aN: I'll update another fic on Saturday. Sorry for the slow update on other stories. Still in the process of figuring and re- writing them out This MY FIRST crazy, romantic and funny 86x60 oneshot. I tried my best to make you people laugh, just tell me if it was such a bad attempt. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
10 things I hate about Numbuh 86 (Fanny Fulbright)
Alright I know you know who I am.
Since I'm probably just talking to a piece of paper, an object that couldn't possibly fight back even if I threaten to rip, shred, soak and burn it. I'm— OW! I was wrong a paper could fight back! That was freaky…did the paper just… it slashed my poor helpless finger… of all the times I fought hand to hand with my enemies! I get injured by a piece of paper! Pathetic! I'm sorry paper…
Now my name is Patton Drivolsky- the one and only Numbuh 60, Drill sergeant supreme! Artic Base Commander…Maybe you're wondering what a young, brave and strong operative like me doing in the middle of the day? Am I swimming the frozen waters of the Artic, training my cadets? Am I fighting my way out in a dangerous secret mission? How 'bout in the middle of an awarding ceremony, smiling to my fans?
Maybe you're expecting too much from me.
I'm in my office.
Don't despair. It's a very fine office- an office as superior as its owner.
I'm BORED! You know I think it could really kill! I'm starting to have a first hand experience. Imagine a tombstone with words like 'May this be a warning: A boy that fought for honor, justice and love, easily taken away by a severe case of torturous BOREDOM! I'm losing it, I just apologized to a piece of paper then this! I'm Losing it!
Calm down! A boy like you never looses it… Ah yes back to my stupid office, it's a great room but it couldn't possibly save me from the misplaced marbles in my own mind. Such stupid thoughts! Stupid…I'm starting to think like her now. I gritted my teeth.
Suddenly, something popped in my mind.
I grabbed a pen and the finger-stabbing paper that I was talking to earlier. I'm not writing here to tell you my weird thoughts, I'm here to write an idea that spoke to me. Well it actually screeched in my head, and when I mean it, I actually mean she, I wrote:
that annoying noisy Scottish- Irish girl, NUMBUH 86, Fanny Fulbright.
10 things I hate about Numbuh 86 (Fanny Fulbright)
There that's a great title. I could already see the red laughing face of my future self now. Maybe I could share this embarrassing list to others too. ! I could practically imagine her gazing in horror at the people laughing at her. Wouldn't that be a sight! Here it is…from the top!
Numbuh 10:
I hate her weird bushy hair. It's all thick, curly, frizzy, loopy... (I can't find anymore adjectives, I'm just 11 you know!) and so red. It looks so ugly! Like a bird's nest! Like a gigantic red nest stuck to a head of a human being! Maybe you can find lost Easter eggs or sticky beard's lost candy in it if you dug inside. It looks so dull – well, I can't really say that since it brings out more of her face and eyes– wait! No –Numbuh 86 is a girl with bushy, thick, loopy, red, dull hair!
Numbuh 9:
I hate her skin. It's so pearly white – she's so pale? Is she sick? Not that I'm worried or anything – not in a million years – it's just that I like to insult her, and calling her sick because of her skin is an insult. Cackle, yes Patton, you are on a roll.
Numbuh 8:
I hate her bossiness and obsession with her job. No one gets past her. She commands respect from everyone through her yelling and screaming, well not everyone probably more from the boys. She tortures and commands a cadet more than me! All she does is work and no play. She does as much paperwork as our Supreme leader! But then again, her strategic bossy command straightened out her great squad thus catching all those cruddy teenagers– did I just complement her? For Numbuh 0's sake, no! I just stated the truth that she is such an irritating person.
Numbuh 7:
I hate that she punched me in the nose a while back when we were cadets. I mean, come on, my nose bled after that. Talk about my first day in training, I smile and say hi and all she does is punch me and say good bye.
Also, just because I ran away after that blow, does not mean I'm scared of her –– of course not!
She's a girl and boys are stronger than girls. I could have just as easily fought her– but of course, that's not the right thing to do. So just to please her, I didn't hit back, and let her have the triumphant smirk she had the next day.
I did not do it for her though – nope – I was just merely doing it for a girl who could never fight back if we really did get into a fist fight. Seriously, she should be thanking me! I don't even rub it into her face! ...Because I'm such a good person. (You're just scared that you might find leg broken into three separate pieces) [Shut it] Would it be good to tell her how much of a bad person she is? Hey, you can't blame me for being a good boy.
Numbuh 6:
I hate that I can't think of anything else and I just thought of three so far. Oh! I know! I hate her voice! It's like nails on chalkboard that pierces through your ears. Does she have a cracker stuck in her throat? Even without singing, especially when she yells at me, she could shatter glass– I can't feel my ears and if ears can't let you hear, then what's the purpose for them? Plus, it makes me want to smile – and it's so scary, terrifying, disturbing!
Numbuh 5:
I hate that she liked that freaky'19th century boy, I want to kick his butt to the next century! (get it)...not that I'm jealous or anything, of course not –– I just like kicking butt's of people! I mean, first was Beatles, and now that red head? That's such a stupid choice? What is wrong with that girl? She's deaf AND BLIND! Telling me I'm stupid, when for a fact, she is too! Oh, the nerve of girls these days!
Numbuh 4:
I hate that she hates me all the time! What did I ever do to her? She's always there to punch me, kick me and scream at me for being stupid! Her blazing eyes catches fire and her face adorably scrunches up when I see her! It's like she's always on her time of the month! Speaking of time of the month, what does a girl's time of the month means?
Numbuh 3:
I hate how her lips are so pink. I mean, I'm a boy– I despise pink and lips. All the girls have cooties and she has it worse. Fanny Fulbright has disgusting lips, you must admit. I mean, come on, she bites them when she thinks. She presses them together when she's worried – not that... I notice what she does to her lips or anything. Let's move on.
Numbuh 2:
I hate her smell! This sound pretty pathetic but hateful reason sticks to me the most! I almost got shot in one of our missions together because of her scent –peppermint and oranges– I always smell it and it smells like putrid socks lying out in the sun to dry. (Didn't you just say it smelled of peppermint and oranges – how could that possible be compared to socks?) It smells horrid! Like someone died! I feel dizzy when I smell it, What shampoo does she use? Dog soap? I wouldn't be surprised.
Numbuh 1:
CRUD! CRUD! CRUD! I don't even know the meaning of this word? Forget all the thing that I said. Despite how it looks her hair is soft and feathery that I needed to cut off my hand to stop it from running it through it. She smells just like my favorite candies! I think I'm gonna get a sugar rush if I got an overdose!
She's so pretty, and dog soap does smell good – trust me, I've tried! She bites her lips when she's thinking. Her voice is like a melody and I can't help but smile, she's so determined and ready for anything – her skin is flawless and I just want to touch it. Her lips are so pink, that for the first time in my entire life I didn't puked at the idea of kissing a girl!
I get so angry when she's with another boy! I hated it when I saw her kiss Numbuh 4, 19th century and those other lucky boy in Moonbase. Why wasn't I there? I hate her for hating me because that's the exact opposite of what I feel for her.
Most of all…I hate it that I keep finding more pathetic reasons to hate her when in fact the only reason I hate her is because she's the only girl that I can't have!
There you go…I completely lost it!
This changes my mind—I'm gonna lock this paper up in a place where not even the light could find it! Ow! Another papercut?
If someone finds this paper, I'm done for— and of course the one who found it would be buried under the snow. What if she reads this? I couldn't possibly stay and see her reaction. It would be so embarrassing! Though despite everything that I wrote in this STUPID lethal paper it doesn't change one thing though…
I hate that I still love her.
Ouch! Papecut…again?
aN; How was it, just drop me even a one word review :D Still, comments, suggestions and violent reactions are welcome. Please read and review.
naSh XP