My first Castle fic. Bring that hate, love or the comments I will take it all.

The first 2 chapters are primarily Castle and his family, but don't worry Beckett will appear soon.

I don't own the Characters, just my thoughts.

It is a weird feeling at 2 AM in the morning when you're awake at home. The worlds is asleep, there is nothing happening outside. The silence and stillness often allows the mind to just drift. Often thinking about the big questions. For Richard Castle this was not a good thing. As his mind wandered, it keeps drifting back to Detective Kate Beckett and the adrenalin and death-defying week they had. Nearly frozen to death in a cargo container and vaporized by a bomb, really put things into perceptive for Richard Castle.

At first these events showed him how much Beckett meant to him, how if he had to die, he was happy that her face was the last thing he would see. And how he grabbed those wires, so that he could see that face, see that smile and hear that laugh, just one more time.

But as he finished the last page of the new Nikki Heat book, he wondered if he should also start thinking about creating an ending for him and Beckett. Those events also told him that as much as he wanted her; as much as he fought, she would never be his.

"Hey, kiddo."

A startled Castle looked up to see his mother standing in front of the door to his study.

"What are you doing up?" Castle asked worriedly as he directed her to the seat opposite of his.

"Richard, I know I haven't been the best of mothers. I haven't always been there for you when you needed me, but don't think for a second I don't care about you," her voice increasing in intensity, as tears pooled in her eyes.

She grabbed his hands in hers, looking straight into his eyes trying to convey her feelings. "I nearly lost you, didn't I?"

"Mother, I …" " Don't, just don't, I know why you did it. But I just want you to think what would happen if you died, what that would that do to that little girl upstairs or what that would do to me."

"We can't loss you," her tears now streaming down her face, "this family has lost a lot. It has been through so much, but I don't think it would survive losing you."

Richard now was next to her mother; hugging her for all that he was worth as she sobbed uncontrollably onto him. He realized that he had been caught up in Beckett's world that he lost track of his other responsibilities.

He slowly pulled back as Martha started talking again. "You told us to leave. You told me to leave. To leave you to die. My own son. How could you do that, how could you ask your own mother to let you die? I am supposed to protect you, to keep you safe."

Castle couldn't say anything; he had never seen his mother cry. Yet, here she was breaking down right in front of him, because of something he did. He knew in the back of his mind he did it to protect her, but he could get it out of his head that he caused this. How much he hurt his mother.

"I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you." Tears were falling down his face as well. "I was trying to protect you and Alexis."

They just sat there holding each other as he whispered comforting words in her ear.

Everything just fell away. It wasn't a bestselling author and an actress nor was it a man who saved the city and the family he pushed away.

When it came down to it, it was a worried mother and son that tried to do the right thing.

"Tell me what really happened Richard"

And he did, recounting how they found the taxi, how he thought that cameras where for a reality show. His mother looked on in awe as he recounted the story, his way with words coming out in his story telling. She hugged him tighter when he talked about how he thought he was going to die of radiation poisoning. She hit him when he got to the part when the captain interrupted him and Beckett and shed a tear when he talked about nearly freezing to death.

Lastly they shared a laugh, when said that he just grabbed all the wires. Though she did hit him for not kissing Beckett then.

"Is love worth it?" Martha looked at Castle seeing that little boy that used to curl up to watch his mother preform on TV.

"Always. Richard I may never have found that person, but I have you. And no matter what happens you will always be worth it." The situation seemed to flip as Martha started comforting Richard.

"But I want you to think, is she worth it? Is the chance of love, worth all the heartache and suffering? Because you need to realize that you two are not the only ones affected by it. There are a lot of other people that love each of you and who can't stand the pain you put yourselves through."

"What am I supposed to do" he asked with desperation in his voice. Martha could tell that he was breaking down.

"Just be with the people who love you unconditionally. Spend the day with Alexis, just be with her. Remember what love is."

"And after that Just be alive, remember what it is to live."

"What about Beckett"

"She still be there, you need to decide is she worth it. Is she worth fighting for?

Is she worth fighting for, he though. In the past, he would have said yes. That is what he has been doing for the last 3 years, but now? Knowing what he had put his family through. Just for those brief moments of spark. Those moments that never are talked about again and extinguished.

He looked up realizing Martha had left, a long time ago, judging by the sun starting to stream through the shades in his study. As he got ready for bed, one thought stayed with him.

Is she worth fighting for and more importantly why?

What do you think?