To Sleep, To Dream
AKA: The Crow: Dogs and Demons
D: I got an e-mail last night from the goddess JK and she said that, while Remus and Sirius are meant for each other, she wasn't sure how to go about it and so gave the boys to me to see it brought to life. And then…I woke up. Sigh.
Authors: Dimitri Aidan (Master of the Plot), Aloysha Star (Resident Dark Comic Expert), and Rochelle B (Obligatory Heterosexual.)
Beta: Mechante Fille
Rating: T/PG-13 at first, M/R or NC-17 eventually. Depends on where you encounter it.
Pairings: Remus/Sirius, Snape/Narcissa, Harry/Bill, Ron/Hermione, Draco/Ginny, Charlie/Tonks, and some other things that are still being worked out.
Warnings: …Dark Fiction is the name of the game. You're in the hands of an admittedly sick freak, an obsessed fan girl, and a boy whose mind is always on. It could get odd.
Notes: This is a sordid mixture of The Crow, Spawn, and mythology. All of the elements will become more obvious as time goes on, but at the moment Crow is the most obvious.
Inspirational Lyrics: I Can't Pretend it's all right, maybe we'll find a way somehow. Why do we need to turn it on, why does it always feel so wrong? What do you need from me tonight; the truth is so complicated now. (Go Goo Dolls, What Do You Need?)
Summery: Sometimes a person dies and not even coming back as a ghost can satisfy the soul. Sometimes a spirit is allowed another chance to make things right. Sometimes death is just the beginning.
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Chapter One
I Can't Pretend its All Right
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Something was dripping on his face, cool and utterly refreshing. His entire body was hot and damp with sweat but at the same time he was shivering. While his skin was burning he felt almost frigid on the inside. The liquid falling onto him was welcome, helping to bring the outside and the inside together.
"Sirius." A soft voice, breathy and sweet and so familiar it almost ached. "Open your eyes Sirius, please, it's time."
He wanted to open his eyes, to see her, but his body wouldn't cooperate. He couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't even breath let alone open his eyes as she requested. There was a sigh then a warm hand caressed his cheek, fingers lingering over his eyes.
"Sirius-"
"Padfoot! Get your worthless arse into gear mate! We certainly don't have forever to waste on you." An exasperated, but amused, voice shouted right in his ear and he flinched away before his eardrums could be further offended.
"Actually we do." She corrected and he could hear the smile in her voice. The warmth of her tone seeped into his body, chasing away the numbness and returning feeling. "Have forever that is."
"Pft. I have better things to do with my eternity than play with this wanker, thank you very much." His tone was playful, but gentle. His moved his fingers, curling and uncurling the digits.
"Like what, fish?" He could imagine green eyes sparkling with mirth.
"Your mocking wounds me Lils, truly." There was a heavy sigh to punctuate that statement then a chuckle. "My fishing skills are quite impressive."
"Ngh."
"Ha. See, Sirius is half-awake and even he knows a terrible lie when he hears it." The hand was back on his cheek and, finally, he opened his eyes and looked up at the hazy figure smiling down at him. He blinked, trying to clear up his vision and bring the image into focus.
Emerald green eyes glinted down at him, matching the smile curving full pink lips. Dark red ringlets fell around the heart shaped face and brushed over his face with feather light touches. A silver locket, made in the shape of a lion instead of the traditional heart, hung from around her neck and led his gaze to the flowing white gossamer dress she was wearing. She seemed to glow with an inner, ethereal light and when her hand went up to brush her hair back behind her ear the simple gold band seemed to glow as well.
"Hello Sirius."
"Lily."
"Mmhmm."
"You…you…beautiful."
The angelic image faltered, becoming more familiar, as she smirked. "I suppose I should be flattered, but I remember the people you used to date."
He scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She shrugged. "Simply that you preferred them north of six-feet, pale, skinny and-"
"Male. Can't forget that. Our dear Padfoot liked to wank other blokes." James face appeared in his line of sight, shit-eating grin firmly in place. His hair was as messy as ever, yet somehow it didn't seem as annoying as it had used to. His glasses were gone, displaying deep blue eyes, and he had the same internal glow as his wife.
Neither looked a day older than the last time he'd seen them.
That thought was like a bucket of water, completely dousing the warm fuzzy feeling that had been growing inside of him. He sat upright, making Lily and James jump back to avoid him. Lily arched an eyebrow and James just blinked.
"Uh, Pads-"
"This is a trick." He said, more to himself than to them. And a very disgusting vile trick at that. Impersonating Lily and James to…to what? Get him to give information on Harry or the Order no doubt. Well, it certainly wouldn't work. "This is…foul. How dare you-"
"He's going to start ranting isn't he?" Lily sighed, shaking her head.
"It would seem. Perhaps we should go for a walk and leave him to his righteous indignation for the time being?" James suggested lightly.
"Stop it! Stop pretending to be them! You aren't!"
"Oh?" Lily's look of smug amusement was so real, so like the expression she'd worn whenever they'd gotten caught sneaking out past curfew or needed help with their latest prank and were forced to seek her aid. Even before she was James' girl she'd been like a sister: the only girl who was always honest and dared to challenge them.
The first time they'd spoken Sirius had asked her for her Transfiguration notes, figuring she'd do what all the other girls did and give them up with a big smile. She'd sneered, tossed her hair back over her shoulder, and loftily told him to go bugger himself. For Sirius it'd been devotion at first insult.
James had then inquired, out loud much to Sirius' dismay, whether that would be a form of incest or masturbation. Remus had muttered about how utterly foul they were in front of even girls and Lily had promptly given her opinion on the matter and suggesting that if James was so concerned, perhaps he should try it as well, before proclaiming her ears weren't too delicate for a bunch of filthy minded tossers like them.
She was different from all other girls and maybe that was why she'd been the only one to pierce the ranks of the Marauders. Sirius had joked that she'd ruined the rest of them for women forever and she'd always respond, with a smirk, that he had been ruined for women long before she came along.
Still, this was so close. Too close. Lily had been sweet and benign to most people, keeping her sarcastic wit and acid tongue carefully hidden. She'd been a lot like Remus that way. Everyone thought Remus was so nice and unassuming and calm and collected and the one who'd just been dragged along. In reality Remus was probably the single meanest person Sirius had ever met. He could cut even the strongest and thickest skinned of people to shreds with his 'sparkling wit' alone. Just because he didn't do it often people over looked it, but that was part of why Remus had been the best. You never saw it coming.
And he'd do it with a cheerful smile as well. The werewolf had always had a certain…chilling darkness to him. Still, it had been hidden behind soft patient smiles, just like Lily. They'd both kept them real selves so carefully hidden from the rest…how could these imposters know?
No one had known…Peter. Peter must have been helping, that filthy worm. He'd gut him…
"Lily and James are dead." He muttered. "Just face me and end this."
"And to think, he's the bright one." Lily rolled her eyes.
James frowned. "I thought I was the bright one."
She sighed, shaking her head. "I also told you that you were the cute one James. I was just trying to get into your pants."
"I feel so used."
Lily snickered then leaned forward so that Sirius was forced to look directly into her eyes. "We're dead. You're dead; your bitch cousin knocked you through the veil and no one survives that. I never liked her you know. This is the afterlife. We're your guides to the place good souls go to. Any questions?"
"I…I died? Bella…I don't remember." He reached up and scrubbed at his eyes. He couldn't be dead. He'd…he'd what? He remembered…his old home. Being there, hiding out. Then…Harry at the Ministry. Taunting Bella, because that was what he did, and then…then here.
"No, I…no."
"Mm. Sorry about that mate." James clapped him on the shoulder then stood up, brushing grass off of the white pants he was wearing. "We can talk more across the bridge. It's time to move on."
"Move on." He murmured, feeling a strange tug as the words left his lips. Yes. Move on. It seemed so…right to him. He had to move on. He stood up as well, watching as Lily gathered up a bowl of water and a washcloth.
They were standing in the middle of a forest. Trees of all kinds stretched out around him, reaching up to touch the calm blue skies. Everything seemed to be in…hyper-color. Greens like he'd never seen in the trees and grass, a perfect blue, purples and reds and yellows on the flowers that couldn't be real. The air was sweet and touched with the light scent of the wildflowers.
The only thing that was different from the rest of the scene was a long wooden walking bridge leading from the clearing they were in over a drop off then across emptiness to another drop off. Sirius wandered close to it, Lily and James flanking him on each side and glanced down. An ink black river raged below, white caps rising up and breaking against jagged rocks. He could hear a low mournful wail on the wind and it sent a shiver up his spine.
"What-"
"Styx. Lost souls, returning to earth as ghosts. They have unfinished business." James' voice was soft in his ear and he noted absently that he couldn't feel the other's man breath. Did they even breathe after they died? It was all so surreal and his mind felt…fuzzy all of a sudden, as if stuffed full of cotton balls until all of thoughts were pressed against the sides of his mind and impossible to really grasp and hold on to.
It didn't bother him so he let it slip the side.
"Unfinished?" He tilted his head off to the side, feeling one of the cotton balls vanish. Something cold replaced it.
"Yes. If a person dies unhappy or worried or angry they can come back as spirits." Lily shrugged and grabbed him by the arm to lead him to the bridge. "No concern to us though. We have nothing to worry about."
Nothing to worry about. He James stepped on first, Lily after him, and then he placed a foot on the bridge, which swayed gently in the light breeze. They had nothing to worry about. He glanced over the side again, even as he followed them over.
Amber eyes stared at him, wide and momentarily bewildered, before he was enveloped in a hug and it was so much like before, when everything had been right. It was like…belonging again. This was real, not another nightmare or image to drive him mad. Some of the darkness in him, fathomless and consuming darkness that had nearly torn apart his mind, left and he could breathe.
More of the cotton dissolved and the cold spread out throughout his body. He blinked, looking over at James and Lily who were still walking. Wait…had he stopped? He looked at his feet, a little confused, and indeed he was no longer moving. When had that happened?
They were getting away, farther away, and part of him screamed to hurry up. He couldn't lose them again. He'd lost so much. They were his family, the only family that mattered, he couldn't lose them again. He could lose anymore family…
Just like James, but with the same mischievous, intelligent, challenging eyes as Lily. He was eager, wanted to live with Sirius the moment he suggested it and the dank chill that clung to the very marrow of his bones fled from a small spark of warmth. They could be a family. It would be far from perfect, not the way he'd thought all those years ago, but still…it could be okay.
"Harry." The name fell from his lips like a prayer. As one Lily and James turned, eyes going wide with something resembling horror. "Harry. Remus. I…"
The chill bubbled, became heat. Rage. It was rage, pulsing throughout him. Rage at them, for daring to walk across the bridge, rage at him for daring to forget for even a moment, rage at Bella for doing this to him, rage at Snape for not watching Harry closer, rage…
Rage. Just rage.
"Sirius no, don't." Lily took a step towards him, shoving James. "Don't do this. It's okay."
"No! How can you not have unfinished business? Your son is…alone. Remus is alone. How could you not want to go back?"
"Dying didn't mean we knew the future Sirius. We thought you'd be together. We had no idea…" James' eyes lost their warmth and turned solemn. "Come with us. It will work out."
"Because it's worked out so well thus far, right? He's with those terrible people with the entire world watching and judging, under a bloody magnifying glass! He's only got two friends to his name and…it's not working out. And Remus…god, Remus." He put a hand to his head, groaning softly. "Remus. How could you want me to leave him alone?"
"You can't fix this Pads, please. It's not your fight anymore."
"Yes. It is." He said eyes darting over to the river. He had to go back. There was a rumble like thunder and then lightening streaked over the sky, which was suddenly dark stormy purple. A wind blew, howling furiously. "I have to fix this."
"If you do this you might not have another chance. You could be lost forever." Lily's voice was strangely hollow and echoing as if from far away.
Sirius glanced back one last time. Lily and James were mere dots at the other end of the bridge, far too far away to reach now. He quelled the part of him that wanted to join them and gripped the rail of the rope bridge, which were really just three thick lengths of rope braided together. He put one leg over, almost slipping, then the other. He looked down at the raging river, swallowing.
The sky exploded in a shower of rain, angry and screaming. It burned him where his skin was exposed, causing small red welts to rise up all over. He looked up at the sky, taking one hand off the rope to shield his eyes from the rain. His foot moved, unbidden and the world dropped away.
Then he was falling, tumbling through the air in a freefall. The bridge was a mere memory now, no longer real to him. All there was now was the river of ink and screams.
He smacked it hard, pinpricks of pain crawling all over his skin like tiny stinging insects while skeletal hands reached up and pulled him down beneath the surface. Water flooded his mouth and nose, flowing into is lungs and burning him all over like acid. Low moans sounded in his ear, echoing in his brain, and vacant watery eyes peered at him from long tortured faces.
They called to him to give in as they were, to become wandering spirits and accept his fate. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the strange slow pulse of the river and sinking. There was light above him but the more he sank the darker it became until it was nothing at all.
A ghost. A figment. Transparent, untouchable, with no magic, forever tethered to one area and…completely useless to everyone. He hadn't given up Lily and James again to be a ghost, to just watch Harry and Remus from afar and be able to do nothing.
No. He kicked his legs, ignoring the fact that his lungs felt as if they were melting and bubbling inside of him, ignoring the way his eyes seemed to be burning in his face, and reached for the light that he knew was there. He reached, feeling the rage once again. He wouldn't just exist, he would change things. He wouldn't leave them alone, not now, not like this.
It was cold all around him and claw like fingers scrapped over his skin, drawing blood, which swirled in the waters around him. They wanted to drag him back down, to make him suffer their fate as well. He ignored them and kept climbing. The light danced in front of him, teasing him with its promise. He got closer and the hands scratched deeper as they roared with rage. They knew it was ineffective and were quite upset about it.
Served those damn spirits right. It was going to take more than some moaning and scratching to rattle him. He'd lived in Azkaban for twelve years and survived his mother. Nothing could possibly compare to the horrors he'd seen.
Warmth fanned against his hand and finally, finally, he touched the light.
And went tumbling onto a freezing stone floor. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, chest heaving, when a soft voice whispered in his ear, soothing his nerves.
"The wolf is your guide." And then, slightly more sarcastic. "Try to be good this time Padfoot. You might make it back to us one day."
He could only snicker weakly as darkness started to creep over him and blotted out the world.
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Dimitri: Mmm…snarky Lily and James. Fun. Anyway. Chapter one, now in sparkling new 'edited vision'!
