The crowd erupted into thunderous applause around Mathew as he was lowered down on his rope to the ground. His show had gone off without a hitch. Mathew had hardly needed to think about each of the steps he needed to do. They were all practiced to perfection. And so, his show had been perfection; it was completely perfect.
He was the star of the circus he had been traveling with for the past two years. He was the one who walked the rings and the lines. He was the one who twirled around doing gymnastics. He was the one who danced in the air above everyone else. Of course, his little power helped him with that, but, he did still use skill to make it look good.
His power made it so that he could take away his weight, bit by bit, however much he wanted to go away would just…disappear. His power let him fly.
It let him feel like he was in his rightful element. Mathew felt at home twirling among his slender ropes always capable of carrying his weight high up in the air above everyone else. Being up in the air shrunk his world to just that moment, when he was up there it was just the crowd he needed to impress, himself, and his ropes with their bars to hang himself off of. His power made him feel as free as a bird.
Up in the air was the one place where he could forget about the ground below; where he can forget about the distasteful memories that attempted to make him sick. Up in the air was where he could forget the memories of the family he left behind after they had first left him, calling him unnatural, acting scared of him.
He lives with his circus now. As far as Mathew is concerned he has no family, except for those times when their memories together would haunt him, which of course was all of the time he was on the ground. The ground was their element, the place he didn't belong. So, it always reminded him of the family that he didn't belong in. Mathew had already decided that his not chasing after them after they had tried to leave him behind again, was not his fault. "Oh, we just forgot about you. Sorry about that. No, we weren't trying to leave you behind; we just forgot to get you. What kind of parents do you think we are"?"
Leaving them behind had never been his fault. It was theirs, it would always be theirs, for always 'forgetting' him, and for always trying to ignore him or trying to get rid of him in whatever way they could think up at the time. It was their fault, Mathew had decided that he wasn't the one who had run away; no, not that, he was the one who had been chased away. They were always too scared of him, too scared of what he could do, jealous even maybe. None of it was his fault, but, when he was on the ground, it still haunted him.
Mathew had moved backstage after his show was over and the next had already started. Each show blended into the other, the minute his last movement was happening the next group was ready to take the stage and start their own little show for the crowd to enjoy.
Mathew had moved up to the catwalk hidden in the shadows at the top of the building the circus was performing in. There hadn't been a big enough area in this city for their signature circus tent as so, they had needed to set up inside of a large building that had been offered to them to use. The city was very shady though, so Mathew was glad they were in a building. For some reason, the building felt much safer than a multi-coloured tent in the middle of a large field would have.
The inside of the building worked the same as their tent anyways. He could still look down on the world. And because this building was so big it had a catwalk, he could still be in the air when he was forced to go to the ground.
It was nice to look down on the world like this. It was almost the same as flying. There was just no feeling of being free and weightless, but, at least he could leave his heavier thoughts behind. They would have weighed too much for Mathew to carry up with him.
A soft voice broke the silence that the roars of the crowd and music below couldn't quite reach completely. "Hey Matt."
Mathew looked up sharply from the fast-paced motorcycle show going on below his feet. He hadn't heard his friend Lars when he was approaching. 'Sneaky Lars, using your power just to climb a simple ladder. Bad Mathew, becoming too overwhelmed by your stupid thoughts. That's not very good. That's not very good at all. You can't even notice someone afraid of heights coming up a 200 foot ladder. You're becoming slow, Mathew…I should really stop talking to myself. This probably isn't too healthy to be arguing with myself.' Another thought occurred to Mathew. 'I'm thinking too much about my old thoughts that always lead nowhere, again. Being too preoccupied with my thoughts could make me careless on the ropes.' Mathew could fly; but, he was still human and he could still die.
Lars had just emerged from the dark shadows that were covering the stairs leading to the catwalk Mathew and Lars were both on. Even though his thoughts had taken a turn for the worse for an awful moment there, Mathew still smiled at Lars.
There was no reason to alert his far too perceptive friend to his troubling thoughts once again. He had already alarmed him enough when he tried to commit suicide before. He was fine now, but Lars might not think so. Lars might think he was going to relapse and be disappointed in him. No, it was best to keep everything hidden. If no one sees something, there is no reason for them to become disappointed or angry with you.
"Hello Lars."
Lars was still walking toward Mathew; he had chosen a spot in the middle of the catwalk to watch the show. Plus, Lars was still afraid of heights, even if he did try to hide it, Mathew could see it clearly in the way that Lars' hands had never left the side rails and in how he had refused to look down below them while he was walking. "You did a good job on your show earlier."
Lars sat down quietly beside Mathew, their sides barely touching. Their legs were both hanging out over the sea of people below them that were all just a blur from up where they were. It was just these thin bars that Mathew gripped between his fingers that was stopping them from both plummeting to their sudden deaths. It was disconcerting how quiet Lars could be. That was probably how he had managed to sneak up on Mathew.
'The little sneak.' Mathew thought, briefly glancing at Lars out of the corner of his left, and closest, eye. 'He's using his powers to communicate to and turn into animals against me. He uses his powers just to have fun? Well, I guess I do too, in a way.'
Mathew would never willingly tell his friend this, as they were too close for Lars to ever reciprocate his feelings. But, he truly believed he loved Lars. Mathew had had this crush on him for the past while now, and it was making it awkward for Mathew to look him in the eyes ever since he realized what he was feeling.
'His face looks so handsome right now. With the way that the shadows are playing over his features and the faint lighting that shows just enough colour to make this sighting real and yet, surreal at the same time. The shadows brings his face into such a nice contrast with itself, I love how it plays over the planes of his face. I love how pronounced it becomes in this lighting. Everything, I love everything about him. I really shouldn't be thinking this way. Bad Mathew, bad.'
Mathew averted his gaze but, Lars must have already seen how Mathew's attention had been so focused on him.
"What's wrong Mathew?" his voice was so concerned, it was too sweet. Lars' voice was just too much to handle while trying to control his thoughts enough to make them his own again.
'I really don't deserve this. Lars is so great and all I can do is leave him behind on the ground all the time. I really don't deserve such a good friend like him, and I definitely don't deserve his romantic attention!'
Mathew turned to Lars, and of course, he was looking at him. Mathew smiled, a little sadly but, it was still a smile and it wasn't like Lars would notice with how dark it was on the catwalk anyways. It was a smile and that was all that mattered.
"It's nothing Lars, I'm just thinking about something really silly again."
Lars kept looking at him for a while as if he was trying to figure out exactly what Mathew was thinking about; like he was trying to figure Mathew himself out. But, then he seemed to give up and instead just gave Mathew one of his lazy smiles.
"Alright Matt, do you want to just watch their show then for the next while?"
"Hm-mm," Mathew nods staring at the act already, he swears his face must have brightened from its normal pale colour to a bright red colour. He must be blushing so bad. Whatever, Lars will never notice him, blushing or otherwise. Mathew already knew that much.