My feels hurt and I needed this. I wanted a fem!fallen!cas after watching 8x23, mainly because I love fem!cas. So here's the first chapter to it.
There really is no plot, just drabbles of Cas being human and trying to deal with it. Maybe if I get my feels in order it'll have one, but until then.. DEAL WITH IT!
The first night was a horrible experience. She was cold and hungry lying on the moonlit grass. The entire day before had been spent walking. It would take another day before she would reach the bunker where her boys were. Fear overwhelmed her at the thought of calling Dean to come save her. She had let him down; she had let them all down. The only one to blame for the downfall of her family was herself, forced out of their home by an angered angel seeking revenge.
How many times has it been now that she hurt the ones she wanted to protect? It all started with the rebellion, then stopping the apocalypse, leading a civil war that lead to the leviathans running amok on the earth, and now this. A deep silence in her head where she used to hear her brothers and sisters, emotions that crushed her, guilt and regret riding in her heart. There was nothing she could do to stop it. She doubted Dean or anyone for that matter would ever forgive her for what she did.
Standing up holding on to her aching stomach, Castiel made her way to a bar. The bar tender let her use their phone. She dialed the number as if she had done it a thousand times, all but carved into the back of her mind. It rang a couple of times before someone finally answered.
"Hello?" There was a gruff voice on the other end, one that she had come to know so well.
That small simple word caused the feelings to come rushing it. Pain, fear, regret, all of it overtook her. There was no stopping the tears from leaking from her blue eyes. "Dean."
Calling out his name was all he needed to hear to know exactly who it was. "Cas? Where are you? What the hell happened?"
She couldn't speak. Her words tangled up inside her throat. Dean could hear her cries on the other end. She managed to tell him where she was after a few sobs. Within two hours he pulled up in the impala. She had been waiting outside the bar, sitting on the ground holding her knees to her chest. When he got out of the car, Castiel stood up trying to apologize. However she didn't get a single word out before he pulled her into a hug.
This hug was familiar. He had hugged her tightly just like he did when they were in purgatory. It held a silent sentence that only she could hear. "I'm so glad you're alive." The words repeating over and over again as he held onto her. It wasn't until her stomach growled in anger that they pulled apart. "Let's get you something to eat, okay? Then we'll go home."
She blindly followed him to the car as more tears filled her eyes. On the way to get food, Castiel falls asleep in the front seat. Dean occasionally looks over at her, watching over her as she slept like the many times she had watched him. It wasn't going to be easy taking care of a fallen angel.
This was different from the first time she fell. Back then they had an agenda, one of greater importance than a fallen angel. There were still angels in heaven back then too. But the greatest difference is that back then there was a small line of hope, no matter how worn out the three were there was still hope in the hearts. Now there's nothing. Sam is passed out in the bunker, in a critical almost delirious state of mind, torn and broken from the two trials. Castiel is a wreck herself, crying in her sleep whispering apologizes to everyone. Dean didn't know what to do. There was no Bobby to give him guiding, comforting words to get him through the night.
There was no one to save them, no one to help them, to kiss their wounds away, to tell them everything was going to be okay. They didn't have that pleasure. The only thing they did have was each other. And given the state they were in, that wasn't saying much.
There! The start of it all! Expect more within the week. If I'm lucky I might even post a chapter a week. Maybe, don't get your hopes up.