Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Spoilers through mid season 3. Specific for 3.14 'Damaged'.
The Best Laid Plans
The door closed behind the senior agent with a soft click. Although the hotel was in the middle of nowhere in terms of the city boy left in the room, it did boast a gym and Hotch had decided to work off the adrenaline from the day.
This meant that Spencer Reid was left alone in the room they would share on the drive back from interviewing Hardwick. With an estimated hour before the other man would return he had about thirty minutes to deal with the events of the day in private.
With everything that had happened over the last few months, Gideon leaving with just a note being only one of them, it just didn't seem fair. Reid knew that, logically, neither Gideon's departure nor the events of today were his fault but right now he didn't care. Today had been terrifying. A man he admired - Reid hesitated to use the word love even though it was all too true - more than any other had set up a situation that had almost got Reid killed.
Like walking away from a car crash, Spencer had dealt with the threat and the interminable aftermath calmly and professionally. Now that it was over and he was alone why shouldn't he give in to the physiological effects of the experience?
Thirty minutes to fall apart, then force himself to move, take a shower and wash away the traces so his colleague never knew. The wall beside the left hand bed was clear of the usual hotel furnishings and would make an excellent spot to just let go.
Spencer reached for the television remote to fill the room with background noise, walked over to the spot on the wall, slid down to sit on the floor and started to cry.
Aaron Hotchner was angry; angry at Haley, angry at the job, angry with Reid for stopping the altercation with Hardwick. Right now though, if pressed, what he was most angry about was the pathetic excuse for a hotel 'gym' and the gym-bunny inhabitants who were occupying all of the equipment.
Forced to rethink his plan for mindless escape, all Aaron could do was choose between going for a run in the pouring rain and spending the rest of the evening with his subordinate.
'I can't have what I want.' Prophetic words for the day, given the scuppering of his escape plan. Running in the rain, alone, had never appealed, so it was an evening with Spencer Reid. Maybe, if Hotch was lucky, Reid would just go to sleep and he could watch him without fear of being observed.
Making his way back to the room he was able to enter unnoticed, due to the volume of the Lifetime Movie blasting into the room. The remote was on the further bed and he made his way over to reset the volume to something more appropriate for those who weren't deaf.
That brought a shaking Reid into view. Head bowed as he sat hugging his knees, his hair covered the remainder of his expression. It was obviously a stress reaction brought on by the events earlier. And it was also Aaron's fault.
Dropping key-card and phone onto the bed, Aaron barely thought before dropping to the floor next to the younger man. Unwilling to let Spencer go through this alone, Aaron pulled the unresisting boy into his arms.
The body stiffened slightly in his arms as the other man registered his presence but then curled into his body. The sobs grew, if anything, stronger. Aaron didn't know if he was embarrassing Reid by seeing him like this but he wasn't going to let the opportunity to give comfort and hold Reid in his arms for the first time in a year.
Finally, about twenty minutes later when Aaron was starting to feel his leg go numb, the shaking of the body slackened. Still cradling Reid in his arms Aaron pressed a light kiss to the top of his head. The tear streaked face came up and looked him in the eye for the first time in what, right now, seemed like forever. Then Reid tilted his head and initiated a real kiss.
Shock at the presumption of the younger man did not stop Aaron from taking control of the kiss, parting his lips and pressing the advantage of the higher ground. Knowing that this could be the only time he would ever get to do this, he didn't care that Spencer was indulging in the time honoured way of making yourself feel alive, didn't care that this was akin to sleeping with the widow at the funeral, he just wanted to taste and enjoy.
Hands, needing something to do, started to pull at Spencer's clothes. Remove the sweater vest, it wasn't required; Aaron had a better way of keeping him warm. In return a hand slid under the sweatshirt and T that Aaron had worn down to the gym and Spencer was touching him.
The ringing of Aaron's cell forced the two men to part. Aaron wanted more than anything right now to just ignore it but both men knew that it could be life or death and Reid had already moved, with a grace that belied having sat hunched on the floor for nearly an hour, to pick it up. He looked at the display before handing the phone over to Aaron then stood and hurried to the bathroom.
Aaron heard the click of the door lock before he looked down at the display. Haley. With a wistful look at the closed door he pressed answer.
Reid leaned against the bathroom door and considered his options. As it didn't seem likely that he would die of embarrassment, no matter how he currently felt, and as it was unreasonable to expect the hotel to allow him to remain in this bathroom for the next few days he was going to have to face Hotch at some point in the not too distant future.
Face the man who had power over his future career; the man who had just rocked Reid in his arms as if he was his two year old son; the man Reid had just provided with perfect grounds for a sexual harassment suit; the man who was currently talking on the phone to the wife he was still in love with.
Maybe the hotel wouldn't mind if he stayed in here forever.
For now, though, the last thing Reid wanted was for Hotch to think he was eavesdropping on his call. The original plan for the evening was to take a shower at this point and the running water would at least mask the conversation coming from the other room. Checking again that the door was locked, Reid turned on the water in the shower and looked at himself in the mirror.
Eyes red from crying, hair messed up even more than normal, there was nothing in the face that looked back at him that would make Hotch be interested in the person behind it. Compare this to Haley and there was no competition - the wife, the mother of his son, won without even having to try.
Pulling the rest of his clothes off, Reid stepped into the shower without testing the water temperature and was nearly frozen as the icy water hit him. A knock on the door stayed his hand as it reached for the knob to adjust.
"I'm going to see if the gym has emptied any."
The departure of the other man meant two things. First that Reid would be able to leave the bathroom to get the clothes he hadn't brought in with him but more importantly that the other man would let the matter drop.
Exhausted by the outpouring of emotion it would not be difficult to crawl into his bed and sleep away the chance of a confrontation. Denial was easy, with years of practice it was merely a habit that needed to be relearned. Vowing that he would not let his inappropriate feelings for his boss get in the way of their working relationship again, Reid reset the temperature to finish his shower.
The rest of the trip back had been carried out without a word, the silence only punctuated by the various talk radio shows the car had been able to pick up. On the way down, the same stations had prompted discussion and, if Aaron was honest, mocking of the solutions offered.
Now Reid was sat alone in the bullpen working on case files; never looking up at the offices. Aaron knew this because he had spent the last hour standing there looking down and there hadn't been so much as a head twitch in his direction.
'I can't have what I want'. Truer words he didn't think he had ever spoken. He couldn't have what he wanted but there was no need to hold onto something he no longer needed. Aaron Hotchner walked over to the desk, picked up the pen and ended his marriage.