Title: "Drowning inside my Thoughts"

Summary: WAS ONE SHOT, NOW WIP! Come read and comment on chapter two! Meredith is scared and alone. She can't figure out why no one can hear her. She is lost and confused. What REALLY is happening and what's just inside Meredith's head?

Please read and review. I would love to know what you think of this! And don't forget to check out chapter two that I just added! Hang on to your hat because you are in for a ride!

It's so dark. I'm cold.

What's happening to me? I feel like I'm sinking.

Am I fading away? Am I disappearing? Will anyone notice? Will anyone care? Is this what it feels like to be slipping away?

I am so cold.

I'm scared.

I feel so alone. I have felt alone before. I felt alone most of my life. But I never felt like this before. I never felt this alone.

I can't breathe.

My heart is pounding fast. I can hear it. I can't hear anything else. I can't see anything. Am I dying? What's happening? I can't feel anything.

I can't move. Why can't I move?

I'm sinking. Down, down, down.

It's so cold. Am I dead?

I'm scared.

What was that? I just heard something. A voice. Who was it? What'd they say?

What is that? Something is grabbing me. Is it death? Is it life? Is this it? Am I going to die? Is this what the end is like?

I'm scared.

I stopped sinking. I am going upward.

Where am I going? Up, up, up.

Am I getting rescued? Who is it? Is it a person? I can't see. Why can't I see?

My world is black. It's black and I'm scared.

I feel a breeze on my face now. It's so cold. My body is shivering.

I am being held. Someone is carrying me. Where are they taking me?

I hear sobs. I can hear. More sobs. They are loud. Whose crying? Why are they crying? Are they crying because of me?

A voice. I can hear a voice again.

My world is spinning. It's so dark but it's spinning.

I'm scared.

I'm laying down now. Where am I? What's happening?

I'm spinning faster now. Round, round, round.

Help. I need help. Make the spinning stop.

HELP!

Did anyone hear me? Is there anyone out there?

I can't breathe!

No one is listening to me. Can they hear me?

I'm so scared.

What's happening to me?

I'm suffocating.

I can hear a loud noise now. What is it? It sounds like a siren. I'm moving. Where am I going? I can hear more sobs. Sobs and sirens.

Ambulance.

What does this mean? Am I still alive?

I'm scared.

I don't want to die. My world is still black. Why is it black? Is this death? Am I looking at death?

More voices. They are shouting. Why can't I understand anything? What are they shouting? Are they shouting at me?

A noise. What was that? I'm moving again. This thing I'm laying on is moving.

Gurney.

Wait a minute. A moving bed. That's a gurney. They only put you on a gurney when you are hurt and they need to take you to the hospital.

Hospital.

Am I hurt? Am I dying? What happened? Why can't I remember anything?

More shouting.

This thing is going faster. A bang. What was that?

Shouting. People are shouting.

I'm so scared.

I don't want this to be it.

Derek.

I want to live. I want to see. Why can't I see? I'm freaking out here. Why is there no light? I am so alone.

Knight in shining whatever.

I don't want to die alone. Shouting. I can still hear shouting.

I can hear a weird sound now. What is that? It sounds like some kind of machine. What are they doing to me? Why can't I remember anything?

I just want to see. Who is in here? Where am I? I must be in a hospital.

Seattle Grace Hospital.

I just want this shouting to stop. It's so loud. I want to sleep. I can't sleep. Why can't I sleep?

What was that? I just felt a huge pain run through my body. Ow. There it goes again.

Paddles.

I can hear this loud beeping noise. One. Two. Three. Four.

What's happening to me? They are still shouting. It's so loud.

What's this? I can feel something in me. It hurts. I want to gag.

Breathing tube.

Seven. Eight. Nine. Teeeeeeeeeeeeen.

It is one long beep again. What does that mean? What does any of this mean? I just want to see Derek . Derek. He's my knight in shining whatever. He's my love. He's my reason to live. I need him. I think he needs me.

Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen.

"She's coming back."

What was that? Who said that? I'm coming back? Where'd I go?

I'm so scared.

I don't want to die. I need Derek. I can see something. It's not so dark. I see light.

"Her breathing is getting stronger. Her heartbeat is stabilizing."

There it goes again. Was that a voice? Who was that?

Addison.

I just need someone to hold me. I want to be able to remember what's going on. What is the last thing I remember?

Pink mist.

I was with that doctor. What was his name? Burke. Yea. That's it. I was holding something. It was black. I pulled it out of a patient.

I remember. I'm a doctor. A surgeon.

I want Derek. Derek Shepherd. He is a surgeon too. Isn't he?

I handed that black thing to a guy. I don't remember what happened next.

I'm scared.

I'm kissing Derek. I remember kissing Derek. I love him.

"Her vitals are stabilized, but it doesn't look like she is going to wake up yet. There is nothing more we can do here."

What? What does that mean? Not going to wake up yet? Am I sleeping? I want to wake up.

"I'll tell Derek that she is stabilized again, but still out."

Derek. That voice said Derek. Is he here? I want to see him. I need him. I miss him. When was the last time I saw him? I can't remember.

"Get Derek quick!"

Yes. Get Derek. Get him? Where was he? Why get him? What's happening?

"I think she might be waking up!"

That's good. Right? I'm moving. I can see. What's all this sticking out of me? Tubes and wires.

I'm scared.

Derek!

"Meredith? Are you awake?"

Meredith? Whose Meredith? Am I Meredith? Who cares! Derek is talking to me. I want to speak. I want to talk to him. I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

"Don't try to talk, you have a tube in your mouth."

It hurts. But I can see. He's cuter than I remember. How long have I been out? What happened to me?

"Did you have a good nap, Mere? You've been in a coma for two months now. Welcome back!"

Dylan. Pink Mist. Bomb. Blew up. I remember. I don't want to. I'm scared. Make it stop.

"Meredith? Meredith wake up! Don't do this to me!

CODE BLUE!"

This is how I in a way think it should have played out after Meredith fell in the water. She didn't really fall in the water, she just thought she did. She has been in a coma since the bomb exploded. She forgot about it when she was out and when she started to come to she remembered about it and it was too much for her to handle. What it looked like to us as Meredith drowning in the water, she is actually drowning in her own thoughts in her head. She is scared and all so alone.

This came out different then what I had orinagally thought it would, but I kinda like it. I'm not sure if I caputured Meredith that well, though. I tried. Please let me know your feedback. If you liked if, let me know what you liked about it. If you didn't like it, please let me know why as well. I would love some tips so I can improve my writing! Thank you!

Darci

(If you like this, you should check out my other two fan fics "Silence is not Always Golden" and "Bewteen Life and Death".)