A/N: Hey guys! So today is Keegan Allen's (aka Toby Cavanaugh) 25th birthday and in honor of that here is the story from Toby's POV that I promised last week. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Pretty Little Liars!
"I never want to see you again!" She shouted before forcefully slamming the door behind her.
I ran out and jumped in my truck and drove away as fast as I could. Those seven words kept ringing in my head. Spencer and I had had fights occasionally just like everybody else but we always made up within a few hours. It was torture for both of us to be angry at the other. But never had either of us ever said that before. And to be honest it scared the hell out of me.
I parked in my spot and then headed up stairs to the loft. Less than a second after walking inside I realized it was a big mistake. The place was so empty without Spencer there and it just felt wrong being here without her. Even though she wasn't here her things were everywhere and it made me feel guilty for some reason. Her text books were on the table, her special coffee mug was in the sink, her sweater was draped over the couch, and numerous pictures of us hung on the walls.
I decided to just go to sleep and maybe I could talk to Spencer in the morning and just sort things out between us. I walked into the bathroom to take a shower before bed but that was another mistake. Her shampoo and body wash were on the shelf inside the shower, her toothbrush was beside mine on the sink, and her contact solution was in the medicine cabinet. There were just too many things that reminded me of Spencer and that just made the guilt over our fight even worse so I skipped the shower and went to bed.
Once I was in my bedroom I realized there was no way I was going to be able to sleep. The comforter that Spencer had bought was on the bed and it was neatly made since Spencer had slept over last night. Even more proof that she had been here last night was the sight of her black and purple robe lying on the bed. And it was next to her shirt, well my shirt that she had stolen from that night at the motel, which she had slept in last night. When I looked around the rest of the room I saw a few more pictures of Spencer and me. I looked at them and saw that in all of them we were kissing, hugging, looking in each others eyes, or just happy to be together.
It was just too painful to be surrounding by her things knowing that she never wanted to see me again. I went back outside and I took my motorcycle since I couldn't be in the truck right now. Every time I sat in that truck I was reminded of the day she gave it to me, it was the first of many times that I had told Spencer I loved her.
"Spencer!?" I asked in shock as she got out of the truck.
"Take it, it's yours" She said in excitement as tossed me the keys.
"Are you crazy?" I asked still in disbelief. "Do you know how long it will take for me to pay you back?"
"Well, you have a job to get to tomorrow, in Yardley, right?" She responded as she leaned against the truck.
"I love you so much." I told her as I walked closer to her.
"I wanted to say that first." She said before we both leaned in for a kiss.
I couldn't believe that she had done this for me and I couldn't describe how I felt. All I knew was that I loved Spencer Hastings to the moon and back.
I drove my motorcycle with no destination in mind; I was just driving to clear my mind. As I was driving I saw the 'Welcome to Rosewood' sign and subconsciously pulled over.
I sat on the rock that Spencer and I had sat upon so many times. I remembered the first time we were here together. I had just found out that the charges against me for the murder of Alison had been dropped and Spencer had taken me to the police station to have my ankle monitor removed. Afterwards she drove me out here and we had a conversation I'll never forget.
"You could just keep going. If that's what you wanted." She said as she leaned against the grille of her car.
"They could pull me back whenever they want. Anyway I don't like running, I've done too much of it." I said as I walked towards her.
"What's it like to get your life back?" She asked as she walked towards me as well.
"I'm not so sure I want it back. Not the way it was. I have to make some changes." I responded.
But I didn't want to go further. As much as I wanted to leave Rosewood for good and forget about all the crappy things that had happened to me here I wanted to stay as well. I wanted to stay because I had finally found someone who believed me, and who didn't cross the street when they saw me. I said I wasn't sure I wanted my life the way it was and that was the truth. I didn't want it back the way it was. I wanted it to be better and I wanted a life with Spencer in it. I wanted to stay because of Spencer and to be with her.
Another time that Spencer and I had come here came to mind. It was after Ian had gone missing. Spencer and the girls claimed that Ian had tried to kill her in the bell tower but died when he fell and got caught in the ropes and his neck snapped. But the police and everyone else thought they were lying and were just covering for him since his car was found abandon at the train station. The night that we came here she told me that Ian had been texting Melissa and I told her that she should have told me. She asked what I could have done and I told here that I didn't know but I would have done something.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked as we walked over to the rock.
"I'm telling you now." She replied in a slightly frustrated voice.
"You should have told me the minute you found out he was texting her." I told her.
"Why? What could you have done?" She asked.
"I'd have done something." I said weakly.
"What?" She interrogated.
"I don't know." I mumbled in response.
"Yeah well, welcome to my world." She said sarcastically as she sat down.
Ever since that day, and even before I knew I wanted to protect Spencer. I didn't always go about it the right way. Like the time I joined the A team, that had been a major backfire. Instead I had betrayed her trust and got her sent to Radley. In the end she herself ended up joining the A team just to make sure I was really alive and to find out whether or not I ever loved her. Even through all that drama and figuring out how to move past it never once had she or I said that we never wanted to see each other again.
To be honest I had no idea what to do and millions of questions plagued my mind. Did she really mean it or was it something that came out in the heat of the moment? Was she going as crazy as I was right now? Should I go over and try to apologize or wait a little while for her to cool off. I had millions of questions and no answers. The longest Spencer and I had ever gone without talking to each other after a fight was a few hours. It killed us to be mad at each other.
The only other time Spencer and I had gotten in a fight even close to this one was after she had broken up with me because A had forced her too. I had seen her and Emily get in a fight at school. I knew things had been rough between the girls ever since they had been framed and found Alison's murder weapon but I still couldn't believe that Spencer could talk like that to Emily. That night I dropped by her house just as she was leaving and I demanded answers but she wouldn't give any.
"If you want to give me a hard time that's one thing but you can't treat Emily like that. I'm not gonna let that happen." I stated.
"What is going on is between Emily and me so just please forget it." She said trying to walk away.
"Forget it? I'm just going to watch two people I care about just rip into each other? Right, I'm gonna do that." I replied sarcastically.
"For everybody's sake just stay out of it!" She shouted in irritation.
"Stay out of what, Spencer? After everything that's happened how can you just stand there and tell me there's something I'm not supposed to know about?" I demanded.
"What do I have to do to make you leave me alone!?" She said walking away from me again.
"Tell me about the night you found the shovel." I said as I stepped in front of her to block her path.
"I told you, I told you what happened." She stated.
"You said somebody tricked you into finding it and I believe you. But ever since that night the four of you have been acting like…"
"Acting like what?" She interrupted.
"Like Ali is still running things, playing you against each other. Today at school you sounded just like Ali when you talked to Emily. Jenna always said that you wanted to take Ali down, replace her. I didn't think that was true 'til today." I said somberly.
"It's not like that." She whispered and I could tell I had hit a nerve.
"Then what is it like?" I asked firmly.
"I can't do this. Don't ask me." She pleaded.
"Spencer…"
"No, don't ask me now." She interrupted again. "Ask me after tonight."
"What difference is one night going to make?" I asked in frustration. Why couldn't she tell me?
"It could change everything but I need you to let me go. And I need you to promise that you won't follow me." She stated with pleading eyes.
I could see the desperation in her eyes. As much as I wanted to follow her after she left I didn't. I left her house and went home confused, frustrated, and hurt. Why couldn't she trust me? I was her safe place to land and yet she wouldn't open up to me. What had happened that could change everything so drastically. One morning we were happy together and were kissing in her bedroom, and that afternoon she was telling me that she couldn't be honest with me and then avoided me like the plague.
Twenty-twenty-hindsight I knew that it was just a ploy to lure A into there trap. But even that wasn't anywhere near as awful as the fight we had had tonight. Actually I couldn't even remember what or who had started the fight, or what it was even about. The only thing I do remember are those seven words, 'I never want to see you again.' I really hoped that she didn't mean that. I mean I wouldn't blame her if she did but to be honest I didn't know how to live my life without her. She was there for me through everything even when she had so much on her own plate. Before I met her my life was nothing. My mom was gone, my dad remarried, I had an evil stepsister, Emily thought I had killed her best friend, and I was under house arrest, so in my mind I was nothing. Then Spencer should up one day to tutor me. And to think I almost slammed the door in her face.
"Hi, I noticed this was on the ground as I was walking up." She said timidly as she handed me the mail.
I took the mail from her without saying a word and was going to close the door when she spoke up.
"Wait, I'm here to tutor you. Someone from the school called to tell you, didn't they?" She asked still sounding timid.
I closed the door so that I could undo the lock but I still didn't come outside or invite her in. At the time I still didn't exactly trust and I wasn't sure what her reasons for helping me out were.
"Why you?" I came right out and asked.
"Because I'm in AP French." She explained. "And I volunteered. Look I have all of your assignments together and I've worked out a schedule for the rest of the semester. If we meet for three times a week we can…"
She stopped talking when I came outside and closed the door.
"You can't come in, Jenna's home." I told her thinking that she might go away.
"Okay, well is there somewhere else we can go?" She asked.
"I can't go somewhere else." I replied as I stared down at my ankle monitor.
"Well, will Jenna mind if we sit out here on the porch?" She suggested.
I just shrugged in response. I didn't know what Jenna would think and I didn't know why I just didn't tell her to leave. But something told me to trust her and maybe she really did want to help.
I was glad I had let her tutor me that day. Even though I was under house arrest it was one of the best days of my life.
I sat on the rock for a little while longer before deciding to go and get some sleep. I knew I couldn't go back to the loft so I drove to the Edgewood Motor Court motel. I got there and to my dismay the only room available was the one Spencer and I had stayed in the night before our first kiss. The last thing I needed was another reminder of Spencer and our fight so I was about to walk away and go somewhere else. But something told me to stay and so I walked into the room and it was exactly the same as last time except for one large detail. Spencer wasn't here. It was well after midnight and I had gotten up early this morning so I just lied down on the bed and fell asleep immediately.
The next morning I woke up and rolled over expecting to see Spencer lying beside me. I soon realized that she wasn't here and remembered that I was at the motel. I got up to take a shower and thought about how I had woken up the last time I was here.
I went into the bathroom and changed into my pajama pants. After that I sat on the bed while Spencer changed in the bathroom and fell asleep while she was in there.
The next morning I felt the bed move and it woke me up. I rolled over and saw that Spencer was up and awake.
"Hey," Spencer said in a voice that sounded tired.
"Have you been up all night?" I asked as my eyes adjusted to the light.
She let out a tired groan as she shook her head.
Even though neither of us was fully awake and Spencer's hair was in a tangled mess I still thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I had realized that she was attractive before but this morning was different. I wanted to say something but I couldn't think of anything. That's when we heard a noise coming from the other room and we quickly left to investigate.
We spent the rest of the day together and we were having a great time. I couldn't remember the last time I had enjoyed myself so much. And I never would have guessed that Spencer and I would have gotten along so well. I mean she's an A+ student and I struggled to get a B. Even though I was staying at a motel to escape Jenna I was glad it had given Spencer and me an opportunity to get to know each other better. It was also a great escape from our chaotic lives and screwed up families.
Eventually we had to get back to reality when Spencer had to get home. I walked her out to her car and we started talking. Ever since I had woken up I had been thinking about kissing her but I was never able to get up enough nerve to do it. I realized that my time was running out if I was going to do it and so without thinking I went ahead and kissed Spencer. It ended up being one of the best decisions I would ever make.
"I'm sorry this was a bust." Spencer apologized as she leaned against the passenger door.
"It wasn't a complete loss." I said to her. "To be honest, it was really fun to kick your ass at Scrabble."
What happened next was a moment I would never forget. Out of nowhere I kissed Spencer Hastings! And what was even more amazing was that she kissed me back.
"I was not expecting that." Spencer whispered with a smile.
"Me neither." I too whispered.
A few moments later we pulled apart and I started to walk away.
"Hey, it was not a complete ass kicking by the way!" I heard Spencer call out.
"Goodbye, Spencer." I said as I turned around to wave to her as I shook my head and laughed.
I got out of the shower and put my clothes from yesterday back on since I didn't bring anything else. After I got dressed I went to check out since I couldn't just sit around all day. I had to do something because if I didn't I would drive myself crazy over guilt from my fight with Spencer. I checked out of the hotel, hopped on my motorcycle, and arrived at the loft.
I walked in and just like yesterday the emptiness hit me like a ton of bricks. I went to my bedroom to get a change of clothes. Just like yesterday I saw the pictures hanging on the wall but instead of feeling pain I felt hope. Almost all of these pictures had been taken while we were dealing with A but we hadn't let that stop us. Our love had survived all of A's torture because we were willing to fight for it. How could a love that strong fall to pieces from an argument? The answer was it didn't, we just had to fight for it. That's when I decided to go over to Spencer's and talk this over, because even if she never wanted to see me again I was going to fight for her because that's what love was about. Sticking together through the hard times and fighting battles that made it stronger in the end.
I left the loft and this time I took the truck since the memories were so painful anymore. I drove by her house only to see that nobody was home. I was disappointed at first until remembered that since Mr. and Mrs. Hastings were out of town that Spencer was probably with one of the girls. I drove by Emily's house first and then Hanna's and Aria's but no one was home. Had Spencer told them about our fight and convinced the girls to leave Rosewood with her?
I drove past all the places I thought Spencer could be, the Grille, the library, the school, everywhere. When I had checked all of the places she might be and still hadn't seen her or the girls I just started to drive anywhere in town. As I drove down one street I remembered a time when I was looking for Spencer after an argument. Well, it wasn't exactly an argument; I had shouted at her and then left before she could even respond.
I had just gotten back to Rosewood and was walking around town. That's when I spotted Spencer across the street. She turned around and whispered my name when she saw me. We both started walking toward each other and eventually Spencer broke into a run and I caught her in my arms. I held her as tightly as I could and she did the same.
"No, please, don't let me go." She pleaded.
"I'm so sorry for everything, for all the secrets." She said as her pulled away just enough to look me in the eyes.
"Spencer, I know who you are. You never have to say you're sorry." I told her as I held on to her shoulders.
She smiled at me before giving me a kiss which I gladly deepened.
I got to a corner and made left and as I drove past the police station I saw Spencer and the girls sitting on the steps in front of it. I pulled into a parking spot right in front of the police station and jumped out of the truck. This scene was all too familiar.
I was leaning against the passenger side of my truck when Dr. Sullivan came out of the police station followed by Spencer, Emily, Hanna, and Aria. Dr. Sullivan said something that immediately made Spencer glance up and she looked straight at me. Slowly she walked towards me as I walked towards her and we stopped when there was only a foot between us.
"Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done." I told her.
Not even a second later Spencer swung her right arm to slap me but I grabbed her arm with my left hand and used it to my advantage to pull her closer. I wrapped my right arm around her waiste as we both leaned in for a kiss which turned into several amazing kisses.
It was the truth. Pretending not to love Spencer had been the hardest thing I'd ever done, up until then at least. In the months to come I would face much harder things, like keeping the fact that I was a member of the A team a secret and watching her go into a downward spiral after she found out and being powerless to stop it because of Mona's twisted plot.
By this point all the girls were standing up and staring at me in shock. I wasn't sure if Spencer was still made at me so I stopped on the curb and leaned against the passenger side of my truck. Spencer slowly walked toward me without saying a word. She stopped walking when she was about a foot away from me and what happened next was like déjà vu. When she went to slap me I grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a kiss. But this time she pulled away after one kiss and stared at with a look I didn't know the meaning of.
"Don't ever do that to me again, Toby." She stated slowly after a few seconds of silence.
"Spencer, I'm sorry for last night. I never want that to happen again." I said in apology. "I know you said you never wanted to see me again but I made a promise to never let you go. And I'm not about to break that promise."
"I'm sorry too." Spencer said with tears welling up in her beautiful brown eyes. "Look I know what I said yesterday was wrong and I didn't mean it. I could never mean that, Toby, I love you so much. That's why you can't disappear. We've been looking for you since last night."
Spencer and the girls had been looking for me all night? I looked and noticed for the first time that she had the same clothes on as last night and the exhausted look on her face. I suddenly felt guilty for getting what little bit of sleep I did at the motel last night.
"Spencer, I didn't disappear, not intentionally." I told her.
"Then where were you?" She demanded. "I've been worried sick. I thought you had left Rosewood for good when you weren't at your loft."
"I left your place and went to the loft but I couldn't stay there. It felt empty without you so I took my motorcycle and went to the overlook to clear my head. I felt so bad about what happened that I felt too guilty to go back to the loft so I went to the Edgewood Motor Court motel."
"You were at the motel?" She asked as relief flooded her face as she realized that really hadn't left town last night.
"Yeah, in fact I had the same room that you and I had." I told her. "I checked out this morning and then went back to the loft. And then I started thinking about you and how much we love each other. Then I decided that I didn't want to just walk away from that. I've been driving all over town looking for you since."
"I don't want to walk from it either and I never want to get in an argument with you again." She stated. "To be honest, I don't even remember what it was about. All I remember is regret I felt the second I realized what I had said. I'm so sorry, Toby, I swear I'll never say that to you again."
"Spencer, you never have to say you're sorry." I told her as I wiped away her tears.
"I love knowing that." She said before giving me a kiss which turned into a very deep kiss.
We broke apart when we heard a coughing noise from the girls. I had completely forgotten they were right there.
"Um, Spencer, since you've found Toby and things seem to be okay between you two, we're gonna go." Aria said awkwardly.
We said goodbye to the girls and then I opened the passenger door of the truck for Spencer. The drive to the loft was silent but filled with love as Spencer leaned her head on my shoulder and placed her hand on my knee.
When we got to the loft Spencer was practically asleep from being up all night so I picked her up and placed her on the bed. I passed her my shirt that was still sitting on the bed and she quickly changed into it before lying back down on the bed. I too got undressed and then got in bed beside her. The second I lied down Spencer wrapped her arms around me.
"I love you, Tobes, and I always will." She whispered.
"I will always love you too, Spence, to the moon and back." I replied as I pulled her closer.
We both fell asleep with a matter of minutes in each others arms. And I can say without a doubt that I slept much better than I did last night because Spencer was here in my arms. I was exactly where I need to be, with the most amazing girl in the world, the girl I loved, my beautiful Spencer right beside me.