I'm finally getting out another one-shot! How about that?

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. After this story, they probably won't even let me near Big Time Rush.

Warnings: Hmmm...let's see...Strong language, a lot of innuendos, everyone's acting nuts, and I'm really not sure what this is. I'm just gonna call it a Crack fic because, well, this story's kinda whacked. Also, it's AU, BTR never happened, and they're still living in MN. Katie's 18, and the guys are 22.

Okay, so, today is Jatieluv's birthday, and this is my present to her. Although, I'm pretty sure when she suggested a fashion show as her birthday one-shot, this isn't actually what she had in mind. Honestly, I don't know what happened! Well, no, actually I do. I started writing it, and since I'm me, things tend to get a tiny bit weird and twisted and just plain bizarre. And pretty much the entire time I was writing this, I kept thinking "She's going to kill me, she's going to kill me, she's going to kill me". Because yeah, this isn't exactly the most sane thing I've ever written. But once again, its me, and I'm not sure anyone can expect anything else, so that's my excuse. So, um, Niki, just remember I meant well, and I hope you like it :) Also, read it a couple of times, because I'm pretty sure it'll make more sense the second and third time around, kay?

Another thing I want to bring up is that we have four OCs in here. If you guys have read "Break the Ice" then you know who Shane is. Well, he's still James' brother in this, but he's a little different. There's no Kyle (sorry, Shyle lovers) and Shane is straight. Also as big of an ass as his brother is. Next we have Chelsea, who, if you guys read "Take the Heat", you should be seeing soon. And finally we have Jeff Diamond, who's James' and Shane's dad, and Kevin Knight, who's Katie and Kendall's dad. If you guys read the JatieFantasy Father's Day one-shot, you might remember who Jeff is, although Kevin was not introduced. But basically, all four mentioned are our characters who have made their way into our stories time and time again, and hopefully you'll see more of them soon :) So yeah, I just wanted to do a quick explanation to make sure that you guys don't get too confused. I know a lot of people don't like random characters popping into stories, and I really don't either, but I hope you guys will give them a chance :)

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Jatieluv! Have an awesome day, and I hope you like the story :)

Katie's POV

When it comes to Brooke Diamond, there are three things you never do:

1. Sample one of her brand new recipes. She's an imaginative cook, but can't which foods and spices go together for anything. Thus the homemade pumpkin-carrot-cheesecake with strawberry frosting she brought to my parents' Christmas party. The upside of it was, I felt a lot better about the double chocolate chip cookies I had burnt. Plus, the strawberry frosting was delicious.

2. Insult her son. If she hears you seriously insult James, she will snap her fingers, and you'll die. Or so legend has it. I wasn't sure if that was actually true, but I wasn't willing to risk it. She's flipping scary when it comes to her son.

3. Agree to be in her Diamond Cosmetics Benefits Fashion Show. It's all about raising money for the charities in our hometown. Sounds innocent enough, right? That's what I thought. I let it fool me and I agreed to be in her fashion show. And that's about the time that everything went wrong…

"Oh yeah, oh yeah, we're gonna be in a fashion show! Oh yeah, oh yeah, we're gonna be fashion models! Oh yeah, oh yeah – "

I rolled my eyes, trying to tune Carlos out as he sang and danced his way through the lobby of the Queen Palace Hotel where the fashion show was taking place later that evening. It was one in the afternoon, and someone had insisted we stop by a coffee shop on our way to the hotel so that he could get an espresso.

Biggest mistake of our lives.

Kendall rubbed his temples with his index fingers, looking like he was fighting off a headache. "I can't believe we were so stupid…I really can't…"

"I'm supposed to be a genius," Logan grumbled. "And I actually let Carlos have coffee. That's worse than letting Katie have coffee!"

"Hey!" I cried. "I don't get that crazy!"

"The last time you had coffee, you tried to get me to sit on the garden hose," James pointed out.

"What? Oh, no, that wasn't because I had coffee. Your brother dared me to get you to do that – he thought it'd make an awesome video for Facebook."

Shane Diamond smirked as he and Chelsea Phillips, our resident redhead, Victoria's-Secret-Model-lookalike, and Shane's girlfriend, joined us. "Oh yeah, I remember that. Shame you couldn't convince him."

"I told you you'd have more luck if you flashed your boobs at him," Chels added. "Then he'd be so desperate for a cold shower, he actually would sit on the garden hose."

I blushed slightly as James rolled his eyes. "You're an awful influence on her," he informed Chelsea.

"Oh, cuz you're so sweet and innocent?" she snickered. "Hey, remember what happened last week, when she walked in on you in the shower? What exactly did you say?"

"It's not important," James said quickly with an alarmed glance at Kendall. He was now listening raptly to our conversation, headache forgotten.

Chels snapped her fingers as if trying to remember. "Wasn't it – oh, yes, it was 'hey, you look like you could use a shower. I'll play with your knobs and you watch my antennae rise'."

James blushed bright red and my face headed straight towards scarlet.

Kendall began sputtering. "He said what?!"

"Awful influence," Chels clucked her tongue at James. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"Says the girl who tried to get her to flash her boobs at me."

"Says the guy who wants to play with her – "

"Okay!" I cried. "We get the picture! You two are awful influences on me! Can we please just go find Brooke so that we can get set up for the fashion show?"

Logan nodded. "Very good idea."

Carlos pouted. "Aww. But things were just getting started. I wanted to hear the rest of Chelsea's sentence."

"No one else does," Logan informed him, hustling him away. The rest of us followed, Shane and Chels smirking, while James and I avoided each other's and Kendall's eyes. Kendall looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to kill James or Chels, or both of them at the same time.

I decided I'd let him figure that out. Hopefully he'd let me know what he had decided so that I could help him.

We found Brooke bustling around in the reception hall, where the fashion show was being held. A catwalk had been set up, and it looked like there was a backstage where we could change. I could see Jeff Diamond, James' and Shane's dad, chatting with the DJ while chowing down on a sandwich.

"Oh, good, you're here!" Brooke cried as she spotted us. "Okay, so, I figured out the theme for the fashion show, and the final preparations and changes have been made."

We all blinked at her. She had changed her mind on the theme so many times that we had all experienced whiplash at some point or other in the past couple of weeks. Not to mention, only Kendall and Carlos had even gotten to go into a fitting.

"Cool," Shane spoke up after a few seconds. "So…what's the theme?"

Brooke beamed. "I think you kids are going to love it. Its fairytale mixed with a little bit of hip."

"And no, it's not Snow White meets Twilight," Jeff spoke up. "Mainly because she couldn't get the colored contacts in time."

Brooke scowled. "Can you believe they had a two month waiting list on gold colored contacts?!"

"Unfortunately, yes, I can."

She pouted, before looking at us again. "Anyway, brace yourselves. Its Cinderella meets Alice in Wonderland, from the Disney movies. Isn't that so cool?!"

James gave her a weak smile. "Its…something all right…"

She beamed at him. "Don't you just love it? And the clothes are to die for."

I had no doubt about that. I would definitely die if I had to wear the clothes.

"Yay…" Shane gave an unenthusiastic fist-pump.

"So, I was thinking it would be the Mad Hatter's marriage to Cinderella."

"Yippee…" James put in.

"And James, you'll be the Mad Hatter, and Katie, you'll be Cinderella!"

Say what?

A slow grin crossed Shane's face. "Okay. This just got awesome." He wrapped his arms around James' and my shoulders, giving them a squeeze. "You two are getting married! Isn't that wonderful?"

"Where's our honeymoon going to be?" James wanted to know. "Down the rabbit hole?"

Brooke laughed. "You're so funny. You have your father's sense of humor."

I glanced over at Jeff. He was grinning just as widely as Shane, and looked like he was doing his very best not to laugh. At this point in time, I wasn't entirely sure Brooke's statement was true.

"Anyway," Brooke continued on, turning back to business, "I have your outfits all set out for you. Chelsea, you'll be the Red Queen, because of your hair."

Chels grinned. "Off with her head!"

Shane gave her a loving look. "That's my girl. Already getting into her role."

Chels giggled and pecked his lips. "You know how much I love roles."

By the way Shane smirked, I had a feeling she wasn't talking about doing plays…

James shuddered. "Gross."

Brooke ignored the exchange and instead addressed Shane. "You'll be the White Rabbit."

"I'm sorry?"

"The White Rabbit. You know, the one who greets Alice when she tumbles down the rabbit hole?"

James grinned. "Does he have to wear rabbit ears and a cotton tail?"

"Of course. He is going to be dressed up like a rabbit, after all."

"How about a pink rabbit nose? You should get him one of those."

Shane threw James a look that plainly said, Shut the hell up! James just smirked.

"And the rest of you," Brooke looked at Kendall, Logan, and Carlos, "will be the royal couriers."

They all let out small sighs of relief, probably because they wouldn't have to dress up as an insane guy or a rabbit.

I really couldn't say I blamed them.

"There's a buffet table set up backstage," Brooke added. "So you guys can eat before the show."

We were led behind the catwalk to a huge dressing room with sections of the room curtained off to resemble fitting rooms. The Queen's Palace Hotel hosted the annual Miss Northern Minnesota beauty pageant every year, so the place was well equipped to handle a fashion show.

There were racks of clothes in the middle of the room. Our different outfits were separated with plastic dividers, and each section was labeled with our names. I could see a white suit, a matching waistcoat, and bunny ears. Shane's nose twitched slightly at the sight.

James walked over to his section. "Looks like we each have four outfits – one for before the wedding, one for during, one for after, and one for the honeymoon."

"I'm not going on my brother's honeymoon!" Shane yelped. "Especially not with bunny ears and a fucking tail!"

"What's the matter?" James grinned. "Think it might be a hare-raising experience? See what I did there? Huh, huh?"

Shane responded very eloquently with his middle finger.

"What? You're not gonna turn tail and run, are you?"

"Don't forget to take your hat off during your wedding night," was all Shane said, before snatching his first outfit up and marching into a changing room.

Chels grinned before grabbing her first outfit too and scurrying in after him.

Logan's eyes widened. "They wouldn't…"

Kendall laughed nervously. "Of course not…"

"They wouldn't think of it…" I added, biting at my nails.

A moment later, Chels let out a loud moan.

"They so would," James finished. "Hey, you two! Keep it down! There are other people here!"

"You keep it down!" Shane yelled back.

"I'm not the one trying to have sex in a fucking changing room in a fucking dressing room!"

"No, but you are the one who used up all the hot water yesterday while thinking about Katie in the shower!"

"Well, you know, sometimes you do get lost in your thoughts," Carlos said wisely.

Logan let out a cough that sounded more like a snort.

I blushed for the millionth time that day, while James just shrugged. "She's hot."

"Yeah, I got that," Shane called back. "Chels, quit playing with my tail!"

"Nah uh. It's all soft and furry. It's like a little Teddy bear."

"It's attached to my ass!"

"So? Even Teddy bears aren't perfect."

"Ooooh…" Carlos and Logan said together. "Buuuurrrn!"

"Hey!" Shane cried. "You love my ass!"

"Not when you've got a tail attached to it."

"It's not my fault! Blame my mother!"

Chels just laughed and emerged from the changing room a moment later, grinning. "You should see him, he looks adorable. I'm gonna go get some makeup so that I can paint whiskers on his face."

"You're going to WHAT?!" Shane yelped.

"Oh, and give you that cute little rabbit nose."

Shane whimpered. "I'm going to kill Mom…"

"Now, now, it's never nice to threaten your own mother," James spoke up, grinning widely. "After all, she was in labor with you for thirty-six hours and forgave you for all the pain."

"I have more stuff on you that I'm sure Katie will find very interesting," Shane replied. "Such as what you sleep with under your pillow."

I looked at James. Now I was interested. "What do you sleep with under your pillow?"

James' eyes widened to the size of bowls. "You know, now that you mention it, Mom's kinda insane…I mean, imagine making you wear a rabbit tail."

Chels returned with an armful of makeup. She grinned at us, before sliding back into the stall. "Let's get those whiskers on you."

Shane let out a whimper in return.

James cackled and grabbed his first outfit. His smile quickly dropped when he saw the hat. "Well, fuck."

"I see Halloween came early this year," I grinned. "Remember to duck when you go through doorways. As Chels would say, Off with his hat!"

James scowled and hauled his ass into a changing room. I snickered and grabbed my outfit as well. It was a sweeping blue gown that looked like the longer version of an Alice in Wonderland dress.

Scowling, I headed into my own fitting room. I got into my dress and glanced at myself in the mirror. Okay, yeah, I didn't look entirely awful. In fact, I might even be able to get some of the audience to buy this dress.

I slipped my feet into the white flats and did a quick twirl to make sure everything was in place, before emerging from the changing room. James was already out, looking like he was contemplating his mother's murder. My lips twitched upwards slightly at the olive green suit, the too-short pants, and the two-foot hat.

All I could think of to say was, "At least you don't have to wear Johnny Depp's wig." And then I busted out laughing.

James scowled. "Yeah, go on, laugh all you want. But I will have you know that I will rock this outfit." He threw his shoulders back and swept the suit jacket back, striking a pose with a moody look on his face and a smoldering gleam in his eyes.

I swallowed hard. How the hell did he manage to still look hot when he was dressed like the Mad Hatter?! It was a talent, that was all I could think of. It was a talent that the rest of us had most certainly not been blessed with.

This theory was driven home by Kendall walking out of his changing room, wearing a royal blue suit over a ruffled shirt, and black dress boots. "Not. A. Word," he growled.

"I wouldn't dream of it," I replied, placing my hand over my mouth to hide my grin.

He gave me a warning look, before looking at James. "Don't walk under any bridges." And then he headed off to get one of the makeup artists to help him with his makeup.

James self-consciously adjusted his hat. "Does it look that bad?" he asked me worriedly.

"Aww…no, of course not. You're just really tall in it."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Positive. Besides, even if it did look ridiculous, you would fit right in with the rest of us."

"Not you. You look amazing."

I felt a smile spread across my face. "You think so?"

He nodded. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you!"

He gave me a small smile in return, before heading off to join Kendall.

"Wait!" I hurried after him. "What do you sleep with under your pillow?"

"Nothing important…"

"Hey, you didn't steal one of my bras, did you?"

"Well, I did, but that's not what I sleep with under my pillow."

My eyes widened. "Wait – you stole one of my bras?"

"Isn't that what I just said?" He grinned at the look on my face, before dropping into a chair to get his makeup done.

I sank down into a chair beside him. "Why…?"

"Because it was there."

"Yeah, Katie," Shane smirked as he came out of his changing room, followed by Chelsea. "Because it was there."

James smirked. "Nice rabbit nose."

Shane's nose twitched, and James cracked up.

"Shut up, the pollen count's high today," Shane whined.

"Dude, its February."

"Then it's extremely high today."

"Doesn't he look adorable?" Chels cooed, kissing Shane's cheek.

"I look like a fucking rabbit," Shane groaned.

"That's the whole point," James informed him. "Our mother's nuts. In case you didn't notice, I look like the Mad Hatter."

"Oh. I thought you looked a little taller. Don't walk under any airplanes."

A half hour later, the fashion show began. Techno music blared, strobe lights flashed, and the announcer's voice boomed so loud that I was pretty sure my eardrums were about ready to explode.

Carlos, Logan, and Kendall strolled out onto the catwalk, and I heard the announcer say something, but I was too busy trying to keep my skull from cracking to actually listen to him. Shane and Chels got into position, and once the three royal couriers returned, Shane and Chels headed out.

Chels actually looked fantastic in a red evening gown with red fishnet sleeves, her makeup a shocking mixture of snow white and hot red, a croquet mallet in her hand. She was probably the only person in the entire world who could pull off that look, her curly red hair spilling out down her shoulders and back.

Shane, on the other hand, did look pretty adorable. He looked quite a bit like James, although was an inch shorter and didn't have quite as much muscle on him. The white suit flashed with the golden tan of his skin, and the ears, nose, whiskers, and tail just made him look all that much cuter.

As Shane and Chelsea did their turn at the end of the catwalk, James and I stepped up to just behind the curtain. The White Rabbit and the Red Queen passed us, and James and I walked out.

Let's see…blinding lights, super loud voice, and the inability to see. I was really hoping this didn't mean that I had died and was supposed to walk towards the light. I still wanted to find out what James slept with under his pillow.

We managed to make it to the end of the catwalk, and James' hand found mine, guiding me around in a slow 180 turn, before leading me back to the dressing room.

It was a relief to get back to normal lights and an almost normal noise level.

I knew that after we had all made our first appearance, Brooke would work on selling the outfits the audience had just seen, which gave us some time to change into our next outfits.

I slipped into a stall and pulled the curtain closed, before turning to appraise my dress.

Oh, crap.

It was a wedding dress, as could be expected, but it also looked like it could double as a funeral dress. It was long and white with off-the-shoulder capped sleeves, and a bodice style top, complete with laces at the back.

Well, that oughta be fun to breathe in.

I eyed the waist. I was pretty slender, but I was fairly sure the only way I was going to be able to get into that was if I suddenly went anorexic and dropped about thirty pounds. In other words, if I suddenly turned into a skeleton.

I groaned and poked my head out. "Can I get some help in here?"

James, who had already done a quick costume change into a black and white tuxedo and matching shoes, hurried over to me. "What do you need?"

"I was actually hoping to get Chelsea's attention…"

"She's busy trying to convince Shane to sing Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail."

I blinked. "Okay…well…um…I'm not sure I can get into my dress." I showed it to him, and he examined it.

"Ah, sure you can. We're just going to need to do something about your chest."

"Excuse me?!"

"Yeah, it's gonna be in the way."

"And what do you suggest? Cuz we're not surgically removing my breasts! They're my breasts! Mine! I'm not having them removed for a fucking fashion show!"

James blinked at me. "First of all, this isn't LA. We don't have a plastic surgeon in every single group that comes in. And second, I wasn't suggesting that at all. I happen to like your chest, I don't want it gone."

"Oh." My cheeks heated up. "Well…okay…"

"You're going to have to push your chest up."

"I'm sorry?"

"You know, like they used to? It's not like they had elastic back then."

"Oh, goody…Close your eyes." I stripped down and grabbed the dress, pulling it on. James was right. There weren't any problems until I got to my chest. I let out a small whimper and turned around so that I was facing the wall. "Help…"

"Push your chest up," James ordered again.

"Not with you watching me!"

He growled. "I'll close my eyes!"

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that his eyes actually were closed, before hesitantly lifted my chest up. "Okay…"

James hitched the dress up, fingers brushing over my ribcage. I shuddered slightly at the touch.

After a few seconds, I felt James' hands at my back, working on lacing up the dress.

"Not too tight!" I squeaked out as I felt my ribcage narrow considerably.

I was pretty sure he rolled his eyes, but he kept the laces loose enough so that I could still breathe.

"Thank you," I huffed out, and turned around to face him. His eyes dilated and I had the distinct feeling that he was about ready to faint.

"What?" I demanded. "Do I look that bad?"

He wordlessly shook his head, eyes on my chest.

I hesitantly turned to a mirror, and my eyes widened. Well, hel-lo, cleavage. Best. Pushup bra. Ever. I had more cleavage than Kim Kardashian, which was probably why James was eyeing my chest like it was his favorite candy.

I turned back around to face James. He didn't look like he had blinked once. I waved my hand in front of his face, and he glanced up at my face. "That dress…"

"Is the best Wonderbra in the world," I finished for him.

"Not exactly what I was thinking, but sure, that works."

I squirmed under his gaze, my entire body heating up. "I feel like I'm going to fall out of my dress."

"I don't mind."

"Well, I'm sure you don't. I, on the other hand, don't really want to flash half of northern Minnesota."

"You could flash me," he suggested.

"I think I'm going to…fuck. I need the dress tighter," I sighed as it slipped down a little.

James smirked slightly. "Thought so. Or, you know, you could just let the dress slip off all the way." He brushed his finger over my shoulder, and I shuddered again.

"Um, no, that's okay. Tie me up a little tighter."

"Sure you don't just want me to just tie you to a chair and have my wicked way with you?" he asked as he spun me around and undid the laces.

No. I wasn't sure of that. But I was pretty sure now was not the time for me to give in to James. No matter how badly he wanted to get into me.

"Just lace the back of the dress up," I sighed, bracing my hands against the wall as he yanked hard on the laces. I had a whole new appreciation for the girls from centuries past who spent their lives wearing these fucking things. No wonder people didn't live as long – their ribs were constantly being squeezed to death.

James laced the dress up tightly. "That any better?"

I straightened up and made a face. Breathing wasn't the easiest, and I literally was spilling out of my dress. "Tell me my chest doesn't look like a sausage," I groaned.

"Your chest doesn't look like a sausage," he said automatically.

"Now say it like you mean it."

"I did. It looks like two sausages."

I glared at him. "Did you just call my chest sausages?!"

"Well, yeah, because of the way it's stuffed into the dress."

"Yeah, yeah, well, well, your dick looks like a – a – a – " I broke off, trying to think of something insulting.

"My dick looks like a what?" James wanted to know, leaning against the wall.

"Gimme a minute, I'm trying to think. I haven't actually seen Mini-James, so…"

"I can change that," he said at once.

"Don't even think about pulling him out."

"I would never."

I gave him a look.

"Okay, I totally would."

"Hmmph. And my boobs don't look like sausages." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Not at all. I don't even like sausages," he said quickly.

"You're Jewish."

"See? I don't even go near sausages."

I groaned and leaned back against the wall too. "I don't believe this. I look like I just stepped out of the 1800s, you look like the Mad Hatter threw up on Prince Charming, and my chest keeps cropping up into conversations!"

James smirked slightly. "It's not my fault the subject keeps popping up."

I glared at him and snapped. Like, really snapped.

I shoved him into the wall and kissed him forcefully. He kissed me back at once, just as roughly, hands going to my hips. My hands went to his shoulders, and he backed me into the other wall. The stall shook slightly.

"What the hell is going on in there?!" Kendall yelled.

James pulled back. "I'm helping Katie with her dress!" he called, before going back to kissing me. I pulled myself into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist and entwining my fingers in his hair. He moaned as I tugged lightly, and he nipped at my lower lip, hands going to my ass and squeezing slightly.

"No, something's going on in there! The stall's shaking!" Kendall hollered.

"Maybe the sexual tension was just too built up?" I heard Carlos suggest, and I grinned against James' lips. I felt him grin back, and he pulled back slightly, brushing his lips over mine. I caught his lips again with mine, and he deepened the kiss.

The curtain was suddenly yanked back, and light spilled into the changing room.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Kendall screamed.

James and I pulled back from each other and looked innocently at Kendall. His face was bright red, and I was pretty sure I saw steam issuing from his ears.

"Just. Get. Out. Here," he growled.

Logan joined him. "We're on in five minutes."

James groaned. "Fine." He set me down and I straightened out my dress with as much dignity as I could muster.

Kendall's eyes widened even more. "What the fuck are you wearing?!"

"A dress…" I answered nervously.

"Why are your boobs spilling out of it?!"

"I don't know! Talk to Brooke! She's the one who designed the dress!"

"Hmmph." He stomped away, and Shane peeked around the corner.

"And I thought Chels and I were bad," he grinned at us.

James flipped him off. "Please, Katie and I were just getting started."

"That's what I meant." He cackled and headed off.

The rest of the fashion show managed to go by relatively smoothly, with no more outfit problems, and no more making out in the changing rooms. That last part was a tiny bit disappointing, but I knew we needed to keep things professional.

At last, we were able to change into normal clothes, and joined everyone else at the after-party. The catwalk was still up, and people were admiring the clothes. My last outfit, a simple silk chemise, seemed to be really popular with the women, who kept coming up to tell me how much it was going to "spice up their marriage".

Okay, cool. TMI, moving on now.

Dad joined me while I was grabbing food at the buffet table that had been set out. "I'm going to have a little talk with Brooke," he informed me. "Your second and fourth outfits…" he made a face.

"Dad, I'm eighteen," I reminded him. "I'm a legal adult. And Brooke was designing clothes for adults."

He harrumphed. "I'm pretty sure James was ogling you while you two were on the catwalk."

"He wasn't, we couldn't see anything on the catwalk."

"Oh, well, that's good."

"He ogled me in the dressing room." I grinned at the stunned look on his face, and sauntered off. Fine, so it was mean, but I hadn't been able to resist. It had been right there in front of me. Speaking of right in front of me…I ran straight into James. He had changed into jeans, a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms, a skinny tie, and sneakers.

I smiled at him. "Hey."

"Hey." He smiled back. "So, about what happened in the dressing room…"

"We should continue it," I informed him.

"Really?"

I nodded. "What, you think I kissed you for the hell of it?"

"Um…kind of…"

"Well, I didn't. Believe me, Jamie, I want you just as bad as you want me." I pecked his lips. "By the way, what is it that you sleep with under your pillow?"

He blushed slightly. "Oh…um…"

I looked at him questioningly.

"A picture of you," he admitted.

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know. It's just…comforting, I guess. I can't really explain it."

I thought about that. "Well, I guess I can't argue with that. Anyway, wanna get out of here? Once my dad snaps out of it, he's going to be ready to kill you."

"Um…why?"

I flashed him my sweetest smile. "It's not important. Anyway…" I dragged him over to his mom, who beamed at us.

"You two were so amazing up there!" she gushed. "I knew I did the right thing, pairing you two up like that. You're adorable together."

"Thanks," I smiled at her, as James wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Awww!" she squealed. "Are you two together now?"

"Yeah, I think we are," James replied, kissing the top of my head.

"About time!" she cried.

"Anyway," I put in, "James and I are gonna head out."

"You're not going to stay for dessert?"

"Oh, we're going to get dessert, trust me."

Her eyebrows raised, but all she did was smile and say, "Well, enjoy yourselves."

"We will," James assured her as we headed away. We passed by his dad, who grinned at us.

"Enjoy your dessert. And remember, your mother and I want grandbabies before we get too old," he added to James.

"Dad! We're going to use protection!"

Jeff laughed. "Lots of luck with that."

I blinked at him. "What? You think protection won't help?"

"The Diamond men have super sperm," he explained.

"Super sperm…that sounds like a superhero."

"Really, really powerful sperm, capable of getting by any protection you might use. Your mother and I oughta know," he said to James.

"Gross! Ew! Okay, we're leaving before – oh God – I think my ears are bleeding. Eeeeww…" he yanked me outside, and I looked at him.

"So, super sperm, huh?"

"We're never talking about this again."

"Gee, I sure do hope I don't get pregnant."

"If you do, my dad will never let us live it down."

"Eh, don't worry about it. I don't think he's ever going to let Shane live down his ears or tail either. Anyway, we'll quadruple up on the protection." I kissed his cheek. "Come on, let's go to your house." I smirked slightly as we got into his car. "You can play with my knobs and I'll watch your antennae rise."

He mock-gasped. "I can't believe I'm hearing such a thing coming out of your mouth!"

"Just remember, you told me my breasts look like sausages. I'm gonna make you pay for that."

He grinned. "Well, Baby Kitty, I'm looking forward to it."

*Covers face in hands* In my defense, you guys know what I'm like...No, but seriously, what'd you guys think? Probably none of it made sense, but in my defense, this was written out in about four hours. And I know, I know, it's pretty much as perverted as usual, but hey, once again, not much else you can expect from me. So I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I'd love to hear what you think of it! :)

And once again to Jatieluv, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D