Name
By Chyna Rose
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I don't own the Goo Goo Dolls. I don't own my muse- she owns me. This poem is what happens when I listen to sad songs over and over again. Name, by the Goo Goo Dolls was the inspiration for this piece. Yep this is yaoi. Kensuke in fact. And it is both romantic and angsty. What can I say? Lately I've been into romantically angsty poetry. Send feedback.
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I opened the door to see you standing there,
So lost and forlorn.
You left me alone that night;
Abandoned me.
You said you need to leave.
That you didn't want to go,
But had to go-
Despite everything you felt.
Maybe because of everything you felt.
You couldn't handle it;
Loving me.
Everything you were taught said that we could never be.
Yet we fell in love.
You couldn't deal with loving me.
Couldn't deal with the tired accusations in the shadow.
Faggot.
Queer.
So you ran.
Ran out of my apartment.
And into the night.
It was raining that night.
Do you remember the rain, my love?
How we used to sit and watch the drops fall from my bed-
Turning the black pavement of the street into a silver river.
You always loved the rain.
It fascinated you.
And the lightning could hold you for hours;
Just the play of the light and raw power.
You always seemed like a storm to me-
All passion and fire.
Before you left the rain was always warm.
But now it's just cold drops of water.
You lost touch with everyone.
We all missed you.
Every single day for the last three years we kept an eye out
Hopping for any word about you.
Hopping that you would call or write one of us,
Just so we knew that you were okay.
Where did you go my love?
You're too thin.
You're clothes hang off you,
Ill fitting to the last.
When was the last time you had something to eat?
I thought I knew every blessed inch of your body-
From your auburn hair,
To your cinnamon eyes,
To your golden skin.
Every birthmark.
Every mole.
Every scar.
Yet you've changed in the time you've been away.
Your skin has become sallow-
Too sickly pale to belong to the boy I once knew and loved.
I can see scars on your arms love.
Scars that were not there when you left.
Scars that should not be there:
Not now, not ever.
And your eyes…
I remember them so full of love, hope, and life.
Now they look empty
And sad.
What the hell has happened to you these past three years?
Who stole your soul, Daisuke,
Who?
It started to rain a while ago.
A gentle rain but cold none the less.
I can see you shivering in the rags that pass for your attire.
Your scared.
Your scared of me.
You were never scared of me.
Not even when we first met.
When I was your enemy.
You haven't said anything yet.
Has it been so long that you've forgotten how to speak?
I missed you so much.
You were my life;
My light.
I fell apart when you left.
Did you?
I wish I could hate you for leaving me.
I wish that you could have stayed gone
Forever
So I would never be forced to remember how…
No.
I can't wish you had stayed gone.
I love you too much for that.
I can wish that you never left
I can wish that you rejected me,
Even to the point of hating me when I told you how I felt.
I can even wish that I never fell in love with you in the first place.
But I can never wish you gone from my life.
It's physically impossible for me to wish that.
God!
How long have we been standing here,
Just looking at each other in silence?
I am such an idiot!
It's just that I never expected to see you standing here,
With your haunted eyes.
What horrors have you seen with those eyes.
Eyes that held a beauty that was my everything.
You've been hurt.
Badly.
It shows clearly in your eyes.
Have I hurt you?
Have I betrayed you somehow?
You open your mouth to say something then close it.
Mine still hangs open in surprise.
Out of habit I reach out to stroke your cheek.
A soft whisper of a touch that I cannot stop because it's so much a part of me.
And you've been gone for far to long my love.
I need to make sure that you're real
And not just some figment of my imagination.
I've dreamed about you every night you know.
Dreams that seemed so real, I was shocked when I woke up alone.
I've seen you-
Or at least what I thought was you.
It always turned out to be someone else,
Or a phantom that was never there in the first place.
You gasp softly at my touch,
Unable to believe that I'm touching you.
No sound comes as you stare at me
Tears in your eyes.
Still scared.
That proves to be the final straw.
I grab you in a fierce embrace.
You're crying now,
Soaking my shirt with your tears,
Sobbing into my chest.
Were you always this small?
And I'm burying my face in your dirty hair,
Wetting it with my tears.
Tears of joy-
That after three long years, you've finally come back to me.
Tears of sadness-
For all the pain you've gone through.
That I could not prevent.
I once promised that I would always protect and love you.
When you left, I couldn't do that anymore-
And it practically killed me.
But now you're back in my arms again.
Half asleep from letting your pain out.
I pick you up easily-
You way no more than a small child.
And I bring you inside,
Where everything's going to be all right.
And everything will be all right again love.
You're with me again.
And we are going to move to a better place.
A small town, where no-one cares who we are.
We're going to open a small bookstore,
And coach the local children's soccer team after school.
Just like we always planed it.
You look so tired.
You snuggle into my chest.
And I can hear,
In a voice still quiet and broken.
My name.
"Ken"