The Three Friends Trilogy Book Three

by Clarissa Larissa Malin

Kiwi'sDon'tDrinkandDrive cowrote this final installment. Kate, Paige, and Ashley have to make headway in the world by deciding the fate of their love lives, and whether or not their relationships are reflective of their inner selves.

Paige opened her eyes as she felt the plane begin to lower itself. She turned her head

slightly to look out the window. She was in LA.

Bright sunny HAPPY Los Angeles, California.

This was her new home.

This was where she was going to make it big.

She looked over at Elijah, still asleep. This was the man who was going to make her a

star... and he loved her too.

She looked down at the small photo album in her hands.

This is what she left behind.

Paige knew she would see Ashley and Kate again soon, but not soon enough.

The plane finally landed with loud, low rumble and a jerk, making a glass of red wine

fly several feet in the air and land on the woman sitting in the row of seats across

from them. She gave a little squeal and began to sob about it getting on her $505 white

Chanelle capris.

All heads turned to look at her.

The captain finally came on the intercom and told them that they could unbuckle their

seatbelts and leave.

Thank god, Paige thought, glancing over at the teary-eyed woman.

Elijah slowly opened his eyes and smiled at Paige sleepily.

She still could not believe that she was here.

Kate felt an unusual knot of tension in her stomach. It felt hot, and sticky. You're being silly, thought Kate. You can't know if you're stomach is hot or sticky. Yet, somehow, her body knew it was. The more she thought about it, the worse it got. The more solid it got. She felt her forehead. "Mike," she said, looking over at him as they drove in the car. "My stomach hurts. A lot." "Oh," he said shifting. He looked outside at the Texas desert. "What's wrong?" "Here," Kate said, out of breath. "It hurts right here." "I'm really sorry," said Mike, concerned. "Do you want some water?" "No," said Kate, puffing. "I think I might have an appendicitis." Mike stared. "You're appendix is on the other side of your stomach." Kate spluttered. "How do you know that?" "I went to medical school," said Mike. "But I was afraid of blood." Kate blinked. "But you're a rapper in Linkin Park." "Hey," said Mike, shrugging. "Can't hurt to have an education." "I can't believe it," said Kate, clutching her side. "Yeah, well," said Mike, leaning in to kiss Kate. "There's a lot you don't know about me." "GAH!" yelled Kate, moments before Mike kissed her. Mike looked like a cat having been blasted with a fog horn right in it's ear. "Does this," said Mike, agitated, "have anything to do with the fact you are meeting the rest of Linkin Park in," he looked at his watch, "30 minutes?" Kate pursed her lips. "Thinking about it makes it worse," said Kate, cocking her head to the side. "Well," said Mike, a little more cheery. "You're nervous." "Nervous," said Kate strangely. She had never really felt that emotion before. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ashley stared at Bret. The world refused to stop spinning. The ground shook and shivered beneath her feet. It seemed to call her downwards. She felt her feet slipping, her grip loosening, and she soon joined the grass. Bret ran over to her. "Ashley?" he asked, intimidated beyond belief at the thought of being blamed for the Whatever Virus that Ashley now seemed to contract. Actually, thought Bret, she seems to contract It whenever Craig enters the picture. "Right," said Ashley, getting up. She grabbed Bret's collar. "Tell me this fucking instant what Craig said or I will chop off your balls and force feed them to you." Bret's adam's apple quivered. "R-R-right," he stuttered. "Craig." Ashley glared at him. "Spit it out." "Craig," said Bret, with gusto. "Said that he'll meet you in the Cafe Roseromano in 30 minutes." Ashley smiled, and punched Bret very hard in the face. "What the hell was that for?" he asked. "Nothing," said Ashley, spinning as if in The Sound of Music. "Nothing at all."

"Right, well, you're going to have to get naked at some point," Peter "The Beast" Michalgo told Paige. "No," she said, defying Peter. "I've had bad experiences in this dressing room." Paige was standing with her hands crossed over her chest in the middle of the boutique in which Dominic had tried to rape her not a month ago. Peter "The Beast" Michalgo was tapping his feet. For a very long time, Peter had been known as the world's best record producer. It was indeed a mystery how the little label Elijah Wood had started could persuade and afford "The Beast" as it's main producer. Even Paige did not know what business deal had gone down when Peter was hired the previous week. She suspected Elijah had done some major butt kissing, but had no idea. She detested Peter with a vengence. He was that arrogant, annyoing, stupid Hollywood royalty that the best movies are made of. He wore far too much cologne, and you could smell him from a mile away. As a house guest, Peter would leave his stench for weeks and weeks on newly bought sheets, to no avail of washing repeatedly. Peter "The Beast" was widely regarded as a genius for turning *sometimes* frumpy teenage girls into millionaires with the largest fanbase possible. He was the creative and marketing force behind Ronnie Sinclair, who wrote the smash hit, "I wanna tickle your pickle," which broke the record set by Britney Spears for sluttiest hit to be number one on the day it premiered. He knew the darkest allyways, where you could mask the most potent teenage drug addiction, and knew the richest Hollywood producer, who (for a small favor) could place your starlette in his new Blockbuster as a career defining move. He slinked in the darkness so carefully that he was known as "The Beast" in LA. Girls would line up in front of his office and often strip to the smallest of clothes just so that Peter would give them an audition. When Elijah told Paige of his past experience and talent, he called him the, "Most Prestigious Man to Work with on a First Album." Unfortunately, this "prestige" fell tragically short of the resume Paige had hoped to find in a record producer. She was not about to wear an outfit designed by Versace that would show her boobs if she moved 45 degrees to the left. She would not let the computer synthasize her voice in the "SCRAMBLER" so that it sounded identical to Britney Spears (she suspected Britney didn't even sing her actual songs but used this device for all singing necessary). She would not let Peter make a fake sex tape depicting her and Elijah doing it "doggie style." Most of all, she was not going to change in front of Peter just so that he could see her dress in clothes she would wear normally. Even if he begged as a last stitch attempt to make her happy by letting her choose what she wore to the press releases, Paige found that in two short days, his promises and suggestions held little value. "Why will I EVER have to get naked?" Paige asked condescendingly. "Because," he said with a Brooklyn lilt, "when you strip in your concert tour..." "Peter." said Paige sternly. "I-am-not-going-to-be-another-marketing- slut." Peter stared at her blankly. "But when you and Collin Ferrel do it..." "DO WHAT?" "It." he said, matter-of-factly. "You'll have to get naked then." "There are many," Paige said, painfully laughing, "many, many, many tragic faults in that plan, biggest of which being I am a minor, smallest being I don't know him." "Well I do," said Peter, staring at Paige. "And it's not a problem, I'm the friend of the cheif of police in LA." Paige stared. "Fucking asshole," she muttered. The very scary saleslady came up behind Peter with a potted plant. She smashed it on his head, and he fell unconscious. "I heard you two arguing," she said, smile on her face. "Geez, all these rich men want to rape you." She struggled with a look of snottiness and admiration. "Well," said Paige, flipping her hair. "I am desirable. Thanks for that." And Paige laughed on the inside at the hilarity of the saleslady, who must really think that she was rich and desirable. She could swear as she left the shop, the saleslady told a customer, "That's Paige, you know. Watch her, big things are coming her way."

Kate stared at the door that the rest of Linkin Park was supposed to come through. Her

eyes switched from the clock to the door to the clock to the door to a small bobble

head of Fred Rogers on the television set.

One more minute and Linkin Park would be coming through THAT door.

Kate looked at Mike and then at the bobble head again. It was really starting to freak

her out. She could have sworn that it had mouthed "It's a beautiful day in the

neighborhood" to her.

Okay, now Kate was seeing things. That was not a good thing.

She began to shake.

"You must be Kate?" a hoarse voice said behind her.

Kate spun around and nearly screamed. It was Chester. Sweaty Chester.

"Yeah, this is her." Mike said for Kate, who's jaw was hanging open.

"Nice to meet you. This is Mr. Hahn..." Chester said, gesturing to Mr. Hahn.

Mr. Hahn took off his round glasses and smiled at Kate.

"You can call me Edgar..." he said.

"Right..." said Kate looking at bobble-head.

"Well... we're doing a show in a few minutes... do you want to come on stage with

us?" Chester asked, clearing his throat several times.

"Er... well... I can't really..." Kate made a few gestures with her hands that no

one but the bobble-head probably decipher.

"That's okay, you can play the guitar..." said Mr. Hahn, grabbing her hand and

dragging her out towards the stage.

Ashley skipped down the hill to Auckland. She found it semi-difficult, and often "skipped" down the hill on her ass. The sun was starting to set. She didn't understand why going down this stupid hill was taking so long. Her brow was soaked with sweat, and her legs were aching with exhaustion. At the bottom, she saw Mark leaning on a car, looking very suave. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he reminded her *scarily* of James Dean. "H-hi," said Ashley, confused. Mark took off his ray-bans. "Hey," he said, in a come-hither voice. Ashley came hither. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "We assumed that you weren't going to stop," he said, indicating a small mass jammed in the back of the car, seemingly shaking, "when we passed you falling on your bum on the way down." Ashley grinned sheepishly. "He said that you would track us down and kill us if we didn't wait for you." "Quite... right!" said Ashley, gaining enthusiasm for the idea. "So," said Mark. "Where are you staying?" "Staying?" asked Ashley, puzzled. Craig stubbed out his fag. "What hotel?" he asked. Ashley stared. "Hotel?" she said. "Shit." "You didn't think this through, did you?" asked Mark. Ashley was very puzzled by the lack of expressed insanity on Mark's part. In fact, he was starting to look more and more like a rebel hottie, and not like "Mark Ferguson- Scary Middle-Aged Breast Fondler." "No," said Ashley, embarrassed. "Right," replied Mark. "You are staying at my house." With a nod, he led Ashley to the passengers' side of the car, and opened the door. Ashley's mind opened as wide as her mouth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kate smiled, and nodded, still in dreamland. She then shook her hand, and tried to pry her hand from Mr. Hahns grasp. "Look," she said, panting. "I can't play guitar as well as you guys." "Well," said Mr. Hahn, "fake it." Mike grinned. "She's not so good at that, my boys. She only knows the real thing." Chester "oohed" and the earmuff guy "ahhed" and they slapped Mike's hand in congratulations. Kate put her hands on her hips. "Excuse me," she said. The band stopped dead in their tracks. They had each heard that voice before. They had heard it from girls they had dated, and knew it was trouble. They pivoted, dead in their tracks as Kate opened her mouth to lash. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige's cell phone would not stop ringing. She checked it, and every time Elijah's name showed up on her caller ID. She knew that leaving Peter in the middle of a strange boutique unconscious was probably not a good idea, but she didn't care. She sipped her Mai Tai, and continued to lie in the sun. "You're going to get skin cancer," her mother called from inside the house. Paige lifted herself up off the plastic floating device in the middle of her pool. She dangled one hand into the cold, cool water. "I put on sunscreen," she yelled back. Her mother strutted out of the house. "You know," she said, laughing. "Elijah doesn't just call your cell phone." "Eh?" said Paige, not caring. "He called the house an hour ago," Cynthia continued. "Talking about something having to do with knocking out Peter." "Eh," Paige said, in another tone. "Help me out here," said Cynthia. "It's not my job to dissern between two grunts." "Eh," replied Paige. Cynthia sighed. "Oh well," she said softly. "Glad I told Elijah you were out scoping the town for some hot boys..." she said, voice trilling. Paige shot off her floating, having applied far too much sunscreen. "You play nasty," said Paige. Cynthia laughed. "I just care about your skin."

Kate just smiled.

"Let's get this started then, shall we?" she asked grabbing a guitar that was in the

corner of the stage.

Chester sighed in relief, clearing his throat and patting his good luck marble that was

in his pocket. His marble was named Benny.

Mr. Hahn nodded and put his glasses on, sitting on his stool behind the drums.

Mike grabbed a microphone and stood next to Kate.

The curtains opened, and thousands of screaming fans greeted her eyes.

Kate was loosing her confidence... but she would get through this. She always did.

"Are you ready to PARRRRRRRRRRR-TAY?!?!?!" screamed Chester, totally out of

character, and his shirt drenched in a fine sheen of sweat, making his white shirt

see-though. Kate shuddered.

The crowd screamed and cheered as a response.
Chester howled.

All of a sudden, something on the stage exploded. Kate jumped. Mr. Hahn's drum had

exploded.

Someone dressed in black had come barreling onto the stage.

It was Benji.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paige had gotten out of the pool. Walking down the sidewalk,

Paige looked at all of the beautiful houses that surrounded her. She was missing her

old house in Bethesda terribly.

"Ello!" cried a voice behind her.

Paige spun around. Her eyes were greeted with a strange woman dressed in a neon yellow

spandex suit.

"Er... hi." said Paige, staring at her lime green shoes.

"I'm your next door neighbor, Jennine!" she said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley took a look around Mark's apartment. The most you could say was that it was nothing like Craig's apartment. It was messy. It was dirty. It looked like a tornado had come through it multiple times and had managed to specifically find his underwear drawer to display throughout the house. "Mark?" asked Ashley, holding up a pair of *hopefully* clean underwear. Mark looked on. "Yeah? So what?" he asked, lighting himself another fag. His leather jacket was starting to scare Ashley. A lot. But somehow the danger of living in "unfit conditions" (as the health department had deemed it) seemed to turn Ashley on. "Nothing," said Ashley, trying to shovel her way through the Cheerios and strange objects on the ground. She saw a coloring book, and picked it up. "O-oh!" Ashley exclaimed, dropping the coloring book immeadiately. "What?" asked Mark, still smoking his fag. "T-that's not a coloring book!" Ashley said, voice shaking. Mark ambled over to the item, walking over (and sometimes crushing) household items. He picked it up and shrugged. "Have you never seen a porno magazine before?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige jumped into her mom's car. "Paige!" Cynthia called. "You're only wearing a BATHING SUIT!" "So?" replied Paige, leaning casually out the window. "We're in LA. That's not a problem." Paige put the keys in the ignition, and tipped her hand to her mother. "WAIT!" Cynthia called. "You'll get the seat wet!" Paige smiled, and pulled a corner of the towel she was sitting on up so that her mother could see. Cynthia smiled and waved Paige on. She only realized when Paige failed to stop at the stop sign half a block up that learner's permits could only be driven with an accompaning licsenced driver. Cynthia sighed, and turned on the news. She was going to have to wait and see when the police chase would begin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Mike," growled Benji. Mike dropped his guitar. The audience looked on, shaking their heads. Many of them knew of Benji from Good Charlotte, and many of them hated the band, simply because of the rivalry between GC and LP. "Hi!" said Kate, enthusiastically. Mike and Benji stared at her with contempt. "H-hi," said Benji, caught off guard. "Who are you?" "I'm Kate," she said, simply. Benji kept on staring. "You're not scared of me? Most teenage girls standing on-stage at a Linkin Park concert that I ambush are scared of me." It was Kate's turn to stare. "Most girls? When has this ever happened before?" She looked at Mike, who had suddenly become very interested in his shoes. "When has this ever happened before?" she asked Chester. He shrugged. "Never, I guess..." he said, trailing off. Kate looked at Benji. "WHEN THE FUCK HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE?" she screamed at him. Several audience members in the mosh pit had to massage their ears. "Well, last spring, I came onstage and a girl named Suzie was up here and she ran home, I think... then this summer I came onstage and this girl named McKensie was onstage and she got scared, too..." Kate heard enough. "Who did Suzie and McKensie say they were with, eh?" said Kate, jaw squared. She looked at Mike. "Mike," he said, with passion. "How I loathe the name Mike." Kate walked across the stage, and spit in Mike's face. "So do I," she said, and walked quickly away from the stage. The mosh pit clapped. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige drove as quickly as she could down Sunset Boulevard. She knew Elijah would probably think that Paige would come here to scope out the "hunies." Sure enough, she saw him galloping along calling out her name. Paige slowed her car to 5 MPH and whistled at Elijah. He turned his head and smiled. "Where have you been? Your mother said..." "My mother is wise and cunning," said Paige. "She knows how to get me out of the house." Elijah smiled. "Speaking of that..." he started. "Does she know about us?" "No, no, no... and I intend to keep it that way. She only knows we're 'friends'." Elijah opened his mouth, then shut it. "You are something..." he muttered. Paige tutted. "Get into the car," she ordered. Elijah stepped in. "So," he said, smiling. "You going to tell me what happened between you and Peter at the boutique?" Elijah asked, arms crossed over his chest. "No," said Paige. "But I will tell you that you look gay like that." Elijah moved his arms instantly. "Paige," he whined. "Tell me. I am paying him sooo much money, and..." "Is that how you got him to produce me?" asked Paige, intrigued. Elijah shut up. Paige smiled and winked at him. "If you tell me, I'll make it worth your while..." Elijah laughed. "He's here out of the kindness of his heart," said Elijah. Paige laughed cynically. "More like out of the kindness of your wallet."

"Wow..." said Ashley, staring down at the magazine.

Mark grinned, shoving the magazine under what he thought was a table with his foot.

"Nice place, Mark..." she looked around the living room for somewhere to sit down.

There was a square object in the corner of the room covered with a sheet. Hopefully a

clean sheet.

She sat down. The thing she sat on made a noise. Mark didn't seem to notice. He was

leaning against the wall.

"Thanks... so, you're meeting Craig in an hour. I'll drive you to the restaurant."

Ashley nodded, feeling slightly nervous as the thing she was sitting on moved.

"Are you eating there with us?" she asked.

Mark grinned and nodded.

"Thought you might need a chaperone. Though I'd be more than happy to join in the

fun."

Ashley grimaced. Were they going to just sit here until they left for the restaurant?

"Mark... can we leave now? Your 'sofa' is starting to growl...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate stormed of the stage, passing a cheering crowd of fans. She ran into the practice

room and slammed the door.

She scowled at the Mr. Roger's bobble-head that was giving her a thumbs- up.

Wait... it wasn't doing that before....

There was a knock at the door.

It was probably Mike, Kate thought. Stupid Mike...

"Come in..." she growled.

A spiked-black head peeked in. It was Benji.

"What do you want?" she asked with an edge.

"Mike was being an asshole. He's a player."

"You can say that again..." Benji smiled, the black eyeliner was starting to bother Kate.

"You know, that black eyeliner looks really gay on you." Kate said, averting her

gaze to the bobble-head.

"I think it looks rather dashing. The girls seem to love it."

Kate scowled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So... how do you like your new house?" Elijah asked, changing the subject.

"It's great... we have a pool and everything." Elijah nodded, looking out the window as Paige took a sharp left up her driveway.

"Wow... this is bigger than my place," Elijah said, in awe of the size of the house.

"I doubt that," Paige laughed, shutting the driver-side door.

There was a loud shriek.

Elijah and Paige both jumped. Paige's new neighbor jumped out behind a hedge and began to jog towards them in her bright outfit. Elijah shielded his eyes.

"Is this your boyfriend?" she squealed. Paige grinned, despite her temporary loss of hearing in her right ear.

"Yes, this is Elijah. Elijah, this is Jessica, my nextdoor neighbor."

"It's Jenine..." Jenine smiled, her hand shooting out. Elijah shook it awkwardly and stepped back, squinting his eyes.

"You know, that suit you're wearing could be hazardous..."

Ashley sat in Mark's car, waiting patiently for Mark to start the engine. He was just sitting there, staring into some sort of space. "Mark?" Ashley reminded him, gently. Mark snapped his head in Ashley's general direction. "Yeah?" he said, laughing a bit too insanely. "You need to start the car," Ashley replied, sternly. Mark laughed. "Okay," he said, smiling. He drove rather impecibly. She had never seen a Kiwi drive so well. "Hey Mark?" she asked, confused. "How did you get to be such a good driver?" "Oh, with practice," he said. "And I just had a joint." Ashley blanched. A joint? Could a joint mean 'a fag' or some other type of tobacco product? It surely couldn't mean he just... "A joint?" asked Ashley. "Yeah, some pot, yeah," said Mark, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel of his car. "Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah," he said, to the tune of something Ashley didn't recognize. "Right, pull over, Mark," said Ashley. "I am going to drive." "No you're not," he said. "I may be high, but I know for a fact you are a crap driver." "DAMNIT!" said Ashley. "Why does this always happen to me? Whenever I have to drive to meet Craig, some goddamned Kiwi always messes it up.. or my friend is drunk, or high, or just a bad driver. DAMNIT!" "Right, take a chill pill, babe," said Mark, driving with his knees. "It's all about the flow." Ashley was even angrier, considering he could drive better with his knees than she could with her hands rigidly in the 2 o clock and 10 o clock positions. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Benji was starting to lick his hand, like a cat. Kate watched him with intense observation skills. "So," he said, after he had licked his hand enough to satisfy himself. "What?" asked Kate, eyes small. "I, uhh," said Benji, eyes getting out of focus. "Wanted to know why you thought that I was ugly." Kate snorted. "You scare small children." "Fair enough," said Benji. "But do I scare you?" "No. But I think you look like a gay ass freak with no life who goes home to a can of green beans that his mother left there because she felt sorry for him that he had no girlfriend but his twin brother Joel, who is also in his band, gets all the ladies in the whole entire world without even saying hello," replied Kate in one breath. Benji shifted his weight. "You are amazing," he said. "I admire your tenacity." Kate sighed. "How come my insults done hurt anymore..." she muttered. "Everyone has to fucking admire me for them." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige looked at Elijah, and repressed a very large snort. Jenine's outfit was indeed dangerous. "You might not want to go to the beach at night wearing an outfit like that," said Paige. "It's hazardous to baby turtles, you know... who are searching for the light of the ocean? They could be blinded by your light, and then they would scuttle to you instead of the Pacific." Jenine nodded her head. "Quite right," she said. "Thanks for the tip." Elijah and Paige smiled. "Would you like to go and, er... have some dinner?" Jenine asked. Paige shook her head. "No, I have to, err... clean out my ear wax tonight," she said, smiling. "Right, right," said Jenine. "Another time?" "In another galaxy, far, far away," Elijah muttered. Paige stepped on his toes. "I'll take a raincheck," Paige said with a grimace. "Good!" said Jenine, prancing out of the shadows. She got up, and gave Paige the "Two Cheek Air Kiss of Death" and did the same to Elijah before she cavorted merrily off to her mansion. "That was scary," said Elijah. "Yes," said Paige. "I shall be having neon-colored nightmares for weeks..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark pulled up to the restaurant, and Ashley jumped out of the car quickly. Psycho New

Zealanders. She looked at the front tire. Fuzzy brown blobs with spindly legs were stuck to it.

"Oh my god, Mark! Do you know how many kiwis you killed on our way here?" Mark got out of his side of the car and slammed the door.

"Filthy little buggers. Serves them right." Mark muttered, lighting another dooby. Ashley frowned and plucked it from his hand, hurling it onto the street, lighting a passing kiwi on fire.

"You know, smoking's really bad for you." Mark scowled several feet down at her (there was at least a two feet height difference between them).

"You know, smoking's really bad for you." he mocked, turning towards the restaurant

and pulling Ashley along with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was silence, as Benji began to stare down at his shoes. They were black, as

everything else he was wearing.

"Are you always this openly weird around strangers?" Kate asked, watching as Benji

sat down on the floor and began to tie his shoelaces together.

This was very amusing to Kate, and disturbing to her at the same time.

"You know, I had a very traumatizing childhood."

"That's too bad," Kate lied, watching as Benji took off his left shoe and wiggled

his toes around in her face. Benji giggled.

"Joel used to lock me in my closet and tell me that the toothfairy would stick

carrots in my nose while I was sleeping." Kate raised her eyebrows.

"He left me in there for days, once. And on the fourth day, our housekeeper,

Mepnila, found me and hit me with a broom because she thought I was a mouse."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paige led Elijah by the hand into her house. He nearly walked into the door due to his

temporary loss of vision (courtesy of Jenine).

"Jenine seems very... err... nice." said Elijah, rubbing his forehead.

"Hah." replied Paige, sitting down on the couch next to her cat Bootsie.

"Well, at least your neighbor isn't homicidal." said Elijah, sitting down next to

her.

"Yeah... and yours is?"

Elijah nodded.

"She shoots squirrels at 5:45 in the morning every Tuesday."

"That's horrible." Paige said, stroking Bootsie's tummy.

"She's been arrested on accounts of first-degree assault to a giraffe several

times."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley went inside the restaurant and sighed. She put her hand up to shield from the lights, and searched aimlessly for Craig. He was nowhere to be found. She looked and looked and looked again. She went up to the waitress at the front desk. "G'day, and welcome to the Rounabout Restaurant," the hostess said. "Err, hi," said Ashley, a bit flushed. Is a Craig Parker here?" The hostess scanned her list of patrons. "No, I'm sorry," she said. "Would you like a table for two?" Ashley started to sob. The hostess' eyes went wide. "I'm sorry, would you just like a table for one? I mean, jesus, you don't have to get so emotional..." Ashley banged on the hostess' seating chart. "Can I offer you something to help? I mean, god, lady, c'mon, it isn't that bad... you need to grow some thicker skin, I mean..." "Stop crying," said a drawling voice. Ashley looked up and saw Craig. "Craig, I *sniff* I thought you were *sniff* I thought you stood me up." Craig smiled. "Table for three," he said to the googly-eyed hostess. "Right," she said, disconcerted, and pulling out four menus. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Right..." said Kate, becoming more and more scared of Benji by the second. Benji looked up at her and grinned.

Okay, Kate couldn't take this anymore. She ran outside as quickly as possible.

She ran into something tall. Looking up and rubbing her head, she saw that it was not a

tree, but Mike.

"Listen Kate, I'm sorry..." said Mike genuinely. "I should have told you..."

Kate crossed her arms.

"Yeah, you should've. And I forgive you, don't worry... but I think we should just

be friends."

Mike frowned.

"B-but... Why?" he asked.

"I'm not ready for a relationship like this yet."

Mike nodded.

"I understand."

Kate smiled.

"I knew you would. So... can we just be friends then?"

Mike smiled and nodded.

"Friends...."

They shook hands.

"You know," began Kate. "I've been wanting to start my own band for a while now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That sounds tough," said Paige scratching Bootsie under her chin.

Elijah shrugged.

"Yeah I guess."

"So..."

"So..."

"Do you like it here?" Elijah looked hopeful.

Paige nodded and sighed.

"Yeah, but I miss my friends..."

"You can still call them," Elijah suggested, eyeing Paige's other cat, Scraggles,

who was looking at him with a slight disdain from afar.

"You're right... but it's not the same."

"Well, you're going to see Kate soon, and Ashley's just a phone-call away."

Paige knew Elijah was right, but for some reason there was a doubt about it in her

mind.

Ashley's mouth hung open. How had Craig managed to command such an incredible feeling inside her? How he been able to take a situation that went tragically out of control and make it all better? Ashley's mind rattled with all of her questions. "Ashley," said Craig, pulling a chair out for her to sit in. She sat down, and he pushed it in for her. Mark waited for Craig to pull out a chair for him, and was astonished when Craig whisked bye him without a hello. "Hi," said Ashley, loosing all control. "Hey," said Craig, with a small smile. He showed bright white teeth- straight and perfect. Ashley sighed. "Something wrong?" Craig asked. "Nothings wrong," Ashley answered. "I am glad that you want to see me." Craig nodded. "Ashley, everything that's going on... all of it.... we need to talk. We need to be open." "Right," said Ashley. "I have been acting, to say the least, creepy. And I realize it. I think, for now..." he started, taking a deep breath. "We should try to be friends, and then see where that goes. Like, a jumping off point." Ashley nodded. This was better than nothing. "So," Ashley said. "So," Craig said. "I like wine," muttered Mark, previously ignored. He was perusing the wine list. Ashley and Craig jumped, startled at the realization that Mark even existed. "Right, mate. Right," said Craig, eyes shifty. "So, Ashley- tell me about school." A wide grin spread across Ashley's face. "Oh, I'll tell you about my school," she said, glad he had introduced a topic she could really sink her teeth into, unlike the pastrami sitting in front of her. Mike looked at Kate. "Band?" he said. "What band?" "Err, ahh..." said Kate. "The one I want to start." "Okaaay," said Mike, deep in thought. "Do you have any songs you could play for me?" Kate blushed. "I'm a bit embarrassed..." Kate started. Mike snorted. "You can't be embarrassed in this business, you have to grab the bulls by the horn." Kate grimaced at his terminology. "Okay, right, can you just hook me up with someone on your label or something?" Mike stared. "Are you using me?" "Umm," said Kate. "It's a bit fast that you don't want to go out with me anymore..." Mike said, eyes all shifty. "Not really, I've wanted to break up since we got illegally married." Make stared at her. "This doesn't have anything to do with Benji, does it?" Mike asked. Kate shook her head violently. "Oh god, no! Not Benji..." Kate started. "Did I hear my name?" asked Benji, emerging from behind the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Elijah," Paige started. "Yeah?" he said, looking at Scraggles out of the corner of his eyes. "I... love the fact you gave me a record deal...in La... but is there anyway that perhaps... Peter can... go?" Paige said. BANG. That was the sound of Elijah hitting the floor as Scraggles made a wild dive for his face. In a matter of moments, Scraggles claws had sunk into Elijah's eyes, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs, "GET THIS FUCKING CAT OFF OF ME!!!!!" Paige jumped and ran into the kitchen. Scraggles was no ordinary cat. She had once been shot by a local boy, and Paige hadn't found out until she went to the doctor five years later, and they found the bullet still lodged in her shoulder. She rummaged through her kitchen, relatively empty since they had just moved in, and found what she was looking for. A frying pan. She ran into the family room, where Elijah was still struggling with Scraggles, and Paige flung the pan at Scraggles. She missed. It hit Elijah square in the face, and Scraggles (thinking he was dead) walked away, fat belly swinging. "Elijah?" said Paige, looking at him with extreme anxiety. "ELIJAH?!" "I see the white light," he said. "I see the white light." "DON'T GO TOWARDS IT!!" Paige yelled. "No, stupid," Elijah said, clutching his head. "I see white lights. I think your fucking cat scratched out my eye." "Ohmigod," said Paige. "I'll call 911." "No," said Elijah. "I'm going to go." He got up. There was a trickle of blood coming from behind his hand. "Elijah, no, wait..." Paige called after him. But it was too late. Elijah had gotten into his car, and driven away. Paige sighed, and plopped down onto her couch. She would wait for him to call her from the hospital.

Ashley had talked animatedly about her middle school, about the pyschotic Vice

Principal, bald cross dressing teacher, etc. Craig sat transfixed at hearing all of this

madness. He always new that American schools were a bit iffy, but this one definitely

took the biscuit. During that period of time, Mark had managed to finish Ashley's

pastrami, and half of Craig's barbecue chicken.

She asked Craig about his experience filming the Lord of the Rings and Mercy Peak, and

Mark managed to snog a few comments in there (i.e. passing out while he was hurled ten

feet into the air, the catering, etc.).

Ashley checked her watch. "It's getting kind of late... we should probably be heading

back..." Craig nodded.

"Do you want to come home with us? We could talk some more over at Mark's."

Craig smiled. Last time he went over to Mark's, he had to go to the emergency room for

fear that he had rabies (a jagged piece of cardboard had snagged him). He would endure

it for Ashley.

"Sure, I'd love too." Mark smiled, finishing off the rest of Craig's sandwich, and waving the waitress over for the bill.

"I'll drive," Mark said, belching. Ashley grimaced.

"How about not?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hi!" said Benji, skipping into the room over to Kate.

"Err.. hi Benji..." Kate said, taking a few steps away from him. Mike frowned.

"It IS because of him isn't it!" he yelled. Kate shook her head.

"Of course not!" Kate yelled back, startling Benji, who was obviously stoned. "Why

would I ever leave you for a freak like this?!" Mike shrugged.

"I dunno..." Benji began to sob, his eyeliner dripping down his cheeks, making him look even more scary (if that was possible).

"No... don't cry Benji... I didn't mean it like that..." Kate said, rolling her

eyes. Benji perked up and smiled, skipping out of the room.

Mike and Kate shared a look.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paige stared at the phone, lost in thought. A loud shriek caught her off guard. It was coming from outside. She dashed out the door and nearly tripped over Elijah, who was laying on the doorstep, still clutching his eye.

"Elijah!" she cried. Then she turned her head quickly to the right, where she had to

automatically shield her eyes. "Jennine!"

Jennine was jumping up and down frantically, her neon spandex suit flashing dangerously in the sunlight. She was pointing to Elijah.

"Yes I see that!" Paige growled, hauling Elijah into the car.

Great, now she had to drive him to the hospital.

Ashley watched as Craig drove along the road. He was careful; paitent. He didn't need Ashley's backseat driving. She heard his cell phone jingle and he answered it. "Hello?" said Craig, still driving carefully. "Oh," he said, and by the way Craig said it, Ashley gathered he didn't like the person he was talking to. "How'd you get this number?" The expression on Craig's face was stony. "Oh. Right. Well, what's up?" he said, not chatting, but wanting to get to the point. His face blanched. "What? You're WHAT? No, no..." said Craig, getting very upset. Ashley put her hand on his arm. He flinched it away. "This is important, and incredibly unnerving. Where do you live?" he asked, getting angrier by the second. "Right, well, I have someone here," he glanced at Ashley and Mark. "But she can drive herself home. Right. Be there in a few." Craig shut his cell phone. "Do I have to go?" Ashley asked. "Yes, you do," said Craig, making a u-turn. "You can drive home, alright?" Ashley nodded. "Is something going on?" Craig grimaced. "Nothing, nothing," he muttered. He dropped Ashley off at the restaurant. "Here's your car," he said, planely. Barely stopping for Ashley to say, "Goodbye," Craig let Mark out and sped away. Ashley was left standing in a cloud of dust. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige turned on the car's engine. "Elijah," she commanded. "Get in my car." "Right," he said. Jenine held back his arm. "Look, darling," she said, her suit causing Elijah to cry out in pain. "I don't think your an experienced enough driver." Paige turned around in her seat, very slowly. Elijah braced himself for Paige's wrath. "Lady," Paige said, voice quivering with impatience. "Back the fuck off." She put a hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp. Elijah stared, one eyebrow raised. "That's all you have to offer?" he said. "I expected much worse." "Get in the car, blinky," Paige said, Elijah blinking furiously in the eye that was closest to Jenine. Paige put Elijah in the front seat of her mini cooper, and drove away as quickly as possible. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This was not working out. Kate sat, brow furrowed, Benji dancing in front of her. "Cause girls just wanna have fun, oooh girls just wanna have... they just wanna, they just wanna..." he sang, kicking his heels and prancing like a girl. Kate's pupils became slits. In a possive nature even she couldn't understand, Kate got up, and punched Benji very hard in the nose. "Fuuuccckk!" he screamed. "I paid $12,000 dollars for that!" he screamed. "Ooops, did I just say that out loud?" he asked, clutching his nose. Kate rolled her eyes. Mike walked out of the tour bus. He took one look at Benji, and laughed. "Mhm," he said. "Knew that was going to happen." Kate smiled. "Hop on, girl. Next stop, Phoenix! Then after that, San Diego! Then after that, Los Angeles!" he screamed. Great, Kate thought. Three more days until I can see Paige. "Wait for me!" said Benji, skipping along, not noticing the blood the speckled the asphalt as he jubilantly ran up the stairs to the bus. Kate sighed, and trudged on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark ended up driving a sulking Ashley home, wondering to things: why did Craig leave so quickly (very suspicious) and how come he got the Pinot Noir instead of the Merlot during dinner?

They arrived about half an hour later back at Mark's apartment, Ashley trudging inside,

nearly tripping of a pile of boxes (in which she really didn't want to know what they

contained). Mark opened a closet door and pulled out a few blankets and a pillow.

Ashley watched him in silence as he set up the 'sofa'. Once Mark finished fluffed up

her pillowed, he walked over to Ashley, pat her head and smiled. "Night night." Mark

said and trudged off into his own room and shut the door.
Ashley stared at the 'sofa' and frowned. Hopefully that thing wouldn't begin to eat her

alive while she was sleeping...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark grinned at the small mirror in his bathroom and began to brush his teeth; he set

the brush down. He was startled at what he saw. There was a bright green item of some

sort was stuck in the middle of his two front teeth. His eyes widened as he flossed out

the little bugger.

He studied it carefully. He still didn't know what it was... he hadn't eaten anything

green that day... No wonder the waitress was staring at him so strangely. Oh well. Mark shrugged, and trudged off to go to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up a short while later when he heard a shriek. He was sure Ashley was okay...

There weren't that many dangerous things in his house, well, that he knew of anyway...

Mark's door was flung open and Ashley skidded into the doorway, clutching a blanket. He smiled.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Ashley frowned, gripping the blanket tighter.
"Your SOFA tried to EAT me." Mark chuckled.
"That means it likes you." Ashley scowled.
"Can I sleep with you?" she asked, looking almost embarrassed. Mark grinned, scooting over on his bed and patting it suggestively.
"By all means."

Ashley grimaced, walking over to the empty side of the bed. "Not that way, you perve."

She crawled in, and rolled over as far as she could from Mark without falling off the

side of the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paige and Elijah eventually arrived at the hospital. She told him to sit in a

wheelchair that they found near the entrance. Paige quickly wheeled Elijah down the

hall to the front desk. The woman at the front desk looked up at her, smacking on her gum loudly.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" she asked, taking a particularly loud smack.

Paige took a deep breath and exhaled to calm herself. She forced a smile.

"Yes, my boyfriend her was clawed in the eye by a cat. He is bleeding profusely and

may die due to blood loss. Could you please tell me where to take him to get medical

assistance as soon as possible?" Paige ground out slowly, keeping her cool.

The woman frowned.

"Is the cat okay? That poor thing!" she seemed to only be concerned for Scraggles'

sake.

"Yes... the cat is quite fine. Now. will. you. please. tell. me. where. to. take.

my. boyfriend. for. help?" The woman looked down at her papers and pointed down the hall. She gave Paige a toothy smile.

"Thank you..." Paige growled, forcing a pained smile at the woman and wheeled Elijah

off.

She arrived in the waiting room. The woman had sent her to the waiting room for

patients who DID NOT have emergency medical complications. Blinky was slowly bleeding to death, and needed help, fast.

Wheeling him quickly and skillfully to the ER, Paige bent down, and whispered into

Elijah's ear, "Time to put your acting to the test." Elijah nodded, and clutched his eye.

"OH MY GOD!" he screeched. "MY EYE!!! OWWW!!! IT STINGS!"

A nurse dashed into the room. "Is everything-" she stopped dead in her tracks when she

saw Elijah clutching at his bleeding eye screaming bloody-murder. "Oh my god!"

She wheeled Elijah into the back room, where Blinky was going to get all the medical

attention he needed. Elijah turned his head to look at Paige and winked as he was

wheeled off. Or at least, Paige thought it was a wink. It could have very well been a

blink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate sat near the back of the bus next to a table with Mike, Mr. Hahn, and Benji, who

decided to tag along and be annoying.

They were playing a nice wholesome game of checkers. Kate versus Mr. Hahn. And Kate was winning... by a lot. Kate's King double-jumped several of Mr. Hahn's pieces. She chuckled. Benji picked up one of Kate's black pieces and observed it carefully. He smiled at it strangely.

"You know... all of the checker pieces look the same." Kate said, raising her

eyebrows quizzically.

Benji shook his head.

"No... you know, each checker piece has it's own personality... They're all

unique... like people, you know? You just got to learn how to listen to them."

Kate's eyes widened.

Mr. Hahn picked up one of his red pieces.

"No... I don't see it..."

Benji sighed and held up the piece he was holding and held it up to Kate's ear.

"Just listen..." Benji said quietly and began to hum.

Craig looked at his wall. There was a photo of a baby next to a watering can. He kicked it; hard. He shattered the glass. He stomped on the photo until the actual pigments blurred with the bottom of his shoe, and seemed to be on fire. He sat back down again, and called Ashley's cell phone. He got her answering machine. c He was unaware that at the moment, she was warm and safe sleeping next to Mark. How he wished he could return to his life as safe.

Paige sat in the stuffy waiting room next to the ER. It had only been an hour, but it

felt like forever and a day to her.

She sat in an uncomfortable chair next to a senile old man with only a few teeth.

She sat flipping through a magazine. She turned to a page where in big bold letters screamed "Ben and J-Lo OVER". Hey wait, Paige thought. Hadn't they been over for like, a year now?

The ER doors opened.

A nurse wheeled Elijah out. There was a big white eye patch on his injured eye.

"Congratulations, Miss." the nurse said, wheeling him over to Paige. "Your friend

here is legally blind." Paige stood up and dropped the magazine.
"WHAT?!" The toothless man grinned.

"It's only temporary." the nurse said quickly.

Elijah nodded, grinning, blinking rapidly with his other eye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Phoenix had to be the worst city ever built. Not only did it not have any charm, class, or beauty, but the residents seemed to lack all mental components that define the higher brain stamina of human beings. On top of the lack of anything but concrete, Phoenix was situated in a basin in Arizona, which meant (basically) that it was the hottest fucking place on Earth. Period. Kate felt herself wilting as soon as the bus entered the city. And she thought Florida was hot... On top of everything else, the concert that evening was habitated by the grossest Linkin Park fans in the world. They were all sweaty, fat, white trash people. Kate then understood what Europeans meant when they called American tourists "loud." She tried desperately to find one human being to connect with in the crowd. Surely, she thought, there has to be one non-stereotypical Arizoninian in this crowd. But alas, there was not. Everyone seemed to be flashing their boobs, and dancing innapropriately. Kate sighed, and walked off from backstage. Benji was waiting at the foot of the stairs for her. "What the hell do you want?" Kate asked, scared shitless by the fact that Benji was waiting for her. "Nothing," he said. "Phoenix sucks, doesn't it?" Kate let out a sigh of relief. "Of course it does! Thank god, I was beginning to think my life would end by the lack of..." "Human tendencies?" he prompted. Kate accepted his idea. "Yes, please help me get out of here!" she called, scrambling outside. She looked around for a car. There were no cars. There were no buses. All that was left was a golf cart. "You know, in Phoenix, it's legal to drive these things around..." Benji said, mascara evaporating from the heat. Kate nodded. "Wouldn't surprise me one bit," she said, laughing. She hopped into the front seat, and away she and Benji sped.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ashley woke up slightly disconcerted. It was presumably still night, but in America, it had to be... Ashley looked at the clock on Bret's wall. And she started laughing. The clock wasn't even a real clock, but a photo of a naked woman who's hands could *sometimes* move to tell relative time. But according to her hands, it wasn't working. Ashley hopped up out of bed, and heard her cell phone beeping. She had a message. "Hey, Ashley," Craig said, voice cracking. "We need to talk. Call me ASAP." Ashley was incredibly concerned, and couldn't fight the fact that she thought Craig was hiding something very important from her. She closed her cell phone, and decided that later in the morning, she would call Paige. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was too early in the morning for Paige to get out of bed, but her alarm clock insisted that she must. After driving Elijah home (he had sung loudly at the top of his lungs the whole time- the morphine hadn't worn off by the time she had to take him home), Paige had fallen asleep. She didn't know exactly how many hours of sleep she had recieved, but she supposed it was around 2 or 3. Sighing, Paige flopped onto the floor of her room, and crawled to her closet. She had to be in the recording studio in an hour. She picked out the outfit that was the most comfortable and stylish, and brushed her teeth. Her hair was too messy to have time to worry about. She grabbed a bagel, wrote a note to her mom (who was still sleeping), and drove down Olympic. When she arrived at the studio, there were several angry looking people waiting for her. Paige squinted, and turned off the engine to the car. She wasn't exactly sure whether or not she wanted to leave the safety of the metal car and brave the faces of these strangers. Sighing, Paige decided on the latter. "Hi," Paige said, trying to sweet. "What's going on?" "Nothing," said the first angry man. "We're waiting for Peter to let us into the studio." "O-oh," said Paige, voice changing now that she realized they weren't angry with her. "Where is he?" "Apparently," said the second angry man, "he was shagging some stripper last night and that's the last anyone heard of him." "Oh," said Paige, making a face. Just when she thought Peter could look no worse... "Yeah," said the third angry man. "We have to set up the equipment and warm it up before you can use it." "Right, I have a key!" Paige said, trying to have enthusiasm for the three angry short men. They all turned and nodded a feeble "thanks." Paige rolled her eyes, and opened the door. Peter was screwing right in the middle of the floor. "MY EYES!" Paige screamed. "THEY BURN!" She shut the door as soon as her reflexes allowed, seeing as there was a temporary delay in reaction time, considering she had just seen the scariest sight in her whole entire life. Of course, at the opportune moment, Elijah (wearing a very sexy eye- patch) came sauntering up to the door. "Hey, baby," he said. Paige could tell he was still a bit high off the morphine. "Elijah, I wouldn't go in there if I was you..." Paige started. But it was too late for old blinded one. He stumbled in, and saw only half of the scene. Yet, in his *cough* unnatural state, he mistook Peter's fucking for the stripper beating him up, and tried to pry the stripper off Peter. Unfortunately, this was at the most inconvenient moment for both of the partners involved, and some uncomfortable actions happened on Elijah's trouser leg. Paige put a hand up to her face, and started to sob. There was no way in hell she was ever going to get a record out at this rate. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley crawled back in the bed. Mark had scooted over towards her side about two or

three feet during the night. Eww... she thought grimacing as she slid in next to Mark.

She closed her eyes tightly and tried to block out Craig's disturbing message. She was

really worried about him. She'd have Mark take her over to his apartment tomorrow. But for now, she'd have to worry about getting some sleep.

She tried shutting her eyes again as she heard Mark rumble and shift his leg so that it

rested on her hip.

Ashley shuddered again. This was so wrong. Tomorrow night, she was definitely sleeping

on the sofa. She didn't care if it ate her or not. She would take that risk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate sped over a sand dune with the golf cart. The jolt nearly threw Benji out of the

side.

"Whoa! Slow down! Are you trying to kill me?" Benji asked, holding on to the

railing of the golf cart. Kate just smiled in response.

Benji looked worried.

She brought the golfcart to a screeching halt. Benji flew out the front of the

golfcart, where the windshield should have been if it were a car.

He landed headfirst into a pile of sand. A small lizard crawled over his butt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the stripper had left, Elijah had calmed down, the angry short people had come in, and Peter had conveniently put his clothes back on, Paige went into the studio with her lyric sheet. She approached the mike, and the first angry short guy told her that she could start singing as soon as he counted down. "5...4...3...2...1..." he counted. Paige took a breath. "Aiiii, yeah baby baby baby baby baaaaabbeeyyy!" filled Paige's earphones. She pulled them off- the sound had probably burst her eardrums. "WHAT THE FUCK!" she screamed. Angry guy #1 turned off the recording device. Peter grinned. "You like it?" he asked. Paige raised one eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, that's why I ripped off my headphones the moment I heard it. Peter, what the hell is that?" "You've got quite a mouth on you," he said. Paige squinted. "You have quite a penis on you- it makes all your decisions, right?" Peter blushed. "Nooo," he said, lying. Paige challenged him with a stare. "Right," she said. "This is insane. This- shit- isn't right for the song. In fact, it's not right for any song." Peter nodded. "Oh, yes it is! I had Hilary Duff come in and record a little, amplifier." Peter said. Paige narrowed her eyes. "You're joking, right? This song is called, "The Liar", and it's a rock song, and it's about my father, so why the hell would it start off with an," Paige clamped a hand on her nose, "baabbeeyy babbeeey babeeeyy?" Peter shrugged. "I thought it sounded nice," he mumbled. Paige ripped off her mike amplifier. "Look, Elijah," she said, indicating to him behind the sound booth. He knew something was going on, and he timidly walked into the recording room. "Yes?" he said. "Fire this man, right-fucking-now," Paige said, teeth clenched. "He is the worst, WORST, record produced EVER!" Elijah shrugged. "He's the best in the business," Elijah said. "Let him stay." Peter watched Elijah and Paige talk back and forth like a ping pong match. Paige thought he had the intelligence of perhaps a cockateil. "Peter," she said, turning to him. "I know you're just doing what you think will get me more publicity. But," she said, trying to control her anger. "Making Hilary Duff sing back-up is not going to make our record sell faster. It's just not my sound, okay?" Paige said, lightly tapping his arm. Peter nodded. "Alright, alright," he said. "I'll let you do your thing." Paige sighed. "Thanks," she nodded to the men inside the booth. "Start the song again..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ashley called Craig as soon as morning broke. "Hello?" Craig answered, sounding almost entirely unlike himself. "Hey," said Ashley. "We need to talk." "Right," said Craig, remembering, "Right. Can you meet me in front of my apartment in about," he looked at his watch, "an hour?" Ashley nodded, and then realized Craig couldn't see her over the phone. "Right, I'll be there," she said. She closed the phone. "Mark," she called. "Wake up!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kate helped Benji back into the cart after he started crying for his mother. She did, after all, have a kind soul. No matter how deep it was buried. They drove into the inky blackness, looking for somewhere cool to hang out. Unfortunately, there was nothing around but a Rite Aid pharmacy. Kate sighed, and pulled the golf cart into a parking space. Snorting at the fact it barely took up half a space, Kate grabbed Benji and walked him into the store. "Hello," said the cashier with a very scary southern accent and huge crimped hair. "How may I help y'all?" Kate looked at Benji, barely containing a fit of laughter. Benji nodded towards the "Personal Hygine" row. "Can I have some condoms?" Kate looked at Benji with disgust. "What the hell?" Kate yelled. The lady clutched a hand to her chest. "My, my, such language! Soon enough, you'll be taking the name of our saviour and lord, Jesus Christ, in vain!" Kate looked at the lady. "Sure, right," said Kate. "Jesus." The lady shuddered. "Get out of my store!" she yelled. "You can't do that!" said Kate. "Plus, it's not your store. Your name- tag doesn't say you're the manager." The lady blushed. "I request you leave," she said, eyes narrowed. "You don't mess with a southern girl." Kate laughed. "You don't mess with me!" she said. She was about to punch the lady, when she decided better of it. "I'm leaving," said Kate. She then added, "Bitch." The lady gasped, and turned bright red. Kate stormed out of the store. She turned around. "Benji, c'mon," she called. Benji looked torn, and stayed rooted to the spot. "I really want some condoms," he said to the lady. She lowered her head. "OUT!" she called. Benji sighed, and walked slowly over to Kate, letting the automatic doors shut behind them, merrily calling, "Come back again soon!" "Yeah, right," said Kate, fuming. "Fat chance."

Paige had tried this two times already. She was really getting pissed off. Okay... she told herself. Third time's a charm.

She watched as Peter nodded to Angry Recorder Guy to start the recording process.

There was static on the other end of her headphones. And Paige was starting to worry.

The static went on and on and on... until a rhythmic bumping sound was heard. Paige began to tap her foot to the rhythm. This was actually starting to sound like the

beginning of a really good rock song. Paige smiled to herself looking over at Peter,

who gave her a thumbs up.

Paige scowled at him.

The bumping noise started to get faster and louder, and Paige sensed a guitar would

come on soon. But she was wrong.

It was a string instrument, yes, she was right about that. But it was a fiddle. A

FREAKING FIDDLE. Paige let out a loud growl and ripped her headphones off, running over to strangle Peter with the mic cord.

"WE ARE NOT DOING THE THEME SONG TO THE FUCKING BEVERLY HILLBILLIES!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a challenge, but Ashley had managed to drag Mark out of bed.
They were in the car now, on their way to Craig's place. Mark was actually sober/not

high and was managing to avoid crushing the small kiwi birds as the darted into the

street before them.

"So..." Mark began, glancing over at Ashley, who was looking in the

glove-compartment of his car. "Sleep well last night?" Ashley's eyes widened when she saw something particularly disturbing in the glove compartment, and shut the door quickly.

"Sleep... uh, yeah... You know that you took up most of the bed, and that you

almost violated me subconsciously while you were asleep." Mark smiled.

"Who said I was actually asleep?" Ashley grimaced.

"You're really old." Mark smiled his strange smile.

"Only two years older than Craig."

That thought disturbed Ashley... a lot. Mark and Craig were two VERY different people. She didn't no why she had to be stuck with Gil-galad the Pervy Elf. There had to be a good explanation for all of this. But she didn't know what.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate looked around her. She was pretty much out in the middle of nowhere... it was late and deserted, and she was stuck with Benji.

What had she gotten herself into?

She was bored out of her mind, and Benji was really starting to freak her out.

Kate sighed and sat on the ground next to a cactus. Benji frowned.

"I really wish you would have let me get those condoms...." Kate scowled.

"Why?" she really didn't even want to know.

"Because we could've had a lot of fun with them." Eww... thought Kate.

"No way in hell..." she hissed.

"Not like that..." said Benji, rummaging around in his pocket. He pulled out a

condom.

Kate scooted further away from him. Benji stuck it on his finger and wiggled it at her.

The condom had a smiley face on it.

"Hello Kate!" Benji... er... the condom said. "I'm Mr. Jones! I am a paleontologist! HEHE!"

Paige walked out of the recording studio. This was not, EVER, going to happen. She started running, and felt grateful for the ache that begin to grow in her calves. It then spread to her quads, and she kept running. She was glad she put on the most comfortable clothes. She had forgotten how much she loved to run. She just kept running and running until she had reached the center of LA. And then she was lost. She spun around and around, trying to orient herself with the streets, but none of them looked familiar. She must have been 6 or 7 miles away from the recording studio, and she wasn't going to run back there. Not a herd of mad mud turtles could get her back to that hell-hole. She heard the honk of a car horn, and saw Elijah driving in a black car. She felt safe again (although slighty embarrassed at how sweaty she was) and hopped in. "That was quite a show," Elijah said. "I had to get out of there before I killed him," Paige said, a little out of breath. "You ran really far," Elijah said, impressed. "I was motivated," said Paige. Elijah smiled. "What were you thinking about?" "Home. My friends. How I wanted to decapitate Peter." "Ahh," said Elijah, turning the corner. "Do you want to go back, now?" "Nooooo," Paige said. Elijah laughed. "Look, we'll try this again tomorrow, and I'll tell Peter not to mess with the instrumental recordings..." "What instrumental recordings? I don't play any instruments other than violin!" Paige exclaimed. Elijah looked at her. "God, this is getting insane," Elijah replied. "Look, I'm sorry..." "Shut it," said Paige. "Why did you even hire him? HOW did you even hire him?" Paige asked. Elijah drove into her driveway. He silenced her with a kiss. Paige smiled. "It's been a while since we did that..." Elijah kissed her again. "Mmm," said Paige. "That good, eh?" said Elijah. "No, your gear shift is stuck up my..." "Right," said Elijah, quickly interrupting her. "Do you want to take this inside?" Paige shook her head. "My mom..." she pointed. "Right," said Elijah, starting the car. "My place." Paige smiled. "Good! We haven't been there yet," she said, excited. Elijah laughed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Craig met her at the entrance. "Mark," he said, tense. "Please go away." "Okay," said Mark, shrugging his shoulderes. He sauntered off to another table. "Hi," said Ashley. Craig led her to a table and they both sat down. "Ashley, I appreciate you flying all the way from DC to try to work this out and everything..." "It's worth it," she said, eyes sparking. "Right," said Craig, shaken by the interruption. "Can I be frank?" "Sure," said Ashley. Craig took a deep breath. "A man has responsibilities... in New Zealand, there's a lot to be done... It's a lot different from America... women here... well..." "Craig?" Ashley said. "You're not making any sense." Craig sighed. "We need to break up." Ashley blanched. "W-what?" she said. "I flew all the way out here," "So did I, remember?" Craig said, evilly. "What the fuck is going on with you?" Ashley said. "It's that person on the cell phone, isn't it? ISN'T IT!!!" Craig nodded. "Look, you don't need to know about it, okay? Just.." "Craig I love you, you can't help who you love, okay? It's just not possible. It fucking isn't. I want you, want you so much it scares me sometimes- and you, you fucking asshole, you're willing to throw that away?" Ashley started to cry. Craig got up. "This is over," he said, and walked away. Ashley put her head down on the table and cried. Cried so hard that the table shook, and patrons in the restaurant looked at her with questioning glares. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up to see Mark. But he wasn't alone. Bret was standing next to him. For once, Ashley was grateful to let them guide her to the car, drive her home, and let her sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kate was infuriated. She got up, put the car in gear, and drove away, leaving Benji sitting and staring at his very scary condom-puppet. She arrived at the bus. Mike was waiting for her. "Hey," he said, hands in his pockets. "Are you okay?" Kate glided past him with unhappiness. "Only one more day til LA," she muttered to herself, then stopped. "Hey, any news on the record deal thing?" Mike looked away. "None of them wanted to, uhh..." Mike said. Kate nodded. "I understand," she said. She walked onto the bus, dissapointed. The only thing that kept her going was that she would see Paige in a few days.

Paige arrived with Elijah at his place shortly after that. It was an apartment, Paige

was surprised to see.

It was small and quain, but also very cosy and warm. There was a large stereo in the

living, with cds strung across it, a large couch over in the corner. Paige smiled and

sat down.

Elijah leaned on a table. "So... how do you like my humble abode?" Paige laughed.

"Please don't use the term 'abode'. Reminds me of a toilet." Elijah smiled.

"I'll give you the grand tour later, but for now..." he walked over into the

kitchen, coming back with several bags of chips. "Shall we eat?" He tossed a bag of Doritos over to Paige, and she opened them. She stopped.

"We are going to eat a decent meal tonight aren't we?" she asked, eyeing Elijah

suspiciously. He nodded.

"I'm a good cook. You'd be surprised."

For some reason, Paige doubted that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley woke up feeling groggy several hours later. Her mind was clogged and she felt

worn out.

She looked around the room. She was in Mark's bed in Mark's apartment. But there was no

Mark. She quietly opened the door and walked out into the living room. Mark was sitting

on a box next to Bret, who was also sitting on a box in the middle of the room, playing

cards. They had scooted all of Mark's junk off to the sides, so they were encircled by

a mass of... well... junk. Mark looked up at Ashley. He smiled. And it was a genuine smile. That was the second one.

"How're you feeling?" he asked, then looked at Bret and mumbled, "Go Fish." Ashley shrugged, carefully making her way over Mark's junk to their "circle of

cleanliness".

"Like shit." she replied simply, glancing at Mark's hand of cards.

"I know the feeling..." Bret grinned, also glancing at Mark's hand of cards which he

did not bother to hide.

"Feeling desperate?" Mark asked, taking a swig out of his water bottle.

"Getting there..." replied Ashley. "But definitely not desperate enough to find you attractive in the slightest." Mark grinned.

"You'll come around."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate stepped into the bus, taking her seat next to Mr. Hahn.

"Hey, where's Benji?" Mike asked, looking around, but not really caring.

"Left him by a Rite Aid." Mike nodded understandingly.

"You did the right thing..." said Mr. Hahn. Kate nodded.

The bus sped up, but moments later stopped. Kate looked out the window, and saw Benji running after them with his condom puppet.

"Why are you stopping?" Kate yelled at the driver, who was Chester.

"Getting Benji!" Chester yelled back. Kate ran up to the front of the bus and yanked Chester out of the driver's seat. She sat down and rammed her foot hard on the gas.

They were going to leave Benji and his little friend in Phoenix.

Paige ate a couple of Doritos. "Elijah, are we going to make out or not?" He laughed at her. "Sometimes I forget how young you are," he said, and sat next to her on the couch. She squinted at him. "You know, that's a turn off." "What? The couch?" "Calling me young." Elijah kissed her softly. "I'm sorry," he said, very sincerely. He kissed her, and Paige was happy. This was one of the only times they had kissed without Bret walking in on them. She looked around at several intervals just to make sure Bret wasn't there, but she had to remind herself he was in New Zealand. Halfway around the world was just enough distance for her to feel comfortable kissing Elijah. It was sweet, and satisfying. It had really been the first time they had been so close since she and him had made love, which still left her feeling confused. She was glad he wasn't taking it any further than kissing. Paige sniffed, and cried out. "DINNER IS BURNING!!!" she said, seeing flames leap up from the kitchen. Elijah jumped. "That never happens to me..." he said, muttering. Paige sighed, and picked up a magazine. She flipped through it, still happy from the taste of his lips. Ashley sat down next to Mark and Bret, and fell asleep. They looked at her meaningfully, and put her back on the bed. This went on for several days, although not all the time was spent sleeping. She would stare at the wall, and any time Bret or Mark came in, she would pretend to be sleeping. Both Bret and Mark knew though, that she was snoring a bit too loudly to be real. On the third day of moping, Bret and Mark had an idea. They walked into Ashley's room, and requested that she wake up. She did. "We're going out clubbing," Bret said. "Now." Ashley made a face at him. "Clubbing? You? Me? Mark? I don't think so." "Yes, you are going out. It would do you good." He patted her thigh. Ashley gave him a look, and he jumped away from her. "Fine," she said, sighing. She shooed him out of the room as she changed, and then climbed over Mark's pile of stuff and waited for them to appear in the kitchen. Bret looked normal. Mark, however, was wearing a very large metallic cowboy hat. Ashley sighed, too tired to protest, and they drove to the club.

Kate stopped the bus several miles later.

"You drive now... I have no idea where I'm going," Kate said to Chester. Chester nodded, getting in the driver seat. He began to hum.

"You know..." Mike began, looking out the window, talking to Chester. "If you start

acting like Benji in the slightest, we're going to leave you out in the middle of the

desert and tell our fans that you quit Linkin Park to live like a wild man from the

bushes." Chester raised his eyebrows.

"I just won't say anything then." he said throatily, and brought his full attention

to the road. Kate looked out the window at all the passing cacti and tumbleweeds. It was desert.

Wasn't Phoenix supposed to be urban? Kate shrugged. Oh well.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall... 99 bottles of beer..." Mr. Hahn began to sing. Mike turned and glared at him.

"Same goes for you, Jerry."

Kate laughed and stared out the window again. She would have to make a game of counting

the tumbleweeds. Oh what fun she was having.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elijah dashed into the flaming kitchen and took out a mini fire- extinguisher that he

had in his pocket. Pretty high-tech.

He eventually got rid of all the flames, and he came into the room wearing oven mits

and displaying their meal in front of Paige.

It was in an aluminum casserole dish. Black, smoking, and reeking of burnt cheese. aige set her magazine down.

"And what might that be?" she asked.

"This," Elijah said, waving some of the smoke away from it. "This is Lij's Lasagne." Paige felt like gagging. The smoke was making her sick.

"Maybe we should go out tonight?"

The strobe lights in the club were seizure inducing. Ashley wanted greatly to run out of there, but the strobe lights seem to act as metaphysical barriers to her exit. Bret and Mark had tried to get her to dance on multiple occasions, but alas, Ashley had found it rather difficult to dance near the cowboy hat, as it knocked taller people on the floor and into her path. Bret would just step on her toes in time to the music. Ashley walked over to the punch bowl, feeling better than she had in several days. There he was. Craig walked in, grim faced and tired. Ashley saw him, so vulnerable and unhappy, and she tried walking over to him, making her way through the bumping and grinding people. But she stopped as soon as she walked in. Her hair was such a fake red dye, and she had the worst face ever seen. The sight of her was so fake, and Ashley wanted to hurl. But, she saw, the acid green acrylic nails were holding tight to Craig's hand. Craig had dumped Ashley for this other woman. She ran out of the club, bumping unintentionally into her. "Bitch," the woman called after Ashley. Craig turned around, but never got a glimpse of her. Ashley was busy dialing numbers on her cell phone as she burst outside into the cool air. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige's cell phone jingled, and her escape plans were dashed as Elijah looked at her with what could only be described as hating eyes. "Hello?" Paige said, quickly. "Paige," Ashley sobbed. "Ashley? What's wrong?" The look on Elijah's face softened. "C-craig, he d-dumped me for another woman." "Oh, Ashley," Paige said, sympathetically. "Paige, please, I need you." There was a silence. "Ashley, Kate will be here day after tomorrow, and then I have to record something on that day. As soon as that is done, I'll fly to New Zealand. I'm sure Kate will too." Ashley sighed. "Sure," she said. "I love you," Paige said. "Now tell me what exactly happened..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ San Diego was boring as fuck. Kate kept looking over her shoulder, just to make sure Benji was not following her. She thought she saw him several times, but it turned out she didn't. Then, later that day, as Kate wandered around the shops, she saw a familiar sight and screamed. Bob was in San Diego.

He was standing at a hot dog stand, working... actually working at a frigging hot dog

stand. She walked over to it.

"Do you want a hot dog? It's made with some sort of meat..." Kate raised an eyebrow.

"You know... that's not a very good way of advertising." Bob shrugged.

"Eh... you can put yellow stuff on it..." Bob offered, holding out a hot dog to

Kate. Kate grimaced.

"No thanks... and that's mustard."

"Do I know you?" Bob said, scratching his head. "You look familiar..."

"Yeah, I'm Kate, from Murphy's Pub in D.C... remember?" Bob stared blankly.

"Remember Bret?" Bob was blank.

"Bert? Bernard? Benny?" she tried. The dim lightbulb that was Bob's brain lit up.

"Oh yes! How is Barry?" Kate shrugged.

"That's beside the point... how did you get here?" Bob shrugged.

"I remember falling asleep in a dumpster... and then woke up and was in the street

next to that dumpster." he pointed over to the dumpster. Kate nodded.

"Err... right..."

"Hot dog?" he said, offering the same hot dog to Kate again.

"I said 'no'! Listen... I need to get to LA... can you help me?"

Bob looked at Kate blankly. He shook his head. Kate sighed, and walked away. She heard him calling hot dog for several blocks, and then sat on the bus. Kate waited until the band was done with their gig, and then they drove to LA. She was going to see Paige. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Elijah looked at Paige. "What's going on?" "Craig dumped Ashley for some scary looking woman." Elijah sighed. "God, their realtionship is so fucked," he said. Paige nodded. "I don't even know why she likes him at this point," Paige said. Elijah shook his head. "Because she loves him, you know. You can't give up on someone like that if you truly and completely love them." Paige looked at Elijah. "You're so smart," she said. "Can we order a pizza?" Elijah laughed. "That was your plan, eh? Butter me up, and then ask for some food." Paige nodded. "Alright," he said. He walked over to the phone, and ordered the pizza.

When it arrived, Paige and Elijah ate it, laughing as they went. It was one of the best nights Paige had had in a very long time. The next morning, Paige went to the studio, as Elijah had instructed her to do. He was tired, and so Paige went alone. When she arrived, there was no one there but Peter. Paige sighed, and walked in. "Hi," she said. "Hey," he said. Paige smiled. "Let's get down to it, okay?" Paige said. "Play the track, and I'll sing." Paige listened to the familiar thumping, and tapped her foot along with it. She was just about to take a breath when, "Yo, all ma life I been po', and it don't really matter no mo', yeah yah," filled her headset. Paige ripped it off. "You know what PETER??? This is insane. How the hell would FUCKING RAP work in my song?" she asked him furious. He shrugged. "I got Jay Z to come in, and..." "You're fired," Paige screamed. Peter looked at her. "What?" he said, looking as though someone had broken a toy of his. "You-are-fired!" Paige said. Peter narrowed his eyes. "Fine, I only took this job because Elijah said he would give me massages." "WHAT?" Paige said, incredibly blasted. "Yeah," said Peter. "And he hasn't given me one yet, so I'm leaving," he said. He walked out the door. Paige was left standing there, all alone, in a pitch black recording studio while Kate rolled up outside in the sun. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ashley cried. And cried. And cried. Bret and Mark tried to comfort her, but it was no use. She was lost. They did all they could for her. Told her how ugly the woman was. Told her Craig was an asshole. Told her they thought she was much prettier. But Ashley didn't care. All she wanted was Kate and Paige by her side. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kate walked into the recording studio. "Paige?" she called out. She couldn't see a thing. "Yeah," came a cried-out voice. Paige switched on the light. "What's wrong?" Kate asked, cocking her head to the side. "You told me to meet you here and everything..." "My producer is gone, I have no band, and... I think Elijah might be gay." "What? Elijah's gay?" "Yeah, I had this horrible record producer who wanted to turn me into Britney Spears or Lil Kim, so I fired him, but he said he only took the job because Elijah said he would give him massages." There was a slience, and Kate was trying to process what Paige had said. "Look, I'm sure he's really not gay, but I can help you solve your problems about the band thing..." "What?" Paige exclaimed. "I could be your guitarist," said Kate. "We can find a drummer, somewhere..." Paige's face lit up. "That's amazing, Kate! Thank you!" she ran over, and hugged her. "We have similiar sounds..." "Yeah, it would be perfect!" "Great, when can we start writing songs?" Paige's face darkened. "Er.. as soon as we get back from New Zealand..." she said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley sat on a flourescent orange fold-out chair in Mark's living room, staring at the

wall. Mark had done a commendable job in trying to cheer her up, but it was no use. He

had tried imitating funny voices (all of which sounded the same), charades (he had

pretended to be a teapot, a spoon, a cow, and a burrito), and knock-knock jokes (all of

which were of poor quality, but hey, he tried). None of it had worked, and Ashley had

thought Mark had given up, as he had gone into the bathroom and had been in there for a

long time.

Ashley sighed. Craig was such an ass for going for that other woman... her nails were

acid green for Christ's sake! Her thoughts were interrupted by a very stranglely

dressed Mark striding into the room.

She averted her eyes from the strangley-shaped paint chip on the wall to gawk at Mark,

apparently wearing his Gil-galad costume.

"What the hell?" was all she could say as he stood in front of her, cape, armour and

all.

Mark grinned and posed. "How do I look?" he asked, turning around, whipping Ashley in

the face with the edge of the indigo velvet cape.

"Like an ass. What are you doing wearing that? And did you steal it?" she asked,

rubbing her cheek.

"Well... I stole it from the set... they said they wanted to put it in a museum or

something but," Mark shrugged. "Now..." he held out a bedsheet to Ashley who looked at

him questioningly. "We are going to play a game and we are going to have FUN."

Ashley took the bedsheet. "Huh?"

"We are going to play a role-playing game. You always wanted to be in the Lord of

the Rings, right?"

Ashley nodded, still looking at him oddly.

"Well... we are going to play the Lord of the Rings. I'll be Gil- galad... and

you..." Mark said, gesturing to the sheet. "You can be whoever you want... and that

sheet could be your toga or whatever they wear in Middle England..."

"Middle Earth..." Ashley corrected, laughing at Mark's strange stupidity. She walked

in the bathroom to change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate and Paige got first class seats to Auckland. They sat in the comfortable chairs

and Paige was dwelling on the conversation she had with Elijah earlier.

She and him had talked about the whole thing about him being gay, and Elijah had denied

it, saying it was the only way to get Peter to work with him, because Peter was gay.

Paige understood, and then had told him about going to see Ashley with Kate in New

Zealand, and said she would be back as soon as possible. Within the next couple of

days, at least.

Kate sat looking out the window at the clouds below, and sighed. She had told Linkin

Park about the situation and they had okayed it. She turned her head and gasped at what

she saw.

A pointy black-haired man in a black jacket wearing... EYE MAKE-UP.

"HOLY SHIT BENJI! ARE YOU STALKING ME?" she yelled, watching as he spun around.

"Kate!" he said, looking over at Paige who was staring at him. "Who are you?"

"I'm Paige," she said staring at his odd face.

"Well... I'm Benji." He sat down next in between Kate and Paige without asking. "And

this..." he rummaged through his pocket.

Oh no, thought Kate, slapping her forehead.

Benji pulled out something and put it on his finger. "This is Mr. Jones! Say hello to

Mr. Jones! He's a paleontologist!"

Ashley emerged from the bathroom, having pulled her hair out in a mock "Arwen" fashion. The blackness of her hair and the blueness of her eyes were so constrastingly startling that Mark had to stare for a moment before his retinas remembered humans could have this color scheme. "Plaugeo," he said while his brain was comprehending Ashley. She looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "Erm," she said, an adequate response. "You... look...like...Arwen..." he choked out. Ashley continued to stare. "Riiiighht," she drawled. She flopped onto the make-believe Middle- Earth couch. "What is it exactly that you want us to do?" "Well, err," said Mark, having completely forgot his train of thought. He had an amusing game planned ("Running through Lothlorien- Lothlorien- Lothlorien" the song, which then changed verses to "Skipping through Lothlorien") and he was desperately trying to figure out exactly how to speak. He thought he remembered that his tongue had a lot to do with forming words, but the moment he thought of his tongue, several other things happened. "Mark?" asked Ashley. Usually she would have snapped this at him, but he seemed to be suffering a stroke just to make her feel better. "Mark? Do you have something to say?" "Y-yes," he sputtered, grateful that he could remember one word. "My tongue- it swells up when I'm around you." Ashley stared. "Maybe you haven't had enough to drink today," said Ashley, turning towards the kitchen to get him a glass of water. "You're very pretty, you know that, right?" Mark said, unflatteringly to himself. Ashley paused mid-walk. Somehow, the sincere manner in which he said it didn't bother her. It could have been Bret or Paige or Craig, even, who had said it- but the way Mark said she was beautiful actually meant something. "Thanks," she said smiling, as she pulled a glass out from the cabinets. "But I'm convinced that your brain is still devoid of fluid." She took a quick look at him, and sighed.
Even though he had just made her feel pretty for the first time in her life, she wasn't entirely convinced that he even had a brain. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige was beginning to lose it. Rarely had a person ever driven her to the brink of insanity, but if someone could push her over the edge, it was Benji. His puppet adaptation of "Sleeping Beauty" had been grotesque, and Paige was entirely sure that his rendition of "Snow White" had scarred her for life, if not put her off mirrors forever. Also thanks to Benji, she would never think of "dinosaur bones" the same way again, nor eat hot dogs. As they were flying over Hawaii, Paige couldn't help but notice that Benji's "puppet" was starting to shrivel. "Kate," Paige whispered. Kate turned around and mimed barfing. It was almost hilarious how Benji didn't notice Kate leaning across his lap to whisper to Paige. Almost. "Yes," she said. Paige was convinced that Kate was suffering as she was. "We need to occupy him," Paige said. "Is there any stewardess who could maybe, err- distract him?" Paige said, coyly. "No," said Kate. "All the stewardesses are New Zealand born." "Hmm... do you see any punk people who might like talking to Benji?" Kate looked around. "That one," she pointed to a girl with purple hair and a nose-ring. "Right," said Paige. She noticed that the nose-ring girl had the same shirt as she did. "Hello," said Paige. The girl looked at her. "What the fuck do you want?" she muttered. "Err, from one, err.. punk to another, Benji from Good Charlotte is on the plane. Sitting next to me in fact. I couldn't help but notice you have an empty seat next to you. He said he would be delighted and grateful if you would let him sit there." The girl's eyes lit up. "That's bloody fantastic!!!" she cried. Paige crept back to Kate. "Get Benji up," she said. "Benji?" said Kate, in a falsetto. "We need you to sit next to an adoring fan, okay?" "Adoring fans? I love adoring fans!" he said, springing up and sitting next to the young punk girl. Paige sighed with relief. She drifted off to sleep, only slightly aware of the conversation in front of her. "Mr. Jones really likes you," Benji said. Paige's eyes fluttered. "I really like Mr. Jones," said the girl in a husky voice. Paige's eyes closed. "Mr. Jones, as a paleontologist, wants to explore your cave for scientific reasons." Paige leaned against the window of the airplane. "If it's for science," said the young girl, licking her lips playfully. Benji took her by the hand and led her to the bathroom in the back of the plane. Kate watched them go by and sighed. She was unaware that it was the second time someone had gotten laid on the flight to New Zealand in the past several weeks.

Mark sat down on the couch next to Ashley grasping his glass of water tightly.

Ashley smiled at him, placing her hand on his arm in a friendly manner.

"You know Mark, what you said earlier, was really sweet... It means a lot to me. I

don't really know why, but it does."

Mark's glass of water cracked in his hand, and Ashley's eyes darted over to it, the

water dribbling down onto his armor. She pried it out of his hands and set it on the table. They just stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence for a few mintues.

"So... shall we role-play now?" Mark nodded dumbly, still staring, and leant back on the couch.

"So I'm Arwen... and you're Gil-galad... Let's going to pretend that I'm traveling

to your kingdom as a messenger from my father... and we'll see how it goes from there." Ashley stood up and cleared her throat.

"Mae govannen, Ereinion Gil-galad." She punctuated this with a bow, feeling slightly

stupid as Mark sat there staring. "I'm Arwen Undomiel... a messenger from Imladris,

sent by my father, the Lord Elrond..."

She stood there waiting.

"Your cue Mar-.. er... Gil." Mark sat there staring intently. Ashley shrugged and set back down next to him.

"Then maybe we can try role-playing with less words, they don't seem to be your

strength at the moment!" she grinned and hit him upside the head with a pillow.

"Elvish Pillow Fight to the death, I presume?" Mark asked, smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate turned around and looked at the empty seats where Benji and that punk girl

formerly sat.

She turned to Paige.

"They've been gone for an awfully long time..." she whispered, trying not to alert

the other passengers of the plane.

Paige looked at her and laughed.

"I bet she took a shining to Mr. Jones. I heard that he wanted to explore her

'cave'." Kate grimaced.

"Eww.."

She tried to get the mental image of Mr. Jones the Paleontologist condom with a smiley

face drawn with a Sharpie marker out of her head.

She was unsuccessful.

Paige heard a door shut and she turned around in her seat. Benji and that strange girl were giggling madly. Kate looked over at them and watched in horror as Benji took out yet another condom and began to draw a face on it...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley picked up a pillow, prepared to fight Mark with it. Mark picked up a pillow, prepared to fight Ashley with it. But somewhere in his mind, something clicked, and just as Ashley smacked him repeatedly with a pillow, Mark dropped his. Ashley ran out of steam, and waited for Mark to hit her. She shielded her face with her hands, and sat in anticipation. Mark, though, did not hit her. Instead, he pulled her hands away from her face, and kissed her. Ashley felt instantly grotesque. She smacked Mark very hard on the face. He didn't get the message though. Ashley mentally sighed, and knew she was going to have to beat Mark up so that he would stop kissing her. Unfortunately, Bret beat her to it. "GET OFF HER!" he yelled. Ashley felt an immense amount of gratitude quite suddenly, and went over to shake Bret's hand. He glared at her. "Bret," Ashley started. "I wasn't kissing him back. He came at me." "That seems to happen a lot, doesn't it?" he said. Ashley sighed. "I thought you got over this moody shit when we landed in New Zealand. I'm pretty tired of sulleness, you know." "I'm pretty fucking tired of cynical people like yourself," he said. Ashley shook her head. "Sometimes Bret," she started. He cut her off. "Paige and Kate are landing right about now," he said. "We might want to pick them up." Ashley smiled. "Oh thank god you reminded me!" she said, laughing. Bret finally cracked a smile. "Right, let's get in my car," he said. He smile spoke for him. He believed Ashley. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was a lot of hoopla when Kate and Paige landed. Benji and the girl somehow had become engaged in some *cough* premarital activities, Benji blissfully ignorant to the fact that the girl was a minor, and her mother was sitting several rows away. Hence, when they landed, New Zealand authorities carted Benji off in handcuffs, and he was to await trial- IN PRISON. When everyone on the plane was asked if they could bear wittness to his innocence, Kate and Paige kept silent. They walked over to the kiosk, and got their bags. They waited, talking gleefully *sans the prescence of Benji* and wondering how Ashley was doing. They spotted Bret and Ashley walking over. Kate gave an incredibly loud cough the moment she saw Bret, and Paige had to kick her foot as a reminder to mind her manners. Kate glared at Paige, and Paige smiled back. Bret was happy to see Paige. Paige was rather unhappy to see Bret. Bret was happy to see Kate. Kate tried to pry her eyes out in order not to see Bret. Kate, Paige, and Ashley were incredibly glad to see each other. They embraced, and Ashley was happy and beaming like she hadn't in a very long time. Then it happened. Paige saw him first, then she pointed at him and Kate stared. Ashley turned around, and so did Bret. There was a group gasp. Ashley started to tremble with anger. "Let it go," mumbled Bret. Ashley, however, took no heed of his warning, and marched ahead. Kate and Paige exchanged a glance, and they stood behind Ashley as guards. Craig had his arm wrapped around the skinny woman with flaming red hair and acid green nails. Paige internally vomited at the site of her, like she was venom. Kate had a similar experience. Ashley just felt fire. Next to Craig was an elderly gentleman. Paige opened her mouth to protest to the anger that was inevitably about to bubble to the surface in the confrontation with Craig, afraid for the old man, but Kate silenced her with a look. Ashley stood in front of Craig, hands on her hips. Paige straightened as a shield for Ashley, and Kate looked evilly at Craig. "Oh, hi," he said feebly. The elder gentlemen smiled nicely. "Who's this, Craig?" he asked. "This is Ashley, my good friend, and her friends Kate and Paige," he said softly. The vile woman smiled, and her lip curled. Paige felt sick. "We're not friends," said Ashley curtly. "We were lovers." The woman spluttered, and the elder man cocked his head. "What, Craiggy? I have not heard of this," she said, laughing in a haughty way. "Of course you wouldn't have," said Ashley. "He left me for you." "Ashley," said Craig painfully. "Please, you don't understand." The elder man cleared his throat. "My son didn't tell me of this," he said. Paige and Kate felt ashamed for this poor guy, but couldn't show it to Ashley. "I'm sorry he didn't," said Ashley. "Mind telling me why you left, eh? Or will the whore tell me that?" Craig cringed. His father hid his face, and the woman gasped. "Please," Craig begged. "Please." The tone in Ashley's voice was soul shattering. It rung in Kate and Paige's ears. For years after, that voice would haunt them in their dreams. It was the voice of a broken, betrayed heart. Bret sauntered next to Paige and Kate, now aware that the conversation was turning nasty. He stood too, as Ashley guard. She could not see, but at that moment, Ashley had the three strongest people in the world backing her up. But with that voice, she didn't need it. "Excuse me Craig, but I daresay this conversation might be a bit too much for the baby." Ashley blanched. Her knees felt weak. She wanted to ask, wanted some explanation, but her mind was paralyzed. She couldn't speak, she couldn't move. Paige had tears coming to her eyes. This was too much, she had to ask it for her. "What baby?" The elder man smiled. "But hasn't Craig told you the good news? Fiona is pregnant." The vile woman smiled, and her lip curled. She put her arm tightly around Craig, possessively. Ashley took one look at Fiona, and her head hit the ground. It was just too much for her to take.

Bret let out a shriek as Ashley hit the floor in front of Craig's feet. He ran over to

her and lifted her up over his shoulder.

Kate and Paige stared in disgust at Craig and Fiona... the ugly whore of dooooom. Bret slowly began to walk away, Paige and Kate flicking off the group of New Zealanders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They arrived at Mark's apartment a short while later. No one spoke during the ride, all

were fuming with anger and disbelief at what a bastard Craig was.

They stepped inside Mark's apartment. Kate stared in disbelief at Mark's

disorganization and messiness. There should be a sign labeling this place as "hazardous

and toxic".

Paige looked around and saw Mark in the kitchen fixing drinks for everyone in his

Gil-galad costume. She had to stifle a laugh. He walked over and offered each of them a drink. Kate observed the glass carefully. She shrugged. It looked clean enough.

Paige looked around at the floor. All sorts of random objects were strung across the

floor. There was a book on the ground with the large words "PLAY". Why would Mark have

a coloring book in his house? She bent to pick it up and then dropped it immediately.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! That's a PORNO magazine!" she shuddered. Kate gagged.

Mark seemingly ignored her, the clinking of his armor was heard as he walked over to

the couch where Bret had dropped Ashley, still unconscious.

"What happened to her?" he asked, checking to see if she still had a pulse.

"We met up with Craig at the airport," Kate spat his name out as if it were a curse.

"And we found out he got some whore pregnant." Paige finished, taking a sip from her

drink. Mark glared at the wall and hissed, "Bastard."

"So..." Kate said, breaking the angry and uncomfortable silence. "Why are you

wearing that?" She was referring to Mark's Elf costume and let out a snort of laughter.

"Ashley and I were playing the Lord of the Rings before you two came... and we had a

pillow fight... an elvish pillow fight to be exact." Mark said. Bret's eyes widened.

"I'm going to leave now..." he started walking backwards and dashed out the door. Paige and Kate gave each other a look.

"Mark, tell Ashley to call us as soon as she wakes up... We're gonna stay at a hotel... more sanitary..." They both dashed out the door after Bret quickly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley opened her eyes slowly and cautiously. She didn't exactly know if Fiona and Craig would be there, standing over her, looking incredulous. She was completely shocked when it turned out not to be Craig looked incredulous, but Mark. "What the hell?" she said, turning her head around and around. "Paige and Kate said to call them at their hotel," he said. "They muttered something about it being unsanitary here." "Damn straight," said Ashley, in a flash of ghetto-ness. She got up, and started pacing, muttering, "What hotel are they staying at, what hotel are they staying at..." The lightbulb in Ashley's head lit up. "The Hilton!" she exclaimed. She turned to look at Mark, who was being pecuilar and staring straight at her. "Look, Mark, where is your phone book?" she said, curt and concise. He shrugged. Ashley sighed, and dialed zero. "Operator? Yes, I want the number for the Auckland Hilton, thanks..." she said. The operator connected her with a click, and the lady at the front desk connected her to Paige and Kate's room. "Hello?" came a sleepy Kate. "Hi," barked Ashley. "Shit," said Kate. "Sorry to leave you there and everything, but..." "But nothing Mark is staring at me, and..." she trailed off. "He tried to fucking MOLEST me!" "WHY DOES EVERYONE BUT ME GET MOLESTED!" Kate yelled. Ashley sighed. "Who knows, and who cares. Can you please get me out of here?" she said, desperate, for Mark was inching towards her. "Bret is here." There was a pause. "What is he doing at your hotel?" "Who knows," said Kate. "I think he's escaping his apartment, or something..." "Whatever," said Ashley, shaking bad images out of her head. "Just get him over here, pronto, please..." "Sure, bye," said Kate, hanging up. Ashley sighed. Mark was still walking towards her very suspiciously. "Do you want to pick up where we left off?" he asked. "No," said Ashley. "ASHLEY!" came a panting Craig, running into Mark's apartment. Craig was startled momentarily by the Gil-Galad costume, but then got over it. "Ashley, I..." "Shut up," she said, without a trace of guilt. "Ashley, please... give me a chance to explain..." "Why the fuck should I," she replied. Craig looked at her. "Because you once loved me." Ashley rolled her eyes. "How dare you play that card! I mean, c'mon Craig... c'mon.." she shook her head. "You don't think I think that being with Fiona is hell?" he asked, angry. "I hate her!" "THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DATING HER?" Ashley screamed. He looked at her with lust and longing. "Ashley, look- after I left the US, on the flight back, I was devasted. She hit on me, and I... I slept with her, Ashley," he said, his voice drowning out her angry calls, "It was a mistake. A rebound because I was hurt beyond belief. But, please trust I never thought she would get pregnant..." "You should have worn a condom then," she said, getting her clothes and starting to pack her bags. "In the real world, Ashley," Craig said with disdain, "People make mistakes. They don't wear fucking condoms, okay? Maybe everyone isn't as smart as you, ever think of that?" "It's just responsibility, you asshole," Ashley said, jamming clothes into her bag. "Responsibility? RESPONSIBILITY? I AM taking the ultimate responsibility by being a father? WHERE DO YOU LIVE? Fucking la-la land?" Ashley stopped packing her bags, and walked up right next to him. "Where do I live? WHERE DO I LIVE? I live in darkness, in the shadow from the sun. The most putrid, rancid, toxic place that no one but myself can touch. When trash is thrown out, I pass by it, walking my way to the cellar of my pain. But I go down darker, deeper, damper, meaner thatn you could ever imagine. My eyes, they look out and face the sun, Craig- they face the sun when I wake up, and I follow "intelligence" because perfection is my only way out. But my heart- my mind," Ashley laughed hollowly, "they are just along for the ride and the escape." She zipped up her bag fiercy. "But they can never escape this Hell on Earth. Cause that's where I live, Craig- being in love with you every day is Hell." She walked past him, bumping into his shoulder. "You don't think I love you?" Craig called out. Ashley stopped. "No, I don't," she said. "I do, Ashley, I do. But by doing the right thing, being the right person- I am going to marry Fiona and be her baby's father." Ashley shook her head. "Pathetic," she spat. Craig softened his gaze. "You're going to go on in life and be happy- find someone you love so much more than you love me." "Impossible," Ashley screamed. "But," said Craig, cutting her off, "I'm going to have to live the rest of my life wanting you. Needing you. Please, Ashley, forgive me." He held out his hands as a peace offering. "Never," she drawled, and walked out the door to wait for Bret at the curb. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley stood staring into the street through tear-clouded eyes long after Craig had

reluctantly left. She got a phone call on her cell from Bret. Apparently he got a flat

while on his way to Mark's place, and wouldn't be able to get there for a least another

few hours. Ashley had told him to not worry about it, that she was going to just stay

with Mark, and to pass along to Kate and Paige that she was okay. Which was all a lie, of course. She was not okay, Craig was slowly ripping her heart in

two, and it was driving her insane.

Ashley fell down on her knees in the middle of the sidewalk and cried like she had not

cried in years.

She probably looked like a fool right now, still dressed in her makeshift Arwen costume sobbing like a baby, but she didn't really care. She stopped sobbing abruptly for some reason, and just lay there. Ashley heard the clinking of Mark's armor behind her, and she did not protest as he hauled her off the ground and held her against him in a tight

hug.

"Come on..." she heard heard him say gently above her. "Let's get inside, the kiwis

begin to hunt at this time of the evening." He patted the hilt of his sword. Ashley nodded, letting Mark put his arm around her in a comforting gesture, leading her

towards his apartment.

For the first time, Ashley was glad Mark was here when she needed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate and Paige were up in their hotel room, which was rather nice. They were both

overjoyed to find that the toilets REALLY DID flush in the opposite direction. Paige sat on her bed and began to rummage through her things. She didn't have quite as many clothes as she thought she had brought. She took out a small picture of Elijah

that she had and held it close to her. She really missed him. Her thoughts were

interrupted by Kate's voice.

"How long do you think we'll be here, Paige?" Paige shrugged.

"A couple more days at the most..." Kate nodded and looked over at the phone.

"I'm sure Ashley's okay... with Mark and everything, I mean. He means well." Paige laughed.

"He's a bit out there, though... if you know what I mean." Kate smiled and laughed too. The phone rang loudly to a strange jingle. Kate ran over and picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked breathlessly, waiting for Ashley's reply on the other end of the

line.

But she was met by just the opposite voice, though it did sound rather similar to that

of a girl's.

"Hello... Kate?" it asked, er... he asked. Kate's brow scrunched up in confusion and Paige looked at her questioningly.

"Who is this?" she asked carefully.

"It's Benji, Kate, duh!" the voice said. "And Mr. Jones is here too!" came Benji's

voice again, only squeakier, as he was pretending to be the talking paleontologist

condo.

"But you're in jail!" Kate said, Paige raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, and I need you to bail me out!" Kate snorted.

"Yeah right. You had sex with a minor in the bathroom of a fucking AIRPLANE." Benji pondered this on the other line.

"Yeah... and I need to get out now." Kate hung up and looked at Paige.

"Benji needs to get bailed out of jail.... Do you think we should help him?"

Ashley was led gently into the apartment by Mark, who took great ease and made sure that she didn't knock into his armor or the door. Ashley was grateful that Mark was taking such care. She cried into his shoulder, her tears rusting the metal of his armor. He didn't seem to mind- in fact, he took solice in the comfort Ashley took in his shoulder, no matter how high it was. Ashley cried until she could cry no more, and then she looked at Mark with dark eyes. "Thanks for that," she said, glad he was there. "No problem," he said, tongue starting to swell again. Ashley looked down. "This is so hard, you know?" "Well, you are very pretty..." said Mark. Ashley whipped around to look at him. Then her eyes scrolled down to his...er...nether regions. She sat up with a start. "Put that away!" Ashley yelled. "I am not up for your shenanigans!" Mark sighed. "How about I don't, it's not really under my control anyways..." he trailed off. Ashley mustered all of her might, picked up her bags, and left again. She pulled out her cell phone only when she was secure in the thought that she was far away enough from Mark. She called a taxi cab, and it drove her to the front of the Auckland Hilton. She went to the front desk, and asked for a key to the room in which Kate and Paige were staying. She lied and said she was one of the guests and she had fogotten her keys, hiding her bags. The woman sighed, gave her a key, and Ashley rode the elevator all the way up to the 9th floor. She went into Kate and Paige's room, only to find it empty. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley looked around and sighed. She banged her head against the wall.

Where were they? WHY DID HER LIFE HAVE TO BE SO FUCKED UP?

Ashley groaned and slapped her forehead. She would rather be back with Mark now, at

least he was amusing.

She found a note on the bed.

"This is for Ashley... We thought you'd probably come here,

We went to go bail Benji out of jail... be back soon."

~Kate and Paige~"

"Crap..." sighed Ashley sitting down on the bed. There was a knock at the door. She sighed and got up, walking towards it. She opened it. There was Mark, looking ridiculous in his Gil-galad costume.

"Hey..." he said, walking into the room.

"Hey..." sighed Ashley.

"We never finished roleplaying..." Ashley sighed.

"No we didn't... do you want to?" Mark nodded, clinking over to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate and Paige stood outside of the jail and stepped inside.

"Crap... why are we doing this?" Kate asked, looking around at the long line of

convicts in orange jumpsuits.

"I dunno..." said Paige looking around at the place.

It was all metal and bars.

The stereotypical jail.

Lovely. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley sat for a bit as Mark (excuse me Gil-Galad) explained the thrill and challenge of being in Lord of the Rings for about two seconds. "That's nice," she would say occasionally. She was getting bored very fast. "Look, Mark," she began, but he wouldn't respond. "Sorry, GIL-GALAD," she said, a bit too loudly. Mark looked at her. "I don't think Paige or Kate would like to find, err... this little surprise of you in their room. Do you mind... leaving?" Mark set down his armor and his sword. He looked at Ashley for a second, then said- "I know you think I'm strange," a new addition of seriousness to his voice. He was being sincere. "But if you gave me a chance, I swear to god I would..." "You're old," Ashley said, no-holds-barred. "Yeah," said Mark. "But you dated Craig, and he's old too." Mark gallumphed away just as Bret walked into the room. "What the hell was that about?" he asked. "Who knows," Ashley muttered. Bret looked at her. "Ashley... I am sorry that you had to go through this with Craig... I should have warned you earlier..." "You did warn me," Ashley said, still being no-holds-barred. "And then you got shot." Bret sighed, and sat next to Ashley. He put his arm around her. "You know," he said. "I'm glad you stopped hating me." Ashley looked at him. "I liked you when we first met," Ashley said, non-chalant. "Really?" said Bret, excited. "Yeah," she said. "I did, but then all this shit happened with Craig, and..." "Ashley, you are too good for him, you know that, right?" Ashley looked away. "RIGHT?" Bret said, cupping her chin. Ashley nodded. "I am too good for that dipshit." Bret laughed. "Do...you still like me?" Bret asked, quietly. Ashley looked at him for a moment. "I'm not sure," she said, truthfully. Bret nodded. "Then maybe this will convince you," said Bret, leaning down to kiss Ashley. And she didn't object. In fact, she rather liked it.

Paige stood in disbelief watching the convicts in bright orange jumpsuits walk in a straight line over to a desk, where they were getting their hands stamped. What was being stamped on their hands however, was a mystery to her. Kate looked around and was stopped by a police officer.

"'Scuse me ma'am..." he said with a Southern-New Zealand accent which sounded very odd and annoying.

"Er.. hi?" said Kate, eyeing the gun he was carrying in his holster with disdain.

"And what might you be doing here, little lady?" Paige walked over.

"Does every police officer on this Earth refer to young women as 'little ladies'?" The police officer shrugged and then looked serious again.

"You didn't answer my question..." he said threateningly. Kate rolled her eyes, the police officer didn't seem to notice.

"We're here to bail someone out... his name is Benji..." The police officer eyed Paige and Kate suspiciously.

"Last name?" Paige shrugged.

"Well, could you at least tell me what he looks like? You know I'm not a freakin' gypsy crystal-ball reader person." Kate sighed.

"Well.. he has very pointy black hair.... uh... black mascara..." At that point, Kate stopped explaining as soon as she heard a cry of glee coming over from the line of criminals.Paige and Kate spun around.
A pointy-black haired person in a neon orange jumpsuit came skipping over to them

happily with handcuffs.

It was Benji.

He tried to hug both Kate and Paige, but it was impossible with the handcuffs on,

plus they wouldn't have let him anyway.

"You came!" he squealed, jumping up and down with excitement. "I knew you would...

And guess what?" Benji didn't wait for anyone to answer him, he just stuck his right arm out in front of them.

"I got a STAMP!" And indeed Benji did. His hand was stamped with a permanent smiley face with the words in big bold letters "Auckland Central Reprimand Prison".

Paige looked at Kate.

"Do we really have to get him out of here?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley closed her eyes, and leaned into the moment. It was a good kiss. Very different from Craig, yes, but a Good Kiss. It was warm, sweet, and comforting. He didn't try to put his tongue in her mouth, it just seemed wrong for the situation. Ashley was grateful because Craig was the only other person she had ever kissed, and tongues were always being shoved down her throat with him. Bret was still a little afraid of what Ashley's wrath might be for this, so he pulled back after what had seemed an eternity to Ashley. It wasn't, at all, to Bret. "Hi," she said, a little off center. Bret's eyes popped out. "Hi," he said, surprised that she wasn't going to get someone to shoot him again. "What was that," Ashley asked, in refrence to the absolute terror look on his face. Bret shrugged. "I dunno," he said, in a very weird tone. Ashley smiled, and leaned closer to Bret. "It's okay that you kissed me, you know," she said. Bret looked at her out of the corner of his eye- head not moving an inch. "Am I a rebound guy?" Ashley shrugged. "Meh," she said. "It's too early to tell." She laughed. Bret looked at her. "I don't think you have laughed in the time that I have known you," he said, astounded. Ashley cocked her head to the side. "Weird," she said. "Because at school people told me I laughed a lot." "That was before Craig," Bret muttered. Ashley laughed again. "That sounds like a movie title. 'Before Craig: The dawn of laughing Ashley' It would a precursor to 'After Craig: Life without laughter.'" She giggled. Bret smiled, and let her laughter wrap around him, like a layer of fat on his anorexic body. Ashley leaned very close to him. "You can do that again, you know.." And they did. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige was most certainly not happy with Benji. They were on verse 68 of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and it was an hour and a half drive home. Paige drummed her fingers on the window of the car. "31 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 31 Bottles of Beer, take one down, pass it around, 30 bottles of beer on the wall, 30 bottles of beer on the wall, 30 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around.." "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" Paige screamed, voice cracking. Benji turned around and looked at her. "Do you have a problem with my singing?" he said, trying to flip his nonexistant hair. "Yes, if you could call it singing," said Paige. Benji gasped. "What? (flip) How dare you insult the beautiful music of (flip) the lead guitarist of (flip) Good Charlotte!" Kate sighed. The cab driver seemed not to care, or notice, that Benji was singing. "It's inhuman music," said Kate. She didn't want Benji to think that Paige was the only one in the car that despised him. "Inhuman?" Benji said, flipping his hair. "Yes," said Kate. "Meaning it sounds like something no human could produce." "Really? (flip) It's that good?" Benji attempted to flip his hair one more time, but the cab driver (inheritently having the bad driver in New Zealand gene) skidded to the right of the lane, narrowly passing a little old lady doing her shopping. "I'm going to chase after you!" she called into the car, and attempted to (what can only be called) race with her walker past the car. Unfortunately, she lost. Benji recomposed himself to what he thought was his personal elegance. "Benji," said Paige. "I hate to break it to you, but you sounded like," she looked at Kate. "A cat being hit with a violin out of tune." Benji inhaled deeply through his nose so that his nostrils seemed to shake. "Well, I never," he said, flipping his hair. Paige sighed. "You sounded like the old woman who just tried to race us," said Paige. Even that couldn't amuse her. "At least I had really good sex," he looked around to see if anyone was listening. Paige and Kate stared back, considering they were driving 95 mph down a New Zealand Highway. Even if someone could listen through a miracle advancement in the evolution of humans, the cab driver was skirting from lane to lane. Surely, like water to houndogs, that must have thrown the imaginary super-human out of the game. Kate burst out laughing. "With a thirteen year old," Kate laughed. "That's like saying I had really good ice-cream from Slim Fast!" Benji gasped. "Slim Fast (flip) makes great ice-cream." "How the hell would you know that?" asked Paige, sarcastically. "I've tried (flip) it," said Benji, resigning himself to flipping his hair out the window. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ashley heard a knock on the door and got up from the couch to answer it. She opened the door and looked up at Mark. She sighed.

"Really Mark... what is it now?" Mark sighed and walked into the room, plopping down on the couch. Bret looked up from the desk over in the corner of the room.

"Hey mate," he said, lookin over at Mark surprised. "How about you go ahead and make yourself comfortable then, eh?" Mark moaned into his pillow as a response.

"What is it?" Ashley asked, crossing her arms and becoming impatient.

Mark turned over and looked at Ashley and Bret questioningly.

"What?!" Ashley asked again, becoming frustrated.

"I want to finish roleplaying. You got me all excited and then you just stopped." He pouted. Mark Ferguson, Elven King Gil-galad, 6'4" was pouting. And that was sad. Bret's eyes narrowed at Mark.

"Roleplaying? Roleplaying? What kind of SICK PERVERTED thing are you playing at Mark?!" Mark looked at Bret and rolled his eyes.

"Roleplaying, mate. The Lord of the Rings. I was Gil-galad and Ashley was Arwen and we pretended to be those characters. Good clean fun." Bret raised an eyebrow at Ashley questioningly.

"And... you...*sniff* didn't *sniff* invite me?" Mark smiled and took the bedsheet off the bed, walking over to Bret and handing it to

him.

"Here mate.. you can be Figwit." Bret took the bedsheet and smiled the happiest smile that he had ever smiled in his whole life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After an agonizingly long taxi ride, Benji, Kate, and Paige finally arrived back at the hotel. Paige and Kate had desperately tried to leave Benji in the cab as the driver sped away, but no avail.

They tried to walk as far away from him as they entered the hotel, as Benji was skipping happily down the hallway, knocking employee's hats off left and right.

Kate and Paige had tried to close part of Benji's jacket between the elevator doors, but that did not work, as Benji had just taken off his jacket and left it there. Benji may have been weird looking and strange, but he was smart. Deep down at least. Okay... not really.

They rode the elevator up to the ninth floor and began to walk towards their hotel room, Benji twirling around happily behind them.

Kate spun around as soon as she heard a loud crash and a small "Ow." in the ice-room. She and Paige jogged over to the room and stared as soon as they saw Benji lying atop a vending machine swimming in stale bags of pretzels and doritoes.

It would only be a matter of time.

Paige looked at Kate and sighed.
"We should just get him back to the fucking hotel room," Paige said. Kate nodded.
They grabbed Benji's hand, and silently pulled him out of the chip-pool. Walking along the hallway, a child remarked-
"Mommy? I thought you only had to hold hands while crossing the street." The mother shrugged. Kate instantly dropped Benji's hand. They arrived at the room, and Paige sluggishly took out her key card.
The light went green, and Paige tried to open the door. She banged her head expecting it to open, like the movement was constant.
"Shit!" was heard on the other end of the door. "Ashley, put your toga back on!"
Paige cocked her head to the side. Kate walked a few steps back, and banged the door open.
The scene inside was not amusing.
Ashley had on a ripped white sheet, and was sitting on Bret's lap. He seemed to have hickeys all down his neck. Mark was passed out on the love seat, a bottle of peach shnapps in his hand.
"What the hell," Paige mumbled. Ashley took in a deep breath.
"Oh, hi you guys!" she said in voice that sounded awfully familiar to when she crooned to her cat, Monkey. Kate suppressed a laugh.
"Are you... drunk?" Paige asked. Benji let out a high-pitched squeal.
"I don't like drunkers," said Benji. He leaned forward and squinted his eyes. "Drunks in prison pee on the floor." Bret blinked at Benji.
"Umm, right," he said. "Who's this?"
"Benji," Paige and Kate said mournfully in unison. Bret cocked his head to the side.
"I take it you don't like him, then?"
"NO!" they both exclaimed. Benji started to cry.
"Oh, c'mon," said Paige. "Did you really think our friendship was going well?" Benji blew his nose on Paige's shirt sleeve.
"You know what?" cried Paige. "You can keep this." She tore off her shirt, revealing the white tank-top she had underneath. Kate gasped.
"What is that?" she said with disdain. Paige shrugged.
"A tank-top," she said. Kate gasped.
"I thought... I thought..." she spluttered. "I thought you were a punk!" Paige rolled her eyes.
"It's hot, and I needed something light to wear under my black Hello Kitty punk sweatshirt," said Paige. Kate was about to protest when she noticed Ashley was making out with Bret.
"Erm..." said Kate. Ashley slowly moved her lips off Bret, but her mouth was slightly delayed, so she looked like a fish.
"Yeaasss," said Ashley. Bret giggled.
"Enough said," Paige warned Kate with a look. "Bret, out. Benji, go with Bret. Ashley, we need to talk." Bret mumbled, and Benji cried out in glee.
"YAY!!!! I LIKE BRET!" he said, putting an arm around the intoxicated man. Kate could hear Benji saying, "I want you to meet my friend, Mr. Jones..." all the way down the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bret stood uncomfortably outside of the door, waiting for Paige and Kate to get finished talking with Ashley. He looked over and Benji who was talking to the condom on his finger... oh. Excuse me... Mr. Jones the Paleontologist. Bret may have been drunk but not drunk enough to stand alone outside with a strange make-up wearing pointy-haired man.

This was suicide.

Bret closed his eyes and banged his head against the wall. He heard Benji coming closer and opened one eye, looking at him suspiciously.

Benji frowned, still wiggling Mr. Jones around on his finger.

"What?" Bret sighed and banged his head on the wall a few more times for good measure. Benji's brow furled as he leaned forward and sniff him.

"You smell drunk. I don't like drunkies... or druggies for that matter." Bret rolled his eyes and bent his head towards the door, pressing his ear to it, trying to listen in on the conversation inside.

Benji laughed softly, shaking his head. (Mr. Jones was shaking his head along with him)

"That's not the way to eavesdrop, dude..."

Bret raised an eyebrow and stepped away from the door as Benji had motioned for him to do so. Benji rummaged around in his pocket and pulled out a strange looking sponge of some sort and a pair of headphones.

"What's that?" Bret asked, a bit uncomfortable as he could have sworn that Mr. Jones had winked at him. Benji put a finger to his lips and "shh- shed" him.

"I'm a secret agent." he said, fumbling around in his pocket once more to pull out a pair of Disney World sunglasses. Bret scoffed. Benji glared at him.

"Just watch..." he said mysteriously, holding the sponge up to the door and pressing it to it gently. It stuck. He impaled it with the end of the headphone and put one to his ear and one to Bret's. Bret listened carefully. There was no sound. Benji was probably legally insane.

"And this..." Benji said, holding up Mr. Jones. "This is really a secret agent

condom... only secret agents use condoms with faces on them."

Bret snorted.

"Hate to break it to you, mate. But that looks like you drew it on with a Sharpie and anyone can buy a condom with a face on it. They sell them at the Kiwi Mart back in Auckland." Benji smirked and shook his head.

"It's only an opti... opti-ma.. optim-acal illusion."

Elijah sat looking at his television. He missed Paige.

There was not a lot that other people could do for him. Peter came by and yelled for a massage, and Elijah laughed. Cynthia, Paige's mom, had called and asked Elijah to come over because the neighbor Jenine had been "pining" for him. He couldn't do it. His pounding headaches when coming in contact with her were too painful to face without Paige. His eye was sore, and his vision was blurred. The eyepatch he was supposed to wear was crusty and lying on the floor near the television.

He thought for a moment that he knew what he wanted.

He wanted Paige to come home. He wanted to touch her, to taste her. He wanted her back. He was still, as he would always be, in love. He picked up his cell phone, and dialed Paige's number.

"Hello," said an irritated Paige.

"Hey," came a scratchy Elijah.

"Elijah," Paige said, sighing with relief. "I miss you so much."

"Come home," he said.

"What's wrong?" Paige asked, concerned. Elijah could hear Ashley say something about Bret ripping off her shirt, and Kate sneering.

"Ashley, you know I hate him," Kate drawled.

"Are Ashley and Bret together?" said Elijah. Even in his desperation, he could recognize that was insane.

"I'll explain later," Paige hastily said. "What's wrong?"

"I miss you, I love you... I feel like I really haven't had a chance to be a good boyfriend..."

"Elijah," Paige protested.

"No," he said. "Come home. We haven't done any normal 'couple' things, and it's starting to annoy me." Paige laughed.

"Hate to break it to you," said Paige. "But we're not a normal couple." Elijah sighed.

"I love you Paige." he said. "Come home."

"I love you, too," Paige whispered. "And I will."

"Bye," Elijah whispered, and suddenly hung up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate stared at Paige menacingly.

"Could you please have a little more consideration next time we are trying to have a talk?"

"I'm sorry," Paige started. "I saw it was Elijah and.."

"Ashley," Kate interrupted. "You know Bret is bad for you." Ashley wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Mhm," she said. "I think I'm gonna puke." Paige grabbed Ashley, and pulled back her hair as she vomited into the toilet.

"See what he's doing to you?" Kate called. Ashley sauntered back into the room.

"I like him," she said. "He's incredibly misunderstood."

"Misunderstood?" Kate huffed. "MISUNDERSTOOD? He's A FUCKING IDIOT!" There was silence.

"Kate," Ashley said, trying to be calm. "I think he's better than Craig will ever be. And if you can't be happy with the fact that I've found someone... and you have no one to comfort you but anger." Kate turned red.

"For your information," she said. "I turned down Mike, not the other way around."

"Why the hell would you do that? He was obviously into you, and liked you, and wanted to be with you."

"Because I am not a slut, okay? I do not want to end up fucking someone twice my age."

"If I may interrupt," said Paige. "Ashley- you're drunk. Kate- we're jet lagged. Why don't we all calm down, get some sleep, and.."

"Sorry, Ashley-" said Kate, looking at Paige with malice. "You didn't fuck anyone. That was Paige."

"You know what?" Paige cried. "I give up! What the hell do you want me to do, Kate? Let you scream at Ashley because she's finally found someone worth sticking with? I love Elijah, okay. He's someone important, and age shouldn't fucking matter. Mike? He tried to get you a record deal. He tried to be with you. But you pushed him away-"

"HE WAS TOO OLD!" Kate interrupted. "What you did with Elijah was illegal."

"What the hell happened with you and Mike? Why do you care?" Kate was about to answer when Paige interrupted her. "You know what? I don't give a fuck, anyway. I'm going back to L.A.," Paige picked up her pack, still packed, and headed out the door. "Oh and Kate? If you want to be in the band, you're going to have to show a little more dedication than that." Paige closed the door.

"The band?" Ashley asked.

"We were going to form one," replied Kate. "Because Peter quit." Ashley nodded. "Look, I'm sorry about Bret," Kate started.

"You should be," Ashley said curtly. It was Kate's turn to nod.

"Wow, Paige and I have been here like 12 hours, and already there is too much drama to handle."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elijah sat waiting at the depo. He was incredibly surprised that Mike would be calling him about the concert in LA. Apparently, they had some technical difficulties that resulted in Mr. Han's DJ stand exploding on the heads of the roadies. The concert had been postponed for two days later.

He saw the bus coming round the bend, and watched ruefully as Mike stepped off. He stiffly walked over.

"Look, this is my last resort," Mike said.

"It's nice to see you, too," Elijah said, grimacing.

"I heard that Kate is signing onto your record label," said Mike.

"Yeah, with Paige."

"Well," Mike shifted his weight from foot to foot. "I need your help."

"I gathered from your greeting," Elijah smiled ironically. Mike narrowed his eyes.

"I hate sarcasm."

"I gathered."

"Look," Mike exclaimed. "I want Kate back."

"I had no idea you weren't together in the first place."

"Well, we're not," Mike said shortly. Elijah nodded.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to fucking get Kate back to me."

"Umm, judging Kate," said Elijah. "I think she's going to make up her own mind, stick with it, and be stubborn about it. Oh, and she has a mighty left-hook, so if you get too fresh, you might end up in the ER..."

"Look, I KNOW ALL THAT!" Mike cried. Elijah nodded.

"I'll try to help, okay?"

"Good," Mike said gruffly. Elijah nodded. "Could you stop doing that?" Mike said, walking with Elijah inside. "You look like a fucking bobblehead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paige looked out on the airport. Again.

She walked up to the woman at the counter, and smiled.

"Hello," she said. "I'd like a flight from here to LA, please." The woman looked down at her.

"Name," she said flatly.

"Paige," she said. The woman searched her databank.

"Seems you have a return ticket for two day's time," she said, about the close the kiosk.

"I know," said Paige, being politely persistent, as she always was. "I would like to change that."

"I'm afraid," said the woman, "that since you are underage, and American, this might be a problem." Her voice was dripping with condescension.

"I have a credit card that will suffice for the costs," Paige said, losing her patience. "And being an American isn't a crime."

"Well," said the woman, voice high. "It does mean that you are a suspected terrorist." Paige sighed.

"Right. Right, like a 15 year old American girl is going to be a terrorist."

"Ma'am!" said the woman, alarmed. "That's a suspicious thing to say!" Paige sighed.

"Please give me my ticket," said Paige, on the verge of tears from frustration. "I want to go HOME!" The woman shook her head.

"N-no, I'm afraid I caaan't do that!" she said, typing very quickly on her keyboard. Paige slammed her hands down on the counter.

"LOOK! GET ME MY FUCKING TICKET! I WANT TO GO THE FUCK HOME! I HATE NEW ZEALAND!" The woman was taken aback. After a long, ackward silence only slightly filled by the sound of keys typing, the woman looked up.

"You're in luck," she said, voice soft. "There's a flight to Hawaii which connects to LA in," she checked her watch, "three hours." Paige sighed, and collected the ticket the lady gave her.

"Thanks," she said, tired. She marched off to the plane.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elijah put his head in his hands. "NO, NO, NO, NO!" he yelled at Mike. Mike put down his guitar. "You want this to be a single, right? Something that can be played over and over again so that Kate will hear it non-stop?"

"Yeaah," said Mike.

"Well then, it has to be a song good enough to be played non-stop!" Mike clenched his teeth.

"I believe we have a difference in taste, Elijah." Elijah sighed.

"Let me read you the lyrics of the song you hope, HOPE, is going to be a hit." Elijah said, desperate. "Satin doll, you change your hair only when company's over, satin doll, you get drunk and marry strangers, oh, satin doll- you beat up hobos and pick fights with DRUNKERDS yes yes yes yes and you're my satin doll... forever and ever and ever and ever and.." Elijah trailed off. Mike beamed.

"Great, isn't it?" Elijah stared.

"First of all," said Elijah. "It doesn't rhyme."

"Not all songs have to rhyme," said Mike with anguish.

"Right, right, but see," said Elijah, "it's very, uhh, rough."

"Kate's rough."

"Yes, I know, but..." said Elijah. "you call her a satin doll. That doesn't make sense."

"It's supposed to be a term of endearment." Elijah put his head in his hands.

"Fine, fine...." he muttered. "Let's record it, then..."

His cell phone buzzed loudly. Mike laughed.

"Got a vibrator in there?" Elijah narrowed his eyes.

"Very, VERY funny," he said. He opened the cell phone. "Hello," he said quickly.

"Elijah?" Paige said.

"Paige! I didn't know it was you! The caller ID said an American number, and..."

"I'm in America. I'm at LAX airport and I need you to pick me up."

"You came home?!" Elijah said, ecstatic and worried at the same time.

"Yes," she said, furious. Elijah nodded.

"That's a bad thing, then." He said, slightly hurt.

"No, no, I just..." Paige trailed off. "Please come pick me up."

"Right," said Elijah. "I'm at the studio with Mike." Paige shook her head.

"Sorry," she said. "Could you repeat that? I thought I heard you say I'm at the studio with Mike."

"That's what I said," Elijah replied. "So, I'll send a car to pick you up, okay?"

"Right," said Paige. "I'll see you then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate walked outside. She opened the door.

Bret and Benji were listening intently to the door.

"Right," she said laughing. "You two are both insane."

"Yes," they said. Bret mouthed to Kate that he needed help.

"Benji, let's go home, okay? You're staying with me tonight," Kate said, and walked into the door. Ashley walked out to be with Bret, and as she walked by, Benji licked his lips. She swore he said, "I'm getting lucky tonight."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paige sat on her bags outside of the airport waiting for Elijah to pick her up. She

checked her watch, tapping her foot on the ground to some unknown beat and staring at

all of the cars that passed her, that looked like his... but they weren't.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw some strange senile old woman walking back and

forth through the automatic doors that led into the airport.

Paige couldn't take it anymore, she dragged her bags over to the door and the old woman

and said,

"Excuse me ma'am... do you need any help finding something?"

The woman turned around slowly and stared at Paige with wide eyes, then squinted.

"Lydia... is that you?"

Paige was very confused, perhaps she missed something, yet she wasn't sure what, nor if

she really wanted to know...

"My name isn't Lydia, ma'am... perhaps you lost her?"

The old woman squinted her eyes, as though she couldn't see her very well... and she

probably couldn't.

"No... Lydia, you silly goose," the lady cackled. "Remember you promised to knit

with me last week? You said you'd call but you never did..." the woman pouted.

Paige heard a honk and saw Elijah waving from his car. Paige picked up her bags and

patted the old woman gently on the shoulder.

"Bye, dear... I'll call you next week... I *promise*." she dashed off towards the

car, the old woman squinting her eyes and waving.

"Bye Lydia!"

Kate and Benji silently sat watching the television. "Kate..." Benji began. "NO!" Kate said. "For the third time tonight, I am NOT going to let you snuggle with me!" Benji pouted. "But it's a scary movie..." he said, pointing to the television. Kate glared at him. "No, Benji," she said. "No." Benji sighed, and turned out the lights to go to sleep. Kate waited several minutes to make sure he was indeed sleeping, and turned out her light, too. She was just about to drift off to sleep when she felt a very odd tickling sensation around her feet. "Benji..." she said dreamily, going to switch on the light. Kate screamed. Benji was sucking on her toes. "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!!" Kate yelled, throwing off her covers. Benji cowered in fear. Kate pointed towards the door. "You are going to have to get your own room. I assume you have money." Benji hung his head, and walked out the door. Not a second passed before Kate dead-locked it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ashley and Bret looked at each other for a while. "I, uhh," Ashley said, trying to get Bret's attention off of her. Bret leaned in closer. "What? Is it that you are scared that I will hurt you?" He asked, concerned. "Uhh, no, it's just-" "Are you afraid of being vulnerable with someone this old?" "No, really, I-" "Ashley, tell me!" Bret said, looking happily into her eyes. "I have something itching my eyeball," she said sheepishly, trying to scratch it. Bret sighed. "Good, glad you don't have those concerns..." Ashley remained silent. "You do have those concerns?" "Well, it's just..." Ashley blushed. "Craig was the first boyfriend I had, and he was so much older, and you're a lot older, and you live in New Zealand, and..." Ashley trailed off. "Do you think it's best if we don't spend the night together?" Bret asked. Ashley nodded. "Can I kiss you?" Ashley laughed, and nodded again. When they were done, Bret pulled out his guitar. "Could I sing a little song for you?" Then he added, to the look on Ashley's face, "It's nothing like that one I wrote for you before." Ashley smiled. Bret began to sing. "Oh American girl/ It's so hard to breathe/ When I stand near you/ your accent takes my breath away/ because/ you say dirty words/ so funny/ and I want to say them that way too/ oh American girl/ you look like a movie star/ but you haven't had your breasts augmented/ oh yes/ you take my breath away/ I want to curse like you and/ American girl/ you aren't anything like they show us on the news/ you aren't fat/ you aren't stupid/ you don't like to guzzle fossil fuels/ you are beautiful/ but also not anorexic/ you aren't a cheerleader/ I thought all American girls we're cheerleaders/ oh well/ oh American girl/ you take my breath away/ I want to curse like you...." he ended with a final chord. Ashley laughed. "That was..." she trailed off. Bret smiled. "I have a surprise for you tomorrow," he said. Ashley grinned. "Good," she said. "But where am I going to stay again?" Bret looked around. "I'll rent you a room," he said. Ashley was checked into the same hotel as Kate, and slept through the night. It was the first time in months that her dreams were not filled with Craig.

Paige got into the car and the first thing she said was, as she looked frantically at

the old lady, then the road, and then the old lady again:

"Drive, goddamnit, drive!"

Elijah nodded slowly, a confused look passing over his face as he began down the road.

"Well, hello to you, too." he smiled.

Paige sighed, relieved, that Elijah was here and the old lady was not. She smiled.

"Missed you..."

He grinned.

"Missed you too... who was that woman you were talking to?" he asked.

Paige laughed softly to herself.

"She thought I was her knitting buddy... and that my name was Lydia... she also said

something about me not calling her, and how it upset her."

Elijah chuckled.

"Okay... it's been a long trip I take it," he smiled, turning his attention back to

the road. "Let's go home now... but make sure that Scraggles doesn't try to claw my eye

out."

Paige smiled.

"Of course not..." she teased.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashley awoke in the morning to find a note taped to her door. It read, "Ashley, here's waking up happy :)" and it was signed by Bret. Ashley smiled. Already he was making a better start than Craig. Yawning, Ashley streched and reached for the door. When she opened it, Bret was waiting outside, wearing a very cheesy pair of sunglasses. Ashley stifled a laugh. "Hey," she said. Bret smiled. "Yo yo yo yo," he tried rapping. Ashley raised one eyebrow and looked at him. "Erm," she said. "That was lame." Bret's face hardened. "But I think you're cute," Ashley said playfully. Bret smiled again, ego in tact. "Hey, get dressed, your surprise is awaiting!" Bret said, smiling. Ashley smiled. "Right, right, I'll get dressed." She waited. Bret was still standing there. "Um, in private..." she began. Bret shook himself to reality. "Right, right," he said, smiling. "I was imagining..." "Shut up!" Ashley said, covering her ears. "Go away!" Bret smiled, and Ashley shut the door. She emerged wearing a form-fitting outfit, one that appeased Bret's very perverted taste. "Erm," said Ashley, wanting to start her day rated PG. "I'm going to go get an apple from the vendor outside the hotel." Bret nodded, in his own sex goddess land. Ashley trumped outside, and waiting foolishly in line for the fruit seller. She had no idea what possibly possessed her to lie and say fruit, but oh well. She had to except Bret's faults with his obvious triumphs. "Hello gorgeous," said a drawling voice behind her. Ashley didn't turn around. "C-craig," she said, obviously shaken. A hand touched her upper fore- arm. Ashely spun around to face him. "Don't touch me!" she yelled. Several elderly Kiwi drivers overheard this yell, and got into one of the millions of Kiwi car accidents in that day. Ashley continued to stare with malice. "Ashley, wait... I made a mistake. That whore? She's no good for me." "I thought you said you were going to marry her," Ashley said. Craig shrugged. "Well, I am..." he said trailing off. He leaned in closer to Ashley. "But that doesn't mean you and I can't be together." Craig leaned down, and kissed Ashley. He massaged her lips, and made them tingle with wanting that Bret hadn't yet provided. Ashley leaned in, and let herself go in the moment. "No," she said, realizing what she was doing. Craig looked taken aback. "Wha-what?" he said. Ashley spun around. "I can't... I can't..." she searched for words. "You are a pig. You think that I am that desperate that I would just let you cheat on your wife with me?" she said, angry. Craig shrugged. "You know you want me," he said. Ashley sighed. "I know Bret wants me," she said. Craig's face hardened. "That dork, he can't provide half of the things I could." "Who fucking cares?" Ashley said, using the f-word for perhaps the first time in her life. Craig stared at her. "He at least treats me right." Craig shook his head. "You know you'll be back," he called after her as she ran into the hotel. "You'll be fucking me in no time!" Ashley didn't hear him, though. She was running up to Bret's room.

Paige stared happily out the window as Elijah drove along. Well, not quite happily. "Paige," Elijah said. "You seem a little..." "Pissed off?" she spat at him. He nodded, and Paige sighed. "Kate called me a slut for..." Paige trailed off. "Sleeping with you." Elijah raised his eyebrows. "You told Kate?" he asked. Paige blushed. "Yes," she mumbled softly. Elijah turned back towards the road. "You know," he said, after a long silence. "Our business is our business." "They're my best friends, and I'm 15 years old, what the hell do you expect?" Paige looked at Elijah with intensity. Elijah looked back. "WATCH THE ROAD!" Paige cried. She put her head in her hands, and began to sob. Elijah put his hand on her back. "Look, Paige, we need to talk." Paige looked at him. "Talking and driving don't exactly work for you," she said. Elijah narrowed his eyes. "Ha, ha, ha, very funny," he said sarcastically. Paige smiled. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked. Elijah took a deep breath. "This isn't working out." And they didn't even feel it when they smashed into the guardrail on the highway to Elijah's recording studio. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ashley ran up to Bret's room, out of breath. She leaned against the wall behind the door, and slowly breathed. She started to cry. Sliding to the ground, Ashley eyes swam with tears. How could Craig shit on all that she had finally achieved? A strange, but nice, boyfriend with a surprise. When the fuck had Craig ever given her a surprise? Never. If you don't count the slut-pregnancy surprise. So he had given her one unpleasant surprise, Ashley thought. So fucking what? Inside the room, Bret heard crying and poked his head outside the door. "What's wrong, Ashley?" he asked. Ashley sobbed. "Craig said that I would come back to him," Ashley said. "And he insulted me...and...and.. said I would fuck him!" she finished with anger. Bret shook his head. "Jerkoff," he muttered. "Fuck of an elf." Ashley burst out laughing. "That's so funny!" she said. "That made everything melt away." Bret scowled. "C'mon," Ashley muttered. "Let's go to our surprise." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kate stepped out of her hotel room. Her bags were packed, and she had left a message for Ashley on the hotel machine. She seemed to be out. Kate shrugged her bags up onto her shoulder, and walked to the cab. It rolled along the black asphalt to the airport, which loomed above her almost ominously. She wasn't one to make snap decisions, but she needed to go home. She needed to talk to Paige. To forgive, forget, and get back in the band. They needed to rock. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ashley and Bret's car rolled up to the big concrete building. They had been driving for what seemed like many hours, and to Ashley's surprise, they were in Wellington. Bret had driven terribly, and he and Ashley switched many times just to make sure that no New Zealanders were hit by their car. Ashley locked the door, and she and Bret stepped out into the glinting sunlight. "Where are we?" Ashley asked Bret. He smiled. "I can't tell you," he said. "You'll see when we get inside." Ashley shrugged. They walked through a back entrance into a dimly lit hallway, which seemed to be leading in a labyrinth type style to the center of the building. Bret opened the cool black door, and the light pierced Ashley's eyes as she walked into the lobby. "Welcome to Weta Workshops," Peter Jackson said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The medics had to use the jaws of life on the car. It was so smashed in that the unconscious Paige and Elijah were wedged upside-down in their seats. The interstate was backed up for miles. The longer they waited to get them out, the less of a chance Paige and Elijah had of not having brain damage. They put a small explosive on the windshield, and covered Paige and Elijah with tarp. The glass broke, and the team of emergency staff pulled Paige and Elijah out. They were rushed to the nearest hospital in two seperate ambulances. When Elijah came to, he saw a very colorful boquet of flowers next to his bed. He could barely move his eyelids. He knew he was in a hospital, for certain, but where he didn't know. He couldn't remember exactly why he was there, either. Mike was sitting in a chair next to his bed. "Elijah?" he asked. He stared. "Mike?" he asked. He smiled. "Where's Paige?" he asked, remembering that she was in the car with him. Mikes face was stoic. "She's in intensive care," Mike stated. "Her lungs collapsed." Elijah blinked. Then he blinked again. "What.. the fuck?" he exclaimed. Several nurses in the hallway scattered and walked faster. "Keep your strength," Mike muttered feebly. Elijah blanched. "Where is she?" he asked. Mike stared at him, his jaw set. "You broke up with her, remember?" Mike said. "I'm here because she asked me to." There was a silence, then a look of comprehension on Elijah's face. "Oh fuck," he said. "That's what made me crash! I said it, and... oh fuck." Mike clenched his teeth. "Paige kindly asked me to wait with you while she was in surgery." Elijah shook his head, which immediately hurt afterwards. "What surgery?" he asked. "Her lungs collapsed, I told you," Mike said. Elijah stared. "How can she breathe?" "She can't- not very well. She fractured her skull, and broke her collarbone, and her nose, and her leg, and her ankle... but her lungs are most important," Mike added, wanting Elijah to realize the consequence of his actions. "I have to go see her," he said, and tried to get up. He realized then that both of his legs were in casts. Mike stared at him. "I don't think you're going anywhere," he added, but not sternly. Elijah sighed angrily. "Look, cut the crap," he said. Mike sat up. "You mind what you're saying to me. I came to be with Paige because she's a good person, and good friends with Kate. You're just a silly boy trying to make me a record, while fucking up my chances of every getting with Kate." Elijah started. "You think that's all I am, huh?" he asked. "Well I love her. And I think Paige would be flattered to know that you care nothing about her except that she makes Kate fall back in love with you." "Whatever," Mike said. "I can't stop her from doing what she wants. But I can tell you that you, pardon my French," he leaned in closely, "royally fucked things up. And if I were you, I would count my lucky stars that you have such a kind girl that wants you to have someone to be with when you wake up. Because if I were her, I would want you to wake up all alone. In the dark." Elijah sank back down into his sheets, and drifted off into a perturbed sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~