Disclaimer: This song is derived from the Dixie Chicks' "Goodbye Earl." However, the characters and places and the like are Tolkien's. No infringement intended in either case.
A/N: This was just something my younger sister and I put together. It's rather stupid and doesn't really follow the story well at all but it was a lot of laughs and, hey, isn't that all that matters? We felt sorry for Pippin and the tongue lashing he always gets from Gandalf so, together, we're getting back at the cranky old wizard. ::glances nervously over shoulder:: I hope he doesn't read this—ah, well, I can always tell him it was my sister's idea . . . heehee.
Goodbye Gandalf
Merry and Pippin were the best of friends
All through their young 'un years.
Both members of the Fellowship,
Both active in findin' some beers.
After Bilbo's birthday Merry went out lookin'
for a nice she-elf.
Pippin looked all around this town
and all he found was Gandalf.
Well, it wasn't two weeks
after they became friends that
Pippin started gettin' abused.
He put on dark cloaks and long sleeved shirts
And wet mud to cover a bruise.
Well, he finally got the nerve to go to Fangorn
He let Treebeard take it from there,
But Gandalf walked right through those leaves and branches
And put him in intensive care.
Right away Merry rode in from Rivendell
On a red-eye midnight horse.
He held Pippin's hand as they
worked out a plan
And it didn't take them long to decide
That Gandalf had to die!
Whaha hahaha ha haaa!
Goodbye, Gandalf!
Those black-eyed peas
They tasted alright to me, Gandalf
You're feeling weak.
Why don't you lay down
and sleep, Gandalf?
Ain't it dark
Wrapped up in that bark, Gandalf?
The ents came to bring Gandalf in
They searched the Shire
high and low.
Then they bowed their boughs
and said, "Thank you, sirs,
if you hear from him let us know."
Well, the weeks went by and
Spring turned to Summer
And Summer faded into Fall
And it turns out he was a missing person
who nobody missed at all.
So the boys bought a home
and moved in all alone
Out in Took- and Buckland.
They had wives to love 'em
and wee little chilluns.
And they don't
lose any sleep at night 'cause.
Gandalf had to die!
Whaha hahaha ha haaa!
Goodbye, Gandalf!
We need a break.
Let's go out to the lake, Gandalf.
We'll pack some snacks
And give you a smack.
Well, is that all right?
Good. Let's go for a hike, Gandalf.
Hey!
*****
Unfortunately, Middle-earth is now doomed to destruction.