L stared at his laptop, sitting in the odd way he normally does while eating a piece of cake, seemingly engrossed within the page open in front of him. Light snuck up behind him, and peered over his shoulder at the screen.
"Really, L? You're watching cartoons in the middle of the day while we're supposed to be working to find and catch Kira? Are you taking this case seriously at all?" Light mini-ranted at the detective who, as already said, was supposed to be leading their investigation against the largest and most dangerous mass-murderer in the entire world; who, of all else, was standing in the same room as them.
"Mm-hmm, but this is not just a cartoon. It is more. So much more," L said, his eyes still glued to the screen.
"What show is this anyway?" Light read the title out loud. " 'Invader Zim?' Why's this so much more important than the case? I think my sister watches this."
"Because! It holds invaluable information regarding Kira! If you were to watch, you would figure it out. Well, only if your puny human brain can process such knowledge," L responded, still refusing to look at the other.
"…Right then. I'm going to pretend that you didn't just rudely demean my IQ. Or imply that you aren't human. I think my brain is fairly capable. Just show my what type of 'evidence' this contains."
"Alright," L turned the volume up, and let Light see the episode called "GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff" (Such an intelligent sounding name, Light thought.):
~:~:~
"Please don't do this! I have a wife, and two children, and a toilet… toilet… children." A man strapped onto a table begged blearily before passing out.
The screen turned to show some demented flying metal child with red eyes destroying a library, and a shifty "library drone" threatening to confiscate someone's retinas. Then it went back to who Light guessed was Zim.
The man strapped to the table woke up, and the off-green and pink child, alien… thing, named Zim stood before him, explaining. "You are in a filthy human brain center. The feelings you are having are normal. There's a squid brain in your head!"
"What's wrong with me? I can't ink! Why can't I ink? What kind of squid can't ink?" the man spastically jumped about screaming.
~:~:~
"You see? This is clearly a message! Kira is hiding amongst us, crudely disguised as a human, and is clearly an alien! That explains why he has no morals, can kill with just a name and a face without direct contact all over the world, and he is trying to take over the world by becoming a dictator through the threat of the lives of the people who oppose him. And he has a hostage who has toilet children. Which makes you Kira!"
"…. Wait, what?"
"Up five percent for hesitating to deny the accusation."
"You're crazy!"
"My head's not big!" L shouted in defense.
"What? I said nothing about your head!"
"Or did you?"
"Um, no, I didn't."
"Oh… okay then. Carry on."
"With what?" Light asked.
"Catching Kira! Why do you think you were employed here? You think you can just sit around and watch cartoons all day? Get to work."
"YOU'RE THE ONE SITTING HERE ALL DAY WATCHING CARTOONS!" Light shouted at him.
"You lie! And no, I am merely doing my job investigating, unlike some people."
"You are- oh, never mind. I'm not Kira, and that is just a cartoon."
"You know, I like this show. It's giving me ideas. I have access to virtually all investigative bureaus and police across the planet. If I wanted, I could easily obtain world domination! But why stop there? I'm intelligent enough. I can achieve galactic conquest! Mwa-ha-ha-ha~!" L laughed maniacally. Which was completely and wholly normal in every way shape and form. Ha, ha… What are you talking about…?
So by that time, everyone in the room was staring at him like he was a psycho.
"My daughter is obsessed with that show. It's all she talks about," Aizawa said, like he thinks anyone actually listens to him whenever he goes on about his family every other sentence.
Matsuda raised his hand in the air like a schoolchild and piped up. "He's acting crazy. Can we use a Crazy Card on him to send him to the Crazy House for boys?"
Aizawa sighed. "Why does it not surprise me that you really watch that show?"
"Because it's awesome!" Matsuda cheered loudly. Then he pointed dramatically at Mogi. "And you have Head Pigeons!"
Mogi stared at him like he was the one with a pigeon roosting on his head. He waved his hand over his short brown hair and chased away the bird sitting there.
Light had a realization. "You know, you're so different from everyone else, you're just like an alien! You speak bizarrely, you sit peculiarly, you only eat snacks, and the show just said that those aliens apparently love snacks! Hey, and earlier you implied that you weren't human, either! I mean, you're probably really from the planet- er, whatever planet it is they're from."
L sighed audibly at Light's incompetence. "Irk. They are from Irk. And if I was Irken, I would be one of leaders, the Tallest, while you are one of the members of the audience during the Great Assigning. Those are all of the soldiers that are just unimportant failures."
"One, I would be a leader of a pathetic planet like that. Two, their leaders are just taller than everyone else?" Light asked in slight shock.
"…Yes. And no, you would never rule Irk. And your percentage raised by five percent because you said you would be a leader, which is showing a clear desire for power, which is just like Kira," L retorted arrogantly.
"I. AM. NOT. KIRA. How many times must I stress that point?"
"More. Many more."
"You know what? Screw it. Move over. I want to watch," Light shoved L to the side and sat down to watch in defeat.
"Watch the way of your people, Kira."
Light glowered at the detective, ready to kill him. With his bare hands, if need be. He turned his attention back to the show.
~:~:~
The flying metal child (which Light just figured out was a robot) turned from red to turquoise and fell to the ground with a huge cylinder attached to its back. -Light thought he heard it be called a data canister or something of the sort.-
"Hi floor! Make me a sammich!" the little robot screeched, face-first on the ground.
Zim came over, scolding the robot who's voice was now high-pitched and a little annoying. "Gir! Come on before we're noticed … any more!"
"Okay!" Gir followed him out, and the screen changed to them and the squid-man out in front of the ocean.
~:~:~
Watari came into the room, pushing a cart with a tray of cake for L. when he saw what they were watching on the computer, he somehow managed to drop the cart. "L! you know that you aren't allowed to watch that show!"
"You're not my father!" L screamed at him childishly, sticking his tongue out momentarily.
"Go to your room!"
"You can't make me!"
"You are going to turn that off and do as I say!"
"NEVER!"
Watari yanked the computer's plug out of the wall. The cartoon still played on. L just looked at him. "This is a laptop, genius."
Watari looked livid and smashed the laptop in half.
"NOOOO! Why would you do that?" L cried and ran to his room.
"So, why isn't he allowed to watch Invader Zim?" Light asked Watari who had seemingly calmed down.
"Because he almost got the show canceled. And that was least of it. He can't go anywhere near any of Jhonan Vasquez's work because he almost put the poor man out of business. With Invader Zim, he started arresting innocent people and having them interrogated for being aliens, and then he switched to trying to use his connections with word leaders and police for world conquest, acting like Zim. He did the same thing with Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. One second, innocent people were being arrested for being murderers, and the next thing you know he's sitting in a dark room talking to himself. That's why he has insomnia. Because Johnny 'questions' sleep, apparently, and says that he doesn't need it, so L refuses to sleep at all," Watari explained.
"… I see…" Light said stunned. Watari replaced the laptop with one of the extras that was lying around.
"Now you know. Please don't let him near again, or he'll try to take over the world," the butler explained wearily. He wasn't paid enough for this.
The intercom clicked on, and L's voice came on over it. "Attention, mortals, you have five seconds to evacuate, or be enslaved by the mighty Irken Empire! Mwa-ha-ha! Now you will finally see who the superior beings are!" L shouted maniacally.
Watari looked at Light. "He's your problem now," he said, pushing the cart out of the room.
Light sighed and stood up from the desk chair.
"Where are you going?" Matsuda asked.
Light glared at him. "Away."
"Okay, have fun with that!" Matsuda cheered.
Light climbed the magical floating glass stairs that are only in the background when it's convenient for a dramatic effect. When he arrived on Kira-knows-what floor, and barged into L's bedroom.
"What does alien-Kira-kun want? Does he wish to be enslaved or does he wish to be killed by the Irkens?
"Um, is neither a choice?" Light asked.
"No."
"Um, death then."
"Up five hundred percent! You don't want to serve others, which is proof that you're Kira!" L yelled.
"I AM NOT KIRA."
L pushed the button on the intercom once more. "Attention, mortals. I am bringing the not-so-surprising news that… LIGHT IS KIRA! KILL HIM NOW!"
Light ran up and smashed the microphone L was speaking into. "Don't do that," he scolded.
L was crying in the corner. "Get out of my room!"
Light complied and left, and L mumbled to himself. "I just wanted to rule the world."
A/N: How much fun was that? Yes, my disclaimer is down here. I do not own Invader Zim, the lines from the episode "Gir Goes Crazy and Stuff" that I put in, or Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, for they all belong Jhonan Vasquez. I don't own him, either. Nor, for that matter, do I own Death Note. Awww, I'm sad now. The button below this cheers me up… *nudge nudge* *hint hint* *looks hopeful*
*in a sing-songy voice* Reviews inspire me to write more…. *avoids oncoming flying projectiles* Aww, be that way. But please tell me what you thought! This is complete unless you ask for more. Then I will write more, but this is it for now. Review to tell me… *hypnotizing you with cupcakes to click on the magical button*