Hey guys, this is my first fanfiction, hope you enjoy it. It is actually a french original fanfiction, that I translated in English to share with more people. (Second chapter coming soon). Sorry for my bad english... If anyone would like to propose a better translation, go ahead^^ Here is the original text: s/10116134/1/Je-l-aime-autant-que-je-le-hais

The scene takes place between the two seasons of the anime (around chapter 75 in the manga). Kaijo just lost his match against Tôô.

Disclaimer: I do not own neither the Tadatoshi Fujimaki's manga, nor his characters.

"What are you thinking about, Aominecchi?"

"Huh?"

Oh... I felt drowsy, but his childish voice wakes me up. He is lying down across the bed, tangled up in bed sheets, still warm of our frolics. He looks me behind this blond hair falling over his eyes. Kise has always the same whiny voice from a capricious little boy, even when he is talking about the most critical matters. However, when he gets serious, his eyes loose their warm. They turn into cold platinum marbles... Just like when we fought each other, during inter-high tournament preliminaries.

I stand up straight. 3:10 PM. The room is nevertheless dark because of the closed shutters.

"You're supposed to play a match in less than an hour, you know that?" tells the blondie behind me.

Oh no... the match. I forgot it. Again... Well, I don't really care. It is anyway the same shit as usual, isn't it? Another useless fight, against a weak, unknown team so dull that it makes me want to cry... Playing against that bunch of morons would not help me to get out of a rut. To use my full potential.

When did I start to get bored while playing basketball? My favourite sport has become the worst. I should have known it when Satsuki warned me... All that passion backfired.

"I won't go to the match" I say, shrugging my shoulders and picking up the black and red Tôô Gakuen jersey.

Wakamatsu is gonna get mad again... well, nevermind.

I hear Kise behind me. He also dresses up with the Kaijô jersey, whose the deep blue color highlights his golden eyes and hair.

"You didn't give me an answer. What were you thinking about?"

I keep my mouth shut for a while and continue to dress. If Kise asks me that again, he knows that I'm going to leave without saying a word. He wants to bring the subject up for so long, although he knows how much I want to avoid it. That's why I already dressed, ready to bugger off, without even sharing a last embrace.

"You were thinking about him again. Weren't you?"

Here we go... Exactly what I dreaded.

"Shut up" I reply sharply. This foul sentence seems to confirm Kise's concerns though, because he adds:

"That's exactly what I thought..."

"I said: shut up."

"Or what? You're gonna hit me, Aominecchi?"

I frown in a fit of pique. What the fuck... Is that my reputation now? Aomine the violent guy? The unstoppable bastard, incapable of feeling anything during a match? People admire my skills but reject my personality. Only a few of them knew who I really was... including Kise.

And this tiny blue-haired guy.

When he looks my face, Kise understands he hit a raw nerve. His golden eyes light up with a sensation of victory. My jaw clench in a rictus of anger; and before he realizes what happens, I knocked him fiercely to the wall.

God damnit... This jerk pissed me off.

I pin him there and rip his shorts. My rudeness hurts him; I'm already spaced out but I can hear him moaning.

**Well, you souldn't have test my patience like that** I think, catching a tuft of this blond and silky hair with my free hand to pull it back.

I won't go to the match, because I don't want behold what I lost once again. Each time I see a basketball court, the same bitter memories rushes up to me. And this deadly boredom pushed us apart. It took away from me the only one person I wanted sincerely team up with...

Yet Tetsu dropped me. It's been a long time by now. He found another light. He looks thin and pale, but he didn't hesitate to replace me by someone else.

I let out a sigh. What a disgrace... I've been replaced by this... this red-haired moron.

Yeah, Satsuki warned me. **You're the one who left him** she told me. **You denied his fist bump and you drifted away from him. You completely ignored him** She was right, of course. I shouldn't let this indifference makes the divide larger between us. Yet, before I realized that, it was too late. Testu was already gone.

A light can shine by itself, but a shadow can't exist without light. He had to find someone else, otherwise, he wouldn't be full. Complete.

And here we stand because of my vanity and because of his silence. If I were able to put my pride aside... Or if he ran after me... Everything might be different.

"Aominecchi... It hurts..."

Kise breaths and moans with both pleasure and pain. I used him because I thought he could fill the emptiness inside me -but it doesn't work at all. It's the complete opposite: the harder I try, the less it works.

I have no more energy, no more desire, no taste in my mouth. We both collapse limply onto the mattress. I barely take the time to catch my breath and dress again as if nothing had happened; then I leave the room silently.

Kise can't fill this emptiness. I know it's not his fault... but still, I resent him for that.

I love him as much as I hate him.