A/N: Hey look! This ship again!
I've had this written for a while, but I didn't want to post it yet. Then I figured, I have a lot of it pre-written, so I can do the steady-update thing until I run out of chapters. I'll spread them out.
This is the only chapter in this particular format. It starts with Noah's entry and then Mal and then it alternates.
This is the second multi-chap Nal fic on the site and the third overall. All three are written by myself.
The cover was created by me. I don't own the OG pics of Mal and Noah.
There will be no more overly long authors notes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, the Ridonculous Race or any of its characters.
Please enjoy!
Journal,
First time using you. My aunt gave you to me for my 20th birthday, which was a week ago. Not sure WHY, but, whatever.
Ok, here goes...
Being in a long-term relationship should mean the feeling of love and respect is mutual. You both do your part to support the other. You never stray from your responsibilities, or your respect, or your love.
So why is that stuff happening to me?
It's not that Emma isn't respectful of me. It's not that I don't love her. It's just that she doesn't seem to have time for anything except her law career. And I feel as though we're starting to drift away from each other…
Emma's been my girlfriend for at least a year. After the Ridonculous Race, she was all over me, never straying from my side, always there. Now, she's never around. Always at class, or studying, or elsewhere… Sometimes she doesn't come to our shared apartment until very late. She sneaks back in and under the blankets of the bed. She thinks I don't notice, but I do.
I think that Emma's being unfaithful. I'm going to ask her about it tonight. Wish me luck…..
Journal,
This is my first time trying this kind of thing out. I stole you from Mike's bedroom while I was in control. You were a random present from his mom. Haha. He hasn't used you yet, and you're mine now.
So, I'm supposed to write my feelings down or whatever? Ok, here goes…..
My life sucks.
When I have control, there's nothing to do. Sometimes, when I'm really bored, I'll sneak out and set fire to someone's house or steal and break a few things. It doesn't really fill the void, but it keeps me focused on reality and not the storms of emotions that cloud my brain 24/7. I always hear voices.
The other personalities are used to me taking control every once in awhile, but I can't do it willingly like on All-Stars. I still don't know what my so-called "trigger" is, but I need to figure it out, so I can come out when I actually want to.
Wish me luck, I guess…
Journal,
I was right. Emma went back to her old boyfriend. She didn't try to hide it, and said we didn't 'work' anymore. What a bunch of bullshit.
So now, I'm alone. Again. I tried calling Owen, but he was on a date with Izzy. Typical, my two best friends are nowhere to be found.
I tried e-mailing Cody, since he's sort of been through this stuff, but he didn't respond. 'Guess Sierra's after him again. That girl has a few screws loose, I tell ya.
The only other person I can think of calling is...Mike. My cousin with the crazy mental disorder and the half-commando girlfriend. I think he's home right now. Maybe his weird but generally optimistic voice can cheer me up, though I doubt it.
God, I wish Owen was here.
Journal,
So, Mike's nerdy older cousin Noah just called. He said he needed to talk to him. I was in control, so since I had nothing better to do, I imitated Mike and took the call.
And WOW, does this kid have issues. How old is he, 20? Yeesh. You'd think he could take it, but no. I'll give you the jist of what he said:
His year-long girlfriend he met on that awful show, Total Drama, cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend. That's low, even for my standards, and I've tried to kill people.
He choked up a little, and I told him to stop being such a baby and forget about her. Who did she think she was, playing with his emotions like that?
Wait, what? I said that? Over the phone? To a human being whom I've never met in person?
... Anyway, he seemed fine by the end of the call. Did I mention it lasted two hours? Yeah, I know, I couldn't wait to get off. 'Cept I did a lot of the talking… No. I'm not going to think about it.
I wish Mike was here to take over. But I gotta hide you first.
Journal,
Ok, I didn't realize Mike got how much it hurts to be cheated on. He was so… supportive and encouraging. He made me realize I don't need Emma. I was fine without a girlfriend for nineteen years. She doesn't define who I am.
Still, I can't help wondering why Mike said all the things he did. His voice was almost... not his, but it was at the same time. Like he was speaking through someone else, or maybe it's the other way around. I don't know, I'm probably going crazy 'cause I just got dumped and my overall cognitive functioning is whacked out. I'm gonna go lie down and think this over.
Journal,
Mike found out I was using you. He took you and hid you so I couldn't use you, but he didn't say why. I eventually found you by grabbing the memory of him hiding you.
So, yeah, that happened. And I wrote 'you' too many times. Never been the best writer.
It's been a few weeks, but I can't stop thinking about that conversation with Noah. It's weird.
Maybe it's the way he spoke. He was...destroyed. Like he had been crushed, and couldn't get back up again, which normally would have led me to throw sarcastic and callous insults at him, but...nothing.
His voice was quieter than most 20-year olds would probably want to admit, but it wasn't annoying. It was actually pleasant. And it had a graininess to it that kind of mirrors mine a little. Just a little. His was higher pitched. But it was still nice…
And what did I say? Nothing but an encouraging, sympathetic, heck EMPATHETIC speech, which is the opposite of me. I don't know what it was. Maybe his patheticness cast a spell on me or something.
I'm going to go back in and think this over. Maybe Mike could talk to him for real for me.
Journal,
I'm going to call Mike again. I really need to hear his voice. I'm not sure why, it's annoying as heck, but screw common sense(in this case, my hearing).
Journal,
Ok, he's calling again. Oh god.
I'm going to take it. I need to hear his voice again.
Journal,
Ok, just got off the phone again with Mike. It was, again, great.
Somehow the conversation went to Total Drama. I have to say, he has this strange...passion when he talks about the show. Like he needs to prove something. He won, didn't he? He got his personalities under control. He didn't need anything more, right? He doesn't think so. For an hour, maybe, all these elaborate plans to get back at Alejandro, and Duncan… Not gonna lie, I was impressed he had the guts to tell me that stuff. I couldn't help but lend my own two-sense into the plans. He seemed to appreciate it.
Again, he didn't really sound like Mike, more so this time. His voice was actually lower, more gravelly. It was kind of suspicious, but I'm trying to ignore it.
Journal,
I spilled.
I spilled my wondrously evil plans of revenge to him. Why? How? Am I that weak?
l let my voice slip a little. I'm an idiot. If he found out I'm not Mike…
Nope, not going to happen. It won't again.
Journal,
That was one of the best and worst phone conversations I've ever had. It barely beats out the one from Sierra thinking I was Cody for some messed up reason.
It was Mal. Mike was Mal the whole time. And I don't feel weird about it at all. I can't believe he still talked after changing his voice.
The craziest thing of all is, I wasn't even scared...
Journal,
I blew it. I totally blew it.
God, I'm an idiot of an evil personality! Might as well change my name to the Idiotic One!
I can't believe he got me to talk in my own voice instead of Mike's. I can't believe he still talked afterwards. He wasn't even scared….
Journal,
I don't know what to do at this point. Maybe I should take a few days off school to visit Mike. Mal. Whoever it is. To get the facts straight. We need to settle this in person.
I just hope Mike doesn't find out. I love having those conversations, and I want to continue having them, even if it's with Mal.
Journal,
I don't know what to do at this point. Maybe I should just forget about the whole thing, and focus on finding my trigger.
Lately, I've been taking over more often. The other personalities aren't happy about it, especially Mike. But they don't know about my phone conversations with Noah. Which is good.
I wonder if he's thinking about it too. I hope Mike doesn't get smart and stop… whatever this is. I'm not really sure. But I genuinely enjoy it.
Please review. It is always appreciated. See you next time!