Long Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon and X/1999 are the property of CLAMP and Kadowaka publishers and the publishers who published TB. None of whom I am affiliated with. They can sue me, but I hope they don't, because no infringment is intended, and I'm making no money off this. The only thing I own of value is my doujinshi collection. I am not sure they would want that. Well, CLAMP might... ..
The translations I based the diologue snippits on can no longer be found where I originally got them from but are yetcopyright of their respective translators. Any disimilarities to these translations are changes made to improve the flow of the script within the story, and the translators may reserve the right to beat me with a really big stick... ;-; But I hope they won't.
Wow, I wrote this quite a long time ago. But, C&C very much welcome . And please, enjoy the story.
--Calico Kat---
(I'd only come here seeking peace)
The pounding of my heart is unnatural even for the conclusion of the hunt. It surprises me that it is not so loud that he can hear it from where he stands before me. The tension in his body is evident, his breath is shallow and his eyes, so wide and soft at the time of our last meeting, have hardened from long years spent focused only inwards. But he is still pure. I did not in the least underestimate him. Neither of us have changed since that first day we met under the sakura tree.
(I'd only come here seeking me)
We fight, and he is... cute. But he is not yet strong enough to present a challenge to me. It is good he has not become uninteresting. After the lengths Hokuto and Lady Sumeragi went to defend this boy, it seems I will perhaps, after all, see this game to its end. At best it might provide some respite to the boredom that consumes me, even now at the End of the World.
(It seems I came to leave)
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Dark Angel
A Fanfiction by Calico Kat
A Song by VNV Nation
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(In your dream you see me clear
I have no restraint, no fear)
The small terrier laid out on the table before me is well aware of its imminent death, though it cannot seem to understand the cause of it. Its eyes are wild and loll at skewed angles in their sunken sockets. Its mouth hangs open but its death keen has long died in its throat. Its final breaths have been reduced to shallow gasps as something inside it ruptures and bursts and blood begins to fill its lungs. And then he comes in, smiling widely, and asks me what I'm doing, walking over to examine my patient, untrained eyes brimming with a desperate desire for enlightenment.
"You've killed it, Seishirou-san!" he exclaims, his smile unfaltering. I ask him why he's come, for it's far too early for his classes to be over, and he responds with his usual cheer, green eyes sparkling with pride, "Since I'm going to be a veterinarian, I'd rather study with Seishirou-san!"
I am incapable of grasping the meaning of his words, and return my gaze to the small dog on the table. It has long since passed on and is beginning to grow cold.
"I kill animals. I use them to prevent sakanagi." I reply, my honesty surprising me. Certainly it is something I do not wish to share with this boy, certainly it would mean the end of the hunt.
"Then I'll kill animals, too," he says calmly, and he reaches behind his back to produce the mutilated corpse of an ally cat, holding it up for my inspection.
(Powerless I watched from faces I'd assumed)
He doesn't understand.
It occurs to me suddenly and I find the thought utterly fascinating. Is he so pure that even this cannot mar him? I have little time to think, for seeing me so preoccupied, he takes initiative and rocks forward, capturing my lips with his. My eyes widen and the room seems to drop away. We're floating in a maboroshi of his creation, and as his tongue slips in to explore my mouth I see Hokuto standing behind him smiling radiantly as she waves her kitchen knife like a flag, she seems to be cheering. In between her laughter and incoherent shouts she calls out quite clearly, "If you hurt my little brother, I'm going to kill you!" Her smile is beautiful, almost divine.
And then as Subaru wraps his arms about my waist, a light washes over me, and I awaken.
(My purpose set. My will defined.
Caress the air.
Embrace the skies.
Escape the sorrow and restraint of mortal cities)
The first time I experienced that dream I was deeply unsettled. And now, several years later, I am still particularly wary the entirety of the day after. There is a feeling as if someone is watching me, hunting me, even as I hunt my prey through the streets of Tokyo. The dreams increase if I have visited the cherry, always the same, always leaving me with an aching sense that I have never otherwise experienced.
Even if your heart is hurt, no blood flows.
So, your body doesn't realize what and where is hurt.
Dreams are important for telling where your heart has been hurt!
What I have said before is true, but before that day under the cherry tree, I rarely dreamed, and then only of the hunt, and the kill. For my heart holds no compassion or emotion. It is made of stone and its beat is hollow in my chest. And yet, something has struck it. Perhaps it was the spell of that girl, but what could she hope to achieve?
(Give me time I will be clear
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered)
The day we met again I dreamed that dream, and it was as strong and as vivid as the first night it came to me. I awoke with a painful ache in my chest, and I realized that perhaps it was the facsimile of "emotion." "Emotion" imposed upon me by that girl. Her final attempt to save her brother had been to make me "feel." But her dream seems to have failed, for despite intense investigation of this "feeling" on my part, it is fragile and easily dismissed. It is but a momentary lapse in my boredom. Perhaps this is because it was Hokuto's "emotion" rather than my own? Or is it that "emotion" is really so weak it can be completely overlooked on accident?
The next time that we meet, we will live together for an entire year.
If after this period I feel something for you, then I will continue loving
you.
I won't do anything more than watch and protect you.
If I consider you a person dear to my heart...
If I can distinguish you from an object...
I will not kill you.
My bet, in the end, was of less merit to me than I expected. It is true that in that year I did everything that was possible to love that boy. And it is also true, that at the end of the year, I felt nothing beyond a continuing curiosity, nothing that would have prevented me from killing him. But if emotion is really something so trivial, perhaps that curiosity was the force of "true love," in which case the concept is portrayed severely disproportionate to reality.
In order to discover if what Hokuto imbued me with is the extent of "emotion," it seems I will have to seek Subaru out once again. It will help to pass the time, and I am yet wondering if I really misunderstood the "wish" of my cute prey, as "Kamui" before told me.
(I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward)
I watched him for some time through the window of his apartment, a small, unfurnished flat he has no means of himself affording. From what I have observed he holds no job and lives off the funding of his relatives outside of Tokyo. The room was surprisingly unguarded. Aside from a few wards to deter common criminals, there was nothing that hindered my entry while he slept, and no force to counter the spell I cast to assure he remained so. As if he was eagerly embracing death, perhaps praying it would come across him by accident during the night.
I sat beside him on the bed, tracing the bandages that covered his freshly punctured right eye. I have had him many times completely at my mercy, to be toyed with and broken on a whim, and there was nothing different about this encounter, save for the dream. His lips were moist and faintly spicy, a taste peculiar only to him, though tainted strongly with tobacco. The kiss did nothing for me aside from arousing inborn mating urges I felt no desire to pursue. I took a moment to press my fingers against his jugular, watching him crane his head away from me to clear his airflow. It almost made me smile. He belongs to me. He is my prey, and mine to kill. But not yet. He still holds some interest for me, though it seems the "emotion" of my dreams does not recur when I touch him gently. Perhaps, then, I will join him once more in battle. If I still feel nothing... I will end this.
(So many years I stood among the thoughts and tears of those I served
Among my own I was alone through my own doing)
Today he moved in with the other Seals, in the Imonoyama mansion on CLAMP School campus. The indignation I feel is inexplicable, though this morning I devoted some deal of my time to its comprehension. Throughout the past five years he has never sought out the company of others, avoided it openly, even. And yet on the whim of that young boy, Shirou Kamui, he has eagerly embraced a situation which requires constant and close human contact.
"I see. A love-rival has appeared, eh..."
There is no humor in my voice this time. That girl had little chance of stealing my prey. She was mentally weak, and physically insufficient. But this young boy with the power of the gods in his hands...
"Am I jealous?"
It occurs to me suddenly, and I am moved to laugh, a harsh bitter sound that grates on my nerves. This is why the Sakurazukamori abandons all ties to "friends" and "relations" and spares no fascination for any being but the Cherry Barrow itself. And yet...
I love you, Seishirou. Soon, you will kill me...
Is it that Mother "wished" for death?
The course my thoughts are running displeases me, and I calmly push them aside, embracing the frozen calm that lies in the depths of my heart. Surely, it is nothing to become agitated over. I do not become agitated. And yet, my pulse is pounding a quick staccato. It is obvious the recent dearth of sleep is taking its toll on my systems. Did Hokuto-chan intend this as well?
(All the years I walked unknown
Behind the faces I assumed
Powerless to clear your mind of what you'd suffered)
"Let's go out for lunch. There's a pastry shop I've heard of absolutely famous for its tira misu," he says, and I consent wordlessly. He is the same as I. Purpose incarnate. One who could say with the same casual grace, "Let's go collapse the Tokyo Tower and watch people fall screaming from the observation decks."
So we walk, appearing to the world as casual friends in pursuit of a pleasant afternoon. We are not friends. We have reached a certain level of understanding, but friendship comes with the implication that you value another's life. If either of us felt the least threatened by the other, certainly a reckoning would come quickly.
As it is we are both lying blatantly to the world. Walking in each others company under the pretense of emotions we cannot feel, smiling because it makes us look that much less suspicious. Our masks must be flawless. We have our professional pride.
I light a cigarette and take a long draw, feeling the miasma of the smoke burning my throat, churning like bile in my lungs. It is one of the few small pleasures I allow myself, every fag left charred on the pavement bringing me that much closer to death. Of course, my death will come swiftly, and soon.
On the Promised Day.
As if on cue, he quietly crosses the intersection before us.
(They fall again)
He notices us immediately, guarded green eyes shimmering with surprise. I'm momentarily surprised I did not sense his approach, the brands I burned into his hands so many years ago make me sensitive to his presence. But I realize it stands to reason Fuuma has hidden our ki to prevent such an occurrence as this, the certain ruin of a perfectly good "date".
"Seishirou-san," he says quietly, too quietly for me to hear at this distance but the words are easily read on his lips. Fuuma and I close on him quickly, of singular purpose, giving him no time to erect a kekkai about the three of us.
"Hisashiburien, Subaru-kun."
I offer him a charming smile; he meets it with a vicious scowl. Fuuma looks untowardly pleased with Subaru's arrival and I suddenly feel acutely territorial. For a long moment no one speaks, until the tension in Subaru-kun's delicate body is causing him visible strain.
"You're a good ways from the CLAMP Academy," Fuuma observes, his smile unwavering. I suspect I want to disembowel him promptly, but don't follow up on the inclination. The "Kamui" often gives the distinct impression that he's mentally undressing his companions as he speaks, myself as well as the others. When we're in close quarters it provides the delicious feeling of the hunt, of being hunted, and with it a pleasant rush of excitement. When he's eyeing my prey with such a look it tears me apart with frustration. He owes me no loyalties. He could easily steal the pleasure of the kill that is rightfully mine. He glances over at me, smile widening the barest increment, as if saying he is reading my thoughts. I steady them before my annoyance becomes visible.
"I had business to attend to," Subaru answers stiffly, gaze not wavering from the mirrored surface of my sunglasses, searching for my eyes, searching for... something.
The emotion passes before I can acknowledge it for what it is, whatever it is. That delicate ache so easily buried by the weight of my hardened heart, gone almost before I can taste it. How annoying.
(They fall again)
"What are you doing here?" he asks. Dark accusations flicker across his unbandaged eye.
"We were going out for some lunch, care to join us?" Fuuma's tone is light, his eyes devoid of hostility. He is truly a magnificent performer. I feel no resentment towards him this time, something in his smile before spoke of amenity, of "wishes". He is only performing for my amusement. Subaru's eyes flicker from mine for the briefest of moments and I push the opening to my advantage.
"We would be delighted with your company, Subaru-kun."
His gaze returns to mine, and Fuuma picks up the ball before Subaru can voice the scathing retort held ready in the faint sneer of his lips.
"It's true we're enemies on the battlefield, but we have no quarrel with you today." Fuuma sighs melodramatically, patronizingly. Subaru is obviously riled. "It would be wasteful to destroy this district before its time. We won't allow you the courtesy of putting up your kekkai if you choose to fight us now."
He is defeated. Even if he fell back to erect a barrier around our battlefield, between the two of us Fuuma and I could decimate the civilians milling about us in that short time.
I offer my arm to Subaru, smiling as he pulls away with an expression of disgust. He does not hesitate to walk with us, despite his obvious disdain. I take pleasure in his wisdom. He is no longer the child he once was, though he is still rash in his decisions, leading with his heart rather than his head. His heart is not willing to make sacrifices to fight what would absolutely be a loosing battle. I want him.
The thought surprises me. I take pause to comprehend it.
I want him. His purity, his innocence... I want to break him. I want to watch that delicate heart crash into my own and shatter in the face of this coldness it in its mercurial warmth could never possibly comprehend. I've known this, of course, the ways and reasons I am so drawn to him, have been for so long now. What surprises me is the intensity of the feeling.
This is... feeling...
It seems to me the thoughts that race so strongly through my usually stoic mind should be apparent on my features. As if the people passing beside us should turn and stare in wonder. As if Subaru should know only by instinct that, if only for this moment, something inside me has changed.
But the people passing by us offer nothing more than precursory glances, and Subaru does not turn to me until we have reached the pastry shop and are waiting in line to order, asking me what I'll be having with forced casualty. We eat in relative silence, Fuuma and I carrying on an empty dialogue without the feeling or interest of a "conversation", though we're smiling with skillfully feigned warmth. We are always smiling.
(Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered)
Fuuma takes his leave of us after lunch, and I can tell as we head aimlessly down the sidewalk my remaining companion is wracking his mind for a suitable excuse to depart. The tension apparent in Subaru's anorexically slender body fills me with perverse pleasure. Of course, there is nothing less than pervasive about my relationship with this young man. Another amusement. He provides them endlessly.
I'm a man, and you're a boy, Subaru-kun... It's... just happened that the
person I've fallen in love with is a boy, but... I just happened to fall...
Well, that's what I'm saying. But a man who loves a boy is somewhat perverted!
Hokuto said that despite all that she condoned our relationship. It entertained her. I wonder if she found it so delightful when she realized it was there only for my entertainment as well? There isn't any way to ask her, now.
I smile.
"Is there something you want from me?"
That single green eye, so desperately guarded. Subaru-kun is absolutely charming.
"Isn't it nice just to be walking together? It's been so long since we've gone on a 'date'," I say cheerfully, eyes rising to crescents. I can feel the balance of his thoughts shift, he's confused. Really, he should have grown out of this.
"Please don't make fun of me, Seishirou-san."
He's very polite, but there's a darkness in his words he could never have mustered five years ago. A hint of the darkness my own soul was born from. He is so pure he doesn't realize it has begun to seep in. That he is giving himself to me.
"I'm being completely serious," I reply, changing my expression to match the solemnity of my tone. I pause in my step and turn to catch his wrist, touching the star shaped brand on the back of his hand with my power until it burns silver. He flinches from the light, disgusted. I bow to brush my lips over his knuckles. "I've missed playing with you, Subaru-kun."
The marked hand is pulled back instinctively, his violently graceful motion stirring the tails of his coat to flare and dance about us in the breeze, his dark-clad, delicate body rigid beneath it, breath halted, teeth clenched. He is a beautiful creature. I slip a hand to the small of his back, pulling him closer to me before he can draw an ofuda for attack. He is completely still.
(I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward)
"'Kamui' has told me you do not 'wish' to kill me."
He begins to breathe again. Good. I'd rather he not asphixiate in my arms. It would be a great waste of this delightful toy.
"What is it, then, that you 'wish', Subaru-kun?"
I kiss him deeply before he can reply, a tremor passing through me as he writhes against the embrace. I run my free hand through his short black hair. Still as soft as spun silk. As sensually pleasing as it was five years before. He has grown since then, but the way he's been neglecting to care for himself is sinful. If something were to happen to him I would be so very disappointed. When he ceases to struggle against me I allow myself to draw back for air.
"Don't."
So breathless he can barely whisper. I can't help but smile again, feigning gentle sadness.
"I want to stay with you today, Subaru-kun."
His eye falls shut, offering no resistance against me.
"Do I have a choice?"
I laugh.
"No... No, I suppose you don't."
(There is no faith in which to hide.
Even truth is filled with lies.
Doubting angels fall to walk among the living)
Pale sunlight spills in through the hotel's curtained windows, giving soft illumination to the scene I've been watching rapturously for an immeasurable length of time. Subaru lies naked on the bed, pale legs tangled in the sheetss, one arm cradling his head, a hand stretched out to rest limply on my forearm, an unconscious plea for comfort. I could leave him lying here to wake to a cold bed. If he had any faith left in me surely it would wound him deeply. But I want him to wake up looking into my eyes. I want him to know what he's done, and that I care no more for him than before. I want to see him break and watch the shards of that pure heart scatter like fallen sakura blossoms over his soul. Perhaps then I will kill him.
I took him to the finest hotel left in Tokyo; at the End of the World there is no reason to take anything less than the most extravagant services available. The financial resources of the Sakurazukamori are nearly limitless, as death pays well and a devoted predator cares little for material things. So few things can compare the thrill of the hunt, of the kill. I went slowly with him, taking great care to please him. My manner gentle until he began to relax. Surprisingly it was Subaru who set the pace, pushing for more than I anticipated of him. In the evening we bathed, making love again in the water. I spared no expense on dinner. We were up until well in the morning.
He was more than I expected. His skin was supple and tasted of cream, of cinnamon, musk, and burnt tobacco. He lost himself to my seduction all too willingly, crying out hoarsely as we tumbled in violent embrace. His sweat was as sweet as the shuddering sigh that shook him as I took him for the first time. I took him many times, and desired him as I so rarely desire anything in this world. As I still desire him.
I do not understand the depth of this emotion, except that I need him. I need to own him, to cripple and crush him in my arms. Only then will I be satisfied. For a while, at least, I won't be bored.
Smiling with untold warmth, I wonder if this might not be "love".
(I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward)
"Seishirou..."
The hand on my wrist tightens its grip tentatively. His expression is purely innocent, the emerald eye as wonderingly unguarded as it was in his youth, before his sisters life ended at my hand. I look at him curiously as I realize it is the first time he has addressed me without the formal "san" at the end of my name. Does he think we are equals now, because he gave himself up to me? My gentle smile does not falter.
Without speaking I reach out to run my fingers along his side, the hollow of his chest trembling sensually in response to the touch. Subaru-kun proved to be a bit ticklish. His hand lifts from my arm to cup my face, searching, hoping... I let the masks fall, and my smile widens.
(I'd only come here seeking peace)
Whatever life was left within him ends there, with that smile. The broken feeling that haunted the back of his eyes is replaced by the hollowness of one who no longer knows how to dream. This, then, was Subaru-kun's "wish".
"Did you think I loved you, Subaru?"
(I'd only come here seeking me)
I kiss him tenderly. He makes no effort to respond, but it tastes so very sweet.
I say nothing more. It is true I did not love him, but I love him now, in this moment, of that I am sure. I have embraced him. I have felt the pure emotion of his heart. He has willingly given himself to me, to be toyed with, to be taken. He is broken, too far gone for tears, his shimmering green eyes dull and glazed, devoid of the will to go on, and his trapped and dying soul is exquisitely beautiful.
(It seems I came to leave)
I leave him lying there, to be found by his fellow Dragons. It will be pleasing as well to watch them mourn, and perhaps that boy who cares so much for him will revive him enough to fight me on the Promised Day. For once in my life, I have something I truly look forward to.
Soon, I'll let my darling rest...