It is said that God has a plan for everyone. Looking back at the tragic events and difficult situations woven throughout her turbulent life, Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler couldn't agree more. Until now, she never had a strong faith in God like her saintly mother did. But, upon closer review of all her past faults, behavior, and sufferings, she came to the realization that these things were given to her from God Himself in order to bring her to the point where she now was.
Scarlett had no other way to explain the happiness and peace she felt and never had before. Deep in her heart, she knew she did not deserve anything good to happen to her because of the many years of causing pain and scandal to those around her. The bitter sorrows of those times served to bring her to the crossroads where she was now standing. Her understanding that this was God's will for her finally allowed her to embrace the life that was she was meant to have with no looking back at her checkered past. Scarlett walked toward her future, feeling as if her life was only now beginning at the age of twenty nine, and she began to giggle like the carefree southern belle she once was, no longer resembled, and no longer desired to be.
One year earlier….
The truth hit Scarlett hard…that she would live out the rest of her years in bitter regret and painful agony if she could not have Rhett. Sadly, her recollections of all she did to drive him and his love away only served to cause her more distress and anguish. Rhett taught her a tough, cruel, yet necessary lesson that cold, gray day when Melanie died. When he walked out of the massive front door of their Peachtree Street monstrosity of a house and told her he no longer gave a damn about her, Scarlett had already realized too late that there was no way she wanted to continue existing if he was not by her side. The unexpected blow of Melanie's death earlier that day only fueled the flames of Scarlett's despair. Melly was the only woman Scarlett loved like a sister; truth be told, she even loved her more than her own flesh and blood sisters and now Melly wasn't here for Scarlett to turn to for comfort and sisterly wisdom when she needed her most.
Rhett's love for Scarlett had finally run dry thanks to her indifference towards him and her well-known desire for Ashley Wilkes. There was nothing left in his heart to keep him there any longer yet he was the only man who truly loved her for all her faults, improprieties, and heartless charm. He understood her better than anyone ever could as they were the male and female counterparts of one another. For once, she knew that he had been right about her misplaced affections towards Ashley all along and understood he had every right to walk out on their marriage the way he had. She admitted to herself that she may have done the same thing if she were in Rhett's place.
The most despicable part, Scarlett thought, was that she wasted so many years of her life pining for a version of Ashley that existed only in her fantasies when, in fact, she actually had the love of her life by her side all along. When the truth hit her in the heart that it was Rhett she had always loved, Scarlett never imagined that Rhett would have already lost all his love for her. All this time she had idealized a man in the image of Ashley who she never really could understand and truly would never want to grow old with. Ashley never would have indulged her frivolous needs and whims, as Rhett had always done. Ashley would never have laughed at her impropriety and taught her how anything can be accomplished if one is ambitious, like Rhett had. Ashley would never have done any of the things Rhett had in order to show Scarlett what real freedom, survival, and prosperity meant. These were all things that she deeply cared about and had first-hand knowledge of, just as Rhett had. Ashley now was actually as far away as possible of being the 'ideal man' in Scarlett's mind…a mind that only held memories and images of Rhett. Scarlett now knew, much too late, that if she actually had happened to capture the love of Ashley she would have no longer wanted anything to do with him and would have run the other way.
Mammy always had a special fondness for Scarlett and never divulged to anyone the true reason why, even when the other house servants questioned Mammy about her obvious favoritism. Scarlett was improper, spoiled, and conniving. However, Mammy's truly admired Scarlett because she was more similar to the youthful version of Ellen than Scarlett or anyone else would ever know. Whether she realized it or not, Scarlett also needed Mammy's grounding presence as Ellen had and Mammy vowed to stay by Scarlett's side through good times and bad, as she had with Ellen. Mammy and Ellen had grown up together since infancy at the Robillard estate in Savannah. Even though she was Ellen's personal servant, Mammy loved her dearly as they had shared many confidences and dreams for their futures which further cemented their bond. Mammy had been the only one able to nurse Ellen's broken heart when the secret romance with her cousin Philippe ended when he was killed in a bar room brawl. Philippe had been in New Orleans in order to secure a job position and purchase a home for Ellen. Only Mammy was entrusted with Ellen's secret that Philippe would return by springtime so that they could elope and make a new life as far away as possible from their loveless, demanding families. Mammy, as a house slave, was willing to risk her life, if she were to be caught, by running away from the secure position with the Robillard's in order to remain with Ellen. That is how deep her devotion to Ellen and, now Scarlett, was.
Once news reached the family of Philippe's death, Ellen's demeanor instantly changed as she withdrew into herself as if a flame was extinguished inside her heart. Ellen's only hope of escaping the prison of a life her father had created for her was to quickly marry Gerald O'Hara and move to his northern Georgia plantation. Ellen realized she would never experience true love ever again and accepted her new station in life as God's will. As Mammy heard her call out for Philippe, not Gerald, on her deathbed, Ellen's innermost desires of the heart finally betrayed her after almost twenty years of silence. Mammy was witness to exactly the same emotional withdrawal in Scarlett she had seen in Ellen and knew a change was needed right away so Scarlett could hope to enjoy life again.
Earlier that afternoon, Mammy was pressing Scarlett's gowns as the front door flew open and a bedraggled yet radiant Scarlett quickly ran up the stairs to the bedchambers. Mammy never had seen Scarlett in such a state before and wondered what exactly had happened at Miss Melanie's deathbed to cause her to be in such frenzy. As Mammy continued to eavesdrop, she overheard the emotional exchange between Scarlett and Rhett and knew to leave well enough alone. Mammy quickly ran to hide in the drawing room as Rhett ran down the stairs and refused Scarlett's long-awaited declaration of love.
Mammy had grown to admire Rhett and realized he had loved Scarlett since the first day he met her at Twelve Oaks. It had taken Mammy too long to understand Rhett but had come to love him for the kind and good hearted man he was. He was not the scoundrel most people, Mammy included, had once thought though he had many faults. She didn't blame him for leaving Scarlett; in fact, she thought he had the patience of a saint to wait around as long as he did for Scarlett to finally figure out that she loved him back. The death of Melanie only added fuel to the red-hot fire as Mammy knew how Rhett believed Scarlett would quickly run into the arms of Ashley before Melanie's body was cold in her grave. Mammy had always known Rhett, not Ashley, was the one Scarlett truly loved even though Scarlett herself had not come to that realization until too late.
Scarlett had absolutely no appetite for the roasted chicken, greens, and Carolina rice Mammy set down in front of her and insisted Scarlett eat. Mammy prepared Scarlett's favorite childhood meal knowing she was an emotional disaster and needed some comfort food. Mammy silently watched in frustration and her heart broke for her favorite, but most difficult, of Miss Ellen's three daughters. Scarlett absentmindedly pushed her food around on her plate while Mammy spied on her from the hall. Scarlett knew she was only worried about her not eating and appreciated that Mammy had thought to make her favorite meal in the hopes that Scarlett would eat something. As the events of the day kept moving through her mind, Scarlett gave up all attempts at eating and thought only of the one room in the house where she needed to be at the present moment. Mammy muttered, "'Night Miz Scarlett," as she sighed and walked away, rustling her red petticoat Rhett had be thoughtful enough to present her with. Mammy shook her head with disbelief as she thought in her mind how Scarlett and Rhett were two stubborn mules dressed in the finest clothes money could buy. Those stubborn mules finally got to the point where one of them had to walk away from the marriage just so the one left behind could notice the love that had been left to wither on the vine and die. Mammy went off to clean up after the uneaten dinner and decided that it was best to stay out of the way while Scarlett grieved alone.
After almost an hour of staring into space and lost in thought, Scarlett suddenly got up from her chair, leaving her untouched meal on the huge mahogany table, and walked through the great hall towards the stairs. She quickly moved up the massive red plush staircase where, beyond, her oasis beckoned. A sudden thought popped into Scarlett's head as she grabbed onto the banister…it was a lingering thought she had earlier after Rhett had left and was one she knew was the right answer to help get her life back on track. "As soon as Melly's funeral is over tomorrow I am going home to Tara and I will think of some way to get Rhett back. I know he still loves me and I know there must be some way I can get him to understand that I truly love him… not Ashley," Scarlett thought as she reached the top of the stairs. The house she once coveted for its opulence now felt like a tomb, slowly closing in around her on all sides. Without Bonnie, and especially now, without Rhett's presence in this home and her life, she knew she would die a slow, agonizing death due to a broken heart. Finding herself walking towards her destination that was Rhett's bedchamber, Scarlett quietly slipped into the room while wishing she could wake up from this horrible nightmare and find him there, waiting for her like he always had.
Scarlett looked around at all the traces of Rhett left behind with a profound sense of loss and tears threatened to tumble from her emerald eyes. Rhett left a half-empty crystal glass and brandy decanter on the sideboard and Scarlett immediately rushed over to it and swallowed the contents in one gulp. A painful sensation like burning flames engulfed her chest as the drink harshly traveled down her throat.
She quickly poured out the remainder of the brandy into her glass and swallowed again. "If I ever deserved a time to get drunk this is definitely it," Scarlett said out loud to herself. As she looked around the room she saw the huge portrait of herself wearing a bright blue gown that Rhett commissioned after their honeymoon. "Oh, quit looking at me like that you wench….even I hate you too," Scarlett hissed as she impulsively threw her glass at the portrait like Rhett had done after she turned him away from her bed. In fact, throwing the glass felt reckless and empowering, just like the moment she threw the porcelain vase in the Twelve Oaks library, narrowly missing a napping Rhett. Scarlett felt a charge at the thrill of watching the crystal explode into hundreds of tiny shards as they fell onto the hardwood floor. The impact left a large gash across Scarlett's face in the portrait and the real Scarlett smirked at her success. Her heart suddenly began to flutter wildly and her head began throbbing from the sudden influx of brandy. She momentarily felt faint and realized that she was about to get sick and proceeded to rush towards the chamber pot under the bed. Rhett's words of wisdom came rushing into her head as she remembered him once telling her "Never drink alone, Scarlett. People always find out and it will ruin your reputation." Scarlett smirked as she stared at the empty decanter then mockingly smiled as she said out loud "Oh hush up, Rhett….I have enough courage now thanks to you not to care a darn about my reputation and if I don't have you I don't care a darn about anything at all."
Feeling lightheaded, Scarlett slumped onto Rhett's bed to catch her breath. The memories of their intimate times together in this space came rushing back as her hand ran over the cool linen of the bed covers. Finding Rhett's black velvet robe on the floor, Scarlett removed her hated mourning gown and petticoats, dropped them to the floor, and slowly wrapped the sumptuous robe over her naked body. The result of having something so personal of Rhett's touching her milky white skin sent electric impulses through her entire body and the memory of his handsome and roguish face came to mind. Scarlett impulsively giggled at the thought of the pleasures Rhett had given to her in this very room early in their marriage before Scarlett's indifference began to take hold. Scarlett enjoyed Rhett's lovemaking yet never completely gave herself to him as Ashley was always on her mind during these times and truly had been like a ghost in the room. Rhett's scent, a subtle blend of musky cologne, leather, and Cuban cigars, seemed to permeate the robe around her skin adding to her sense of loss yet intoxicating her senses at the same time. She knew it would quickly fade with the passing of time and for now she wanted to revel in still being close to him in some way while she had the chance.
Scarlett noticed the small child sized bed tucked away on the other side of the room that was made up with fresh linens…almost as if its occupant would be arriving soon for bedtime. She walked over towards it and with a sense of dread, memories of her beautiful Bonnie Blue came flooding back. She began to weep for the loss of the child that she really had held dear even though no one but Mammy and Melly would be wise enough to suspect that truth. During her daughter's short life, Scarlett mostly kept her love for Bonnie hidden deep inside of her where it wasn't freely given. After she realized that Bonnie had Rhett wrapped around her finger and preferred him over her Scarlett no longer was motherly and affectionate as she should have been yet had wanted to be. She never realized it at the time but she now knew the fact that Rhett had showered Bonnie with all the attentiveness and love he once showed Scarlett made her feel as if she and Bonnie were in a competition with one another. It was this jealousy, plain and simple, that caused Scarlett to casually disregard her love for her daughter and to lock it away deep inside of her heart.
"Oh, Bonnie and Rhett…," she thought as the severity of her pain hit harder than ever, "What have I done?" Scarlett's tears began to quickly flow as her body fiercely shook with guilt. "I just can't think about this anymore or I'll go crazy….I'll just have to think about this tomorrow," she decided. Running her delicate fingers over the blue flannel blankets, Scarlett began to cry even harder as she realized she only had herself to blame for the loss of her daughter's affections and for blaming Rhett for Bonnie's untimely death. Suddenly, Scarlett snapped to reality as the urgency of her situation hit her."Great balls of fire! ...I just can't put off thinking about this until tomorrow when I get to Tara…after all tomorrow is another day and I must think what to do about this mess I made with Rhett right now."
Quickly composing herself and drying her eyes, Scarlett sat on the bed and pulled back the ivory-colored linens Rhett had chosen while sinking into the enveloping plushness of the over sized bed. She slowly looked around the large room and was struck for the first time at how simple yet sophisticated and manly this room was…..it was thoroughly Rhett. The walls were papered in a simple cream and blue stripe and mahogany wood trim accented the windows, doors, walls, and ceiling. A huge gold, red, and blue Aubusson rug, littered with the shards of Scarlett's brandy glass, was placed in front of the elegantly over sized fireplace. Sleek travertine tiles imported from Italy surrounded the firebox and a highly polished cherry wood mantle held a small collection of miniature portraits of Scarlett that Rhett insisted must be painted each year on her birthday. The fact that hers were left behind while Bonnie's no longer sat in their regular place did not go unnoticed by Scarlett and her heart sank even lower at the thought of Rhett forgetting her face over time. The newly-damaged portrait of Scarlett stared down at her from its perch above the fireplace and continued to glare down at her like Rhett had done before he had left.
Shivering at her thoughts, Scarlett continued thinking of the happier times with Rhett. Remembering the night Bonnie was conceived, her eyes turned towards the fireplace once more and at the two dark leather chairs positioned directly next to one another so that their occupants could enjoy the romantic ambiance of the fire. A cherry wood sideboard that was a wedding gift from Rhett's mother was set against one wall and held the antique crystal brandy decanter and, now, only one Baccarat crystal glass. Memories of happier times came flooding back and Scarlett smiled as she remembered how her and Rhett used to sit here in the evenings after the servants had gone to bed. They would always discuss their business dealings and the events of the day before the romantic glow of the fire and their consumption of an after- dinner brandy brought more pleasurable pursuits in mind.
Rhett's room was the one place in the house that Scarlett had not been allowed to decorate. She now realized it was the only room in the house that was comforting and inviting like a home should feel. The realization of this made Scarlett want to quickly drown in the comfort of Rhett's bed and cry herself to sleep over all that had transpired. "I just can't think right now what I must do to get Rhett back…I can't.
I will just have to think about it tomorrow after all," Scarlett said to herself as she felt tears welling in her eyes again and a lump in her throat. As she climbed under the covers of the lonely bed, the thought that she would spend the night, and probably the rest of her life, without Rhett by her side where he belonged was her undoing as Scarlett spent the most heart wrenching night of her life crying in agony.