Innocence lost
Myrcella was looking at herself in the mirror, while she thought about the years to come. She was not a stupid girl. She knew that she would someday be married to a person that she maybe would not even like at all. She felt like cattle, like and animal that could be sold to anyone at anytime, and it made her sad. She was the daughter of a Queen and a King, but she did not feel royal at all, when she had that thought in her mind of being married away to a dirty old man. She did not want anything of that. She was a free-minded girl and she wanted that to continue...
The only thing she wanted to do was to scream into the air, declaring her free of those expectations that was bestowed upon her, and yet she knew, that there was nothing and no one in the whole world, that could protect her, and make her feel safe.
She thought about her brother prince Tommen, and she started giggling, when she remembered an earlier incident, where Tommen was playing with Ser Pounce, and how a little butterball Tommen really was and looked like, she smiled as she combed her golden hair.
It had always been very different with Joffrey, her elder brother. Myrcella had always had a good relationship with Tommen, but it was different with her big brother. She could not understand his way of thinking and while she barely knew him before he was King Joffrey, the First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm, her relationship with him had gone from bad to worse.
She knew that he was just a little lion who tried to roar better than all the other lions, for she knew what he was, even though that he himself could not see it or would not accept it, she knew that he was a coward, nothing more nothing less. Nevertheless, he was still her brother, and though he tried to wound her with his words, calling her young and stupid, she was not going to take that bait.
She had asked her mom, the Queen, Cersei Baratheon (née) Lannister, about the time, when she was born. She wanted to know what people had said about her back then, but she had also been interested to know what her older brother had said about her.
- Everyone, every knight from every corner of the kingdom, saw you that day, and all of them said you were the most beautiful little girl, they had ever seen, my darling daughter…
That was what Cersei had told her, but she knew that every mother would probably have said the same thing about their daughters as well.
She remembered that one incident when she was five years old. She had been friends with one of the members of the Frey family, which House is ruled by Walder Frey, lord of the crossing and the twins, who thought that it was a good idea to push her to the ground.
She had struggled against him, this boy, who was also called Walder, though he had the bastard name of Rivers attached to him, she had actually liked the boy.
Walder Rivers did not have the same Frey characteristics, the the Freys had become infamous for, but he was well built for a six year old boy, and he had nice round and strong facial features, so no one in their right mind would have thought that this boy came from some obscure branch of the Frey family line.
So when Walder Rivers held her down, and started tickling her, it had been a long time since Myrcella had had that much fun in her life, and suddenly out of the blue Walder Rivers gave her a little kiss on her forehead.
She had been surprised when that happened, and she had not been capable of describing the feeling she had gotten when Walder had kissed her. It came to her as a shock, but before she could react, Walder had asked; would you like some cookies?
And by the seven she wanted them! They had not eaten in the dining room in Maegors´s holdfast for quite a while, and now as they sat near the Heart tree, they thought it was a good place to enjoy a few cookies, while they sat on the soft, green grass.
They cookies tasted delicious, with the taste of honey really standing out among everything else, which made Myrcella wish that she had something to drink, so she could get the whole thing down much more easily.
She thought that it would be nice to have some of that wine her uncle Tyrion usually was seen drinking. She had always had a good relationship with her uncle, who did pour her a bit of wine doing celebrations, when her mother was looking the other way for just a second.
Cersei had always been protective of her, of all three of them, and yet Myrcella did not understand Cersei´s anger or spite against her own brother Tyrion…
She had always wanted to ask her mother about that, but she did not want to complicate things even further between them.
- Why is this tree here? Walder asked her, with a curious look in his eyes…
- It is here in the case that my father gets visitors from the north…
- Like a man like Eddard Stark?
- Maybe…
That was the only thing she could say about that… Maybe… She like many other children for the past years had grown up with the stories about the rebellion… Roberts Rebellion people called it...
Myrcella knew most of the details… the war started when Lyanna Stark was kidnapped and raped by Rhaegar Targaryen, so the story went. After that, Lord Eddard´s father and brother rode to Kings Landing to retrieve her, but they were executed the most brutal ways imaginable. Ways only a mad king, like Aeryes Targaryen, the second of his name, could come up with...
Moreover, when the mad king cried out for Robert and Eddard's heads, Jon Arryn had called the banners and the war had started…
It was all very tragic, Myrcella thought to herself. The war started because of a women, and near the end of that war, that very same woman was dead. Lord Eddard had not been to Kings Landing since then.
- You know what I like? Walder asked her, as she tried to get the last bit of that dry cookie down her throat.
- No. tell me…
- I like it here, you know? Sitting here in front of this tree with you…
- Doesn't it bother you that the tree has a face attached to it?
- No, not at all, when you think about it…
- When you think about it Walder, my sister is stupid! Joffrey said as he appeared from around a corner.
- I am sorry my lord I only wished… Walder began, but Joffrey stopped him mid sentence…
- I am not your lord Walder. I am your prince… Do you understand that?
- Yes, my prince!
- You are lucky that you are a squire for Ser Kevan Lannister… Now get out, while I am still in a good mood…
Myrcella had watched the scenery without having said anything, but she wanted to scream out against her brother, but she knew him better than anyone back then… She knew what he was. A coward, but there was something underneath that, something she had a hard time to understand where was coming from…
- Why did you do that Joffrey! He has not done anything towards you!
- Because we should not associate ourselves with these Freys of the twins.
- Or maybe we should not associate ourselves with you! Myrcella said feeling braver every second.
But that was when he grabbed her arm and said:
- Don't ever say that to me again, do you understand that sister?!
It started to hurt her, but it hurt her more deeply than one might suspect. He was her brother, and her big brother was supposed to love her and protect her, keeping her out of harm's way, not be the one who was the abuser.
She wanted to look away from him, but he made her look at him, directly into his cold eyes. There was nothing to be found in those eyes, Myrcella thought to herself.
No warm came from them, despite him smiling now, watching her doing her best not to show that she was in pain as he tightened his grip around her arm.
- Why do you treat me like this Joffrey? I have never done anything bad to you!
- You are not supposed to be with anyone else!
- I can be with whomever I want to be with, and nothing that you say matter!
- Oh it does matter sister!
He released her, and she walked away from him… She wanted to get as far away from him as she possible could. Myrcella wanted to find Walder Rivers again and try to excuse her big brother´s dreadful behavior. She searched Maegor´s holdfast for him, but could not find him anywhere.
She went over to a corner and tried to think over the places he could have gone. She realized he probably went back to his Frey relatives in the main throne room in the red keep. She dreaded the thought that someday her brother would sit upon the Iron Throne, forged with the fires from Balerion the dread, whom Aegon the conqueror rode on the back off into battle, and the throne itself was made by the steel swords of Aegons surrendering enemies and fallen foes.
Power and domination was all the Iron Throne represented and a whole realm was to bow before the one sitting on it, and it was difficult for her to imagine another seat, which her brother should not be destined for.
Thinking about all of this, she did not hear the silent footsteps, which came from behind her, but sensing danger approaching her, she turned around and came face to face with Lord Varys.
Everyone in the red keep knew that Varys had spies everywhere, and he could move from one part of the castle to another one in just a few seconds. Rumors has it, that hundreds of passages existed in the red keep, and that Varys, king Roberts master of spies and rumors, knew them all.
- Ah, princess Myrcella, may I require of you, a bit of information?
- What is it?
- May I ask you, why you are alone in this part of the castle with no guards to look after you?
- You may ask lord Varys, but I do not have to give you the answer to that…
- It is sad really, no one trust the spider, but I do know that your friend Walder Rivers has been met with an unfortunate accident…
- What?! How do you…? Where is he lord Varys?
- In the Throne room…
- I must get there immediately…
- Follow me then my princess…
Varys turned one of the candle holders sideways and a hidden door appeared in the wall, and it took Myrcella completely of guard, and she made a little jump backwards away from the moving wall.
Varys entered the passage, looked back at Myrcella and said:
- Come on then, let us get to the throne room.
Myrcella did not know why she suddenly trusted this bald spider, but she had never seen him doing anything out of the ordinary, except the revealing of this passage, they now went through, and Myrcella mustered the courage to ask:
- This passage, there are many hundreds in this keep right?
- There is my princess…
- And you use all of them?
- Most of them, I use them to keep an eye out for traitors, who wants to conspire against your father Robert.
- But why are you showing me these tunnels?
- Because you will not be talking about them…
- What do you mean?
- These tunnels help me to keep your father safe from harm, but if you started talking about them to everything that has a pulse, your father will be in grave danger, and I am certain, you do not wish your father harmed.
- Of course, I would never say anything that would risk his life.
- That is good to hear my princess, ah we are here…
Varys pulled down a lever on the wall, and Myrcella found herself on the upper floors of the throne room. She looked back to thank lord Varys, but the passage entrance, along with lord Varys himself, had disappeared.
Looking down towards the throne, she saw her father, King Robert, the First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm, sitting upon the Iron Throne, a rare sight, as he usually was out doing what he enjoyed most, hunting and killing animals.
Myrcella felt sad and angry of her father Robert, as he had lost the love of his life, Lyanna Stark, while they both had been young, and that had haunted him ever since. Sometimes Myrcella thought that he rather had wanted to be dead, so he could be with Lyanna Stark again, and there was one time, when she had heard him yell out:
- That rapist fucking won! I fucking slew him at the trident, I kill him every night in my dream, and he still fucking won! I am alive and she is dead! He is dead as well! It is not fucking fair Jon!
- I know Robert, but she is dead and nothing is going to bring her back, and the realm really needs you right now! I need you to be a king instead of going out hunting all the time…
- I never were much into politics Jon… I should not have taken that blasted ugly looking Throne. It reminds me of the Targaryens, speaking of which, do we know were Viserys and Daenerys Targaryen is hiding now?
- No Robert, but we are hunting them down…
- Well, hunt them down to the end of the world and beyond even into the shadow land beyond Asshai! I want those unnatural fucking dragon spawns of children dead, before they can become a real problem!
Despite all the things, which seemed to trouble Robert, Myrcella would not forgive him that he barely spent any time with his children. She had heard people talking about all those women and whores he had gotten into his, or their beds, and she had heard people talking about king Roberts bastard children. She could not forgive her father for making her mother feel so unwelcome.
As she looked down upon King Roberts court she noticed a person bending over something, and a few moments later, Myrcella had to cover her mouth with her hand to avoid making any noise…
He was dead…
Walder Rivers life had come to an end, and from where she was standing she could see that his body was all wet.
- What did you see? King Robert asked.
- I saw him fall out of the tower, and saw him hit the water hard…
- Did anyone else see anything?
No one said a word…
- Then this is but an accident, and they do happen… I shall write to Lord Walder, and give him my bloody condolences…
- He probably would not give a two shit-flying fuck about the boy, but he would appreciate a letter sent from you, my king…
And no one had given a fuck about the Bastard boy of Walder Rivers. The Frey family were a huge Family, whose numbers could supply a rather large army, so it had been easy for Walder Rivers to convince those people who he had traveled with, that he was a Frey. However, she had liked him. He had been her friend.
His dead felt like many years ago now she thought, as she sat in front of that mirror in her room, dressed in a long dress made out of thin silk, and colored with the colors red and gold, the Lannister colors. She had seen nine name days now, and Robert was dead, and her brother sat on the Iron Throne, as if he was mocking the great power, wealth and influence that Aegon had conquered, when he had the Throne forged.
She had speculated a bit about Robert and Cersei´s relationship. The more she thought about it the more she had noticed that her brothers did not look like Robert Baratheon. Myrcella was the only one who had inherited her mother's beauty, but she and her brothers had inherited nothing of Robert. Not even his black hair and she thought about that. Her thoughts swarmed around her uncle Jaime, or the Kingslayer, as he was more commonly referred to, and she made a laud gasp in front of the mirror when she suddenly understood.
Her real father had never been Robert Baratheon, but it was Jaime. He was her uncle and father at the same time.
Before she had the chance to think that through, there was a knock on the door.
- Who is it?
- Your king…
What did he want now? she wondered and unlocked her door.
He entered her room, but not before commanding Ser Meryn Trant to stand guard outside her door.
- So sister I was wondering how you are?
- This is the first time you have ever asked that.
- Well, there is a first time for everything, now go to that desk of yours and sit on it!
What was he doing? she thought. She did not want to obey like a good dog, but he was her king and she had too obey…
- Why did you do it Joffrey?
- Do what?
- Why did you sentence Lord Eddard Stark to death? I overheard some guards saying that you had promised to be merciful…
- And I was… I gave that bastard traitor a clean death…
- Lady Sansa will never love you now! she said as she sat down on top of her desk.
- I do not care what she think! She will do what I say or she will lose her head!
- Listen to yourself; if you think you can scare me, you are wrong!
- You should fear me!
- But I do not… brother…
- You will or do you want to suffer the same fate as Walder Rivers?
- What do you know about it? She asked but the thought of what had happened to Walder Rivers had already slipped in.
- I pushed him out of that tower!
And she knew it was the truth he told her, and she wanted nothing more to do, but to do something to him as he had done to her and Walder Rivers, but he was her king, she had to obey him. The king approached her as she sat on top of her desk, approaching her as if he was a wild animal stalking its prey.
He had gone all the way up to her, when he suddenly started caressing her cheek, and suddenly she understood it! She understood where the madness came from… Children born out of incest could be twisted, but there was something else going on with Joffrey now, something even more evil. Her uncle had fucked his own sister, and now she feared that Joffrey was going to do the same thing to her…
His right hand that had been caressing her cheek went downward, touching her silk dress near her legs, but found their way down to her silky smooth legs.
She felt disgusted being touched on any part of her body by her brother, like the way he was doing now.
Suddenly he said to her:
- Wrap your legs around me!
She did, as Joffrey continued to look at her intensely, with her realizing why he was so crazy, and why he was so evil. He told her, to take off her dress. But that she could not do, she did not want to give herself to her own brother, and it was with horror that she suddenly realized, that Joffrey might not just have been despicable towards Tommen, but he might have taken Tommen too, against his will.
Nothing but cold anger and hatred was left in Myrcellas heart after having thought about that. Joffrey tore her red and gold silk dress apart, as he had become too impatient to wait.
Here she was sitting on top of her own writing desk, naked as her name day, with her legs wrapped around him. He suddenly hugged her, and she felt disgusted as he breathed in the scent of her long golden hair.
- Embrace your brother he said to her, and she did.
Suddenly he pulled her even closer to him, and removed her little panties by tearing them off her. She had never been so close to him before, and never with her softer sensitive part exposed like this. She looked down on his royal pants, and saw that he did not have an erection.
It was probably because she was his sister, that he did not get stiff, but suddenly he pushed his himself up against her, his royal pants making contact with her pussy. It was so sensitive and she had never thought that it was he brother that was going to do this against her, and she wanted to scream, to cry, but she was not going to do it, she was not going to give the bastard that pleasure.
She saw that his dick was getting hard and stiff through his pants and suddenly he dropped his pants, and Myrcella looked at his hard dick in disgust. That was when he felt him hitting her hard, the blood spewing out from her soon to be swollen lips.
- Behave or I cut you open myself!
And she knew that he was not kidding around when he said that, if he could kill and order anybody to die that easily, then she would have to be careful. She did not want to be in here, in this room with him, but she wanted to be with Walder Rivers again. She missed that boy so much.
She had to take it as he began leading his dick inside of her, becoming one with her, and as he started to fuck her, she felt like fainting and screaming… She was a virgin after all and as her maidenhead was being pounded on by her own brother, she realized, what it was that turned him on.
He was unable to get stiff normally, but he got excited by making other peoples go through pain. He probably got stiff every time he had brought pain to someone or had them thrown into the dungeons.
- Make love to me, her king commanded her, and not wanting to be killed she looked up and saw his face.
She did not want to be here, not with him, and she suddenly wished, that it was Walder Rivers that made love to her. He was the only one she could make love to, and if he had been alive, it would not have been rape like this, but slow and passionate sex she was certain of this…
She looked up on Joffrey again and started to imagine him as Walder, which was nearly impossible but she did it, then she closed her eyes to preserve that image in her mind that it had created to protect her, to help her going inside herself and away from Joffrey…
She started to kiss him passionately, while she imagined Walter liking rough sex, she heard him moan in pleasure…
- Yes, yes, yes, take me, take me softer, softer, take me, kiss me! she moaned and she felt his lips upon hers and as if the seven themselves had heard her, Joffrey thrust became softer and slower.
She looked down on his dick and saw blood on it. Her maidenhead had been broken in, but not looking up on him, she imagined it was Walder, who was fucking her, full of passion and love, for she could after all imagine him older.
Still with her eyes closed, she whispered:
- Yes that's it, now it feels good!
She sensed it all. All her senses had awoken, and felt stronger than usual. She felt his thrusts deep inside her, she could feel her lips begin to swollen up, and she felt his hands touching her waist, heard him moan in pleasure, but suddenly he said:
- Look at me!
She did not know, if that had come out as an order or as a please, but she opened her eyes and saw him.
Walder Rivers was the one who did this with her, his brown eyes looking directly into hers, his brown hair filtered together and made it messy, the smile on his lips that gave her comfort, and she hugged him closely. She had not developed that big breasts yet, but they were there, and she brought his head downwards towards them, she wanted Walder too see them, hear that he thought he liked them.
- Make love to me, she said and saw herself being lifted up and brought over to her bed.
Now she felt like a queen, being with the boy she loved that much. She noticed that Walder had a white aura about him. He was so beautiful to look at. He only had his pants down, as he entered Myrcella again, who wrapped her legs around his waist, and her arms around his neck.
She wanted to hold onto Walder as if she was clinging to life itself, afraid to let him go. Something in her mind ached and her head hurt as the truth tried to resurface before her eyes, but she was not ready. She was not ready to let him go.
- I want you, I need you! she said to him.
He smiled. It was the smile of a winner.
- I am going to cum! he said.
- Cum inside me Walder! she cried out.
It all stopped, she felt him pulling out of her. He had not cum inside of her, and she looked up on him…
Walder Rivers was gone and in his stead stood only the boy king, and he looked at her perplexed, unable to understand what she had just cried out…
- Walder… you… you imagined yourself fucking that Frey… you… fucking… bitch!
And he was on top of her, hitting her again and again in the stomach and all the other soft places on her body.
Punch after punch landed on her to the facade started collapsing, she felt the tears pressing against her eyes, but she was not going to allow a single one run down her cheeks.
- How could you, you fucking cunt!
Joffrey took his pants on and left the room, followed by Meryn Trant. Myrcella lay there on her bed beaten and bruised, and slowly she pulled her bed blanket over her, covering up her naked body.
She did not know how long she lay there, but suddenly there was another knock on her door.
- Sister… may… may I come in?
- Yes Tommen, come in…
Tommen walked all the way over to her.
- May… may I sleep in your bed tonight?
- Come here then.
She lifted up in her blanket and Tommen crawled into the warm and safety and comforting bed of her sister.
- Let go to sleep, she said.
Tommen began crying as he lay close to her sister. He was too little to think of her sisters nakedness as anything sexual related.
- Why are you crying little brother?
- Joffrey was angry over something… my… my… my behind hurts so bad…
- Did he spank you?
- No, he did not…
Myrcella looked long at her brother, but then her tears started running down her cheek, but she was not crying for herself… She held Tommen close to her body… She was crying for Tommen…