I couldn't pretend any longer. As I looked into his tired and pained eyes, I knew these would be his last moments. I was sobbing already, but at that thought I began to weep. I feel down to my knees and wouldn't let myself be consoled.
"Mimi," Roger said weakly, " I'm sorry." I thought with those words I would simply die with him. After this I couldn't imagine anything worse. Roger grew gasping for life, and I grew sadder and more dead inside. I managed to stand up and take his hand. It was ice cold, just as the first time we had met. But this hadn't been from lack of heat or heroin.
Roger was dead, and I couldn't handle it. I knew I would never be able to accept it. A nurse came in.
"Miss, you must leave now." She said coldly. I managed to walk out the door, looking at him for the last time. Once I was out into the hallway, I couldn't bare the thoughts. Everyone was the same, going about their regular business. I suppose I thought the whole worlds' lives would stop, when mine had. I dropped down to the floor letting my legs go limp, letting the emotions take control.
It's been years since Angel had died. No one's lives were the same after that death, what would happen after this one? I twisted my wedding ring around my finger. Remembering that day as if it were yesterday. It had been the most wonderful day of my life. Three years ago…. A year after Angel had died.
The Halloween of last year Collins died. He died with anticipation, waiting to see his Angel. Mark had stayed single, still working for Buzz Line, five thousand dollars a segment. Maureen and Joanne stayed together, but had many on going fights We all had seemed a little more cautious, more worried about keeping their lives. No longer care free, after seeing what had happened to Angel and then Collins.
Roger kept writing his sons, never successful, but he never stopped. I went to college, only to drop out. Last year I opened a dance studio for children. Roger and I never had any of our own, we tried, but when he went in the hospital last year, and we knew he only had a small amount of time left, we stopped. I stayed in my spot by the door I visited everyday for 3 months, I practically lived there, and cried until if was able to control myself.
I stood up slowly. Wobbling on my unstable legs. I rode the elevator to the lobby and walked out of the hospital for what I hoped to be my very last time. I walked all the way home, 16 blocks, to our little apartment. I stepped in, noticing how small it really was. It had a different feeling then usual. Lonely, cramped, dead. I continued on to the bathroom. I opened the medicine, my hands shaking. I reached for the first bottle I saw. I walked to the living room, and sat down on the old, uncomfortable couch we had never gotten rid of.
I poured them all out. Counted them all. 42. Perfect. I checked to see what exactly they were. Just simple generic pain relieves. I slowly dry swallowed them one at a time. When they were all gone, I realized what I had done. I was happier than I had been for months. " Hello Love. Goodbye Diease." I said, letting the pills take over.