Warning: This fic portrays a dominant/submissive sexual relationship and contains spanking
For what seems like the hundredth time, I'm on her front step, heart pounding, palms sweating.
A tightness in my throat, and the tremble in my body warns me I'm far from self-control, but I don't want anything to calm me, nor distract me - not a hit of nicotine, nor the intense concentration of sitting behind a hand of carefully maneuvered cards. All of my other vices seem so fucking pathetic, so distant, and unsatisfying.
I swallow hard against the knot in my throat, and I can feel my eyes sting already. Somewhere, deep inside, my body is tensing hard, imagining what will happen once this door opens.
If only I can lift my hand and knock….
I squeeze my hands in fists and press my eyes shut, counting slowly to ten in my head, just to conjure enough willpower to raise my hand and knock. The simple action seems so hard when I feel like I'm spiraling out of control, like all of my involuntary body functions are twitching uncontrollably.
The knock is weak, my hand trembling in front of my eyes.
I can hardly breathe.
Long seconds pass, my pulse slamming against my ears like some kind of damned clock.
The door slides open finally, and I thank whatever god may exist that I wasn't forced to knock again. I can fall inside now, surrender myself to the control of the woman on the other side of the door, trust her to carry me through.
I raise a hesitant gaze, searching for her face in the shadows of the night. I find her midnight eyes, dark in the absence of light, though I know they can shine so bright. Upon seeing me, I can see her lids widen slightly, her full lips parting as she senses the desperate expression on my face.
She holds the door open wider and murmurs, softly, "Come in."
"Thank you." I whimper, quickly ducking my head as I step inside the warmth of the house.
As the door closes, darkness sounds us and I reach out for her blindly. I feel her arms and squeeze down on the flesh as I press closer to her, breathing hard. The raspiness of my panting fills the hall in a chaotic melody and my body churns hard at the sound of my own desperation.
Her hands find me, steadying at my waist with a firm, unyielding grip. This is the touch that I trust, so unwavering and true.
"Jesus…" The curse slips from my twisted lips and I can already feel the tears welling in my eyes. "Fuck, I need you…"
"I know…" Her sweet, low tone caresses my ears, rising above the roar of blood in my head.
"I need you to…" My voice catches, and I can feel a flush bloom on my cheeks despite the cover of darkness.
She already knows what I need, but she'll want to hear it. She needs to hear it in order to commit to my darkest desires, to both feed and calm me.
"God, I just…" I mumble, leaning into her hard.
My face presses to her neck and shoulder and I can feel her bare skin beneath my lips, soft and utterly sweet. My trembling breaths rush across her flesh and I grasp onto her, searching for some semblance of control within the curves of her body.
"Shhh…" She murmurs, lifting a hand to caress my head. "Don't rush…"
"B-but… I can't...I can't handle it…" I whimper, pushing my face harder against her neck.
"Let's not do this here, hmm?" She suggests, wrapping an arm around my waist.
"Okay…" I pant, breathless from my attempts at articulation.
I let her drag me down the hall and I lean heavily on her, drinking in her scent and the warmth of her body as she leads me through the kitchen and towards the back of the apartment. The bedroom door is open and she leads me to the bed. I stumble quickly towards the inviting, plush mattress. My knees are quivering and I want so badly to be here in her bed, where I can fall into the position and surrender myself.
I tumble onto the bed on my hands and knees, my entire body shaking. I fall to my elbows, my face pressing into the mattress as I try to breath. My knees aren't spread far enough but I can't coax my body to move anymore. Not until I get out what I want, not until her hands are upon me.
A quivering, halting breath explodes from my lips as I feel her fingers at my waist, tugging my shirt tails from my jeans. I feel the material give way and slide up my ribcage, revealing my naked midsection to the burn of her gaze.
"Tell me what you need." She murmurs and I feel her lean down over me, her breath rushing hot over my spine.
A whimper fills my throat as her hands spread up my sides, ducking beneath me to massage the swells of my heaving breasts for a short, sweet second.
"I need it." I choke, another flush rising to my face and neck.
She knows what I mean, but such a subjective word won't do here in this situation. She'll twist exact words and desires from lips, although I know humiliation is never her goal. She wants to take care of me, to fulfill me with every small detail I can provide from the wild thoughts racing in my mind.
"Need what?" She murmurs, almost as if she's reading my mind.
Her hands drag slowly up my aching stomach, raking quivers across the sensitive flesh. My groin surges as her hands come close, but then they dance away over my hips and to my back again.
I struggle to speak, my words stuttering and falling over each other and I squeeze the sheets in my fists, frustrated with the lack of cooperation of my tongue.
"Shhh…" She hums again, rubbing her hands up my back.
She pushes my shirt up to my shoulders blades and I feel a tug at the latch of my bra before the material loosens from around my chest. My breasts slide free and I can feel my nipples growing hard against the sudden rush of air.
"Take your time." She assures me gently. "Start with something simple."
I press my eyes shut, trying desperately to salve my spinning brain with the gentle tone of her voice, the way her hands patiently undress me.
"I…." I begin again, swallowing back saliva, "I need your hands…"
"Mmm.." She responds, the note soft and affirmative.
Her palms slide back up to my hips, squeezing, and then her thumbs drag over my achingly tense muscles, luring me to relax. I breathe out against the tightness of my chest, my heart slowly but a little.
"I need you to hurt me first." I manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper.
"How?" She whispers, bending to kiss my flesh.
Her mouth is soft and moist against my spine, her hair spilling over her shoulders to tickle my flesh as she works her way slowly upwards. Each kiss captures another vertebrae, leaving a wet line up my back. My body trembles beneath her, eating up every sensation until I feel like I'm going to burst. I can feel myself growing wet deep between my thighs, an aching pulse churning juices from inside me.
I clench down on the sheets again, my jaw grinding as I try to not let her soft touches distract me from my plea. I need to get this out, because I need much more than a kiss and a tender touch.
"I need you to…" I whisper, biting at my lip as the following words pound through my brain over and over, but fail to rise from my mouth.
"You need me to….?" She encourages quietly, lifting her head.
"I need you to...sp-spank me…" I choke out, squeezing my arms tightly around my head to hide my face from her though I know she won't judge me.
"That's good…" She murmurs.
One of her hands slides beneath me again and I shift my hips closer to her with a whimper as she begins to open my pants. My stomach sucks in and out as she deftly pulls the button and zipper open.
"Tell me how you need it." She intones as her fingers dip beneath the waistband of my underwear.
"Oh, god…" I groan out, her command all but lost to my ears as her fingers slide deeper into my panties, brushing against my throbbing clitoris.
I thrust back against her, my body arching sharply at the soft agonizing touch. Even the slightest contact is like fire to my flesh and my heart is immediately racing again, my body throbbing wildly. She grabs my hip with the opposite hand, steadying me.
"Amanda, stop…" She gently orders me.
Although her voice holds no condemnation, I can feel the sting of shame trickle through me. My betraying body hungrily bites down on the illicit reaction, feeding my embarrassment to the aching throb between my legs, causing me to gush against her fingers.
"Breathe." She whispers to me, her fingers retracting.
"No…" I groan, "Don't stop, please…"
"Breathe." She repeats.
I gather back the pitiful pleas from the tip of my tongue and drag in a deep breath, loud enough for her to hear.
"Again."
I stifle a whimper and draw in a trembling breath that hitches half-way through. I hope it's enough to pacify her so she'll ease her fingers back between my legs.
"Good, now tell me how you need it." She says, softly, her fingers dipping down against my gushing pussy once more.
I swallow thickly as her fingers gently rub against my labia in a languid motion. The second pass of her fingers lays me open and I can feel two of her digits slip up against my aching, wet entrance. The sensation causes me to tense and whimper but I try to drag my focus down to the circling of her fingers. The rhythm of her hand steadies my twirling mind, grabbing every piece of my imagination from their suspended positions in the stratosphere.
"I want to be bent over your lap…" The words whisper from my lips in a raspy but steady stream as I rock back against her hand, my focus tightened down to this moment. "I want you to hold my hands behind my back…. I want it to be slow and hard…"
"That's good, so good…" She returns, softly.
Her fingers slow against me, their circling narrowing down to my pulsing entrance. I bite down on my lip again as I feel her probe me. My body aches to have her inside, but we both know that this moment will not lead to her fucking me. She's never ignored my desires before and it has never occurred to me that she ever will.
Her hand slides away in the next moment and I breathe out. My body wants to sink to the sheets but I force myself to remain upright for a few moments longer. Soon she'll have me across her legs and I can give myself up in the assurance of her arms where I know she'll take care of me in a way no one else can.
I feel her fingers tucking beneath the waistband of my pants and underwear and I plant my knees as she pulls them down slowly, disrobing me in a slow motion that all but makes me want to scream; but I know what I said. I said slow and she'll follow my desires until the end of this night.
She eases my pants down to my knees and I lift one leg after the other to allow her to remove them completely. My heart is slamming up against my ribs, trying to race up my throat by the time my ass and pussy are bare to her eyes. I grow achingly hot and flushed beneath the gaze that I know is grazing over my entire body and I want to beg her to stop, to do something, to do anything.
Just as I am about to break, I feel her hands touch me again, spreading over my buttocks in a slow squeeze. A choked gasp barely comes alive in my throat as she drags my cheeks apart. I know she can see everything, my pussy wet and throbbing, my other entrance tender and tight.
"Olivia…" Her name trembles from my lips for the first time in the evening, though it will undoubtedly not be the last.
"Shhh…." She hushes me, her hands falling away, much to my relief and she murmurs, "I know what you want."
I nod against the sheets, my flushed face dragging across the sweet-smelling cotton.
I feel her move away and then the end of the bed sinks as she sits down. My stomach clenches hard because I know what's coming next. I know how she'll order me, how her hands will touch me….
"Come here." Her tone is soft, but I can hear the firmness lying just beneath the surface, just like I need it to.
My weakened, shaking body is awkward as I clamber back off the bed, immediately falling to my knees beside her. I can hardly glance up at her because I just can't take the intensity that her eyes devote upon my body. I can only lie my head down on her thigh and pray she will take me from here, that she will strip me down to nothing and then bring me back up again.
Her hand pets over my head, trailing through the strands over and over until her fingers sink into a thick portion at the base of my skull.
"Bend over." She murmurs to me, pulling me closer to her.
My legs tremble as I push myself up and I grab onto her legs to drag myself across her. She pulls me the rest of the way down, easing my hips directly over her thighs. My face presses to the mattress beside her and I pant quickly as she arranges my arms behind my back, my wrists crossed.
"How does that feel?" She asks gently as she grips my wrists, holding my arms in place.
I know I'll need her firm hold there, pinning me down. I know how my body will fight, everything within in me striving to escape the humiliation until she wears my will down to nothing.
"I'm…. embarrassed." I whimper, my voice cracking.
"Why?" She inquires gently, her thumb petting softly over my wrist.
"Because I need it so bad…I don't want to, but I do."
"There's nothing to be ashamed of." She assures me as I feel her other hand settle over my buttocks.
My flesh tingles with the contact of her hand, untouched and tender still. My stomach swirls and my muscles clench because I know how raw and pained I will soon be, but I press my eyes shut, try to breath, to listen to her voice. I trust her to give me as much as I need, as much as I can take and no further. I trust her to break me in order to set the shattered, unsteady pieces of me back in their proper places. I need her to.
"You're safe with me." She murmurs, calming the humiliation that flushes my cheeks.
Her palm pets over my backside for several long moments, her fingers squeezing just hard enough to be a massage rather than a fondle. She's waiting for me to settle, to stop surging against every touch and to relax and breath. I try to give her what she wants and lapse against her lap, forcing my arms to lie weakly in her grasp as I suck in breath after breath.
Finally, her hand stills and I squeeze my eyes shut as the world becomes quiet, seconds ticking by agonizingly slow because I know it's coming. My heart chugs heavily in my chest, my body twitching every so slightly in anticipation.
Her fingers squeeze my wrists and I hitch in a breath right before the first spanking burns across my flesh. I jar against her legs, a high pitched whine filtering from between my tightly clenched teeth. My body is trembling, aching to release a breath as the pain sinks deep into my flesh before slowly dispersing.
Less than a second passes before her hand comes down again, flesh against flesh cracking loud in the silence.
"Unngghhhh…."I groan, digging my forehead into the sheets.
My feet drag over the carpet, searching for purchase, but she pulls me closer, holding me tighter as the third spanking falls upon my still stinging flesh. My body surges up against her, but she doesn't let me flail too hard. Her fingers are firm around my wrists, her forearm pressing against my back to keep me under control.
I'm already panting and sweating, my pulse racing far too quickly. My flesh is burning just sweetly enough to cause arousal to spike through my center with each strike, but I know I will be crying and weak by the end.
I lift my head to breathe as she lets the moments between the spankings lengthen once more and I strain to keep my pathetic cries from leaving my lips as she lets me twist in apprehension for a little longer.
When her hand finally falls, a moan bursts from my lips, louder than before and I shove my face back down, muffling the last of the cry. My chest heaves, releasing raspy, loud gasps as the pain tingles across my ass. I can feel my flesh beginning to flush with the punishment, and soon the pain will not fade between each one. Soon it will be constant and fiery.
Crack!
I cry out, nearly arching off her lap as the strike of her hand seizes my aching flesh once more. My arms twist in her hold, but she drags me back down, immediately punishing me again. I gag on saliva and cries that want to spill out of my mouth and I find that I can hardly control either as she spanks me hard, one, two, then three times in a row. Tears rush to my eyes, begging me for a release of emotion and I clench my teeth against it, screwing my eyes shut tightly.
Her fingers touch me again, but this times her palm gently massages my aching flesh, tenderly rubbing over the most inflamed areas for a long moment.
"Don't fight me, baby." She murmurs, her voice husky in a way that rakes shivers up my spine.
"I don't want to…" I return in a whimper, my lips trembling with tears.
The encroaching emotion pricks my eyes once more, threatening to send an entire deluge down my flushed, perspiring cheeks.
"I know." She replies, her voice barely above a whisper.
She releases my aching buttock and I suck in a trembling breath as I wait for the pain to crash across my flesh once more. I count the seconds in my mind, searching for anything to distract me from the tears in my eyes.
One, two, three, four, five, si-
I'm jolted when her hand slams down across my ass, sending pain reverberating throughout my entire body. I barely contain a cry as my quivering body struggles to accept the pain. My arms strain but she doesn't let go. She doesn't let me move. She holds me steady to deliver stinging punishment one after another, imprinting blooming hand marks across my pale flesh. The spankings fall one on top of the other, measured and decisive, branding pain into me until she's stripped my control down to a trembling, threadbare string.
Crack!
The spanking falls harder than before as if she knows I'm on the verge of tears, but I bite down hard on my lip, fighting against every aching urge inside me. When I don't immediately break, she punishes me again, hard, several times in a row, causing my flesh to burn like fire beneath the path of her unrelenting hand.
"Oh, god…" I finally cry out, the forceful emotion pushing up against my eyes.
I can feel a tear slip from my eye, traveling quickly down my nose and a louder cry slips from my throat. I don't want to be crying already, but I am; perhaps a testament to just how much I needed this.
Finally, I'm sobbing, my chest convulsing, my voice ragged and mutilated with emotion.
"Let it out." She murmurs above me in an encouraging tone and I know she could see how strained and exhausted I have been, how much I need to purge myself of bitter and angry thoughts.
The relief of release invites me and I languish against her legs, sucking in trembling breaths and exhaling in venting cries. I clench my teeth together and nearly scream as she strikes me again, but I don't feel out of control. I trust her to hold me through this, to push me through it if necessary. I don't need to even beg her to punish me again. I don't need to speak for her to understand this isn't me falling into the red zone. I'm breaking down, but I'm not falling. She's holding me, and I need her to take me to the edge.
My sobs rise and fall, tapering off at some moments, before shaking me once more.
Through it, she doesn't stop. She doesn't let me go a moment without feeling the steady burn of her hand upon my backside until I'm lying weakly against her legs, quiet and spent. I'm panting softly, tears drying upon my cheeks as my oversensitized body trembles from the stimulation. My flesh still stings and I know it won't stop for a long while, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
She lets me lie there for a few minutes, her hands petting gently over my hair and my back before she urges me up.
"Come here." She whispers, dragging my weakened body up onto the bed.
My shaking limbs barely give me leverage to fall to the sheets before I collapse next to her. She lies down next to me, gathering me into her arms, against her chest. I hide my face in the softness of her breasts, breathing in her scent and feeling her body beneath me so I don't float away. The sound of her heart beating and her gentle breathing anchor me to this moment and I squeeze her tighter, drawing myself as close to her as I can.
"You're safe." She murmurs again, pressing soft kisses to my forehead and crown. "I'm here with you, and you're safe."
I exhale deeply and nuzzle my face deeper between her breasts.
My quivering fingers tug as the hem of her shirt, seeking entrance beneath the barrier of material. The feeling of her warm flesh beneath my fingers both calms and excites me and I skim my fingers up and down her spine, feeling a tremor pass through her.
I lift my head to gaze up at her. She's watching me with those intense, dark eyes and I draw in a sharp breath.
"I want to fuck you." I whisper, my voice raw, and seemingly overly loud in the silence.
"You're not all the way down yet." She murmurs, lifting a hand to trace my jaw and cheekbone with a thoughtful finger.
"I'm ready." I beg, hoarsely, drawing my leg over her hip and crushing us closer. Her thigh is pressed up between my legs, causing me to shudder with the pressure.
"Shhh." She whispers, although her hand slips from my cheek to grab onto my thigh. I can feel her fingers tense and desirous.
"You make me feel so good." I groan, rocking my hips up against her, lustfully.
"You feel good because you let yourself have a much needed cry." She returns gently, leaning in to kiss my mouth.
I surge against her at the contact of her lips, my own mouth hungrily searching for a deeper expression. I slide my hand up through the back of the neck hole of her shirt in order to sink my fingers into her thick waves and drag her closer. My body is burning hot with my desire for her, to have her complete me with pleasure.
She resists me at first, but I can feel the heat emanating from inside her and I know she wants me too. I can only imagine how wet she must be after punishing me so good. I want to push my hand between her legs and delve into her pool of arousal, push her the edge.
Kissing her roughly, I drag my hand back down out of her shirt and to the waistband of the sweatpants that she's wearing. I thank god for the loose material that I can push my fingers right beneath. She tenses against me, a soft gasp filling her throat as I find her naked beneath the sweatpants, her thighs hot and moist with arousal. At the slightest touch of my fingers, her thighs fall open, inviting me further.
"Jesus…" I groan as my fingers slide up to her soaked center.
She's impossibly wet beneath my fingers, her body gushing hotly for me and I can almost feel my own body explode at the simple feeling.
"Amanda…" She pants, arching against me. "God, just put them inside."
I have very little reason to deny her and myself the pleasure of fucking my fingers into and I kiss her again as rub my fingers up against her swollen entrance.
"Yes…. uuunnngg…" She moans between the onslaught of my kisses, her body thrusting and quivering.
Finally, she reaches down and yanks the sweatpants from her hips, kicking the material away desperately as she spreads her legs apart, revealing her glistening, flushed pussy to my eyes. Saliva pools in my mouth, and my own body trembles with arousal. I could almost come just from the sight of her.
I push between her legs, lying down against her stomach as I slip my hand up against her. Her body is open and wet, taking my fingers with an ease that titillates my every sense. Her wetness gushes about my fingers, and inside she's swollen and slick. Pressing my mouth to her expanding ribs, I guide my fingers up against her tender walls, drawing strained moans from her pretty mouth. I'm still shaking all over, but the pure passion and desire burgeoning up from inside me drives the thrusting of my hand against her wanting parts.
"Oh, god, yes…" She groans, her hips straining against my weight to thrust into my hand.
I know it won't take long now for her to explode on my hand, but it doesn't matter. It only means that we can find our next orgasms quicker and harder.
Wrapping my arm around her waist, I hold her tight as I fuck my fingers into her, rocking against her body with a free-falling abandon I could possibly have achieved before her breaking of me.
When I had arrived here, my mind had been scattered, my emotions a pandora's box. I'd been so close to spiraling, but she'd brought me back, just like always. Giving her the sweetest orgasms of her life is the smallest thing I can do to possibly thank her, to worship her, my savior; but she takes my devotion, wretched as it is, and treasures it, and I can't ask for anything better.