Who Believes the God of Lies
There was one thing Loki had always wanted to tell his brother. There was always that one sentence in his mind, no matter the situation. It sat there in the back of his head, never forgotten but also never said. He sometimes imagined or dreamed that one day he would say the words.
And Loki had often wondered why he had never told his brother his thoughts. But after pondering the thought he always came back to the same conclusion he always did. The same conclusion that prevented him from letting his words out just before he parted his lips.
On many occasions Loki, in his youth, had experienced vivid nightmares as a child. Horrible and frightening dreams would plague Loki's mind filling his head with pictures of ice and a feeling of an intense cold. Emotions experienced within the dream would grip his heart even after waking. The images would be the only thing his mind could focus on for a long time.
So, sometimes, when Loki awoke in the middle of the night, he would crawl into Thor's warm bed and curl against him. Thor seemed to understand without words. He seemed to know what Loki had experienced and simply held him in his comfortable grip. Loki was immensely grateful to Thor for these times. He knew that Thor would be there if he ever needed him.
This was one of those moments Loki would want to tell his brother something very important. He would be gripped with the emotions and courage to speak the words to his brother. To tell him how he really felt. To tell him everything. He would feel the surge but just before the words left his lips, reality would hit him.
No, he couldn't and wouldn't say the words.
Loki also remembers anther time clears, which he once again felt like saying what was on his mind. It was the final moments before Thor was to go off into his first fierce and glorious battle. It was to be amazing and a sure victory. The fight would almost be an easy one.
But Loki was still afraid for his brother. What if he was to be injured? What if his big head got in the way of strategy and logic? What if… there were so many ways something could go wrong and so many ways Thor could be hurt. So many what if's swirled about in Loki's head as he sat next to Thor, in Thor's chambers.
As Loki straightened his back he knew that their time was drawing to an end. He caught Thor's eyes with his own, showing his happiness and excitement for Thor. He couldn't reveal any of his worries of concerns. He also gave an encouraging smile, trying to lay a mask over his true emotions, as he had done so many times before.
And then Loki was gripped by that emotion. The need to tell his brother how he felt. His heart pounded in his chest loudly and his breaths became deeper. This was it. He was going to say it this time, he knew he would. He swallowed before he opened his mouth slightly, only to be interrupted by Thor, "I must leave now brother, farewell and wish me luck."
And the moment was gone like that. Like the snap of the fingers the urge that had seized Loki had fallen away and left him staring into the face of logic and reality. He idiotic he had been. He had actually believed he would tell Thor today. He actually thought Tor would finally know. But of course he wasn't going to. He was never going to. "Good Luck Thor." Then Thor left the room leaving Loki with only his thoughts as company. And only one thought had formed in his mind.
I love you brother.
Why couldn't he say the damned words? Why couldn't he simply move his lips to form those four words all brothers shared throughout their lives? Why couldn't he simply say it!?
But like all other times before, the answer hit him in the face. Like reality had slapped him, hard and with a strong hand.
Because if he ever had, who would believe him. After everything he had done he still loved his brother. But then again, who would believe the God of Lies?