*Trigger warnings* This contains graphic imagery and may trigger survivors of sexual abuse.
I am taking a course on sexual assault counseling and while I was in class today this came to my mind. Since I wrote my other two stories, I decided to tie this memory in with them. The topic today was effects of Trauma and PTSD. It's actually something Rumiko Takahashi made so real with Kohaku's character and Rin's when you first meet her in the manga. I thought perhaps it was superfulous writing this, but then I think of all the people who have experienced an assault of some kind and this is my way of saying it's not your fault, and life will continue. Now if we only all had our own personal Sesshomaru's to rest our heads on after traumatic events.
"Satsu!" Rin called to her friend who was walking ahead of her. It was the young girls of the village's turn at the spring to wash themselves. Rin came with her bucket and the sweet scented soaps that she loved. Kagome gave her something squishy that felt rough on the skin but made it soft. She called it a loofah. Rin wore a simple white robe and was catching up with the rest of the teenage girls making their way towards the stream that was on the outskirts of the village. "Did you see Kohaku today?"
Satsu blushed. "Why must you bring him up."
"Because I know you like him," Rin responded. Kohaku had changed over the years, he was taller now, his body was fuller and he spent less time in the village. Whenever he was there, it was usually with Rin who he helped learn to fight. Kohaku and Rin spent hours sparring with each other. It still almost always ended with Kohaku winning, but Rin was learning quickly and the last time they sparred she was able to trip him and then use her legs to pin him to the ground. As a prize for finally beating him he gave her a knife made from a snake demon. It was meant to protect her not just from the Yokai that lived in the forest and at times decided to attack but for defense in general. She left the sword that Sesshomaru gave her at Kaede's hut not feeling the need to bring it with her today. The winter winds had finally turned to spring and the forest was still quiet.
Instinctively she touched her side to make sure it was beneath her white robe just in case. The girls held hands as they walked down the trail, there were several other girls with them. "We're going to the stream to bathe," she told Inuyasha as she walked by. She didn't know when Sesshomaru-sama was coming, he had been gone for a month which meant he should have been coming any day now as he usually did. She was looking forward to his visit, they had spent the last one walking through the forest and he even engaged in conversation that he usually didn't.
All of the girls ran to the stream, when they arrived in their usual custom they wrapped towels around their waists and sat near the cool water. Rin combed her hair and enjoyed the cool water that washed down her back. She took the strange pink thing that Kagome gave her and the sweet soaps and washed herself down. The girls all lost track of time and began laughing and singing local songs.
Satsu and Rin were best friends, besides Kohaku, Satsu was the only one who didn't find her relationship with Sesshomaru-sama strange. "Does he ever talk?" Satsu asked.
"Sometimes," Rin responded as she washed her wrists and elbows. "I think more now than when I was younger."
"You're blushing," Satsu laughed and threw water at Rin.
"I'm not," but Rin checked her cheeks should could feel them flushing. Rin heaved a sigh and shook her head, "he's not that kind of dai-yokai…he would never fall for a human. He only recently stopped hating his hanyou brother but you wouldn't know, they fight nearly every time he comes."
Rin could feel the ground thundering beneath her before she heard the yelling and saw the the horses and swords coming. There were at least twenty of them. Angry men that were slashing everything in their path. Their voices were loud and swore in fury. Rin grabbed Satsu's hand and screamed, "quick, into the forest!" Rin glanced back long enough to see that the men were pinning down the girls that were bathing and her eyes seared in fear as her mind flashed back to the day her mother died.
Rin made sure she had her knife. Her bare feet beat against the forest floor, Satsu was crying. The leaves and branches of the forest slapped Rin's face and opened small cuts in her skin. The forest floor was still rough from dry leaves and pines and cut into her feet. She refused to release Satsu's hand, and took her deeper into the forest. Rin thought they had a head on the marauders until they were surrounded. Rin's heart was pounding in her ears. Satsu held onto Rin's arm in fear. Rin looked behind her but they were there and in front of her. Sesshomaru-sama… Instead of that Rin did the only thing she could think of as they began advancing on her and Satsu, "INUYASHA HELP!" She screamed at the top of her lungs knowing that with his sensitive ears he should hear her or at least Kirara or maybe Shippo who was visiting.
Satsu tried backing away but two men grabbed her hands and dragged her into the bushes. Rin could hear screaming, those screams…those are like momma. Rin could barely see over the bushes to watch that three men now held Satsu down, one was on top of her bucking his hips wildly, the other two held her to the ground. Rin was only dressed in a towel and two more held her. She tried to punch one of them but they hit her across the face so hard she felt blood spill from her mouth. "You're going to regret touching me, I am protected by a great Dai-Yokai and he will have your blood."
"Really where is he?" One of them responded and hit Rin in the stomach. Rin crumpled to the forest floor, her face burned in pain, she felt like vomiting. She could hear Satsu screaming for help, and begging them to stop. Rin tried running but one of them hit her in the head. She knew well enough to fight Yokai but these were humans. One of them removed her towel and laughed, "now it's your turn."
Rin took out her knife, but it was of no use, there were now three men behind her and two in front, "I hope this one is fresh." One of them laughed.
Rin tried to jump up and kick one, but they grabbed her legs and forced her to the forest floor. They held her hands down, Rin kicked and screamed. She could feel the heat of one of them coming towards her and then there was a thunk. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he fell on top of Rin lifeless. The other four looked up, and there stood Kohaku. He pulled back his sickle and sent flying again at the remaining four. They ran for their lives dodging his hits and disappearing into the forest.
Rin pushed the dead one off of her and looked at Kohaku. In a moment she was sobbing against his shoulder, "thank you!" Then she remembered Satsu. She ran where Satsu lay in the bushes. Satsu's blood was streaming down her legs, and her throat was cut. Rin covered her mouth and turned away sobbing. She felt sick and fell to the forest floor heaving up the breakfast she had eaten only hours ago. "Satsu…" Was all she could say.
She felt something wrap around her and stared into Inuyasha's eyes. He had removed the outer layer of the robe of the fire rat and placed it around Rin. He removed his Obi as well so she could use it to tie it shut. Rin was dazed, confused, her face felt numb, she could taste blood in her mouth. She felt weak in the knees and the world was becoming hazy. "I'm sorry Rin, I heard your scream and we went to help the girls by the stream first. I hope he doesn't come now, if he does he's going to kill me and you Kohaku."
"I came as soon as Kirara could bring me, Satsu," Kohaku teared up, "she was such a nice girl."
Rin couldn't speak, she couldn't get off the forest floor. Her hands were gripping the nettles until her skin started to bleed. She sat up and turned to look at Satsu. She hobbled over to her friend, the one who's smile would light up the sky, and whose voice was like a morning lark. She tore a piece of Satsu's dress and held it in her hand. Inuyasha knelt down and lifted Rin off the forest floor, she shook in his arms and no matter what he said Rin couldn't make sense of it. She wanted her bed.
And that was where she would stay, she would not move. Rin curled up by the fire, its' warmth thawing out her skin. She was vaguely aware of Kaede-sama taking the Haori Inuyasha had given her off and helping Rin into her own inner kimono in white. She sent Shippo to the stream for a large bucket of water, and she set to washing the scrapes on Rin's feet and hands. She pulled the nettles from Rin's hair and removed the splinters from her body. Rin still could not speak. Kaede offered her soup but she refused, she went to her mat lay down and pretended to sleep. The whole time she held on to the piece of cloth from Satsu's clothing.
He came three days later. Rin could hear him outside. There was a flash of white through one of the windows and the swoosh of air that followed his landing. Rin refused to get up, she had not left her bed in the three days since the attack, she would not be parted with the piece of cloth from Satsu's clothing. He was silent as always, Rin imagined his face was stern. She heard Kaede-sama explain to him what happened and the light sound of his feet as he came into their hut and found Rin on the mat. Kaede explained that Rin refused to eat, that she had not slept and what Rin had witnessed, what had nearly been done to her. Sesshomarunodded and asked Kaede to leave them alone. He sent Jaken from the hut as well and knelt down next to Rin. He noted the scrapes on her hands and the far off look in her eyes. He saw the cloth in her hand and picked it up, wrestling it from her grip, he sniffed it. Must of five men wafted into his senses, four of them had gotten away. Their blood was not soaked into the earth like the others. He took Rin's hand in his, "it is enough."
She shook her head.
"You will not stay in bed another day," he pulled her up. She tried to fight him and go back to her bed, but he firmly pulled her up and made her sit. He saw the bowls of food next to her, rice, fish, fresh vegetables, all untouched. He handed one to her and sternly voiced, "eat now." He gave her the chopsticks and the fish to start.
Rin shook her head and put the bowl down. "Can I live with you again? Please Sesshomaru-sama?" She burst into tears, the first that she had let fall from her eyes since her friend's death. Several other girls had been murdered and raped, just like Satsu, Rin was lucky to make it away. She heard the villagers talking from outside the tent.
Sesshomaru lowered his eyes, "this is not a decision for now."
"You promised when I was old enough I could make the choice myself, fifteen is old enough, let me come stay with you again please," she begged, "please?" Rin could hold herself back no longer, she flung herself against his chest and buried her eyes in his neck. He sat stunned, she had stopped long ago jumping into his arms like an excited child. His arms were frozen at his sides for a moment while memories of what human comfort felt like came back to him. Her shaking softened her heart, and he wrapped his arms around her and rest his chin on top of her head. He could hear her heart pounding in her chest, and feel her temperature rise.
"You must eat Rin," Sesshomaru took the fish and placed it in front of her again.
She shook her head, and he felt the top of his haori being drenched in her languid tears. "Please take me with you, don't make me stay here."
He understood what she was asking, this place that was once a haven for her was now where she had experienced violence. "For tonight, I will take you somewhere else. Pack the food, you must promise me once we are there that you will eat."
Rin nodded her head. She felt sick again, like someone was shoving an acorn down her throat and she could barely breathe. She found some boxes Kaede used when they packed their food for a trip. Her hands shook uncontrollably so badly that Sesshomaru called Jaken to help Rin. "We go Jaken, bring Aun," he found one of Rin's Kimono's and noted that she had not smelled this terrible since the day he found her. He gave it to Rin, who put it on, and he handed her the Obi he had given her as a child as well as the katana he had made for her. "Do not leave without these." Jaken helped tie Rin's kimono.
Sesshomaru looked at Rin's eyes, it was like she was dead inside, a hollow shell. He lead her from the hut and put her on Aun. Rin vaguely heard him call to Kaede that they would be back in a day. Rin had not let go of the fabric from Satsu's Kimono. She felt nauseous when Aun took off, the ground was so far down. Rin thought for a moment, it wouldn't hurt, if she just fell over, off of Aun's back. Then the pain in her heart would stop, and she wouldn't see Satsu lying on the floor bleeding, she wouldn't hear her. The ground was coming faster and faster.
Sesshomaru cursed and in a flash caught Rin around the waist and flew back to Aun. He put Rin back on Aun's back, "do not do that again."
"What?" Rin wiped her eyes, she was not aware of what she had done.
Sesshomaru ordered Aun to land, they were far enough away. He brought her to a waterfall, where the River ran softly. He grabbed Rin by the shoulders and shook her, "life is a gift, I gave you life with tenseiga, do not waste it over worthless thieves."
"Jaken, take her to the water, clean her up." Sesshomaru ordered. He found a tree to sit near and looked at the sky.
"She is clean now," Jaken reported and then went to tend to Aun. Rin was left next to the fire, she shivered as winter was finally turning into spring the days were still cold. Jaken ensured that she was dressed and Sesshomaru was relieved that the smell of death and blood no longer coated her skin.
He walked to her and sat down handing her the box of food that she had promised to eat. "Eat," he ordered her.
She pecked at the rice, mostly moving it around the bowl with her chopsticks. It was only then his eyes fell upon her face. A large bruise covered her cheek, and one of her lips was swollen. Sesshomaru's heart felt a fire, if he had been there when they attacked they would all be dead, but had they done more than just physically assault her? Kaede told him she was unsure what happened because Rin would not speak, she would not make eye contact, she would not leave the hut unless to use the bathroom. This was not a question a man was meant to ask a young girl, but he knew he had no choice. Three days had passed and she would not speak to anyone else. "Rin, did they hurt you?"
"What?" Rin looked up startled. The swelling in her cheek marred the beauty of one of her eyes. She touched her face, "only my face…they didn't," she shuddered, "almost."
"Eat," he handed her the fish. She picked at it, only putting small bits into her mouth. "You're sure, they did not touch you?"
"They hurt Satsu, she screamed like momma did," Rin put the food down and pulled her knees to her chest, "when I told you about that, you knew didn't you? You knew what they did to my mother."
Sesshomaru let the morning air fill his lungs to fullness and puffed it out, "I knew. You were a child, I was not going to explain that to you. Human thieves, especially in this time, often do that to women. It is why this Sesshomaru has no issue ending their lives when I pass near human villages."
Rin looked up at him and handed him the bit of cloth from Satsu's clothing, "find them…take me to them. I want to kill them."
"No," he took the cloth from her hand, not before passing it under his nose once more, "I will find them and I will end their lives. You should not have that on your conscious that you took the life of a human. It's one thing to kill Yokai, it's another to take human life, I will not have you do that and when I am done they will know the power of this Sesshomaru and never again attack that village." He picked the rice back up and handed it to Rin, "you gave me your word, Rin, eat."
Rin nodded dejected and took the bowl and tried to eat more. "I'm so tired," she muttered absentmindedly. Rin thought about her parents. Her father worked in one of the community gardens. He spent all day tilling the soil and pulling weeds. When he came home his skin was parched and red, but he always brought a sweet fruit for Rin and her brother and a kiss for her mother. Her mother always smelled like flowers. She tended to the house and took the children to help her draw water from the river. Her mother was strong, and her brother was funny. He took her into the forest to play with the other kids and taught her how to catch fish with her hands. "Sesshomaru-sama?" Rin asked between a bite of fish and a drink of water.
"What is it?" He answered. He was relieved to see her eating now.
"Do you ever miss your father?"
The question caught Sesshomaru off guard. He gave her a quizzical look but did not answer.
"Please talk to me, I know you don't like to," she begged. "Sometimes I miss my parents still. We were happy, before. And then I was lonely and then you found me."
"You found me," he corrected her, "I seem to remember telling you that I didn't eat human food and you persisted in attempting to find something I would eat. Yes Rin, I do long to be with my father sometimes. Less now that I have Bakusaiga, but when he first passed, I felt slighted by his giving Tetsusaiga to Inuyasha, and what I thought a worthless sword to me. My father was a Yokai full of wisdom. He had a caring heart, for Yokai and humans. It would have been more pleasant if he were there to explain his choices to me. Do you remember your father's name?"
"Haru," she replied softly, "brother was Nobu, mother was Hanna."
Sesshomaru patted the grass next to him. Rin stood up and walked over, sitting down next to him. She watched curiously as he took off the armor he always wore and then pulled her to his chest. She blushed, fire filling her cheeks. He could hear her heart beating faster and the tips of his finger sensed the tensing in her skin. He would not do this again, she was getting too old, and her reactions to his touch were making him uncomfortable.
He handed her the vegetables that she had not eaten and raised an eyebrow, "I will make a deal with you, I will be more candid for now and you will eat these."
"Ok," Rin nodded and began working her way through the vegetables. "How old are you?"
"Over 900 years old."
Rin's head shot up and she grabbed his face, "but you don't look over twenty one!"
He took her hands from his face, "I am not human, I won't age the way you will."
Rin thought for a moment, what other information she could get from him while he promised to not hold back so much, but her mind was still on the events that had happened days before. "Satsu was my best friend. She was one of the only people my age besides Kohaku that didn't find my relationship with you strange. They took her first, I tried to protect her, but they were stronger than me. I tried to get into the forest but there were more waiting, it's my fault, I wasn't strong enough." Rin began to cry once again.
"No, Rin," he stroked tear soaked hair from her face. Now that she was closer he took in the bruised cheek, the swollen lip and the scared eyes, "it was not your fault. You did nothing wrong."
"Why does it feel like it is. I should have been able to stop them!"
He shook his head, "you are still young, there were five, you did your best. And that is good enough."
She nodded her head, but the tears did not stop, "I'm so tired." She tried wiping her eyes, but it didn't help.
He picked her face up, "then sleep."
"Can I sleep here?" She rested her hand against his chest, "just for now?"
Sesshomaru didn't like this, she was too close, and if he was not mistaken, behind the sadness was the scent of arousal. Had she really grown so much? "For now, but this will be the last time I allow this."
"Do you have to take me back to the village?" Rin's eyes begged, she held onto his hand.
"This is not the time to make that choice, right now you make it out of fear, because you know the might of this Sesshomaru. The choice should be made, when you no longer feel fear, doubt and regret."
"Promise me, you'll find them."
"I will," he responded coldly, "they will not harm anyone else. In time the pain will pass Rin. I'm sorry you lost your friend."
Rin's body slowly relaxed and in moments, her body was limp against his. Sesshomaru did not sleep, it was a rare time when he did, most of those times after battles. His eyes remained skyward, he had their scent, they would pay with their lives.
The end...
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