Teen Titans
Puppet Master
Olivia- Yay! Our first one-shot! I came up with the idea for it after watching Jeff Dunham on YouTube. A friend from school told me I 'had' to watch it and I had an epiphany! This is sorta like a sister story to my 'Laughing Sorceress' fic. If you haven't checked that out yet, you should! Just go to my profile, 'MaidenOfTheMoonlight17'. Anyway, We don't own Teen Titans or any of the Jeff Dunham material. And as always, this features my OC Falcon and Jac's OC Bohusk R&R!
Falcon laied contently on her bed, reading, as the sounds of 'One Girl Revolution' circulated throughout the room. She had just gotten to the 4th chapter of Steven King's 'The Shining' when a low rapping came from her door. She marked the page in her book and sat it aside and paused her stereo as she opened the door with her powers. Beast Boy fell though the door holding a large bundle wrapped in a white cloth while heaving to catch his breath.
"Beast Boy, what the hell is that?" Falcon asked monotonely, gesturing to the large object in his arms. Beast Boy stood up straight and his mouth twisted up into a rather large grin. He pulled the cloth off the item to reveal a medium sized skeleton puppet with orange/red eyes and a towel wrapped around it's head, like a muslim.
"This is Achmed!" Beast Boy beamed proudly.
"An Ach-what?"
"Achmed! Achmed the dead terrorist!" Beast Boy chuckled.
"...dead terrorist? Did you hurt your head yesterday while sparring with Jhonen? I know he got you pretty good with his bat."
BB rolled his eyes and slipped his hand into the puppet's back.
"Silence! I kill you!" he said in a shrill voice while making the puppet's mouth move. Falcon giggled and rolled her eyes as she inspected the puppet.
"Ok, you're lame at this, but the puppet is kinda cute. Where did you get this thing?"
"Thrift store down town. They were about to throw this away but I pursuaded the owner into giving it to me. Thought I could get a few laughs outta the team."
"Don't lie to me, Garfield. You did this to get my sister to laugh."
Beast Boy's emerald eyes connected with Falcon's. Her icy blue orbs seemed to be penetrating his every thought.
"...Ok, fine! I did this for Raven! But please don't tell her! I want this to be a surprise!" he pleaded.
"And what a suprise it will be! A changeling with a skeleton puppet who's a lousy vintriliquist."
"Lousy? You mean i'm that bad?" Beast Boy asked while his pointed ears drooped. A small pang of guilt and empathy rose in the younger Roth.
"Yeah...but if you want, I could help you out."
Beast Boy's goofy grin returned as Falcon put her hands over the head of the puppet. They glowed white for a moment and when she lifted her hands, the eyes on Achmed began to move on thier own.
"Talk to him." Falcon insisted.
"Uh, Hi, Achmed." Beast Boy said.
"Hello, infidel." the puppet said in a low and menacing voice.
"Dude! You made it come alive!" the changeling squeeked with joy.
"Yep. He can talk of his own free will now, all you have to do is hold him up. He will respond to anything you say and is completely harmless...almost."
"You're awesome, Nessa! I love you!" BB shouted as she pulled Falcon into a hug while jumping up and down.
"Ok! Ok! Love you too! Please stop jumping!" she manange in a shaky voice. Garfield did as he was told and let her go. He gathered up his puppet and ran out of the room, grinning like a jackass while Achmed spat a few profanities at him.
*********************************************************************************************
The next night, Beast Boy called a 'Family Meeting'. Everyone had gathered on the sofa, wondering what this was all about.
"Where is friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked.
"No clue, but he said this meeting was important."
"Don't worry Bird Boy, it is!" came Beast Boy. He ran into the room wearing the same tux he wore to the last Titans Gala.
"...I don't mean this to be a pun, BB...ok, yeah I do, but what's with the monkey suit?" Raven asked.
"Just wanted to look nice for tonight." the changeling replied with a wink.
"Ok then, what's in the suitcase?" Cyborg asked. Beast Boy only smirked and unlocked the trunk. He pulled Achmed out and sat him ontop of a stand that reached above the changeling's hips.
"This is Achmed; the dead Terrorist!"
The Titans were surprised, to say the least. Raven raised an eyebrow in curiosity as she took in the sight of the skeleton puppet. Suddenly, Bohusk errupted into a fit of laughter.
"Who the hell dug Terra up!?" he laughed. Beast Boy sent him a nasty glare for insulting his past girlfriend. Falcon grabbed a cusion off the end of the sofa and pressed it against her boyfriend's mouth to smother his chuckles.
"You were saying?"
Beast Boy took his cue and started his act.
"Good evening, Achmed."
"Good evening, infidel." he replied in the same voice as before.
"So you're a terrorist?"
"Yes, I am a terrorist. A terrifying...terrorist...are you scared?"
"No, not really."
Achmed growled. "How bout now?"
"No."
He growled again, only louder. "And now?"
Beast Boy shook his head no.
"G*damit!" Laughter errupted from Cyborg and Bohusk. Robin chuckled to himself as Starfire looked on in awe. The Roth twins only watched in curiosity. "Ohh! I mean, uh, Aliah-damit!" Achmed corrected. He stared at the Titans who were still histerical and grew angry.
"Silence! I kill you!" he screeched. But they only laughed harder.
"So, uh, Achmed..." Beast Boy began.
"No, no. It's Ach-med."
"That's what I said."
"No, it's Achmed." the puppet exagerating the throaty sound in the middle of his name. Starfire tried to smother her giggles but a few loud ones slipped through.
"Silence! I kill you!" Starfire gave an 'Eep' of surprise and hid behind Robin.
"How do you spell it?" Beast Boy asked.
"Lets see...uh...A...C...phlemn."
Bohusk had rolled off the couch and onto the floor holding his sides as he laughed uncontrollably.
Achmed's eyes glowed red. "Silence! I kill you!" But this only provoked the boy into laughing harder.
"So, uh, Achmed, if you're a terrorist, then I guess you must have a specialty."
"Oh yes. I am a suicide bomber."
"Oh, so you're finished."
"What?" asked Achmed in surprise.
"You've done your job?"
"No I haven't."
"But you're all bone." Beast Boy said while referring to the puppet's body.
"It's a flesh wound."
Falcon had burried her face in her sister's lap as she giggled loudly, several cushions exploded in white aura. Raven still refused herself to laugh. Cyborg had now joined bohusk on the floor, and Robin had his hand over his mouth to stiffle chuckles. Starfire only stared in amusement.
"SILENCE! I KILL YOU!" During Achmed's burst of temper, his feet had moved off the pedistal and now hung limply from his ankle bone. "What the hell happened to my feet!?"
Beast Boy smirked while trying to put Achmed's feet back in the right possition, but they kept falling over. Finally, Beast Boy picked him up and his torso twisted around.
"Oh wait a minute! WHAT THE HELL! What are you doing!?...STOP TOUCHING ME!" Beast Boy jumped in surprise and he dropped Achmed on the floor. The toy glared up at his with evil eyes. "I KILL YOU!"
"Ok, let me help you." A second later, Achmed sat back on the pedistal with everything attached as it should be.
"You know, you're not really dead."
"Are you sure?" Beast Boy nodded.
"And I just got my flu shot." Achmed said sadly while hanging his head. Suddenly, he looked hopeful again. "Wait! If i'm dead...that means I get my 72 virgins!" and he looked squarely at the 5 Titans on the sofa. "Are you my virgins? I hope not! Theres a bunch of ugly ass guys out their!"
Bohusk, Cyborg and Robin shot Beast Boy evil glares as the girls chuckled at their expence. "If this is paradice then i've been screwed!"
"So, what exactly happened to you?"
"Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cellphone. Can you hear me now? Ffph!"
"So what's it like to die? Do you see a white light?"
"If you're dumb enough to watch the explosion, yes."
"No, I mean some ppl say that when you die, you see a white light, what did you see?"
"I saw flying car parts."
"What was the last thing that went through your mind?"
"My ass."
"You mean you did all this for bunch of virgins?"
"Are you kidding me? I kill you for a Klondite Bar!"
This was the final straw, Raven succumbed to the laughter that was building inside of her and laughed along with her sister. Many dishes exploded in a mixture of white and black aura. Suddenly, the Achmed doll was engulfed in the same aura and exploaded. Beast Boy jumped back in surprise. Achmed's body parts littered the room; this only caused the sorceress twins to laugh harder. The head fell in Jhonen's lap and grinned evily.
"I kill you!"
"Haha! We'll see bout that." and he took his baseball bat wrapped in razor wire out of his pocket and smashed the puppet's head.
"I. Kill. YOU!" Jhonen chuckled, imitating Achmed's accent.
Olivia- I couldn't help but laugh while I typed this! We seem to have a thing for demented humor. Anyway, R&R!