Title: The True Horror of Alphonse Elric

Author: Jade & Jade

Pairing: Brief Greed/Roy Mustang

Rating: PG 13

Disclaimer: We do not own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters (though we do possess certain characteristics of theirs ahem Greed)

Warnings: Slight OOC, swearing, and tongue (kissing…in case you didn't understand)

Author's Notes:

Xephyr: So, I wanted to say… I would take Greed home…for…activities…

Jade: Like hockey…bed hockey…

Xephyr: Yeah. I could hit him in his shark teeth with my…puck? What do I got that's, erm, hockey-like?

Jade:…anyways…so…if Greed has shark teeth…what does his tooth brush look like?

Xephyr: A chew toy?

Jade: Yes you are.

Xephyr: For Greed, anything.

Greed and Roy enter the room

Greed: Don't I get a say in any of this?

Xephyr: ……..Heh….heh….heheheheheheheheheheh!

Greed runs away screamingAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Xephyr runs after him holding a rope Come back Greed! I love you!

Jade: Wow…I'm sooo sorry you had to see that…

Roy: Um…yeah

Chapter 1

Edward Elric stepped off the train stretching his tired limbs. "Stupid military and their damn inspections."

"Ed," Ed turned around and came face to face with Lt. Alex Armstrong. "What are you doing here?"

"…Inspections."

"Hmm…You know…" Ed cringed as Lt. Armstrong's face (as well as the general area around him) began to sparkle, reflecting his customary inner joy. Then…he tore off his shirt.

Ed ran.

Lt. Armstrong struck one of his famous poses and charged after Ed. "Wait! We still have many techniques to master in the true tradition of the Armstrongs!" He dove desperately in a final attempt to stop the fleeing alchemist. He somehow managed to grab hold of Ed's automail leg. Armstrong stopped, thinking he had succeeded. Edward, thinking the same thing, continued to flee.

Suddenly a scream echoed through the train station. Moments later, security arrived on the scene. "Hey," One of the guards stepped forward. "What are you doing to that little kid?"

"Who you calling a little kid, still in diapers, that eats mashed carrots for dinner!" Ed yelled, kicking his one leg, the other of which was currently in Lt. Armstrong's right hand.

"Wait kid! I didn't say any of that!" The guard backed away quickly. Ed began to crawl toward him, murder in his eyes. "Just wait, you bastard. Wait until I get to you!" The poor security official visibly paled. Luckily for him, Lt. Armstrong chose that moment to pick the blonde alchemist up, hefting him under one arm, the severed leg under the other.

"Have no fear, Edward. We can surely get you perfectly repaired at Central. Off we go! Repairs and techniques for everyone!"