Reflecting on past decisions, I see that I've made a lot of mistakes. But I put them aside, but I still haven't corretecd those mistakes. How could I correct my errors that are beyond my control? But, if that was the case, I wouldn't still be pressed over this matter.
I've lost everything, even her. Now that I'm living my life without her, I see that she was the only reason that I dared to get up in the morning. When I was with her, I felt good enough. Even thoughI showed off, I wanted her attention. I wanted to be NOTICED! And I went through drastic measures to get just that... Her attention...
I can be a selfish and cruel person... But, what I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry for being the way I am. I was cold, cruel, and... Not in the correct frame of mind. I never meant to be so cold to you, Pudding. I never wanted to be just another freak in your life. I wanted you to remember me... I wanted to make sure that you never forgot me, no matter what. Because I wouldn't forget you and the impact that you've created in my life. But, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, you won't ever remember ne the way that I'll remember you. Your face is forever burned into my mind.
But, if we were to meet in the future, could you give me a chance to show you what you mean to me? Could I show you what I can be?... Would you let me stand on my own again to show you who I truly am?
Oh, Pudding, you don't have a clue. Poetry could not describe my feelings. But I'll try to express it with words:
Agonizing pain of realization: Seeing reality set apart by those of a fantasy that once blinded me with ignorance.
I hope that you're happy with whomever you choose. But everytime you pass me by with a boy, my heart breaks. Everytime you walk past me, I'll picture myself standing beside you.
If I send you this letter, would you open it? Would you use this against me? Would you read this paper with my heart intertwined with these words on it? Or would you toy with my unspeakable emotions?
Pudding, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm now nothing but a lost soul. And if you think that my soul is worth saving, say it to all who think differently. Tell them what I mean to you. And if my soul is worth finding, tell me what I mean to you.
This arguement shouldn't have torn us apart so much. I had gotten a little too carried away, a little too fast. Please forgive me, Pudding. I never meant to hurt you so badly.
Goodbye forever, Pudding.