Hello. A new story because that's what inspiration demands of me. I actually have summaries written already and this will be something purely to amuse myself and to give you an opportunity to do the same. So, with that out of the way, please enjoy chapter one of Manic Marauder Madness!
James Potter strode up to the three-legged stool that was waiting for him. As he sat down, James saw everybody looking at him. Spotting Sirius, Remus and Peter at their House table, James gave a roguish grin before the Hat was placed on his head and he could see naught but the dark insides of the ancient artefact.
'Well, another Potter. It's been a while since the last of your line had to be sorted now hasn't it?' the Sorting Hat spoke in James' mind.
"Come on, sort me in Gryffindor already, I'm starving and I bet Sirius that I'd be sorted faster than him!" James impatiently told the hat, anxiously glancing at his wristwatch. Twenty-five seconds and Sirius would beat him.
'Now now Mr Potter, none of that. Each House must be carefully considered after all.' The Hat slowly spoke, all too aware of the bet that was causing James to anxiously wiggle in place.
"It can't be Ravenclaw because I'm not studious at all and they haven't won a Quidditch Cup in 27 years. Slytherin is no option because they're slimy evil gits who like a gloomy and cold common room. Hufflepuff's alright but that colour scheme I mean honestly, yellow and black? How can you possibly not look like a giant bee? By looking like a wasp instead? Now hurry up!" James hurriedly told the Hat.
Glancing at his watch James saw he had exactly 7 seconds left. The Hat spoke to him very slowly.
'Ve-ry we-ll… 4 … Bet-ter be… 1 …'
"GRYFFINDOR!" The Hat shouted at the last second. Causing Sirius and James their bet to go unresolved.
As an slightly upset yet very happy James grabbed the Hat to yank it off to thunderous applause, the Hat whispered to him, 'Oh dear, did I do that?'
Displeased with the bratty Hat, James pushed it into McGonagall's waiting hands before marching down to the Gryffindor table, where Peter was making room next to him, so James would be able to sit facing Sirius, with Remus facing Peter.
Sitting down, the first thing James said to his new friends was, "It did that on purpose."
Immediately catching on to what James meant, Sirius jumped up and tried to march for the Hat, probably planning on putting it on fire, or peeing on it or something similar.
Remus grabbed onto Sirius and stopped him though.
"That- That- Why that filthy decrepit old bastard!" Sirius boomed in a loud and angry voice.
The entire Great Hall immediately grew quiet… Dumbledore had just been about to start his speech, the Sorting having finished.
Sirius was completely unaware of the shocked, upset and surprised looks he got though, instead angrily continuing on, "That bloody cocksucking momma's boy did that on purpose! That paedophilic floppy-dicked piece of lobster sperm! I'll set him on fire! Burn him until naught remains but ashes! Let go of me Remus! I swear to Merlin and all that is awesome that I will shit on that ruddy retarded piece of cloth if it's the last thing I do!"
Before anybody could respond to that seemingly unprovoked tirade, James Potter continued the tirade, "And then we'll use his face to clean the toilets! We'll show him! Nobody messes with the Lobotomised Lions!"
A completely stunned Great Hall could only watch in disbelief as Peter tacked on an enthusiastic "Yeah!"
When Remus tried to slide away to make it clear that he was in no way affiliated with the three weirdoes who had interrupted Dumbledore's speech before it could even begin, James leaned over diagonally over the table, grabbing Remus' robe by its lapels and yanking him so their faces were inches apart, "Are you with me soldier?! Lobotomised Lion Lupin stand at attention I tell you!"
Remus looked ready to faint right there, Sirius was creeping everybody out with the simple dinner knife he was currently sharpening while cackling evilly, James was completely red in the face and bore an odd resemblance to a pissed off drill sergeant, and Peter looked just about ready to follow his friends to the end of the world.
Eventually Dumbledore cleared his throat.
Everybody turned to him as one, and the old man smiled genially before speaking, "And after that fascinating discussion, I believe it best we wait with any further announcements until after dinner. Tuck in!"
As food appeared, and the shaken students slowly started eating and talking again, Sirius quizzically looked around the Hall.
"Fascinating discussion? Did we miss something?"
"Apparently, anyways, who is in favour of Lobotomised Lions as our name?" James shrugged before enthusiastically posing his question and thrusting his hand into the air.
Just as Peter was about to raise his hand as well, Remus managed to speak, "You do know what lobotomised means right? It's when somebody rams an ice-pick through the corner of your eye and into your brains."
James hand couldn't have dropped faster if he'd been a leper and his hand and literally fallen off.
"Oh… Well it sounded cool at least." James slowly said, before grabbing a chicken leg to start dinner.
As the four boys started their feast, Sirius spoke in a still upset tone. The knife he'd been sharpening now being used like a fork, to spear pieces of meat on it.
"So that bloody Hat ruined our bet. How are we going to solve this? I want your Galleon!"
James hummed thoughtfully before speaking, "Well… We could maybe make a pot or something?"
Sirius thoughtfully chewed on his bottom lip, getting admiring sighs and loving stares from the girls who'd thought he was crazy not five minutes before.
"Maybe… But what do we do with it? Do we have like, closing bets? Who wins gets the pot?"
James hummed thoughtfully at that, not looking completely sure.
"I guess that could work but wouldn't that take like… super long?"
Sirius used his knife to spear an entire chicken breast in one move.
"Yeah I guess…" As both boys started eating again, pondering their problem, Remus slowly spoke up, "You know, you could just, oh I don't know… Stop making bets?"
James and Sirius remained silent for just a second before breaking out into uproarious laughter, with Peter joining in immediately.
The entire Hall grew silent again, staring at the laughing boys in horrified fascination.
Sirius eventually managed to stop laughing, he shouted at Remus, who was not two feet away, "Don't be silly Remy! There shall be no mercy! GLORY AND TREASURE!"
James immediately shouted in an if possible even louder voice, "VICTORY, OR DEATH! THERE IS NO GLORY IN COWARDICE!"
As Remus winced, and everybody who hadn't heard the conversation that preceded Sirius his yelling paled and drew terrible conclusions, Dumbledore scraped his throat before speaking up, "Messers Black and Potter?"
Getting angelic and polite expressions from aforementioned students, Dumbledore had to suppress a merry chuckle, "Might I ask that you please use your inside voices?"
As both boys enthusiastically bobbed their heads in perfect synchronization, Dumbledore's hand sought McGonagall's under the table.
Everybody continued dinner and Albus gave Minerva an encouraging squeeze.
Turning to her, he muttered, "I told you that you would one day come to regret your own school days Minerva. It seems that the time of regret has come."
With that, Dumbledore turned back to his dinner, completely ignoring his petrified Deputy.
Back at the Gryffindor table, Peter Pettigrew had a brilliant idea, which he immediately shared with his newfound idols.
"Hey James, Sirius, why don't you use the money from the pot to buy pranking supplies?" Peter suggested in his innocent voice.
As one, James and Sirius turned to Peter as if they saw him in a whole new light.
"That's brilliant Petey!" Sirius yelled exuberantly in a loud, yet far more appropriate voice. This time, he only scared parts of the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables.
James turned to Sirius, "Are you going to do that with everybody's name?"
Sirius innocently turned to James, "Going to do what Jamey?"
James groaned, "Seriously?"
Sirius beamed, "See? Now you're doing it as well!"
For a second, all boys were silent. Then Remus let out an almost pained snort. Next thing anyone knows and the four boys were laughing their arses off. Remus passing out in his treacle tart, Sirius falling off of his bench and Peter and James desperately clutching at each other in an attempt to prevent the same from happening to them.
Finally, one of the other students gathered her courage. Just as the future Marauders regained their breaths and seats, and in Remus' case their consciousness, Lily Evans spoke up.
"Could you idiots please shut up! You're being very annoying!" Lily exasperatedly shouted.
Getting one look at the girl, he repeated the request he'd made on the train, "Wanna go out with me Evans?" James asked with a roguish grin and a non to subtle wink.
Lily blushed a violent red and yelled back, "No I won't Potter! Stop asking me that!"
Sirius glanced from Lily's furious expression to James' crestfallen look. He immediately started laughing again.
That caused a chain reaction and suddenly Remus and Peter were laughing again as well.
Lily returned her attention to the girls she'd been talking with, and James decided to avenge himself by pushing Sirius off of the bench again.
The boys didn't stop laughing until they arrived in their new dormitory, an hour later.
The dormitory in which the four boys would sleep for the next seven years was shaped like a regular hexagon.
On the side opposite of the one where the boys were entering, was a door that led to the bathroom. The four beds in the room were all placed with their headboards in the middle of one of the remaining four walls. There were only two windows, placed on the two walls immediately adjacent to the bathroom wall, next to the two beds that were also positioned against those walls.
When the four boys entered their new dormitory, they were dead silent for all of a second. Their laughing stopping in a magical fashion.
Then, four bodies jumped like coiled springs that were let loose, and in the next second, there were four bodies lying on a bed, yet only two of the beds were occupied.
Sirius and Peter had jumped onto the same bed, being that closest to the bathroom on the right side of the room, and James and Remus had jumped onto the same bed closest to the bathroom on the left side of the room.
Again, for just a second, everybody was completely silent. Then they all jumped up and yanked out their wands. Pointing them threateningly to the one who had occupied their rightful beds.
In later years, Remus would reflect that this was the first time where James and Sirius truly showed how compatible they were, and how excellent they were as partners.
Hesitantly, both Sirius and James started to put away their wands, getting pleasantly surprised and proud looks from Peter and Remus.
The next moment, Sirius and James dove across the room, flawlessly changing opponents, grabbing a pillow of off the beds they jumped away from, rolling next to each other, popping up again and smacking Remus and Peter in the head with their pillows respectively.
Sirius fought like a madman, hitting Remus over twenty times in under five seconds, driving him back as best he could. But having remarkably little success. James struck Peter in the head twice, the boy was out cold on the bed closest to the door on the right side of the room within seconds.
Remus managed to grab a pillow from the bed Sirius was trying to drive him towards, and immediately started retaliating, easily starting to drive Sirius back instead.
James jumped across the room and Sirius and James started double teaming Remus, who was slowly but surely being driven back.
But Sirius black was never a patient man. He literally threw his pillow into Remus' face before rugby tackling the taller boy towards the unwanted bed.
Remus was pushed back a couple of feet and managed to regain his feet, when Sirius tackled him again, this time accompanied by a tackle from James.
Together, the boys managed to force Remus down on the bed on the left side of the room, farthest from the bathroom.
Remus struggled for another minute, before stopping his struggling.
"I give." Remus managed to mutter through a swollen lip and a bloody nose.
"VICTORY!" James and Sirius yelled as one, before limping to the beds they had rightfully conquered.
Unfortunately, James stumbled over a pillow and fell into the wooden post of his bed. He chipped a tooth and gained a black eye.
And that is how Madam Pomfrey met her first Potter on September First 1971. She also met a knocked out Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black who was oddly obsessed by Pomfrey's medical scalpel, and Remus Lupin who didn't need any healing at all, as his … unfortunate disease had already taken care of it.
The four boys, and Potter especially, would become Poppy's most frequent and most beloved visitors over the coming seven years.
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~~~~Scene Break~~~~
When Harry Potter stumbled up to the Sorting Hat, Poppy let out a silent sigh. Judging from what she could see of the boy, she would once again have a highly regular visitor during the coming years.
.
.
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As Dumbledore strode past her to the exit, Poppy looked at the boy currently under her care. Harry was truly James' son. It would have been just like the elder Potter to recklessly charge into the unknown to save his friends from evil and harm. And now Harry had done precisely the same by going after Quirrel.
Pulling out the bronze plaque Minerva had made for her, Poppy walked to Harry's bed.
"Well Mr. Potter, I managed to survive seven years of your father and his friends, and I'll survive you as well. But I do think that with the amount of time spent in that particular bed between the two of you, it would be remiss of me not to place this here.
Poppy hung the shield above Harry's bed, before giving the boy his potion and walking back to her office.
From now on, the gleaming bronze shield would inform everybody that the bed in which Harry was currently lying, was:
Potter Bed:
Reserved for the poor souls suffering from the terminal and genetic curse that is being a Potter. May their Healers find the inner power to overcome the stubborn and foolish patients for whom this bed is reserved:
James Charlus Potter: 1971-1978
Harry James Potter: 1991-/
In later years, when the Wizarding World was informed of Sirius Black his innocence, Poppy Pomfrey would make an addition to the shield.
This bed was also used by the following unfortunate souls who received the normally genetic curse by means of an overdose of contact with an actual Potter:
Sirius Orion Black: 1971-1978
Done. There will be more in due time, whether that be in a couple of hours or in a number of weeks. And I mean that literally because I have nothing to do and am bored, but don't have my files for either of my other stories available, so mayhaps I shall write Chapter 2 once this one is uploaded. This story will be a number of excerpts from the Marauders Hogwarts years. There will be plenty of madness and hopefully fun. I apologize for the last bit, which is actually not exactly funny and rather a bit sad. But also funny! Terminal and genetic curse. Ha. Funny. Anyways, leave me a review if that's cool by you and I guess I'll catch you later. Cheerio!