against my will. I have no idea what the hell happened or that anything had been happening to begin with!"

An irate Carson intervened by stepping in between the heavily breathing Sheppard and gawking McKay. " All right, I think that's enough of that. Ya got yer answer Rodney so I suggest puttin' a hold on anymore questions or else I'll be injectin' you with a sedative."

Rodney raised his hands like a hostage but his expression was thoroughly abashed. " Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

John shook his head. " No, it's cool Rodney. It's just... Between that dream... Then waking up just to be told that I had another run in with my old pal the defibrillator... It's all kind of made things a little extra freaky in my head, know what I mean? I appreciate having a camaraderie with the city and all but can't really say I appreciate our friendship being taken advantage like that... the city tried to freakin' kill me!"

The monitor had opened its big mouth again, and John took several cleansing breaths until his chugging heart finally stopped trying to pump itself into oblivion.

" Ya need ta take it easy, John," Carson said, clasping him on the arm. " Yer hearts been through an ordeal and it doesn't need any further aggravation." Beckett looked pointedly at Rodney who immediately went on the defensive.

" What! I didn't say anything the second time around. Besides, it wasn't the city trying to kill him, it was the virus. And I've been harboring this theory that I'd rather not have anyone finding out about as it would only result in others giving me odd looks... But I sometimes think that the Ancients' connection with the city went beyond creating the lazy man's dream of never having to open doors on your own. I mean we all saw how touchy the city got when those nano-viruses got loose and yet it still had the capacity to know who was infected and who wasn't. I mean this place probably has fail safes and backups we haven't even scratched the surface of yet. Backups so advanced that I bet my year's supply of Milky Ways..."

John lifted his head. " You have a year's supply of Milky Ways?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. " I went a little nuts buying what I thought I would never see, hear, smell, or taste again before the expedition began, all right? Now stop interrupting the teacher. As I was saying, I bet my year's supply of candy that there's a fail safe that allows an Ancient or – in your case – someone with a strong enough gene to interact with the city when the city is incapable of being fixed by an outside source. Now there's probably some kind of training the Ancients underwent should this kind of interaction ever go down, but since you didn't have this training or whatever, things went badly south for you."

John's heart thudded and he opened his mouth.

Rodney held up a hand. " Before you ask, I'm going to do a little digging into the database to see what it has to say on the matter. If there's a manual or an equivalent, I'll send it your way so that you can train yourself and we never have to go through this again."

John relaxed. " Make it a priority. Not that I'm trying to be bossy, but I never want to go through that again. It was just..." John shuddered. " It was weird."

" And bloody wrong," Carson said. " The lad shouldn't have ta go into cardiac arrest just ta wipe out a bloody computer virus. Ya need anythin' John? Feelin' any pain?"

John assessed himself, then shook his head. " No, not really. I mean my chest kind of aches but other than that..." He perked when his stomach growled. " I am hungry."

Carson smiled. " Easily remedied. Rodney, could ya fetch John a tray if ya don't mind? And don't say that ya do mind 'cause I don't care. And you can go ahead and tell the gang that he's awake... If ya feel up for visitors that is John."

John smiled. " Fine by me."

Rodney left mumbling under his breath about not being anyone's butler, and Carson left to take care of other medical matters he had waiting, leaving John along with his thoughts...

And a bright orange tabby cat that blinked into existence sitting in his lap. John folded his hands over his stomach and smirked wryly.

" CJ," he drawled. " CJ, CJ, CJ. Was there something you forgot to tell me?"

CJ grinned bearing bright, white teeth. 'It was all just a dream, John.'

" And you felt you couldn't tell me that sooner becaaauuusse...?"

'You would have tried to wake up, and that would have been bad.'

" Worse than having my heart stop?"

'Quite. Because at least you're heart was able to be restarted. Look, John, I'm in the dark just as much as you on this. All right, maybe a little less than you. Whatever this city was doing it was relying on metaphors and I was just making sure you played along. Heck, I was just passing through and about to leave again when you went under. Sorry I couldn't make it any easier, but that was one story that had to play out exactly as it was playing out.'

John nodded in understanding. " So long as it never plays out like that again."

'I believe it was a last ditch effort on Atlantis' part. Never thought a city had the means to panic.'

John shivered. " Neither did I until now."

CJ lifted a paw and placed it on John's arm. 'You're going to be all right now. You did what needed to be done and them some.'

John swallowed tightly, and briefly looked away. " And if it happens again?" He looked back at the tabby hoping for an answer, only to be met with a shrug of furry shoulders.

'I don't have a connection with the city, but you do, and through you I can tell you that this place can feel remorse too, and it does. It won't do that again. And if it does, there'll be a warning."

John creased his brow thoughtfully. " Is the city really that sentient?"

'Eh. My thought is, you can't have a connection with living, thinking, feeling beings for thousands of years and not take on some of their traits. It's been a belief among my kind that that's how we came to be the way we are now. Having a city that knows how to say I'm sorry is a good thing. Means it has a heart. And personally I'd take that over a cold, calculating, and overly logical computer any day."

" Which is why I'm not complaining. I just don't want to have to look forward to having my brain turned inside out, that's all."

'And you won't, Atlantis promises. Cross her mechanical heart and all. The gang's coming. See ya around Sheppard.'

CJ blinked away. Ten seconds after, the doors slid open, and Rodney led the way carrying a tray of soup, toast and juice. Following him were Dr. Weir, Teyla, and Ronon.

Ronon had the over-sized checkered hat in his hand, which he promptly tossed onto John's lap.

" Found this in the rec room. Weren't you wearing it?"

John grinned and placed the hat on his head so Rodney had a place to set the tray. " Actually, it isn't mine." John looked up at Ronon. " Think it's cool?"

" Not really."

John huffed out a quite chuckle to cover up his relief. " Well I like it."

" That's because you have no taste," Rodney countered.

John opened his carton of juice and plopped the tiny straw inside. " No Rodney, I just don't mind being the Hatter."

" Because you're insane after all and this proves it?"

John raised one hand behind his head, easing further into the pillows, and picked up his juice. " He wasn't the one the queen wanted to decapitate." He lifted the juice box in salute to being awake and swimming in normalcy. " How does the little crocodile improve it's shining smile? Answer me that answer man." And he took a drink.

The End

A/N: Ah yes, pure insanity with just a smidgen of explanation. Hope you liked.