This is my first fan fiction so I apologize for any mistakes. I do not own any of these characters, or the story line of the show. All rights go to the show. Thank you!

After the fight, Blair made her way back to her room, devoid of any feeling but her pain. The events of the evening were running through her head. Why had Chuck sold her to his uncle? Didn't he love her? She supposed that he did enjoy her company and felt those butterflies for her; he cared about the Empire and himself so much more. She only wondered if he had been lying to her the whole time they were together. She had to stop her train of thought, and get over the boy. She had once thought that he had grown up and become a man, but tonight had changed all of that.

What would her mother say about her now? She knew that Eleanor would be disappointed in her, thinking she was a failure and weak. She always had thought that Chuck made her weak, and she was tired of being so worthless. Why couldn't anyone stay and help her? Everyone one that she had loved hurt her or left her. Nate cheated on her with her best friend. That same best friend had left her alone afterward, leaving Blair alone to deal with her own problems. Her father had left her and her mother, abandoning her. Eleanor, her own mother, wished that Serena was her daughter, not Blair. Marcus had cheated on her with his own step-mother. Now Chuck had used her. What was wrong with her? What had she done wrong to make everyone hate her and leave her? She knew it had to be her because she was the only constant variable in each of her relationships.

She was broken. Chuck had been the straw that finally broke her back. She was tired of being worthless and unwanted. She couldn't stand the pain anymore. She was still a little girl inside, but she had given up on her dream of someone who would sweep her off her feet. Her haunted eyes no longer sparkled with the hope of a fairytale ending. She had to get out of this evil city.

She had once loved New York, and considered herself the Queen. Now she knew that she was not strong enough for the pain of power. She would give up her thrown and leave while she still could. If she stayed, only more pain would come. She would have to live the same pain each day, living her seemingly perfect life.

What a joke. Her life was far from perfect and she was tired of no one actually seeing her. Everyone always only saw her clothes, her fame, and her fortune. Why couldn't anyone see the pain that she tried to hide? She had thought that Chuck understood her, felt the same pain that she felt, but she was so wrong. He only liked the idea of Blair Waldorf, not the person she was. She was so blinded by her love for him that she didn't even notice that she had been played by two of the city's greatest players. She, with her perfect life and perfect grades, had failed to notice the trap. She suffered for that mistake, and she would always live that pain if she stayed.

So she had to get out. She had to leave and see the real world, escape from the endless circle of drama of the Upper East Side. She would do what Serena did, and disappear, only, unlike Serena, she wouldn't come back, and she didn't think she could live with herself if she stayed. She would fade away until she lost the little part of herself that was left after being torn to pieces time after time. She had never put herself back together quite right, and each time she tried she got torn back down. Each time she would try to piece together her sanity and dignity, she lost a part. No matter how hard she tried, she was never the same. She was just another nameless pretty face to the world. Only, everyone seemed to know that she was the Ice Queen, Blair Waldorf. She was the person that everyone hated and only wanted to be with to bring them some type of benefit. Except, each time it was at the cost of her. She was the person who was continually targeted and shot down. She was an animal at the zoo, caged. She could not escape her past; it could never be that easy for her. Everyone knew her secrets and laughed at her pain. No one asked her if she was ok, no one helped her up when she fell. They would pity her for a second, but then they would say that she brought it onto herself. It was always her fault. What made her become ensnared in the webs of the city's unknown ruler. Gossip girl knew everyone's secretes but no one knew who she was. The joke was truly on Blair for thinking that she was the Queen.

Blair had had enough of her self-pity, so she decided to do something about it. She stripped off the dress that the evil Jack Bass had given her and slipped into the bathroom. She took off her undergarment and looked at herself in the mirror. She grabbed her lipstick off of the counter and wrote on the offending image. After she finished, she smiled a broken, sad smile, and stepped into the shower. Then she let go.

Under the running water, she cried. She cried for herself, for her past, for her present, and for her future. She cried for her family, her friends, and for her lovers. As she finally dealt with her pent up pain, she made a promise to herself that these were the last tears that she would shed for this life. She could no longer be Blair Waldorf because there was nothing left of her, just a broken girl. She got out of the shower and moved on with her life.

Dorota walked into Blair's roof the next morning and was astounded at the mess that was in front of her. Clothes lay on the ground, chairs overturned, and the bed looked as if someone had a restless night. But, she thought nothing of it. Blair had always had temper tantrums and could be quite the diva. The housekeeper only thought that perhaps Blair had fought again, but they always seemed to get back together and be stronger than ever. So, she made the bed and picked up the mess, throwing away the shreds of a beautiful gown. As she was moving into the bathroom, she noticed a note that was addressed to her on top of the bedside table. She was opening the letter when she moved into the bathroom. She looked up and a scream escaped her lips.

Written there, on the mirror, was a list. The list was titled "The Truth about Blair Waldorf", and listed horrible things that could not be true about her angel. It said things like slut, whore, Ice Queen, broken, depressed, blamed, alone, liar, worthless, hated, and abandoned. The worst part of the list was written at the very bottom, and was barely noticeable. It said "doesn't exist anymore". Blair Waldorf was no more.

Shaky hands read the tearstained letter.

Dear my darling Dorota,

I cannot pretend to be perfect or happy anymore. I couldn't stand through one more betrayal without losing who I am, if there is anything left of me. I had to get out of this town and try to live a new life, a life filled with hope, truth, and secrecy. While I do know that I have made mistakes in the past, I do not feel like all of the pain that I have been through is worth the supposed glamour of this life.

I have made so many stupid decisions that lead to people being hurt, and each time the pain still comes back to me. Yet, no one stands by me when I get hurt but they look directly at me and tell me that I deserve everything that's coming to me. How could people be so cruel? I realize that I'm not perfect, and that I am a monster, I still suffer like they do.

I am so tired of living this lie that has become my life. So, you will find that I packed some of my clothes into a bag, grabbed some food and money, and left. I am running away from this past and hopefully into a much better future.

I will always love you and I hope that you never blame yourself. You were the only person in this city that truly cared for me, and you are my mom. You aren't the mother that Eleanor is, but as my mom, you were always there to help me and hold my hand. I just need a fresh start and I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

With love from the person who once was Blair Waldorf.

And though the past was bittersweet, the perwson holding the letter had to let a teary smile break through knowing that there was still hope out there for this scared young girl who could grow into a strong woman.

I am planning to upload another chapter soon. Please review and tell me of any mistake or problems that the story has so far.

Thank you!