September 13th
It's been 48hrs since everything in my life has changed. A fight between wolves and vampires, the girl I thought I loved for all these years died…briefly.. than miraculously came back to life. However the blood no longer flows through her veins, her cheeks are now pale along with the rest of her face and the warm clumsy girl I once knew has gone. But under it all she was still the Bella I was hoping she'd stay.. except for being a blood sucking vamp. But the one thing I hadn't been expecting out of this whole experience. Was this one little infant, one tiny baby girl, Renesmee; The daughter of Bella and Edward Cullen. The girl I imprinted on. Her hair was the bronze brown that her father had and his stumpy nose, but it's definitely much cuter on her, everything else though was Bella, the eyes, the smile and the complexion she once had. With one instant look into her innocent brown eyes, I was completely and unconditionally hers. The anger I felt towards her disappeared in an instance and suddenly it all made sense, why things never felt right with Bella and even though she hadn't conceived this child at the time, there was something there that one day would be my world, my life, my forever. Renesmee, Nessie.
Why am I writing this? Why have I decided to finally keep a journal, when I barely finish a school assignment? For her, for Renesmee, to one day look back and remember every silly, chaotic, beautiful precious memory of every second I spent with her. Because one moment could possibly never be dull enough to forget.
Imprinting become so much clearer to me although this sweet little child still has no idea of what I have done, I just hope that one day she will grow to love me the way I will cherish and love her. I know it's crazy for this to even happen. I mean she isn't even 5 days old and I'm talking about forever, but I know that's what a life time will mean for us. I will never stop phasing as long I get to be with her and with the insight from Nahuel she will be around for a long time.
All I hope for is that, when Nessie is old enough to understand imprinting , hopefully she will accept it a lot better than her mother, I mean I knew Bella wouldn't take it well but she didn't exactly take it the way I wanted but… I'm just glad that Bella and Edward are trying to accept my new status of one day being with their daughter in more ways than just one. Edward clearly dreading it most as he can see clearly into our thoughts and witness everything that one day will happen, how do I know? I'm already getting the lectures and rules. Maybe Bella will be able to shield us from him. But for now I'm just happy to hold this beautiful baby girl in my arms, rock her to sleep, sing lullabies, feed her and help her grow into the beautiful young woman I know she will become.
Renesmee. My Nessie. I play it over and over again in my head. It never gets old. My dreams are blissful and serene, flashes of our future or what I want our future to be, her small hand on my cheek repeating the moment of when I imprinted, the feeling of gravity no longer being what holds me to this earth, everything is now about her and every minute, no, every second away from her kills me more than I will ever be able to explain.
But what scares me most of all, is that she won't feel the same way..but she has too. Doesn't she? I mean imprinting wouldn't work if there weren't at least some mutual feelings between us even though she is still an infant. Maybe she will grow up naturally knowing that I'm the one she will one day be with, or is that just wishful thinking? If only journals provided answers for every tough situation. All I can do is wait and for her I'll wait as long as she wants…or as long as it takes.
Well guess that's all I have time for the cries of a hungry awoken Nessie is calling and I am in need of a much needed cuddle from my angel. Until next time. -Jacob