**Sequel to The Ghost and The Nest

**I do not own Sam or Dean Winchester. They belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. All other characters are my own.

**Contains spanking, mature language, and sexual situations

The Long Wait

It had been seven months since the last time I saw the Winchesters. At first, we talked or texted almost everyday. I was happy despite the loss of my father and the hole that the boys left behind when they went back to hunting on the move.

After a couple months, the contact became less. I stopped being the one to start conversations. I started to feel like a burden. So I would wait for either of them to say something first. I began to overanalyze every response. Every shortened word or limited reply cut me deep. With Sam it was always pretty straightforward as to what he meant. He was easy to read and even when he was stressed he pretty much stayed as a constant. But with Dean each short answer or ignored text threatened to throw me back into the abyss.

I would get to the point of sending random things just to get him to say something to me without seeming desperate. I didn't want him to know I was pushing him away, and I also couldn't bear to have him completely out of my life. I just needed him not to worry about me. He needed to be happy in his own life. But each passing day that went without our usual light banter hurt worse than before.

I was upset with myself. I was upset for needing him so much. I was upset for bothering him when I knew he was busy. I was sure I knew what he needed. And it wasn't me. He needed to move on and focus on better things. Things that would make him happy. Who was I to be the one to drag him down? What right did I have? But I just wanted to lie in his arms and laugh. I wanted to feel safe and loved. I wanted to feel not alone.

So I pushed him away. I shut him out. It seemed easy. He wasn't there to do anything about it. And he couldn't prove that I wasn't busy with a hunt. So I made sure to reply just enough to keep him away. If he didn't think I needed him, then he could do his own thing. But I still couldn't convince myself that I didn't need him.

And when our agreed upon six months came around, he apologized that they wouldn't be able to come visit for a couple weeks. They were onto something and it was on the other side of the country. When I hung up the phone, that last bit of hope left my body. I was crushed. I hadn't realized how much I had been looking forward for that moment to prove all of my dark thoughts wrong.

I let myself cry about it, then got mad at myself for crying about it. Then I shut down. It was hard to feel anything. I didn't want to feel anything. I felt myself fighting the darkness. But it was hard to find a reason as to why things weren't my fault.

I ignored all his text messages after that. Most of them were just telling me that once they were done they would come straight to me. And to stay out of trouble. When he called I would answer and try to sound pleasant. He never brought up the fact that I was able to answer the phone but not his text messages. And he sounded as pleasant as my faked voice sounded. But it all just felt so forced. I constantly found reasons to cut the conversation short because I could feel myself breaking. By the third call he finally said something.

"You know, you don't need to rush to get off the phone. It's nice to just hear your voice. To chat. Maybe even laugh. I don't know what's going on with you, but you can guarantee we will take care of it when Sam and I get there tomorrow. So you'd better figure out what it is that's bothering you."

I sat silently for a moment before responding. How could I tell him that I just felt like a burden? That he'd be better off if he just forgot about me completely and moved on. So I decided on just going with a short answer. Better not to let him think about what I wanted to say for longer than just the time he was going to spend at my house.

"OK. We will talk tomorrow. It will be nice to see you both. Bye."

I hung up the phone after my solemn statement. I didn't even give him a chance to say anything back. I immediately shut off my phone and went to lie down. No use getting more messages that would make me feel more guilty at this point. I knew what was on the schedule when they arrived. So why bother even fighting it.

I knew Dean was true to his word. True to the promise that I asked him to keep those seven months prior. I knew that tomorrow would be the first of many days over the next week that I would find it hard to sit comfortably. And the thought of that made me smile as tears escaped my eyes.