The Thrifty Courtship

A prequel to Mansfield Park

Some thirty years ago (we're told)

Maria caught her man,

But then, what of her sisters dear

And their conjugal plan?

Miss Frances married to rebel-

An ill-bred, vulgar lout,

But shrewd Miss Ward? For her the banns

Had still not been read out.

"I'm just as handsome as the rest!"

She mused with bitter spite,

"But why am I still left alone,"

While others find respite?"

"Another man shall come along,"

"At him I'll stake my life,"

"And prove to him the prudence of"

"His taking me to wife."

Alas, Poor Norris! It was he

On whom she staked her claim,

Who, though he had no plan to wed

Would soon lend her his name.

A gentle sort of soul he was,

A vicar of true worth,

And to Sir Thomas such a friend

As seldom found on Earth.

Miss Ward, a frequent visitor

To her sister's estate,

Soon found that he was just the kind

That she could dominate.

"My gentle sir!" she sweetly said

"Your kindliness is great,"

"But Ah! I cannot help but fear"

"For your financial state!"

"You are all goodness-this is why"

"I feel such great unease"

"When I think of your many claims"

"And all your family's pleas!"

"My dear Miss Ward!" Poor Norris cried

"True, little cash have I,"

"But my relations must be helped,"

"For on me they rely."

"Cannot they work? For those without"

"Should try to earn their bread-"

"You may feel that you're doing right"

"But hindering instead!"

"How idle do the poor become"

"Without a proper way!"

"Oh, sir, use caution, I advise,"

"Or you'll be poor as they!"

The vicar pondered this advice-

It seemed she knew so well!

Yet still he could not quite comply,

His conscience must rebel.

Yet for six months she persevered

To make him less opined,

And in the process, captivate

Him by her prudent mind.

One eve with his dear friend he sat,

In a still, thoughtful mood,

"Pray, John," Sir Thomas soon inquired

"What causes you to brood?"

"I never thought that my affairs"

"Were bad, but bright Miss Ward,"

"Has shown that my past luxuries"

"I truly can't afford!"

"She is so sensible, you see"

"For funds she has a head,"

"And my finance will ne'er be clear"

"Unless we soon are wed!"

Sir Thomas was surprised, of course,

But in it took no part,

(For still he thought the lady fair

Was pure and good at heart).

His friend proposed, but truth be told,

The romance was not there,

For seldom have I ever seen

So practical a pair.

Miss Ward the wedding supervised,

It was to be quite small,

Though she made sure her brother-in-law

Was paying for it all.

The ceremony was performed

And with no comfort missed---

The bride made sure for months to come

To hint at wedding gifts.

So with the couple settled down

The business was at rest,

Though just how loving was their home

I think you must have guessed.

Unhappy man to be deceived

Though else so full of merit,

To be conjoined to such a wife,

Who knows how he could bear it!

My story to an end has come,

And there must be a moral:

Though thrifty as the day is long,

Don't wed those apt to quarrel.