Some of you may be recognizing some themes and quotes I'm using from other venues. I've tried to keep them obscure enough, but you may be able to pick them out.

Jayne approached an all white building on the planet Irvingia. He had a duffel bag in his hand and a scowl on his face. He approached the orderly that stood in front of the building. It was the largest man Jayne had ever seen. He said nothing as Jayne went up to him, but stood in the way of the door.

"I'm here to check myself in."

"Name?"

"Jayne Cobb."

"Drop the bag and go ahead."

Jayne gave the man his best mean look and he didn't even flinch. He dropped the bag thinking he would find it in his room later. He entered the building to find a closet. There was no other door. Before he could say something the floor gave way. Jayne found himself sliding down a tube for several minutes before finally landing. As his eyes adjusted to the dark he realized he was in what looked like a sewer. The room was cement with two gated off tunnels. It took a while before he realized there was something on the ground next to him. He reached over and picked it up. He immediately dropped it when he realized what it was, an arm.

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The room was now filled with authorities of all kinds. Doctors, nurses, security and various cleaning crew. Jia stood over a reclining Jayne.

"Well, that was Dr. Adams, the guy we were here to help."

Jayne stared to get up, "Then we can go home."

"No, now our job has changed. Instead of finding out who wanted to kill him we have to find out who did kill him."

"How we supposed to do that?"

"Mal has narrowed it down to one of the patients. The original idea is still working."

"How am I supposed to spend two days in this dump?"

"This is not a room Jayne. You were sent here by accident."

"Accident nothin.' Someone wanted us to find this."

Jia rolled her eyes, "Nobody knows we are here. It was just a coincidence."

"Sure."

"Anyway, I'll get you moved to a better room."

"That's right you will. What kinda place is this anyway? I've been here two hours and haven't even had a drink yet."

"It's a place where people learn to stop drinking. Not to have drinks."

Jayne scowled again and stood up, "Can we go to my new room now?"

"I'll have the orderly take you as soon as..."

A nurse ran up to Jia. "Doctor, the other doctors need you to settle something in the lounge."

"What?"

She looked sideways at Jayne and whispered to Jia, "They needs someone to be the judge in the drinking competition."

Jia saw Jayne scowl and knew that he heard. "I'll be there in a minute."

She turned to Jayne and smiled. She then turned and went in the other direction to speak to someone for Jayne's new room. Jayne was then escorted through the hospital to a white room with a simple cot and toilet. He had been in better jail cells. As the door locked behind him, he knew he had agreed to this too easy.

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By the third day of routine, Jayne was really feeling it. No alcohol, no cigars, no caffeine and no sex. Nothing. Everyday was the same. The huge orderly came each day for exercise. He was escorted to another white room for an hour and then escorted back to his room. It was driving him insane. When the orderly came today, he was going to tell him where to shove his exercise. This time it wasn't the orderly, it was his link to normal, Jia.

"The first part is over, it's time you had therapy. I've arraigned to have all the suspects in one room today for group. You will be there too."

"I don't need no..."

"It's in another part of the hospital."

"I'm in. Sure you can take time off from your judge duties."

"Yeah, the hot tub broke."

Jayne scowled at her again. She smiled.

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Jayne was twitching and nervous at group therapy. His head was aching and he didn't even notice the other people in the room. There were six others. Jia was sitting in a chair to his right. She was in the obligatory white coat with a clip board sitting on her lap.

"Why don't we go around and introduce ourselves. I will start. I am Doctor Andrea Gellman and I..."

Jayne interrupted her, "No you're not."

Jia glanced over at him. "Yes, I am."

"No you're not."

Jia got louder, "Yes, I am."

"No you're not."

She bent over to get closer to him, "Yes I am!"

"No you are not."

"My name is Gellman, Doctor Andrea Gellman! Nobody knows me here so I'm introducing myself!"

Jayne sat back with a little grin on his face. "Oh I get it. Sure Doctor... Mason."

Jia rolled her eyes. She looked around and noticed the others were confused but not that interested. She would soon realize they were to absorbed with themselves, "Who's next?"

The only woman in the room raised her hand. She was overweight with a large mouth and big hair. "I will. I'm Diane Larison." She gestured to the very thin man beside her, "My husband is Larry. We are here because we needed to enter the program to avoid prison on our planet."

Jayne stood up, "And you killed Doctor Adams to keep him from telling the law about you cheatin the program. Case dismissed."

Jia scowled at him. "Jayne sit down."

At her tone he slumped back in the chair.

The woman looked affronted, "No, we loved Doctor Adams. He made us realize we did have a problem and we needed help."

The man on the other side of her husband, a weak looking individual, spoke up, "I'll go next. I'm Charlie Downs. This is my fifth visit here and my fifteenth visit to clinics all around the verse."

Jayne stood again, "You killed him because he threatened to cut you off from the clinic."

Jia reached out and grabbed his arm and yanked him back to his seat.

"No, he made me realize I was addicted to the attention. We've been working on it for weeks."

The next man, a athletic looking man, started with a nervous twitch, "I'm Ernest. I've been here for three months working on my addiction to pain killers."

Jayne stood up yet again, "You killed him because he wouldn't let you leave." he turned to Jia. "Can I go now?"

She stood up and went over to be inches from his face. She whispered, "If you don't sit down right now I will make your life a living hell. I have access to all kinds of drugs now and you don't know the meaning of the word embarrassed until I get through with you. SIT DOWN!"

He shrunk back into his seat and Jia went back to hers and smiled at the final man. He spoke with an arrogant smile, "I am Michael Rodriguez. I am here to work on a peculiar type of addiction known as sexual addiction."

Jayne had never heard of that before and his face momentarily showed that. Then he started to stand up but looked over at Jia who was already glowering. He thought better and sat back down but would not be stopped from saying his piece, "You killed him because that ain't a real addiction and you wanted out of here to go get some trim."

Jia sighed but Michael went on, "He was the only one who had ever told me how destructive my behavior was. He was a saint."

Jayne glared at nothing and crossed his arms before his chest, "I'm here because I was forced."

Jia rolled her eyes again and went on with what Simon had suggested yesterday when she had returned to Serenity. "I think we should all tell a story about our experience with addiction and maybe that story will help someone else in the room with their problem."

She heard Jayne scoff but ignored him as she got to know her suspects. The session went by with only two more interruptions from Jayne along with the grossest story of the day. She dismissed the group and told Jayne to stay back and talk to her.

"Why are you making this difficult?"

"You get to go back to Serenity every night while I have to stay at this nut house. Not only can I not have liquor or cigars or coffee, but they won't even give me my dirty pictures or my own clothes." He gestured to the black jumpsuit everyone was wearing. "I gotta wear this and eat their gosa food, then I gotta come here and listen to all these whiners talk about their feelings. This is the worst job I've ever been on."

"Just go with it and it will all be over. Try not to make my life a living hell."

"If'n mine has to be why can't yours?"

"Because maybe you could learn something from this place while you are here if you would just give it a chance."

"I ain't addicted to nothin'."

"Really? You have been without three days and you are shaking, sweating, mumbling to yourself and bitching at every possible moment. Maybe you night have a problem or two?"

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You smoke. I've seen ya hiding out in the shower room."

"I only have a cigarette once in the morning and that's it. I 'hide' in the shower room because it has the best ventilation and I don't want anyone else to have to inhale my smoke. Just because you have no such qualms doesn't mean none of us do."

"You are such a..."

He was interrupted by a knock on the door and a nurse walking in, "Your two o'clock is ready, Doctor Gellman."

"My two o'clock what?"

"Your massage Doctor."

She glanced at Jayne and hurried the nurse out of the room. In parting she turned and said, "Just try Jayne and it will be over in a few days I promise."

He scoffed, "Yeah."

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That night the crew sans Jayne sat around the table. Mal was rubbing his temples.

"Lets run through this again. We got this job for this doctor who thought someone was gonna kill him. Before we could even get here they succeeded. Explain your part again Doc."

Simon looked around, "Me or Dr. Gellman?"

"You."

"I looked at the blood that Jia brought back. He died of an overdose of a sedative called Anahocside."

"How did he end up in pieces in the sewer?"

"I don't know."

Mal sighed, "So Dr. Gellman, how's Jayne doin'?"

"I don' t think he can hold out much longer. Being next to the patients isn't really doing any good anyway. Maybe we should get him out of there."

"Lets not screw this up any more than we already have. He stays. Jia, how much access do you have?"

"All over the hospital. Why?"

"Look around for something out of the ordinary and see if you can get into Dr. Adams' office."

"Done."

Simon looked interested, "If I give you a list of drugs could you lift some for me?"

Kaylee looked impressed, "You are going off the deep end there Doc."

Simon smiled slightly. Jia answered his question. "I can try. I've never had much experience in stealing but it can't be that hard with all the freedom they give the doctors there."

Mal wasn't impressed with the turn of the conversation. "Anyway, just see what you can come up with."

They discussed the plan into the night. Mal dismissed the group with Jia having a clear path for tomorrow. She just hoped Jayne could hold out a little longer.

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Jayne sat in his room and his mind raced. The withdrawals were getting worse. The orderly had brought him back from his daily exercise. As he had left he said something about knowing why Jayne was there and about how Jayne should be careful. Jayne's mind was on other things at the time so he didn't catch it. Now, an hour later, it came back to him with a vengeance. It suddenly occurred to Jayne the only way he was going to get out of here was to solve the murder. A thought came upon him and he rang for the orderly.

When the very large man came Jayne tried to take him down. The orderly very easily shoved him back in the room and slammed the door. Jayne hadn't been the first to try and escape.

Now he needed a new plan. He came up with one and waited very impatiently for darkness. When the lights went out he made his move.

The next morning the orderly came in to get Jayne. He opened the door to an empty room. He ran in and looked around. Behind him Jayne silently descended from the ceiling tile he had removed last night. He snuck out the door and slammed it shut. He ran down the hall muttering, "solve crime- go home."

He spent much of the day hiding in closets and in the ceiling as the staff ran around below him. He never stopped mumbling his little mantra. He saw the very large orderly again early the next morning. He got above him and dropped down on top of him. He knocked the orderly unconscious.

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At the same time Jayne was knocking a staff member senseless, five patients gathered in another part of the hospital, the therapy room. The door opened and Doctor Gellman, four security guards, the local sherif and another man they didn't recognize came in.

Doctor Gellman told them all to sit in their usual chairs. "You are probably all wondering why I have brought you all here. My name isn't Doctor Gellman, It's Jia Mason. I and my crew mates are here to solve Dr. Adams murder."

Diane said what every one was thinking, "So that big guy with the twitches was right."

"Yes he was. I am here along with the sherif and my captain to solve this crime."

The sherif stepped forward, "So, who did it?"

"They all did."

Silence greeted her proclamation.

"What do you mean?"

"I did some digging around the hospital. I was in the supply closet getting...some other things, when I came across four empty vials of the sedative Anahocside. I found that unusual because I had been told empty vials were never left in there. No one but a doctor would know that particular fact. You see, the morning after his murder was supposed to be a hearing for all five of these patients. I don't think that murder was the intent."

"Why not?"

"One vial of the sedative is enough to make a person sleep for 24 hours uninterrupted. Four is enough to kill a person. Mr Larison had a problem the week before the murder and had to be given the medication. That's where they got the idea. Dr. Adams sleeping through a hearing wouldn't be enough to call the hearing to a halt, but his death was. All five of these people were hoping to get out. Dr. Adams notes say he wasn't going to let any of them leave. They also said he had told them all this."

"And they thought if he wasn't there they could fool the committee into letting them go."

"Yep. I found the vials and took them to our ship. Our doctor and mechanic figured out that there were two sets of finger prints on each vial. One each from Diane, Charlie, Ernest and Michael. The one on every vial was Larry's. They each went on separately not knowing the other's plans. They each put one vial into his brandy that Dr. Adams had every night before leaving. He drank four vials without even knowing.

"The only thing we can figure happened after that was the Diane went back to their room and told Larry what she had done. He went back to stop the doctor from drinking the brandy and sleeping through the hearing, because Larry thought they needed more time at the facility. That was also in Dr. Adams notes."

She looked over at Larry. He was cowering in his chair as usual.

"You have protected your wife forever from her self. Dr Adams knew that. You went there and found instead of a sleeping man, a dead man. Thinking your wife had killed him, you got rid of the body, and the vials, but you didn't know that the empties didn't go in the supply closet. You also didn't want his body to go unnoticed, so you programmed the slide to take Jayne to the sewer instead of the welcome center. You couldn't have known she wasn't the only one that killed him."

The sherif was confused, "Why?"

"Four spoiled children that have never been told no were told no repeatedly and they didn't like it."

Diane spoke up, "You have no proof."

"Yes I do. Your husband will tell us everything plus we have the vials and fingerprints."

All four began to talk at once. They were stopped by the door slamming open and Jayne throwing an unconscious orderly in the room.

"I solved it. He did it."

All he got back was blank stares.

An abnormally silent Mal finally spoke up, "Why?"

Jayne looked at him blankly and sputtered a few times. He finally got out, "I am not staying here. He told me to be careful."

Jia had her hand over his face, "He thought you were investigating the hospital. He told me yesterday."

"Then he had nothing to do with it?"

"No Jayne."

The sherif and his men led the others out and left the three Serenity crew to figure out their own mess.

Mal sighed, "All right everybody, lets go home."

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Jayne sat on the catwalk with Mal and pouted. Mal thought it was funny.

"You got to knock someone unconscious that should make you happy."

"Went through all that and didn't even need to be there."

"Did too. Needed you as interference so Jia could have full access. Hospital was so concerned with your escape they didn't notice her stealing stuff from the supply closet and digging through another doctor's notes. You were very helpful Jayne."

Jayne grumbled.

"Look at it this way, you can go back to your vices now."

Jayne lifted his head, "Know what Mal, I ain't even thought about drinkin or whorin. Maybe I am better."

At that moment Kaylee went by below them with River on her shoulders. Jayne got up, "I'll be in my bunk." He walked away with his familiar swagger.

Mal shook his head , "Better? Maybe not. But less annoying."

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